itneverlasted

[itneverlasted]

Hellooo Tumblr

It’s been so long (well for me)

I’m pretty confident my anonymous readers have now ghosted their idea of me or my page. I’ll miss you, just because it warmed my heart knowing I’m being heard from afar. :)

I actually don’t want to ruin this page/account bc I have such great yet sad memories of the things I’ve posted and reshared on here and it warms the younger me. I am currently now 25 years old and I’m thinking about making a new account… not sure yet.

2025 is a new year and definitely a lot of things I’ve gathered from myself from the past few years, the good and bad.

The bad: I’m no longer sweet (so I’m told), I’m not as soft and nice like I once was. My humor has changed. My voice has changed. The tone in my voice, has changed. The way I observe things have changed. I have a foul mouth. I’m negative. Many more ..Though, there are reasons for all of these changes. I’m not going to point fingers but it seems that there’s been many arrows in my path that I am trying to avoid.

The good: I am kind. I am considerate. I am giving. I am definitely louder (which actually drives me insane considering how quiet I used to be.) I can be very excited. I am curious. I am generous. I am grateful. The most important thing is, I forget that I am loved.

I want to start off by saying I feel like I can’t write anymore. I mean, I’ve never written anything great but I notice something you won’t understand. Anyways, 25, crazy— I always feel like getting “older” .. I’ve always thought it was a myth cause pfft, not me. I’m supposed to stay young forever—duh. NOPE. You’ll notice changes in your skin, hair, and body. Its saddens me to the core but I was just in a stupid denial lol. Also, girl calm down “25 isn’t old” I KNOW BUT I FEEL LIKE IM STILL 19 or 20. It sucks sooo much.

But I do like the benefits of being old than 21 ;)

For this part you can choose to read or skip. I’m just to lay it out about whatever comes to mind

I’ve gotten closer to my family a lot. Especially my immediate family, which I honestly thought there was no saving. Friendly advice with living in a shit home, it does get better. No matter how horrible your relationship is, it will soon disperse. It took many many MANY tries but you just have to play by ear when you get older.

Friends? God I’m so odd and weird. Idk how to, yanno, keep friendship without getting annoyed all the time (yes I know I blame myself which is why I’ll gladly accept the 2 friends that I have)…. I lied. I never know what “friends” mean. I’m complicated. I have one guy best friend who I can hang with and have been friends for with since kids. He’s super chill, a girls girl, and isn’t annoying. Then there’s this girl but I’ve drifted away from her.. we still talk, just not regularly. I met her through my job. She was funny. I do have a few of gaming friends tho. But I draw a line in that bubble between “online” and “in person”

Boys? Pfffftt. What even is that. I don’t see myself getting married either. If I did holy fuck.

My job suckssss but the money is good sometimes. Mentally and physically I’m checked the fuck out from that place

I learned how to play Minecraft a lot recently and now I. Cannot. Stop. My eyes burn, my posture is fucked, and sleeping schedule is still the same. Terrible. I still can’t get a full 8 hour sleep, not even when I was in school YAY :D but building a lot of cool stuff is fun. Fortnite is still fun ofc

I’ve recently started to love and subscribe a few people on YouTube. I was never a podcast fan but only for Bad Friends. They are so hilarious. Absolutely love it. Kai Cenat is also a G. Adore his videos and his shopping experiences at Walmart. Last but not least can’t forget CASEOH. Hehe, the best <3 those are just my top 3

I suck at gyming. Lifting weights is great and all but I feel like I’m beefy. I definitely prefer the High Intensity Hit Training. I love the idea of my whole body moving and getting my heart pumped. But I stopped going for almost a month because I got caught up with working 12-13 hour shifts back to back so I had no rest, no motivation, and no fuel. Then I went on vacation 3 weeks ago and finally came back and started my gym again. It definitely feels good to be back for the most part.

Omg I’ve been seeing so many people I know from highschool and if you know me, I PANIC. Why? I don’t know!! What if I say hi and I don’t get noticed back and I’m like ok great imma kms rn cause I look like a fool… But when I don’t say hi they notice me and I look like an asshole LIKE WHAT DO YALL WANT FROM MEEE. Also what if they judge my appearance or something idk what if they catch me in my ugliest form, no makeup, leggings, weird oversized top, and shitty hair LIKEE… do people want conversation during their shopping? Pumping gas? Working out??

I’m running out of whatever more comes to mind. Also bc my hands are cramping with how I’m holding my phone rn.. it’s 1:59 am currently so I should prolly dip

Maybe I’ll write again later????? In life?? Highly doubt it ¿?

[itneverlasted]

“self care is about detaching from relationships that are unhealthy. self care is about removing the wrong people from your life. yes, I’m aware that moving on is difficult but in order to improve your mental and emotional health. you must walk away from anyone who no longer deserves to stand by your side.”

— r.h. Sin 

[itneverlasted]

Hello Tumblr.

It’s 3:55 am and and I haven’t been on here for I think 2 or 3 years.

I’m writing my feelings down tonight because something sad has happened today, or should I say 9 hours ago.

I know many others go through this but it really does suck that it has to happen to certain people like myself. My current now ex boyfriend wanted to take a break. But taking “breaks” usually that always means it’s not going to work out after that break and it crushes me. He doesn’t know what break means considering him and I have only dated 1 person before each other and break is an odd thing to say or do. He doesn’t know what’s best because he says he can’t understand his emotions. He says he’s selfish.. alot and that he he’s selfish for breaking my heart and making me sad. He’s said a lot with the spam of 3 hours. I’m torn. I’m so torn because we moved in together, made memories, traveled, seen who we are. We grew. He says he’s watched me grow but didn’t see us grow. He doesn’t know what he wants, he says he feels bitter and that he’s young yet he felt like he rushed into this. Him and I were together for 6 years I believe. We’ve gone through so much. I will truly miss him and he plans on moving out and quitting the job we both work at… I know as stupid and dumb all this sounds I will also suffer a little financially. He doesn’t know where he’s going to go, or who knows how true all this will be but I have seen these changes in him and it sucks that those changes are what I actually had assumed before. When I had noticed I thought well maybe i should cut back a little and give him space. It wasn’t enough though. I want to write so much more but it’s just not in me to write. It’s currently 4:12 am, I think it’s time to wrap things up. Goodnight

[itneverlasted]

Tell me what lurks behind those haunting eyes,

Tell me, my love, what colors your sky and what shade is your moon at night,

Tell me about your dreams that behind your lips lie,

Tell me what aches, tell me what burns,

Tell me what is hidden in the forest of your heart,

Tell me what worlds you build and you tear down,

Tell me about the hopes that are seeded in your heart that are patiently waiting for rain, 

Tell me about all the feelings that you sprout like a river being born that looks for the ocean and the sky, 

Tell me everything I want to know and I will listen to you like a garden parched for rain,

For you in me is all I ever want, be we near or far,

But do not let a sound breach your lips for it is the voice of your soul that I long for,

So write my love, write and fill every space with your sweet essence,

Write until there is no more ink to gift the world as I share with her,

Our love. 

e.v.e.

[itneverlasted]

People that I’ve passed by.

[itneverlasted]

Nick Robinson in ‘The Kings of Summer’ (2013)

[itneverlasted]

half of my brain is evil and the other half is whipped cream

[itneverlasted]

[itneverlasted]

[itneverlasted]

[itneverlasted]

[itneverlasted]

[itneverlasted]

Yoshitaka Amano  __  Fairies

[itneverlasted]

What do you look for in a guy?

Honestly I have no clue, if it happens then it happens but the only thing I can think of are:

Has to be humorous

Dark hair

[itneverlasted]

[itneverlasted]

[itneverlasted]