incorrectspringfieldquotes - Tumblr blog

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Skinner: I once had a haircut I deeply

regret.

Bart: Is it the one you have now?

Skinner: No.

Bart: It should be

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Marge: What did I tell you two about lying?

Bart and Lisa: It only works on dad.

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Homer: *Kicks open a door* MARGE. PUPPETS!

Lisa: And so begins another wacky adventure that will test the encumbrance limits of my sanity.

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Bart: Eh.. You're bluffing, you don't want to do that.

Sideshow Bob: Is that a risk you're willing to take?

Bart: Uh... yeah? That's usually what someone means when they say "you're bluffing" dude.

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Edna, curious: What's something you've always wanted to try in bed?

Hoover, exhausted: Getting a full 8 hours of sleep.

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Marge, while making a sandwich for Homer: This is going to fix EVERYTHING.

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Marge: *sees contact named "Love of My Life" in Homer’s phone*

Marge: Aww.

Marge: Wait, this isn't my number.

Marge: *calls the number*

Squeaky Voiced Teen: This is Krusty Burger. Hello Mr. Simpson, would you like the usual?

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Skinner: You like bad boys, right?

Edna: Yeah, so?

Skinner: Not trying to show off, but when the GPS said turn left, I turned right.

Edna:

Edna: You got lost, didn't you?

Skinner: ...Yeah.

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Sideshow Bob: It's murder o'clock and I'm always on time.

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Milhouse: So that's my plan.

Bart: Do you take constructive

criticism? I don't want to sound mean.

Milhouse: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.

Bart: It sucks!

Milhouse: …That's not really constructive.

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Skinner, begrudgingly: Edna was right.

Edna: Louder!

Skinner: I do not love this side of you.

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Marge: My daughter's teacher just sent me a glowing email about what a pleasure she is in the classroom, and I'm half tempted to forward it to my son's teacher, just so I can prove the problem isn't me.

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Skinner: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?

Bart: Well, how would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

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Moe: Is there anyone here who's actually straight?

Lenny: *Tentatively raises hand*

Carl: *Pulls his hand back down*

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Homer: I want to be a cat. Jobless. Educationless. Useless. There to be pretty and soft.

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Hoover: Things are going really well for me since I changed the meaning of “really well” to the opposite of what it means in my head.

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Milhouse: My parents might have raised an emotionally vacant child with massive insecurities, but they did not raise a quitter.