its-not-indigo

[its-not-indigo]

Chuang Wai Wu Feng (No Wind Beyond the Window)

hi guys its indigo hereeee SOOOO basically this is a short story i wrote in mandarin, but if u cant read chinese but into bad ending one sided crush wlw plz use a translator OR follow me (which is the better option huehuehuehue) and stay updated if i finish w the eng version!!! 1

她讨厌沈昼。

真的，讨厌得不行。

像风悬停在半空，未曾落地，像暴雨砸向干涸的泥地，激不起半点水花，像晨雾消散后只留下惨白的天空，空荡荡的，无依无靠。讨厌得像心脏被一只看不见的手攥住，厌恶的情绪蜿蜒在血管里，一点点蚕食她的神经。

她站在窗边，指腹一遍遍摩挲着随身听的边缘，粗粝的触感硌进掌心，像夜晚渗入骨髓的冷意，不轻不重，却又无处可逃。玻璃上映出她的倒影，朦胧、游离，像浮在水面的一道虚影，耳机里的旋律断断续续地回响，像是碎裂的梦境，被风一片片吹散。

风掠过走廊尽头的窗子，又被某种无形的东西扼住了喉咙，突兀地停滞在半空，像被抽空了气息的死物。她踩过地上的水坑，溅起的泥点沿着裤脚一路攀爬，像是要吞噬她一样。心脏里仿佛有一根细长的刺，嵌进血管，随着血液流动，一下一下地扎着她的神经。

风不吹了，连时间都滞留在这一刻，静止的，透明的，像一块即将破碎的冰。

她讨厌沈昼。

但风吹动的时候，她总会忍不住去看她。

2

她讨厌沈昼的声音。

轻轻的，慢慢的，像春日里悄无声息飘落的柳絮，沾到她的指尖，轻柔得几乎察觉不到，转瞬间又无声无息地消散。她讨厌沈昼走路的姿态，带着一种随时都会被风吹走的漫不经心，讨厌她偶尔停下脚步的瞬间，讨厌她皱眉时微微收紧的鼻翼，讨厌她笑起来时眼尾那一点若有似无的弧度，讨厌她指尖转动笔时发出的细小摩擦声，讨厌她写字时不自觉按住纸张的习惯，讨厌她被人叫到名字时微微偏头的动作，像是习惯了这样回应别人。她讨厌沈昼身上的味道，淡淡的，若有似无，却总是在某个不经意的瞬间钻入鼻腔——是薰衣草的香气，干净，温和，带着日光晾晒过后的温度。像是一场干燥温柔的梦境，悄然蔓延，在空气里留下一丝挥之不去的气息。

她讨厌她的一切。

可是她记得得太多了。

她知道沈昼的水杯是蓝色的，杯口有一道不深不浅的裂痕，知道她走路时喜欢轻轻踢开脚下的小石子，知道她发呆的时候指尖会在桌上敲出一个固定的节奏，轻轻的，规律的，像是无意识地填补沉默，知道她笑得敷衍时嘴角不会真的翘起来，知道她难过的时候会用指甲去抠手心，像是要把某种情绪压进皮肤底下。

她甚至知道沈昼的字迹，知道她卷子上的笔迹比练习本上的更潦草，知道她写“e”时会有点像“c”。她不应该记得这么多的，可是她的记忆像是生了根一样，把关于她的所有细节一丝一缕地缠绕进脑海，拽得牢牢的，甩也甩不掉。

这让她更加讨厌她。

因为沈昼明明什么都没做，却在她的世界里留下了那么多痕迹。

她讨厌沈昼。

但她从来不敢直视她的眼睛。

3

自习课。

沈昼坐在窗边，低着头写作业，阳光落在她睫毛上，投下一片模糊的光影。

她讨厌沈昼写字的样子。

她讨厌沈昼写字的样子。

讨厌她捏着笔的姿势，讨厌她指节微微绷起时透出的细小骨感，讨厌她写完一个字母时短暂停顿的一瞬，好像每一笔都带着她自己也察觉不到的某种节奏。笔尖划过纸张的声音细微又轻柔，一下一下，像是心脏的脉搏。

她盯着自己的笔记，发现字母们混乱地缠绕在一起，像是潮湿的风穿过旧信纸，把墨水的痕迹晕开，模糊得叫人心烦意乱。

沈昼的手指轻轻摩挲着纸页，沙沙声像一阵温吞的风从心上拂过去，撩得她的心思翻涌，像夏夜里被人碰落水面的浮萍，荡开一圈又一圈的涟漪。

她咬紧了后槽牙，把注意力狠狠摁回课本上。

烦死了。

沈昼走出教室，阳光铺满她的肩膀，连影子都带着点柔和的光晕。她慢悠悠地迈着步子，像是不紧不慢地渡过一条浅溪，袖口被风吹动，指尖若隐若现。制服外套被稍微撑起一点，露出里面熨帖的白衬衫，领口松松垮垮地敞着一截，锁骨的弧度隐约可见。阳光落下来，把一切都染得暖洋洋的，连沈昼的睫毛都带着温柔的光。

她飞快地移开视线，低头在练习册上重重写下一个字——讨厌。

可手心却莫名发烫。

她盯着那道身影，半天才回过神，猛地低头继续写作业，死死按住快要跳到喉咙口的心跳。

一定是沈昼太讨厌了，才让她连心脏都跟着不对劲。

一定是这样的。

4

她以为时间会让一切变淡，像潮水退去，只留下浅浅的水痕。

可沈昼的存在却像一根钉子，深深嵌在时间的缝隙里，无论她怎么走，怎么逃，怎么逼自己不去想，都依旧停留在原地，斑驳地，固执地，钝痛地。

她想她一定是疯了。

否则，为什么那天早晨，沈昼的指尖碰到她耳廓的时候，她的世界会骤然静止？

风声停了，耳机的旋律停了，整个教室的嘈杂声都停了。她僵在原地，像是一只被困住的动物，指尖攥紧了书页的一角，指节发白。沈昼的动作很轻，像是在拨开一片羽毛，可是那点温度却像是落入了她的血液里，一点一点，漫上来。

背后的指尖顺着她的发丝往后轻轻一拨，把凌乱的头发别到了耳后。力道轻得像是一片羽毛落下来，可她的脑子却像被雷劈了一样，一片空白。

她的心跳紊乱得像是要炸裂开来。

她想，她完蛋了。

她大概，真的讨厌她不起来了。

那些悄然生长的情愫，都会像雾气一样，在阳光下消散得无影无踪。可她错了。沈昼的存在像是一道未愈的旧伤，藏在皮肤底下，看似风轻云淡，实则稍一触碰，便隐隐作痛。

风雨流转，世界换了模样，唯独她还停留在原地，被某种说不清的情绪缓缓缠绕。像是月光透过深海的裂隙缓慢洒落，晦暗不明，却在皮肤上留下细微的、无处可逃的凉意。

——于是，所有的情绪汇聚成这一刻。

5

那天天色沉得可怕，风藏在云层后面，压得人喘不过气。

她踩着水坑走过操场，鞋底溅起泥水，裤脚湿了一片，冰冷的温度顺着布料爬上皮肤。她心里莫名地烦躁，像是有个空洞缓缓扩大，把所有的情绪都吞噬进去，只留下难以言说的不安。她皱眉，心里烦躁得不行。

不止是天气，连空气都沉闷得叫人喘不过气。她的血液像是滞留在血管里，流动得缓慢又迟钝，每一次心跳都带着不合时宜的钝痛，像是什么东西正在身体里缓缓腐烂。四肢发冷，掌心却浮着一层细汗，她抬手摸了摸后颈，指尖冰凉，像是碰到了某种死物。

她不喜欢这种感觉。像是有什么本该存在的东西突然被抽走了，只留下一个空洞，死寂而混沌。她��脑海里有那么一瞬间闪过一个名字，可她下意识地摁住了太阳穴，逼着自己不去想。

可即便如此，那种不安还是像潮水一样，一波一波地漫上来，漫到她的喉咙，漫到她的指尖，漫到她发凉的心脏里。

她听见了那个消息。

“沈昼出车祸了，抢救无效。”

她的动作停住了。

所有的声音像是被扼住喉咙，世界在瞬间褪去了颜色，耳边只有心跳的回声，一下一下，像是暮鼓沉沉地敲击着她的胸膛。

沈昼死了？

什么意思？

她不应该还坐在窗边，漫不经心地转着笔，水杯里的水还没喝完，练习册还摊开着，外套还搭在椅背上，她的名字还在点名册上……

沈昼死了？

她的世界里再也没有她了？

她的指尖发冷，喉咙里像是堵了一块石头，怎么也发不出声音。

“你骗人。”她嗓音干涩，像是被砂纸打磨过的枯枝，“她怎么会死？”

可没有人回答她。

她冲出了教室，跌跌撞撞地穿过走廊，风从窗外灌进来，刺骨的冷，可是她什么都感觉不到。她扶着墙，大口喘气，胸口闷得像是被人狠狠���住，连呼吸都变得困难。

她想起来，前几天在桌上看到了一张署名沈昼的小纸条。

“你为什么总是躲着我？”

她当时没有回答，只是把那张纸揉成团，塞进了抽屉最深处。

现在，她想回答她了。

可是已经，来不及了。

6

她开始做梦。

梦里是漫天的风，乌云翻滚，天台的边缘站着一个人，背对着她。

沈昼的头发被风吹得凌乱，衣角飘飘，像是一片即将被风卷走的落叶。她想喊她的名字，可是嗓子像是被什么扼住，怎么都发不出声音。

沈昼缓缓地，缓缓地向后仰去，像是一片羽毛，落入无尽的深渊。

她猛地惊醒。

死寂盘踞在房间里，窗外的夜色如同凝固的墨，沉得叫人喘不过气。她蜷缩在被窝里，指尖冰冷，心跳快得像是要冲破胸膛。她睁着眼睛，盯着天花板，眼眶酸涩得快要滴下眼泪。

她想，她讨厌沈昼。

她讨厌沈昼为什么要在她的世界里留下那么多痕迹。

她讨厌她，为什么连死了都不肯让她忘记。

只是她其实完全没讨厌过沈昼。

可她再也没有办法告诉她了。

窗外无风，昼不再生。 ---- 𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕠, 𝟘𝟟/𝟘𝟞/𝟚𝟝

[its-not-indigo]

30+ shifting methods for you to try tonight !

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ the raven method.

♡ the intention method.

♡ the void state method.

♡ the raindrop method.

♡ the sunni method.

♡ the five senses method.

♡ the alice in wonderland method.

♡ the meditate & pretend method.

♡ the valentino method.

♡ the adhd method.

♡ the double sided staircase method.

♡ the red door method.

♡ the lucid dreaming method.

♡ the hug method.

♡ the julia method.

♡ the estelle method.

♡ the train method.

♡ the piano method.

♡ the elevator method.

♡ the cinns method.

♡ the interstellar method.

♡ the wading method.

♡ the painting method.

♡ the cinema method.

♡ the gratitude method.

♡ the flow method.

♡ the heartbeat method.

♡ the already there method.

♡ the pillow method.

♡ the scratch method.

♡ the sleep paralysis method.

♡ the raindrop method.

♡ the sex method.

♡ the “no method” method.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

[its-not-indigo]

shifting methods to try!!!

because shifting is so fun and there's infinite possibilities to shift and you don't lose anything by trying ;)

sleep paralysis (one of my faves). i have a post about it.

@hrrtshape 's anti-method-method(? ) something like that. it works. it's genius. try. now!!!

lucid dream method: i feel like this is such a fool-proof method? the "hard" part is learning to lucid dream, but anyone can, you just need to put in a little extra effort

starfish position. a way of celebrating the horrors of 2020 shifttok. but it can actually help because you don't feel your limbs

shifting guided meditations; makes you feel less lonely in the process and blocks out external noise.

counting method; count until you feel yourself not being able to focus, dozing off. affirm or visualise from there!

dancing!! you can shift doing anything, so why not dance your way to another reality?

elevator method: imagine yourself in an elevator, and every level it stops at, repeat your affirmation. when you reach the top (you decide when), fall from the elevator into your dr!

alice in wonderland method; i did this once with a guided meditation and it was so fun

[its-not-indigo]

“curiosity killed the cat” i don’t think so!! the cat shifted realities because of the curiosity of what lies in the vast universe, and now the cat is living their dream life

[its-not-indigo]

QUESTIONS TO ANSWER AS YOUR 𝒟R 𝒮ELF ✸

ib this post from @zaddizu & heavily ib premiumbitch ★

#1. what are 3 items you can’t live without?

#2. favorite song?

#3. what are your hobbies?

#4. favorite holiday?

#5. what do you do for a living?

#6. who is someone you always hangout with?

#7. are you a night person or a morning person?

#8. favorite animal?

#9. introvert or extrovert?

#10. do you have siblings?

#11. how do you dress?

#12. favorite movie / tv show?

#13. do you have a crush / significant other?

#14. what’s your zodiac sign?

#15. what’s your favorite snack?

#16. do you travel a lot?

#17. do you play instruments?

#18. who is your best friend?

#19. least favorite food?

#20. what’s your name?

#21. do you have a sweet tooth?

#22. nicknames your family or friends call you?

#23. what is something that annoys you?

#24. do you have a pet?

#25. do you prefer going out or staying at home?

[its-not-indigo]

Sticky note

I think I’m a sticky note. not just any ordinary sticky note, but a sticky note from a past life. Could be mine, could be anyone's. I used to say something important. A phone number, maybe. A reminder to breathe. But time blurred the ink and now I’m just a whisper in fluorescent yellow.

I’ve been stuck on strange surfaces --- the back of a bus ticket, the inside of someone’s dream, once even on the mirror of a person who mouthed “I’ll be okay” but forgot to believe it. I’m curling at the edges, my glue is old but stubborn, like the feeling that you’ve left something behind in a place you’ve never been. But still, I cling anyway. I was made to stick. Maybe I’m waiting to be read again. Or to be peeled off gently, folded into a paper star, and kept, safe and sound.

I don’t know what I wrote, but if you hold me up to the light at just the right angle, maybe you’ll see it: a scribble. a sigh. something or someone that almost mattered.

---- 𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕠, 𝟙𝟘/𝟘𝟞/𝟚𝟝

[its-not-indigo]

emma's 14 day manifestation challenge (no one's questioning you again after this. not even you!!!)

a little foreword and word of encouragement ,

14 days!!!!!!! no loopholes, no well what if bullshit, no begging the universe to like you back, just you and your assumptions and a world that obeys.

this is for the people who've already seen the signs and still doubts themselves, this is for the people who wants receipts, this is for the part of you that knooooooows something big is trying to click into place.

we're manifesting to prove we're the source. you're here to stop performing power and start embodying it.

what's in store ,

14 days

1 intention to dominate per day

1 action (micro shift // test)

1 affirmation to run on loop

all backed by loa logic, no placebo fluff

no skipping, no spiralling, no but hows. you commit. you command and then you watch.

week one , we're proving ourselves

[ day one ] my world obeys me intention , the 3d reflects my thoughts, not the other way around. test , assume you'll hear a specific word today (butterfly, ocean, apple, whatever) affirmation , my assumptions are law. i think it, i see it.　 

[ day two ] i'm lucky to the point of suspicion intention , things go right for me by default test , assume you'll avoid inconvenience. no traffic, no long lines, no wifi crashes affirmation , things always work out for me. even if they shouldn't.　 

[ day three ] people like me for no reason intention , everyone is nice to me today test , assume compliments, extra kindness, good shit only affirmation , people treat me as if i'm someone they've already decided to love.　 

[ day four ] i get what i want without asking twice intention , test instant manifestation test , choose one small, specific desire and assume it's already on the way (free coffee, exact parking spot, dm from xyz) affirmation , i don't chase, i attract, and i attract fast.　 

[ day five ] my energy bends intention , assume your presence has impact test , walk into a room and assume everyone notices you affirmation , when i walk in, energy shifts in my favour.　 

[ day six ] i said it's mine. guess what intention , make a bold declaration test , post it anywhere (on your tumblr or tiktok or whatever. even a close friends with zero people in it). ex: "i'm getting x." hold the assumption NO MATTER what affirmation , the moment i claim it, it's locked in.　 

[ day seven ] reality is simply my mirror intention , detach from results, they're already written test , when something goes wrong, don't react, stay in your assumption. affirmation , my reaction writes the story, i choose the ending.　 

week two , deciding you're god

[ day eight ] the universe is obsessed with me intention , test synchronicity test , pick a sign to appear today, not a maybe, just declare it will affirmation , the universe follows my lead, always.　 

[ day nine ] money loves me intention , change money assumptions test , expect unexpected cash. refund, discount, gift. affirmation , money finds me. i don't look for it.　 

[ day ten ] time bends for me intention , control time test , decide something happens faster than it should today affirmation , time is weak and it folds when i speak.　 

[ day eleven ] i am unquestionable intention , test social confidence test , assume everyone agrees with you, even if you say something bold affirmation , when i speak, people agree.　 

[ day twelve ] i shift reality because i say so intention , choose one big desire and then declare it done. no maybes and no manifestings. this is done. test , track every tiny sign that it's already unfolding. affirmation , this is mine, everything is catching up.　 

[ day thirteen ] i don't need logic, why would i? i have authority intention , assume the impossible can happen test , pick something that feels too big and start treating it like a basic right affirmation , i make the rules, technics are optional.　 

[ day fourteen ] i am the cause intention , reflect on the whole challenge test , list every single thing that shifted. then choose what's next. affirmation , i did that. and i'll do it again.　 

[its-not-indigo]

“how does one decide their assumption and stick with it?” well let me tell you how.

let me paint a picture of finances. you’re in a changing room, a sweater is €600. you’re in a room with two voices:

“you can’t afford it.”

“yes you can, it’s already yours.”

and instead of entertaining both, BECAUSE you have a spine, you say:

“shut the fuck up. i already chose.”

“how does one decide?” like this:

when your brain says “that’s too much,” you go “shut the fuck up and go away. it’s not.”

when your heart says “what if it doesn’t show up?” you say “shut the fuck up and go away. irrelevant.”

when the world says “prove it,” you say “oh my god do you ever shut up??????? watch me.”

deciding is being unreasonable, it is YOU being annoyingly sure. you are acting as if you’re the nepo baby of the universe. you don’t need to feel like it’s yours, you just need to refuse to believe anything else.

the 3d tries to argue with your self-doubt, you need to ghost it. no emotional response or fear tantrum, just “lol. anyway.”

you don’t wait to feel safe, you decide you’re already secure. why wait for proof when YOU are the proof.

and if it doesn’t work immediately, don’t flinch, don’t spiral. just keep going. the 3d is a reflection of your thoughts and your thoughts alone.

you decide and then you act like the world is glitching until it stops glitching. and it will. it always does.

CAUSE YOU’RE WHAT????? the god of your reality. 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

sparkle sparkle

[its-not-indigo]

EVERYTHINGS GNARLYYYYYYYY

REASONS WHY YOU AREN'T SHIFTING !!!

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HOTTIE HOTTIE LIKE A BAG OF TAKIS IM THE SHIT! IM THE SHIT!

[its-not-indigo]

im gonna cry my eng vocab is literally not enough to express the fic scene in my head properly😭😭

Why fic no climb out of my head and lie down in paper? Why must I write fic? ☹

[its-not-indigo]

𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒈𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒚

I think I’m a blueberry gummy. not the kind that you buys at some fancy stores and wrapped in deluxe boxes. the kind that shows up in your pocket after a taking dip in the sea, soft, a little melted, crusted with lint and sand.

I obviously wasn’t meant to be here. why would anyone take a blueberry gummy out for swimming? but here I am, still sweet and forgotten, soaked in salty water. My sugar coat was worned off but I still stick to people accidentally, like conversations that were never supposed to happen but did, and then stayed too long in your head.

The sea doesn’t mind me. It doesn't care whether I float or sink, whether I dissolve into the water and just be gone forever. yet I sometimes do dissolve a little, like thoughts fading away before you go to bed as a song you didn’t mean to love started looping in your head.

Maybe the salt keeps me whole, or maybe I’m already gone. it's just flavor now, humming between waves and wires, waiting to be found again by someone who doesn’t mind sticky hands. ---- 𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕠, 𝟘𝟟/𝟘𝟞/𝟚𝟝