it-life

[it-life]

Deep down I knew it was always going to be my problem. Text: If approval is ownership, and you're the one who signed off… how the fuck did it become my problem?

[it-life]

Let me guess, we get a pizza party instead? Wait did you say extensive or expensive... Actually I don't want to know. Text: "Our extensive internal research shows employees are primarily concerned about salary." - SVP of Human Resources

[it-life]

I know the old adage about making money on the problem, but what have you been doing for the last six months that you're not even pretending to have done work? Text: The problem is I don't know this organization's processes.", said the process improvement consultant that was brought on six months ago to improve the organization's processes.

[it-life]

Seriously, how hard is it to explain what the heck your stuff does? Text: If you don’t document your shit, I can’t be liable for the outcome.

Image: a peaceful mountain lake, where no one can find you.

HD Image: https://imgur.com/uzfvyUe Original: https://goo.gl/xiZCjm

[it-life]

No really, it is kind of impressive, but like... in a sad way. Text: You turn waiting until the last minute into an art form.

Image: a lone tree on a sandy beach being calmly lapped by waves.

HD Image: https://imgur.com/8eDlQh4 Original: https://goo.gl/reKjCh

[it-life]

In short: really bad. Text: Free enterprise software... How bad could it be?

Image: A calm harbor on a cloudy day.

HD Image: https://imgur.com/n0aU77D Original: https://goo.gl/UBqxFL

[it-life]

And you should feel bad. Very bad. Text: Your software is garbage.

Image: A melted garbage dumpster that still functions better than your application. HD Image: https://imgur.com/YNqYLM3 Original: https://goo.gl/b9VmXy

[it-life]

This kind of behavior is hard to top, but don’t worry someone out there is bound to try. Unfortunately there is someone out there who is bound to have to put up with it. Text: Not only is it condescending, but it is wrong. Condescendingly wrong. Image: A green slope with a caribou jaunting across it with Mt. Denali in the background. HD Image: https://imgur.com/DtG5TyB Original: https://goo.gl/ym9v5A

[it-life]

Never promise things that you don’t have oversight and responsibility for. Ever. We mean it. Text: You promised what? Who gave you the right? No one, that’s who.

Image: A storm sweeping across the desert full of empty promises. HD Image: https://imgur.com/lXs3Nxp Original: https://goo.gl/iMLnsj

[it-life]

We can’t afford the time or money to do that... What do you mean systems need to be patched? We definitely don’t have time for that either. Text: We can’t do that. It would require us to upgrade. Image: A rundown shack that was neglected until it was unstable and unusable and in need of some serious patching. HD Image: https://imgur.com/ae75lPu Original: https://goo.gl/4pgXGX

[it-life]

I mean it. Text: Seriously, don’t fuck with me.

Image: A tech worker enjoying their coffee and a sunrise in peace. HD Image: https://imgur.com/Z4bg9nv Original: https://goo.gl/TeyHwQ

[it-life]

Because what happens when YOU are gone? WE have a bloody nightmare, that’s what. Text: Just because you can doesn’t mean we should. Image: An octagon barn on a stormy day.

HD Image: https://imgur.com/zvvreoB Original: https://goo.gl/a6wosk

[it-life]

Because who has anything better to do on a Friday night but to troubleshoot.

Text: Friday afternoon... A perfect time for changes to production.

Image: A beautiful beach where you’d like to be watching the sunset on Friday evening... but no... HD Image: https://imgur.com/xkasAJR Original: https://goo.gl/sV8Pah

[it-life]

Somethings you just never find a satisfactory answer for.

Text: Why the hell does the fax machine have an AD account?

Image: The control panel for a multi-function printer, or a spaceship. HD Image: https://imgur.com/dQvYY1k Original: https://goo.gl/oaGyWF

[it-life]

Just make sure to test your code first and we’re all good. Nothing will keep you happier than well tested and up-to-date applications on modern operating systems.

Text: Always be constantly deploying. Image: An plane performing aerial stunts. HD Image: https://imgur.com/nAKES7m Original: https://goo.gl/Ap6t3j

[it-life]

If you have an accurate CMDB, you are either a small operation, or a dirty liar... potentially both. Text: An accurate CMDB? I don’t do fucking magic. Image: An aisle of library books that are no doubt out of order somewhere. HD Image: https://imgur.com/Ee6fiPz Original: https://goo.gl/Fxcx3D

[it-life]

We’ve all been there... probably less than an hour ago. Text: Another meeting that could have just been an email. Image: A row of mailboxes, with a barren desert hill in the background. HD Image: https://imgur.com/hzVLwm7 Original: https://goo.gl/4KPfgQ