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some of my fav drawings for my tf2 videooooo

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Humans are fucking weird.

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HEHEHEEHA. I have been consumed by a feral and rabid energy and I cannot sleep! I wish to galavant about and engage in mischief instead hehehe.

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Have you ever wanted to shapeshift? Now introducing shapewear! There is very little it can’t do in my mind!

Do you want a snatched waistline like a Victorian woman? Try putting on a corset over a chemise and padding out your bust and hips (note that I’m oversimplifying here. There’s lots of good videos explaining this, go do your research. Same goes for everything else I say)

Do you want a flat chest and big shoulders? Put on a binder and something with some shoulder pads! No binder? Put on a loose and baggy shirt. Want a flat chest and a thin waist? Tuck in that shirt and then raise your arms so that when you put them back down the fabric hangs a bit.

Do you want to look bigger than you actually are? Padding, big skirts, lots of layers, platform shoes, heals.

Do you want to look like a mysterious creature of the night? Use scarfs, shawls, fake tails, fake claws and fake teeth! Wear a hood and a mask!

Want to look like a bird? Pad out your chest to create a keel, wear a cape for a tail and long butterfly sleeves for wings!

Clothes and shapewear are your #1 best friend when it comes to fulfilling your shapeshifter dreams. You don’t need some weight loss pill, or plastic surgery, or steroids. You have clothes! People have been the masters of illusion for centuries and that’s cool as hell! Who gives a shit what you look like underneath? If they can’t handle that I’ll kick their shins. That includes you btw. You can be happy with how your body looks and use shapewear too thank you very much.

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You call it Formula HJ7, I call it having that dog in me.

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Goals for today:

Do paperwork, feed doves in the park, donate to charity.

Goals for tonight:

Be gay, do crime, become london’s most wanted.

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Water has always been one of my tormentors I fear. Not because I’ve had some seaboard accident or anything - I’ve just lost far too many items as a result of the waves and that sort of thing tends to build distain over time. From a distance, I think it’s fascinating to study what lurks below but you’d never see me choosing that as my designated career. Above water, on a ship, that’s much more doable in my opinion. Some of the most terrifying incidents have occurred down there though (!!) I’m not looking to go under the ‘tragic ocean deaths’ section of a history textbook. But if every man was overtaken by the fear of the unknown, the “what if”, we’d have gotten nowhere.

But the picture you painted about being submerged did make it sound somewhat better. I grew up near constant sound and chatter so the idea of an extended, muffled, solitude doesn’t sound all that bad.

I do love the way the light plays along the waves too. Have you seen Johannes Vermeer’s painting, View of Delft? While not the best example of oceanic reflections in art (not at all), it’s certainly the painting i first thought of - mostly due to its historical circumstances but nonetheless. The way the construction is all dulled out, scratched, while the blue sky reflects back, expansive and far more eye catching, over the water sells the front more than any experience I’ve had. Because of the paintings history, the work also symbolizes resilience after hardship so maybe it’s some sort of sign to rent a sailboat and document my time.

I don’t think I’ve been in too many instances where I’ve had wet fabric on my head but maybe I should be thankful? More than anything water related, I hate (HATE) the sand on my clothes.

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Well don’t push yourself too hard to like the ocean!

As for the painting, I haven’t heard of it, granted I haven’t heard of most paintings. I live under a rock where I slowly crawl through the nichest of media, and typically only jump to another if there’s a clear connection between them. I read Frankenstein and I really liked it, so I decided to branch out towards one of its next door neighbours and read Dracula, and then went on to Jekyll and Hyde. I’ve only really been reading gothic classics because well I’ve grown comfortable with them and don’t feel like branching out to other periods of classics just yet. The painting does sound really interesting though, I’ll have to check it out.!

Hatred of sandy clothes is extremely reasonable. Also the reason I know I have that highly specific ick is the fact I had to play water polo at some point, and when you play water polo you have to wear these caps so people know what team your on and who you are, and let me tell you, I hate those things so much.

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Throws me for a loop when people give me a middle name.

It’s not Henry Bob Jekyll, It’s not Edward Billy Hyde or whatever else

It’s Henry Jekyll and Edward Hyde rggh. I love J&H adaptations but this is the one thing that makes me die inside. It’s like a gut punch.

That being said keep doing what you want. Make my middle name Farquad if that’s what makes you happy. I have my emotions but don’t let them dictate your enjoyment of a piece of media.

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Today I went outside despite it being dark out and despite the fact I didn’t bring my shoes. I ran around, twirled, danced, and talked aloud to myself and the moon.

The cold air danced on the wind as i walked, then skipped, and soon enough I was running, a thrill overtaking me as I went faster and faster. I stopped by a sewer and listened to the water below roar, bellowing against the walls and making a ghostly noise as if it were some beast.

I felt free.

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It fell off again. This feels like it will be a reoccurring theme.

I have a cardboard bonesaw I made and tried to stick to my wall, but it fell off. Today is a sad day.

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I find it so funny how wildly different my reactions are to seeing conflicting fan content of my kins. We got:

Victor Frankenstein: Anything diverging from what I feel about is horrible and I hate it. Adaptations are awful, other designs for me are awfull, but I must tolerate it because not doing that would be a dick move and also people do have some genuinely good ideas on the odd occasion.

Jekyll/Hyde: I love seeing different interpretations, I love seeing adaptations, I love the sheer variety, people have such good ideas 90% of the time

Medic: someone drew me as a twink? Lmao. Someone Woobified me? Lmao. Someone drew me pregnant? Lmao. It’s all just really funny for zero reason.

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Maybe my interpretations regarding written works have grown more pessimistic with age (not really). I do enjoy that idea though. Maybe once I set foot on the beach I’ll change my views completely and cite you as a source of inspiration in my essay.

I fear my love for the ocean is so severely lacking right now though, which is majorly ironic since I’m referred to (in an academic sense) as a Captain, a title given to me as part of a program I’m affiliated with. As a concept, a metaphor, a feature of a landscape painting - I love the ocean, sure! But my experience on it has been so minimal in the past few years that I can’t say I have an honest enthusiasm for it. I think if I had the ability to breathe in it (and see it as its residents do) my outlook would surely change. If you ever figure out how to modify yourself to gain gills and a nictitating membrane.. let me know. Also, since i have nothing to go off of, im assuming you’re incomprehensible to the mortal mind as well - just my personal take on the matter.

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That is true. I forget that the internet allows people to envision someone as such with remarkable ease.

Anyway yes the ocean. I’ve only really seen it in person a few times, and yet it has captivated my attention with the grip strength of a gorilla, even before I saw it!

Maybe it’s the though at what lies deep beneath, but I feel at the core of it is my autism. You see, when you put your head underwater, all noise becomes muffled, especially the noise of appliances, it all goes silent like a distant dream. It removes all the bad noises and feelings and replaces them with nice ones. The muffled waves, the weightlessness, the light reflecting off of the surface in these beautiful, mesmerising patterns. And with it comes a peaceful sort of tranquility you know?

That’s not to say that there aren’t a bunch of water based sensations that I HATE. For example having wet fabric on my head, eugh.

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You seem like the type of person to be a reanimator (1985) fan

I haven’t seen it, however it does seem interesting! I’ll have to check it out eventually. Not sure if ‘eventually’ will be soon however since I’m currently running off of a brand new-ish hyperfixation like it’s gasoline and I fear I can hardly think of anything else at the moment.

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Update, I managed to fix it!

I have a cardboard bonesaw I made and tried to stick to my wall, but it fell off. Today is a sad day.

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Diversity wins yet again! The doctor who just stole your organs is autistic!

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Agreed! “At Newport” and “I Traveled among Unknown Men” are two poems that really invoke that longing for someone who you cannot reach, and currently, that topic is heavy on my mind. At Newport especially whispers to me saying nature, which artists and writers alike get such inspiration from, are made barren with the restriction of a loved one. We see people in the wind, sand, and stars and so, without them, we can only do so from a lens of distant observation. Of course this one doesn’t seem as applicable to I Traveled among Unknown Men but the concept juts out at me in both to some extent regardless.

I'm glad you find some sort of solace in them though. As well, I'm glad to hear you love the ocean! Im soon to be residing on the shores of it for some time and I'm hoping I develop a stronger love for the water itself outside of just its history.

Revelations is also a fun episode to me personally since we get to hear Jon's previous takes on poetry! It's a minor statement compared to the whole ‘Not-Them incident’ but I find it a fun beat nonetheless.

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That interpretation of At Newport which I didn’t really get when I read it, but it’s very interesting nonetheless. To me it’s more about just raw awe of an aspect of the natural world. I quite enjoy looking at it like that because there’s always these moments where I’ll just be going about my life, where suddenly I’m just overtaken with appreciation for the natural world. Looking up at the clouds and feeling as if they could swallow me whole, lying on the grass and thinking about just how big the earth is compared to me, and looking out at the ocean and wondering just what is down there.

My love for the ocean is born of many of the exact same reasons people are scared of it. It’s deep and goes down and down and there’s so much we don’t know about it and so much stuff in there wants to kill you, and that’s cool as hell.

One of the many animal features I so desperately want to be able to have is gills and a nictitating membrane that way I could explore the ocean unimpeded by such thing as ‘a need for air’ and ‘blurry vision’. Being unfathomably large and incomprehensible to mortal minds would be fantastic as well.

No worries about wanting to stay anonymous by the way, it is the internet after all.

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I have a cardboard bonesaw I made and tried to stick to my wall, but it fell off. Today is a sad day.