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made this based off a thing a friend sent

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Woman: Bear or Man?

Me: The 'man' who killed the bear by breaking its neck

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Random Paladin Danse HC's That Make Me Smile

not that any of my minions know this, but i’m back into fallout and Paladin Danse’ ass is grass which only means one thing

fuckin

HEADCANONS

let the brain rot commence.

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He obviously loves that education, and is always, ALWAYS, searching for an excuse to learn more about dead America. And who better to learn from than a relic of the past? You! On the other hand, my Sole was never a vault dweller, so she knows next to nothing about those broken gizmos other than what scrap they'll produce. So in one scenario you have big bulk man exhausting you with curiosity, and in another he's literally brimming with information to teach you. Both work well in my opinion.

Literal big brother energy. That kind of changes if or when you admit to him that his ass is literally bigger than a star, but throughout your time serving with him it's very clear that he works well with a sibling-like relationship. You may see him as an older brother, or maybe you just hate him. I dunno man. But all-in-all, he's always the first one there. Always at your side ready to defend you from whatever your postapocalyptic world launches at you. He's almost as loyal as Dogmeat. Almost.

This man stands CLOSE. Sometimes he doesn't even realize it; he just feels at ease being near you (especially if you don't use power armor). He's real caught on that savior mentality. Somehow he's only convinced that you're safe if he's just feet from where you're standing. And don't get me started on firefights. This big booty military man will jump in front of you with no shits to give. You even land a couple shots on him by accident, but that's alright. He doesn't really feel it. He really should prioritize his own safety sometimes.

He never drinks if he can help it, but that's only because alcohol makes him giggly. He'll relax with a couple beers, but anything past that is dangerous for him. He simply doesn't like the embarrassment of completely switching personalities in front of his subordinates. Even you, believe it or not. He likes things "clean, by the book," blah blah. So many people are convinced that he lacks personality, but truthfully he just prefers to act tough. It makes him feel 10 ft tall.

He sleeps with a body pillow. 100% I will live by that statement. Think about it: he practically lives within a wall of steel and cushioned padding. He's more touch deprived than a goldfish. He probably can't recall the last time he genuinely felt a person, which isn't something he dislikes. There's moments when even a pat on the shoulder is too overwhelming for him. He wishes he enjoyed having that closeness with someone. There're many occasions where he longs for your arms to be encased around him or vice versa. He wants to love, but he doesn't exactly know how. So instead of touching you, he spams you with uplifting compliments and hugs his pillow in Dansey bliss.

He complains about rain and bodies of water enough to convince everyone he hates it, but what's interesting is when he's in your company. Walking around like a transformer all the time, he's always prepared for stormy weather. You however... ehhh. He doesn't like it when you get drenched (😫) so he'll immediately scan the surrounding area for shelter. If there is none, and depending on the direction of the wind, he'll situate himself to where you get wet (😫) to a minimum. He's like your personal hunky umbrella. Every once in a while, you grow confused over the fuss. You may enjoy rain, or at least tolerate it, but he still wouldn't give a damn. "It would be irresponsible of me, as your mentor, to allow you to catch a cold under these conditions." In other words, he's a big worrywart over your wellbeing. And he's more used to patching up battle wounds. A sickly fever? Not so much.

You'd think he would be better at knowing your whereabouts, but he definitely isn't. With his suit having so many blind spots and you being so low to the ground, he's constantly losing track of you; hence why he chooses to walk behind you. When you stop in Diamond City, you like to prank him a bit by slipping away and making him go in big brother panic mode. You've tried it in Goodneighbor once or twice, but it never works there. Once you're behind those walls, his eyes never leave you. Not once. He scolds you more harshly when you play games in that town.

He loves to feel useful, even with something mundane like reaching something up high for you or even hoisting you up through a broken ceiling or over a wall. He additionally likes to show off strength. He smashes through walls and doors like cardboard, and crushes just about anything under his gauntlets with ease. On the other hand, he loves it when you feel useful as well. Sure, he can count back dozens of times when he could've dislodged a safe door or tore the wires from a terminal to deactivate turrets, but instead he chose to step back and admire your handiwork. And when you succeed, he always boosts you with praise.

The only hack he uses to style his hair is mud, sweat, and grease. And it still looks flawless every damn time.

There's no way in hell he walks around with all that cake and authority and NOT have an aggressive fanbase on the Prydwen. That just ain't so. There's a whole line of women in their baldheaded glory begging for him to notice them, and the hilarious part is he never does. Heroic actions and deeds in honor of the Brotherhood are what yanks his immediate attention. He's also trained enough soldiers to tell the difference between talent, potential, and kissing up. He hates those sorts most of all.

Keep in mind what I said about his awkwardness with physical touch, because when he's actually starting out in a relationship, it is so over for him. At first he almost wishes you'd remain friends just so you wouldn't give him heart murmurs every 5 fucking minutes. He also grows more protective over you than ever before, but that isn't surprising. Give him a few weeks to settle into this new territory and he'll gradually adapt. You do your best to go at his pace, so instead of downright kissing him you peck him sweetly on the cheek. The more you do it the more he realizes just how much he adores it. Even now he still has a hard time expressing his feelings, so you have to study close for any cues he may give you. Somehow if you're just not skilled at reading him, he'll eventually get persistent enough to lean towards your level and sit jagged and redfaced for a while until you deliver.

It's funny to watch him try and squeeze into an elevator. He'll go the extra mile to search for an intact flight of stairs just so he won't look like a Jack in the Box. Watching him squeeze back out is even sillier. He has to position his shoulders and knees just right so that his pauldrons or helm won't get caught in the narrow doorframe. It mostly works, though only because of all the trial and error he's had to endure.

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alright folks it's 3am which means i have very pressing matters to attend to like sleeping

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Esbern: Isn’t Sky Haven Temple simply wondrous? It’s as if it’s been trapped in time for all these years. Akaviri architecture is truly something to behold.

Delphine: We came here to find a way to stop Alduin, not for a dumb learning lesson. These are just old stones to us—

LDB: I will fucking grind your bones to a fine powder until nothing is left.

Delphine: ….ok..

LDB: Continue, Esbern🥰

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i feel like since miraak’s a total kiss virgin his interpretation of it would just be to peck his ldb like a bird

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Miraak's Reaction to the LDB's Children:

ok it's been years since i adopted in this game and i forgot how cute it was to have kids

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I'll put this plainly: Miraak has never been fond of the creatures (yeah he calls them that).

He seldomly tolerates people in general as it is, so hearing the Dragonborn mention them for the first time came as a great shock to him.

"You're saying... you just let them run around in your home?" "Yes." "Forgive me for ever calling you intelligent."

He claims he's very knowledgeable with child psychology because of the "horror stories" he's read through his duration in Apocrypha.

"Back in my day children were used as sacrifices to please the dragons. I suppose there was one good thing about their rule..."

He gets extremely uneasy at the thought of actually being introduced to them.

He also dislikes when you brag about them: "Sophie made me the prettiest bouquet one morning :)" "Can she recite the alphabet in Dovahzul?" "...No?" "Pathetic."

Keep in mind Miraak is extremely self-centered and still puts himself above anyone who isn't the LDB. But he'll get surprised when a seemingly average child can outwit him.

He becomes tense when he finally does meet them.

He's never been around children and has even forgotten what it felt like to be one.

That being said, he wasn't raised up the same way. Miraak doesn't know what it feels like to have fun or to be freely naive. He simply judges what he can't understand. Being exposed to your children does gradually start to make a change in him, though.

They're obviously frightened of him in the beginning; especially because of the ominousness of his mask. Sadly, he takes it off for no one, so they just have to get used to it.

Sophie is the first to acclimate to his presence. Somehow his demeanor sparks a tiny similarity with her father. He's abrasive, yet silent, and shows affection through actions rather than words.

She quickly grows fond of him and idolizes him as a father of her own.

The next child's personality is also very specific to the orphan you adopted, so I'll leave that for you to decide :): - (Lucia): She's awfully shy of him and prefers to strap herself against your thigh when she's near him. Unlike Sophie, it takes her a bit longer to adapt, but once she does, she's a fiery chatterbox. - (Runa Fair-Shield): She likes to bully him (constantly) and when he threatens to dispose of her she immediately tattles. She's also very good at blackmailing and makes him give her piggyback rides. - (Alesan): He can't say he likes him much; mainly because Miraak's Atmoran genes make him the size of a giant through his eyes. He avoids him more than the rest, but he's also recognized for his smarts, so every now and then Miraak will attempt to teach him something new. - (Blaise): He feels as though he has something to prove to him due to his struggles on the farm. Miraak wordlessly drives him to become more of a man, and Blaise respects him for it. - (Hroar): He has a lot of adoration for Miraak's skill as a master swordsman, and often begs for sparring lessons (perk: you get to see Miraak wave a kiddie wooden sword around).

On another note: - If you only have girls, Miraak is decorated in flower crowns galore 100% of the time and often finds himself falling asleep with the two wrapped under his arms after reading them stories. - If you only have boys, the house is always messy from roughhousing and amateur sword fights. The boys won't be nearly as spoiled as the daughters, and not even Akatosh will stop his wrath if they disrespect you.

Turns out, Miraak loves your kids more than he ever anticipated. He merely hated the idea of children, but never realized just how perfect they are.

((((((he really wants to make a baby now))))))

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I'm melting

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“ah yes, welcome to the Companions, where you do everything we tell you but when you do you get called a bootlicker. speaking of boots go get mine shined whelp.”

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Hello, I really adore all your stories and am currently working my way through Skyrim for the first time. Would you mind writing a one shot or something for an f reader and brynjolf? My hyperfixation is on that man like no tomorrow.

howdyyy :)

i don’t typically write for Brynjolf but i can make an exception for you❤️ what kind of prompt would you like?

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me: {collecting follower mods like latest edition pokémon cards}

finds Gore mod:

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my favorite skyrim hc is pretending everyone is lactose intolerant.

mofuckers like “what’s a milk drinker like you doing here?? go home to your mother with your strong bones and good health”

“did that beverage come from the teet of a cow?! to the milk drinking dungeon with you!”

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uhhhh hey guys *shits self*

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Bestie, do you know of other blogs like you? My thirst for tes men is insatiable and I already read all of your stuff a hundred times.

Hey, friend!

Thanks for reading my stuff❤️ I know I’ve been absent for a long time. Haven’t been posting like I should.

@otvlanga and @downontheupside are pretty frickin’ awesome. You should check them out :)))

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im writing pre-Apocrypha Miraak smut wanna see bestie /gen

Um... yes? Show me the goods🤨🤨

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Hiya babes. This is actually the first I logged back into my account in months. This year's been a rough one, I can't lie. I mean hell, I haven't written anything except for grammar-related essays and frankly I'm ecstatic to hop back into the ol' headcanon grind :)

Hope to hear from you guys soon! I missed ya!

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I HAVENT CHECKED MY BLOG IN WEEKS IM SO SORRY

Why is Miraak fist pumping the air.

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Salutations,

You are a queen

That is all.

Been going through a hard time lately. This moved me to tears❤️❤️