isopodplush

[isopodplush]

its so weird being told that someone is upset because you are better friends with someone else. and that they want to be that close with the person.

cus at first, u want to try and give reasons why u are ''better'' friends with the person but most of the time, there is no reason. some ppl just get closer than other ppl.

and it isnt because a person doesnt like another person.

and it stings more when u have worked so hard on yourself to be able to make such close friends as u used to feel the same way!! ''i wish i was friends with this person'' ''i want to be closer with this person..'' ''but i dont want to be annoying''

and its something u continue to work on day in and day out because it is so easy to fall into that headspace again. and u try to give the person advice but they just cant see themselves doing what u are saying but U HAVE TO TRY!!

nothing will happen if u dont try!! if u want to closer with someone, u might have to be the first person to text, to initiate the hangout, bring up stuff u might have in common and just try.

there is also a part of u which u have to train to realise that some ppl u just cant be friends with! or like close friends with!! and u have to train this part of u so it doesnt get hurt and drained.

there is a part of having a close friendship is being kind to yourself, or at least not being down on yourself 24/7 as it overtakes your mind, and u cant notice when ppl are showing that they care about u, that they think of u, that they are your friend.

friendships are work!! some are easier than other but that depends on both of the ppl in the friendship!! how confident they are to set boundaries, to speak up and to ensure that their feelings are being heard and for them to respect and listen to their friend as well

talk to ppl and just try :3 it is so scary but so SO worth it

[isopodplush]

Autistic trauma is so devastating and yet so corny. You'll be doing everything perfectly normal in public but someone will sneer at you and you'll spend an hour agonizing over yourself like "fuck what if no one told me it was Don't Wear Yellow Thursday"

[isopodplush]

parents are so difficult and hard to understand for me.

these people give birth to u and instill u with all these thoughts and opinions when u are a kid and because u are a KID! u agree with them because thats ur parent, they must be right

but u grow up and start talking to other ppl besides them and realise that maybe they arent always right? and maybe their opinions are harmful?

so u talk to them and ask "did u know that what u have instill in me is harmful and is harming me" and they get argumentative about it "i was raised that way!" "oh i didnt mean to, oops" "its not a big deal"

and as u grow u realise hey my parents might not have been / are good people? and it shatters your perception of them and everything they have told u or tell u

but u still do love them 'they try', 'they have done good things', 'their parents were bad to them' so u try to educate them or set boundaries but they see those actions as an attack?? on them??

so u give up on trying to help them, and u just walk away when they act how they act.

and its up to YOU to unlearn all the harmful opinions and thoughts they forced upon your kid-self and have to try your best to not allow them to do it again towards u.

parents are so weird

[isopodplush]

me and my knight went wild swimming and i was never taught how to swim as a kid!

and we got into how hard it is for like gender weird autistic kids to get into sports or even do sports, and even harder for fat kids too!

my family obviously didnt have the money for swimming lessons so i just never learnt?

i used to love sports and being active as kid, but i hit an age where i was aware of my body and how it looks and moves.

i was most aware of how my body looked and moved compared to my peers.

i wasnt put into the age range i was because i was bigger so i had to go into the older groups. which was so weird! because they didnt look like me or act like me because they were much older than me!

so when i got to a point where i could choose to go or not, i choose to not go. because of how left out i felt cus because my body and mind was different.

now that i am older and more comfortable with myself and understand how to chill out the harmful thoughts, i want to go back into sports and being active. but it still feels volatile to fat trans people (even more now toward trans ppl...)

but i still want to, i want to be able to swim or run or punch without feeling like i shouldnt be there due to my body.

[isopodplush]

[isopodplush]

They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

[isopodplush]

its been about 6 months

[isopodplush]

being soft is not weak!!! kindness is not weak!!! being sensitive is not weak!!! being sympathetic is not weak!!! you can be soft and powerful!!! you are soft and powerful and kind and deserve love!!!

[isopodplush]

"there should be some kind of test you have to take before having kids" -> wrong, extremely dangerous and highkey eugenicist and racist "the youth should have safe and effective legal pathways at their disposal to make sure their human rights are constantly protected and upheld" -> based, centers the youth, gives minors more power to fight inequality and does not reinforce the idea that parents are immune to scrutiny from their kids

[isopodplush]

it's so wild when your parent changes when you become an adult. my dad is very cordial and non confrontational - he regularly helps me with adult stuff like changing the oil or providing insurance tips. he's always smiling when i call him on video and providing jokes when i complain about college

when i was a kid, i would have to tiptoe around his anger issues often, sometimes running quietly past his work table until he got his own place completely separate from our family, locked away for days. every so often he would start screaming in the car and trying to hit me or my brother for talking too loud while my mom attempted to calm him down as he swerved on the road. and now he, smiling, helps me with car insurance.

like oh, this is just who you are when you have power over someone, and this is who you are when you dont have power over someone. no wonder you can have a normal life, friends, work while scaring the shit out of your kids and wife. i see it now. i see why no one would have believed me. that, i think, is one of the core fears of trauma - seeing the outside of it from the perspective of other adults that brushed you aside, and understanding. of course, that understanding gives the opposite of solace; it just gives you more grief with nowhere for it to go

[isopodplush]

[isopodplush]

i can’t stand “it’s not that deep” attitudes like even if it really really isn’t that deep just PLAY WITH ME. just fucking PLAY. have a meaningless but deep analytical conversation with me. just like think about shit for fun. does anyone else like to think about stuff for fun. it’s so lonely

[isopodplush]

One really weird thing transphobic cis women will say is something to the effect of “I was a tomboy, thank god it was before the transgender craze. They would made me transition.” Like, probably not, girl. As you are a cis woman who has never communicated any form of gender dysphoria. It makes it really obvious that they think being transgender is just conforming to different gender roles. There is an ocean between a little girl who likes traditionally masculine fashion and has traditionally masculine interests and a child that is transgender. They are not a slippery slope. They don’t push you down the slide of transgenderism if you cut your hair short when you’re 12.

There are so many trans men who were never tomboys, who were the picture of the ‘perfect little girl’ and genuinely enjoyed traditionally feminine hobbies and expressing themselves in ways associated with femininity. It confuses and angers cis people when they come out as trans because they only see gender as a role to perform and not an identity. If you’re truly a woman, you’re generally not susceptible to randomly turning into a man. If you’re truly a man, you’re generally not susceptible to randomly turning into a woman.

[isopodplush]

i made a thread on bsky because some rando on here got upset that I didn't censor my transgender OC'S deadname in a drawing depicting a flashback with his mom and like, i really do forget most people want their queer stories to be weirdly sanitized and unproblematic especially if it's made by an independent queer artist. it really does reek of entitlement and scrubbing off the lived experiences of people.

sorry y'all are raised on corporate mandated slop that only confirms queer characters through twitter or is riddle with queer/transmisogynistic tropes and stereotypes.

[isopodplush]

My oc Ryker for a Minecraft origins server

[isopodplush]

Tapestry style illustration of my knight oc August's story (and some of his sister, June's too). And also the mage that accidentally cursed them out of misplaced love. Actually yeah just throw the whole thing in there. I drew June on our kitchen calendar cuz it's her month now. Anyway I love knights. These knights have memory loss. I love em.

[isopodplush]

Dogs in Space - window mural

Ah the window mural I made!! I had no idea what I was gonna paint at the time. My lovely friend and flatmate suggested the concept of this being like, a star treck style spaceship cockpit. And as i was painting it, he walked past with his mum and said hi. It was like, the month before I moved in with him. I love him. Dogs in Space took place mid summer so the light was sparkling and the high street was warm. This was the last mural painted on this window before we got evicted from the studio.