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Hello Cousin; Sir Dwight. You may be wondering why I'm glued to the ceiling.

- Chlodwig

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I could be killed. Or, worse, Sir Dwight could give me a lecture on responsibility again.

- Chlodwig

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Chlodwig, very drunk: Can you imagine getting paid to be cute? Jacopo, also very drunk: You would be so rich. Chlodwig: What? Jacopo: What?

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Gretta, after 3 all-nighters in a row: What if I poured coffee in my cereal instead of milk? Dwight, taking the coffee pot away as he walks by: What if you didn't?

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Dwight, in full lecture mode: If you were offered 10 million dollars to stab your best friend in the leg, would you?! Chlodwig, to Gretta: Do it, and when my leg heals, we will split the money. Gretta: Stab me, too, then we will have 20 million! Chlodwig: Yes, cousin! An excellent idea!

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Gretta: *Kicks the door down looking panicked* Dwight: What did you do? Gretta: Nobody died! Dwight: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

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Gretta, furious: I despise you with every inch of my body. Hammond: That's not a lot of inches.

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Chlodwig: Why are we lying on the ground? Dwight: You got knocked out, so I lay down next to you so people would think we're just chilling.

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Dwight: Uh, Chlodwig, what are you doing? Chlodwig, spreading toothpaste on toast: I'm multitasking.

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Gretta, glaring at Ragana: Can I stab her? Baldric, also glaring at Ragana: Not in public.

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Gretta, whispering: Do not tell Sir Dwight I made bacon in the toaster. Dwight, running up the driveway: What the heck happened? All six firemen in unison: She tried to make bacon in the toaster.

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Chlodwig: You know, I've been thinking... Baldric: Ah, that would explain the beads of sweat.

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Gretta, to Chlodwig: What? I can be smooth. Dwight, walking by: Hey Gretta! Gretta: *walks into a pole* Chlodwig: Yes, cousin, that was very smooth.

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Chlodwig: At times like this, I wish I had listened to Baldric more. Dwight: Why, what did he say? Chlodwig: No idea, didn't listen to him.

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Jacopo: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth. Chlodwig, frustrated: You know I can't look at those eyes and be straight!

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Dwight: Gretta talks in her sleep sometimes. It's adorable. Gretta: *sleeping* Fight me... you motherfucker... square up... I think the fuck not...

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Gretta: Why are you standing on a chair? Are you playing a game? Chlodwig: Yeah, I'm playing 'I saw a big ass spider and don't know where it went.' Gretta: *scrambles onto a chair*