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˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚ 𝐹𝓾ck y𝓞u 𝐛e𝐭𝓣er.ᐟ
s.jaeyun 𝒙 f.reader
𝓦c ::: 5.9k 𐙚 𝓢harinote ::: this is like a play on my old roommate jake fic... I miss lilmashae bad smts y'all :( 𐙚 warnin𝓰.ᐟ ::: roommate jake is superrr annoying & hardly considerate · multiple orgasms · teasing · oral (f) · cowgirl - missionary - all the positions · soobin (txt) mentioned (small suggestive scene with him?) · a little bit of dry humping · teasing · fingering (f) · slight degradation (he says something about her being in heat... that's it :/) - praise (jake confesses(?) mid-fuck) · unprotected sex - implied creampie - etc.
each night was worse than the last... every night—they got louder and louder... each girl seemed more desperate than the last.
none of them could top jake though.
you didn't know who had it worse... you, or them.
on one hand, he'd wear the poor girl's out, from late at night to sunrise he’d be fucking them to the hilt. but on the other... you had to hear it—their unbelievably loud pornographic screams and yelps. every. fucking. night.
the audacity of him... only a man so desperate, so shameless could face his roommate (or anyone) with such nonchalance knowing what he gets up to. you pinched your temples hearing the giggles trailing off behind the slam of your apartment's door. about time. his bedroom was one thing—but the living room? oh you couldn't wait to stick it to him…
"you look like shit." you groaned finally stepping foot outside of your bedroom, squinting your eyes at jake's smart remark. your roommate was undeniably handsome... which you take it he must be painfully aware of by the way he parades around barely clothed even after whatever 'lucky' girl has left.
with his stupid toned abs and honey skin... his gorgeous hair—face and his nose... god, that nose… not that you were staring, or into him or anything, but you’re just so sure his nose would nudge up against your—
"i wonder why..." playfully you lifted your hand to smack him on the side. "ouch! seriously? you're not really upset are you?"
"me? no way, but i do feel bad for that poor girl who just left." you grinned. "oh yeah?" jake leaned against the counter beside you as you stretched out for the cereal on the top shelf—only for him to grab it first. "thanks..." you took the box from his hands, emptying it into your bowl before spinning around to dip into the fridge.
"and yeah, you just about wore her out... this might be a new record," you scoffed. "even for you."
"it couldn't have been that bad, not as bad as last week when—"
"so you are self aware then?" you interjected, fixing him with a deadpan stare as you poured your milk. "i guess i am." the man chuckled, it was low—almost teasing as he resumed his spot against the counter.
silence settled between you as you focused on devouring your breakfast of fruity pebbles, but you could feel his eyes on you—carefully watching the way your spoon disappeared past your lips with each bite as his throat bobbed. "do you want some?" you arched a brow, ever so slightly smiling as you sauntered toward the dining table.
"nah," he said, shaking his head. "i'm heading to the gym. hoon wants to squeeze in a few arm workouts before his game tonight." "cool," you nodded, casually glancing at the clock above the door. 11:00 am.
"you coming home? or are you going straight to work after?" you watched as he turned around to face you. "i'm off," he shoved his hands into his pockets. "i’ll probably hang at hee’s with jay afterward though." you nodded again, and this time, your roommate disappeared into his bedroom—assumably to get ready for his ‘gym-date’ with sunghoon.
it was perfect.
if jake was going out with heeseung, he’d be gone for hours—five or six, easily. and if today was like any other saturday between him and sunghoon, their stupid little gym session would last around two hours.
you did the math in your head—jake’d be gone for a total of eight hours, leaving you home alone for… well, all day.
while your roommate might’ve been lacking in the shame department, you weren’t.
you were far more… modest than jake. though, your friends called it sneaky… regardless, you weren’t nearly as prude as jake believed you to be.
you didn’t hesitate to scurry back into your room after finishing up your breakfast. you’d slammed the door shut, heart pounding with anticipation as you snatched up your phone to fire off a text to soobin.
god, it’s been way too long.
normally, you’d be able to see him at least twice a month… but lately? who knew what was up with jake. he’d been impossible. every night, it was a different girl, loud and attention-seeking.
and when he wasn’t tangled up with some random frat-party hookup, he was hogging the apartment—sprawled out on the couch, glued to his game with heeseung, or buried in textbooks at the dinning room table. which, truthfully, wouldn't be a problem... if it weren't for soobin's four roommates.
point was, there was never a moment of privacy… nowhere for you and your fuck buddy to do what you did best—hook up. not with jake taking up every damn inch of the apartment… and certainly not with soobin’s four roommates lurking at every corner.
y/n: soobin ^_^ y/n: wyd later? 11:38 am
sb: hey y/nnie :)) sb: i should be free... what's up, pretty girl? 11:40 am
y/n: my roomate'll be out til late... want to come over? 11:43 am
s/b: yk i do s/b: i'll see you in an hour? 11:47 am
y/n: sounds good, soob :3 read 11:51 am
you grinned to yourself, feeling content.
finally.
you deserved this—maybe even more than jake did. he got his fill on a near-nightly basis while you’d been living in an unintended dry spell for months... though that was about to end.
lost in your thoughts, you hardly even registered the knock on your bedroom door until jake’s voice cut through the silence. "i'm heading out, y/n!"
"alright!" you called back, gnawing on your bottom lip as you listened for the soft click of the front door.
it really has been way too long.
soobin hadn’t been over in what felt like ages and the state of your apartment was proof enough of that... but cleaning was easy though—especially with the adrenaline of your pending dick-appointment practically buzzing through your veins.
fueled by anticipation, you breezed through each chore... from wiping down counters to fluffing pillows, and even lighting a candle to set the mood for the evening. before you knew it, you were in the shower, steam curdling around you as you carefully shaved your legs, scrubbing your skin until it was baby-smooth...
you froze with your heart pounding in your throat.
knock, knock!
with water still dripping from your skin, you heard the sound echo through the apartment. an hour had seemingly passed in no time, with your towel engulfed around your body, you peeked your head out from behind the bathroom door, "just a second!" you could hear soobin's muffled voice behind the thick wood of the door. "mh, take your time!" he called back.
quickly, you patted your skin dry, slipping into a pair of sweatpants and tugging a tank top over your still-damp hair.
finally, after a glance in the mirror, a couple spritzes of perfume, and a deep breath, you skipped out of the bathroom, smoothing your hands over any wrinkles in your shirt before swinging the door open.
"hi." a smile tugged at your lips, glancing up at the tall male in front of you—he looked even better than you'd imagined. whatever built up frustration you had burning in your stomach was begging to be let out. soobin chuckled, reaching out to tuck a damp strand of hair behind your ear. “your hair’s wet.”
“oh! yeah, just got out of the shower.”
his grin widened as you stepped aside, inviting him in. “good to know.” he chuckled as he waltzed in behind you.
awkward as it may have seemed, it wasn't that way for long—the two of you exchanged in small talk before deciding to turn on a movie, casually catching up like friends rather than… whatever label some people might slap onto your arrangement. “how about this one?” you suggested, scrolling through the endless movie options presented before you.
soobin groaned dramatically, though the arm draping around your shoulders suggested he wasn’t all that bothered. “seriously? that one?” “yes, that one.” you scoffed, leaning into his chest. “it’s not like we’ll actually be watching it anyway.”
a smirk played on his lips. “i guess you’re right.”
without anymore time to think, his lips crashed onto yours. the plush of his lips molded against your own at a rhythm unique to the both of you. you found yourself straddling the brunette as he deepened the kiss, your fingers threaded through his hair, his own hands pawing at your sides whilst you grinded into him. "f-fuck." you sighed into his mouth, pleasure winding tight in your core.. you dove into his lips once more, this time your tongue flicking against his bottom lip, coaxing his tongue out of his mouth to intertwine with your own. it felt timeless—kissing soobin.
but unfortunately, time was in fact relevant.
thirty minutes had passed, you and his lips entangled, never neglecting one another as you were completely into one another. "’want to take my time with you, yeah?" he groaned. "s'been so long, 'want to go slow." he murmured against your skin, his voice sending shivers down your spine.
you squirmed, nodding as your breath hitched. “yeah…” it was a shaky exhale—your hips pressed against his growing bulge.
looking back, you’d wish he never said that, because a quickie would’ve saved you from what happened next. neither of you heard the oh-so-soft click of the front door.
and neither of you saw jake standing there, watching—observing—as you kissed soobin like your life depended on it—his eyes bright with amusement as his ‘prude’ of a roommate frotted all over some guy.
"ahem…" he cleared his throat—nothing.
he'd decided to try once more, "ahem," he leaned against the entryway, bag in hand as he toed off each of his shoes.
both of your heads snapped toward him, your heart plummeting straight into your stomach, noticing his shit-eating grin.
“y/n, i just left my change of clothes. i’ll just dip in and grab them, cool?” heat crawled up your neck, your mouth suddenly dry as you scrambled off of soobin’s lap. “y-yeah,” you stammered, cheeks burning up. “fine by me.” soobin added, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.
you wish he wouldn’t have said that either.
the two men exchanged small nods, soobin softly waving as jake rushed past. but before he left—because of course, he couldn’t leave without making it worse—he paused at the door.
"i have condoms if you guys need…. i keep them out," jake paused, "just in case, y/n you know where they are." he chuckled, running back out the door again.
you were so embarrassed... if embarrassed were even a strong enough word.
why… why would jake say that—fuck, now it sounded like he kept them out just in case you two ever wanted to… to… damnit.
soobin left soon after your run in with your idiot roommate. he’d tried to play it off, as did you. you both forced a tight-lipped smile as he pulled on his shoes, but you weren’t stupid. you saw the way soobin’s eyes darted toward jake’s room, the hesitance in his voice when he said, “i’ll, uh… i-i’ll text you later, yeah?”
which he didn’t. you don’t blame him.
you’d sat there for a while after he left, silently replaying the moment over and over in your head—cursing jake each time. it was unfair.
the way he’d get laid every night and the way you’d just let it happen… as loud as he was if you really wanted to, you could complain; you could give him some lecture about the ‘shared space’ of your apartment, or respecting each other’s boundaries. but you never did.
the way soobin’s face had shifted when jake made that comment, how he’d suddenly withdrawn, as if realizing he wasn’t the only one in your rotation. except he was. it haunted your memory even now.
what normal roommate kept condoms out just in case? what kind of guy made a joke like that so casually, with no concern for how it might sound?
jake fucking sim.
your anger simmered all evening… not only had you been cockblocked, but you were too upset to even finish getting off, not that your useless little fingers would be any help anyways. and on top of that you couldn’t even bring yourself to text soobin to clear things up.
so instead, you did what you did best when you were pissed off and alone—you curled up into a ball on the couch with a blanket, turning off all the lights and letting the glow of the tv drown out the silence as you soothed your raging frustration by lazing around.
you weren’t sure how much time had passed before you heard the front door click open yet again. jake… you mentally groaned, facepalming. he stepped inside, the soft thud of his gym bag hitting the floor was the only sound filling the apartment. you didn’t move.
he walked past the couch, pausing when he spotted you curled up there in the dark, the flickering light from the tv casting shadows across your face. he sighed, running a hand through his hair before turning toward the kitchen.
a few seconds passed. a cabinet opened, then closed. then, finally—“are you really upset about earlier?” you ignored him, eyes glued on to the screen. “c’mon, y/n.” his voice seemed closer now. you could feel him standing behind the couch, hovering over you. “it was just a joke… you know how i am—how we are..”
your jaw tightened. “was it a joke, jake?”
“obviously.”
“yeah, well, soobin didn’t think it was very funny.”
the room felt smaller, the space between you and jake charged with something you didn’t want to acknowledge—a heavy tension—something sharp, electric, and just wrong enough to make your pulse stutter.
if either of you made a wrong move—you might explode.
he was quiet at first, and for a second, you thought maybe—just maybe—he was going to let it go. but this was jake. and jake never let things go. you know that better than anyone. then, just as you expected, he scoffed. “so? that’s his problem, isn’t it?” you whipped your head around so fast, you nearly gave yourself whiplash. “are you serious?” your voice cracked, the anger boiling in your gut curled tight, threatening to spill over. his problem? his?
jake just blinked at you, his expression unreadable, like this was nothing—like you were making a biggg deal out of nothing.
“what? if he really thought we had something going on, that’s on him. it’s whatever.”
“it’s not whatever, jake!” you spat, turning around to face him, fingers digging into the blanket settled on your lap as your anger spilled over. “you have girls over all the time.” you exhaled sharply, your frustration growing as your stomach bubbled with rage. “every. single. fucking. night. i’m so—god, i’m so pent up. i can’t even invite my fuck buddy over without you interrupting or making some stupid remark like an immature asshole.”
he rolled his eyes, shifting back against the couch as though he couldn’t be bothered to care. “oh, come on—”
“no, jake. just go away.”
but he didn’t. of course, he didn’t. instead, he exhaled dramatically, walking around the couch before slouching down beside you, arms crossing over his chest. his body radiating heat as his presence swallowed up the space between you. you were hot—pent up and breaking down in glittering rage. “so that’s it?” his voice was quieter now, lower… more tedious.
there was something sharp underlying beneath his words, something you couldn’t quite place. you frowned, already exhausted by his antics. “what’re you—”
before you could finish, his fingers gripped your jaw, tilting your face to face his. your breath hitched. jake’s hold wasn’t rough—he wasn’t hurting you—but it was firm. demanding.
his thumb brushed the curve of your bottom lip, his eyes darting between your own and reading your face as he murmured, “that’s it?” his voice was sharp, dripping with ridgidness. “you just wanted a quick fuck? that’s it?” he let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. “hah… seriously.”
tears swelled up at the corners of your eyes, shame settling in your stomach. yeah. you did… more than anything in the world—you wanted a searing hot orgasm, a quick fuck, to get off… anything! but hearing him say it out loud made it worse—it made your reality of being denied something so simple even more real.
jake ran a hand through his hair, exhaling hard before glancing at you again. “baby,” he drawled, voice thick, and almost condescending. “i could’ve done that for you.”
you froze. “w-what?” your tears seemed to dry themselves, shock washing over you as your bottom lip jutted out into a pout.
he smirked, and something about the way he was looking at you made your skin prickle with heat. “if all you wanted was some stress relief, i thought you’d know me of all people wouldn’t mind.”
his fingers traced along the line of your jaw, featherlight, as he teased you… “i mean, look at you.” his voice dropped an octave lower, his breath warm, fanning against your supple skin. “shit, you’re so fucking pretty—even now… crying because you’re all frustrated over some mediocre dick.”
jake cocked his head, thumb dragging slowly across your plump bottom lip. “not only could i fuck you, y/n,” he murmured, “i could fuck you way better than that guy ever could.” his tongue darted out, wetting his lips as he leaned in just enough to make your breath catch in your throat.
“when i’m done, you won’t even remember your name, princess.”
a familiar warmth flared in your stomach, and you hated the way your body reacted, the way your breath stilled, the way your thighs pressed together before you could stop yourself.
jake noticed. of course, he noticed. and god, the look on his face said he was going to make you regret it… the yelling and the back talk.
you barely had time to process anything else before his lips crashed into yours.
it wasn’t a soft landing… it wasn’t sweet. it was hungry—fierce. his hand slid from your jaw to your neck, pressing just enough to make your head spin, tilting your chin up so he could deepen the kiss.
his tongue traced the seam of your lips, coaxing your mouth open until you had no choice but to let him in… no choice but to let his tongue explore your mouth and tangle with your own muscle. you whimpered against his mouth, gripping the fabric of his hoodie in a weak attempt to ground yourself.
he took that as encouragement, swallowing your muffled moans as he shifted closer, his knee pressing hard against your clothes cunt as he wedged it further between your thighs, his body caging you in against the couch.
jake was everywhere, all-consuming.
he kissed you like he meant it, like he had something to prove, like he knew you’d been thinking about this just as much as he had. and fuck, maybe you had. maybe that was the worst part. his words hung in the air, thick and suffocating. he could fuck you better… you knew it and he knew it.
and even if you didn’t, you’d heard the way those ditzy sorority girls mewl and moan while he fucked their brains out… plunging to deep into their squelchy little cunts it makes them dizzy.
you should’ve pushed him away, should’ve said something—anything to shut him down. but you didn’t. you couldn’t. you were drunk.
because jake was still looking at you like that, like he knew exactly what he was doing to you, like he was daring you to break the kiss first… which you couldn’t. and maybe it was the weeks of pent-up frustration, the way his voice sent a sharp, burning ache straight between your legs, or the fact that he was so close you could feel the heat radiating from his skin—but you broke.
you surged forward, fisting the fabric of his hoodie as your lips crashed against his once more, all teeth and desperation whilst your hips grinded and bucked against his clothed thigh.
“you’re like a bitch in heat, baby.” he laughed.
god. you hated him. you hated how easily he took control, how good he felt, how your body melted under his touch like you had always been meant for this. he bit your bottom lip, tugging slightly before pulling back just enough to look at you, lips swollen, breathing heavy. his fingers brushed against the bare skin under your shirt, just barely, but it was enough to make you shiver.
“see, princess?” he murmured, dark and teasing. “i told you.” his lips ghosted over yours again, barely touching, waiting… waiting for you to lean in, expecting you to fall right into the trap he’d laid so perfectly.
“whatever,” you swore. “just fuck me already.” you frowned, bruised lips on display for him. jake could feel his cock chubbing up behind the fabric of his shorts, creating an obvious tent in his pants. If it were up to him—if you were anyone else… he’d listen.
he’d skip the foreplay and fuck you because god, how could he not ravish you? especially when you’re… well, you.
jake’d had a crush on you since you moved in… of course, you were usually tempting—big eyes staring up at him all cutely with your lips all pouty, all the time. but especially now, more than ever, when you were beneath him whimpering—begging for him to fuck you with your hair tousled all over the place and your eyelids heavy..? he’d be crazy not to savor every moment.
“fuck, y/n… let me take my time with you, yeah? show you all you been missing.” his fingers crept along your nape. “you have no idea…” his lips ghosted your skin once more—traveling further down your neck as he placed sloppy kisses down your scorching skin. “god, everytime i fuck one of those girls i wish it were you.”
your hips buck—chasing the friction of his thigh as you gasp… his confession leaving you stunned. jake’s hand slips beneath your shirt, cupping your breast through the fabric of your bra and prodding around, feeling for the peaks of your nipples.
“s-shit..” you gasp, squirming beneath him, feeling the cool air waft against your skin as he peels your shirt from over your head. “yeah? feeling foggy already?” he coos, “lift up,” he instructs. “wanna see all of you, ‘lemme take this off, pretty.”
his slender fingers nimbly unclasp your bra—-your tits spill free, the mounds of your breast perking up beneath the chill of the air as you carefully fall onto your back. jake’s breath hitches—caught in his throat at the sight of your bare body. “so perfect… just how i imagined.” he continues his assault—kissing down your collarbones until the plump of his lips reach your boobs.
immediately, they latch onto your nipple, he gropes your other breast in his left hand—pinching and rolling the sensitive bud between his fingers. “oh… a-ah! jake…” your hands tangle into his hair.
jake groaned against your chest, teeth grazing the tender skin as he switched sides, giving your other nipple the same eager attention. you writhed beneath him, the wet heat pooling between your thighs making it impossible to stay still.
“god, you’re so sensitive,” he murmured, voice low, laced with admiration and pure hunger. “what else makes you squirm like that, huh?” your silence isn’t enough for him as he softly bites at your chest. “shh,” he hushes you. “it’s okay, you can’t talk sweet girl, i’ll just find out myself, hm?”
his kisses trail downward, slowly and deliberately he nips at your ribs, dragging his tongue down your stomach. each movement coaxes a soft whimper to rip from your throat. you could feel every breath, every graze of his lips, and it was driving you insane.
once jake reaches your waistband, he glances up, catching your gaze—his eyes dark, feral.
“bet you’re soaked already,” jake muttered, his hot breath fans over the flimsy fabric of your panties and he smirks when your hips arch off the couch involuntarily, chasing his mouth.
“knew it.” he grins wide, without breaking eye contact, he dips his head… mouthing over the damp spot of your panties clinging to your core, letting out a filthy moan as he licks a stripe up your covered pussy like you were the one ruining him. then, with such a delicate slowness, he hooks his teeth around the band of your panties, snagging the fabric with his canines.
“let me get these off,” he murmurs, voice reverent, muffled slightly by the fabric. “been wanting to taste you for so long.” he groans. all you can do is nod. you choked out a gasp as he dragged the lace down your hips with his teeth—agonizingly slow. his hands guide them down your thighs as he goes, hands hooking underneath your thighs as he parts them gently, slotting between your legs like he belonged there.
“fuck, y/n… look at you,” he whispered, voice ragged. “so pretty like this… so mine.” he breathes against your leaky, fluttering cunt.
jake didn’t dive in right away—that would’ve been too easy. instead, he takes his time—lips brushing over the soft skin of your inner thighs, tongue flicking out just enough to make you twitch.
he takes a deep inhale like he’s memorizing the scent of your aching core. “you don’t even know what you do to me,” he muttered, he strains— his voice is thick with need. “look at you—already shaking, and i haven’t even tasted you yet.” that oh so perfect nose nudges against your clit, giving you a taste of heaven—a taste of everything you knew you’d needed.
your hands curl into the couch cushions as he finally pressed a kiss to your slit, he dips his tongue into before pulling out, licking a slow, lazy stripe up the full length of your cunt. your breath caught. “f-fuck—jake…”
he groaned like the taste of you was better than anything he’d ever had. “god, you’re dripping,” he rasped, tongue flicking over your clit, teasing it with little kitten licks that had your thighs clenching around his head, yet his strong arms clamped you down.
jake just hummed, gripping your hips to hold you open. “don’t run from me now,” he grinned against your skin, “you wanted this, didn’t you? said you wanted me to fuck you…” and then he devoured you.
no more teasing, or holding back—his mouth latched onto your clit with a practiced precision, his tongue circling, flicking, sucking on your labia like he was starved… one of his hands slid down to press two fingers against your entrance, easing them in as his mouth worked your clit like a madman.
“ohmygod! f-ffuck thank you… thank you!” you cried out, back arching off the couch, moaning his name like it was a sacred chant. “fuckfuckfuck—jake—oh my god—jakejake… ohhh..” his fingers curled inside you, scissoring to stretch your tight cunt out wide… finding that sweet spot with ease as he moaned against your clit, the vibration making your whole body jolt in pleasure.
“you gonna cum for me, pretty girl?” he murmured, voice muffled by your pussy squelching and sobbing against his face. “wanna feel you fall apart on my tongue.” your vision blurred, hips grinding against his face on instinct. you were close—so close—held right at the edge by his relentless tongue and the way his fingers fucked into you, soaking wet and obscene.
he looked up at you from between your legs, lips shiny with your slick, pupils blown wide and the tip of his nose snug against your pelvis. “be a good girl… cum on my face, y/n.”
and with a final suck, he sent you tumbling over the edge.
you came—loud, trembling, toes curling as your orgasm crashed through you. yet jake didn’t stop, he didn’t slow down. he lapped up every drop as you rode out your first high. he was greedy and thorough, tongue dragging through your slicked-up, spit-glistening folds as your thighs trembled around his head.
“shit…” he panted. “you taste even better than i imagined… ‘got such a sweet cunt.” jake barely gave you a moment to breathe.
you were still trembling, thighs sticky with slick and overstimulation. the wet spot beneath you on the couch was still there when he rose above you—eyes lingering over your marked body, shaking, lips glistening with drool. his hoodie was already being shrugged off with one hand.
“still with me?” he murmured, voice almost too soft for how entrancing he looked towering over you. you nodded weakly, eyes foggy and fucked-out. that was all he needed. “good.”
in one swift motion, he pushed down his sweats and boxers… the material pooled around his ankles as he yanked you close to the edge of the couch. his cock was springing free—hitting flush against his stomach, thick, red, and already leaking pearls of precum. you barely had time to take in the entrancing curve of his cock, before he was crawling back over you, grabbing your thighs and lining himself up with your soaked entrance.
“gonna fuck you now, pretty girl,” he muttered, his tip slipping through your folds, dragging slick over your overstimulated clit, slapping against it just to make you whimper. “and you’re gonna take it—every inch.”
then he slammed in—bottoming out immediately. you cried out, “oh my! fuck, please!!” head falling back, back arching as he split you open—no warning, no teasing, just pure and raw.
he buried himself to the hilt with one brutal thrust… already fucking into you before you could adjust. “shit,” he hissed, his jaw clenched tight. “you’re so fucking tight…” jake swore, his balls slapping heavily against your ass.
your nails raked down his arms, clinging to his biceps as you tried to adjust, your body burning from the stretch, the sting, the overwhelming fullness…
he pulled out halfway, then slammed back in—again and again, restless. he was relentless… pacing his hips to snap into you fastly and unforgiving. the sound of skin slapping filled the room, mingling with your lewd moans, and the wet drag of his cock through your cunt was absolutely filthy. “look at you,” he grunted, grabbing your jaw and forcing you to meet his gaze. “already fucked dumb from my tongue, and now you’re letting me ruin you. that what you wanted, huh?”
you could barely speak—just nodding, gasping, whining his name as he fucked into you like he was trying to mold your body to his. you babbled broken sentences, too dumb to speak straight from his cock wrecking you.
“yeah, that’s it,” he growled, “take it—fucking take it.” one of his hands slipped under your thigh, pushing your leg up to your chest as he folded you in half, the new angle making you scream. his bulge fucking through your stomach as one of his hands firmly pressed down. he hit something deep buried inside of you and you swore you saw white.
he didn’t let up, driving into that spot again and again like he knew exactly how to break you.
you were incoherent now, reduced to nothing but nonsense and spit spilling from your lips, your second orgasm already building fast, it was impossible to stop. “come on, baby,” he panted, fucking you harder, rougher. “wanna feel you come on my cock—milk me dry. milk my fucking cock.”
and when he reached down and rubbed your clit with his thumb—fast, ruthless—you shattered. again. your entire body clenched, back bowing off the couch, a sob of his name ripping from your throat as you came hard. you clenched around his shaft, walls fluttering around his cock, sucking him in even deeper as his tip kissed your cervix. jake groaned, stuttering in his thrusts, burying his face in your neck. “fuck—fuck, y/n—i’m gonna come—”
he drove into you one last time and came with a loud, broken moan, hips pressed flush to yours as he spilled inside you, hot and thick spurts of cum gathering around the base of his dick as his load leaked from your throbbing cunt.
he didn’t move for a moment, panting into your skin, both of you a sweaty, trembling mess. then, finally, he pulled back just enough to look at you—hair wild, eyes heavy, lips swollen.
“…tell me,” he said, voice hoarse. “tell me i fucked you better.”
you hadn’t even caught your breath when he pulled back to look at you—cheeks flushed. “y-you… only you. you fuck me better, god, better than anyone could. ‘fucking ruined.” your lips were kiss-bitten, eyes glassy with tears. “fuck,” jake whispered, he was frayed with awe. “look at you…”
you felt his hands on your waist, still trembling from the last orgasm he dragged out of you, but the ache between your legs hadn’t dulled—it’d only sharpened.
still pulsing… his desperation to be better than soobin egging you on… you were too far deep, finally understanding how he got so many girls to crawl into bed with him. you sat up, straddling his thighs. you saw the way his jaw tensed, like he was trying so hard not to lose it, slight confusion clouded his expression as he watched you lean into his chest. “wanna feel you,” you murmured, still trying to catch your breath. “inside.… more.”
his eyes nearly rolled back on the spot. “shit…yeah? c’mere, baby. take it. s’what you wanted, right?”
he leaned back against the couch cushions, legs spread wide as you slid your hand down between your bodies, guiding him to your entrance. he was still so hard—his dick was heavy and leaking, hot and you nearly moaned at just the feeling of him against your folds. then you sank down. the stretch made your thighs shake. your head dropped forward and your mouth fell open in a silent gasp as he stuffed you once again, his cock pulsing inside of you as you took shallow drags at his member.
“oh my god, jake…”
his hands flew to your hips, gripping tight enough to bruise. “jesus—fuck. you feel like heaven, baby.” you rolled your hips, grinding down in lazy circles as you got used to the size of him. he seethed through his teeth, eyes flickering between your bouncing tits and the place where your bodies met as you sped up. “look at you,” he groaned. “riding me so good—fuck, you were made for this. made for me… not him.” he smacked your ass, hard.
your hands pressed to his chest for balance, and you picked up the pace, bouncing now. his cock tugged against your walls just right, hitting that spot that made your toes curl, and you couldn’t stop the stream of breathy moans pouring from your mouth.
“you close already, pretty girl?” he rasped, thumb flicking over your clit. “you gonna cum on my cock like this? ‘gonna fuck me til i’m dry? til my cock’s all empty and sore???” you nodded frantically, eyes rolling back fervently. “j-jake—please, i can’t—” “yes you can. ride it out for me. fuck, you’re so tight—don’t stop, baby, don’t you dare stop—” his hands gripped your waist, helping you bounce on his dick as the two of you got lost in pleasure.
your orgasm washed over you with your back arching and your thighs quivering. you could feel him swelling up inside of you, a deep groan tearing from his throat as he spilled into you, bucking up, fucking more of his cum inside of you, desperate to chase every last bit of pleasure.
you collapsed forward onto his chest, both of you sweaty, shaking, breathless. jake brushed your hair back, kissing your temple. “feeling better?” he piqued, his once teasing tone returning. “shut up.” you groaned.
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no hands - l.hs
pairing: loser switch!lee heeseung x switch!reader
synopsis: heeseung's main purpose in life is to please you. that's all he wants to do, and you love it, you love him. if you were to tweak one thing about him, it'd be his awareness to other girls. you know he's hot but he doesn't, therefore, other girls flirt with him regardless if you're there or not. one situation in particular leads to words heeseung can't take back, so he makes it up to you the only way he knows how to-with his tongue, fingers, and dick.
featuring: heeseung of enhypen
genre: smut (mdni!!!), slight angst, pwp (porn w plot)
warnings: heeseung is kinda pathetic, reader wears the pants in this relationship, established relationship, no aftercare but it's like fluffy at the end, make up sex, i think that's all??? lowercase intended
(smut warnings below the cut!)
playlist: no hands by waka flocka flame & attention by the weeknd
wc: 4.597k
a/n: this is fully inspired by the way heeseung hip thrusts in paradoxxx invasion... n another hee fic cause i need him ☺️!
smut warnings: use of toys, mutual masturbation, fingering, oral (f. receiving), monster cock heeseung, a lot of stretching out, heeseung whimpers, switch x switch, p in v, creampies, unprotected sex (big no-no), belly bulges, squirting, size kink, reader is a tease, they're nasty LMAOOOO, lmk if i forgot anything!
you've never ignored his texts before.
not when he was late. not when he forgot your anniversary. not even when the fights got loud enough to make neighbors knock. but now, it's been two days. two days of your name missing from his notifications. two days of unread messages piling up with no replies. two days of silence so thick, he can't sleep, can't think, and barely breathe.
heeseung knows he messed up, he knows the exact second he crossed the line—when his voice got too sharp, when frustration twisted into something mean. he was angry, sure. but you didn't deserve what he said. not you, not when you've always been the one to stay, to listen to forgive.
not when he messed up.
you didn't stay this time. you walked away. from the relationship? situation? him? he wasn't sure. but you didn't slam the door or scream. that might've been easier. instead, you looked at him like he'd just proved every fear you never spoke out loud. like he wasn't safe anymore. and then you left.
he hasn't stepped foot in your shared apartment since. it doesn't feel right without you in it—like the air's too heavy, like the bed's too cold. he's been sleeping on his friend's couch, lying awake at night replaying everything that led to this. over and over again.
he types a message he won't send. "i didn't mean it. i was scared. i hate that i made you feel like you weren't enough. please, baby" delete. type again. delete again.
he's never been good with apologies.
not with women.
you're his first everything. first girlfriend, first time having sex, even his first kiss.
but for you? he's willing to do anything.
his body moves before his mind catches up and now, he's standing outside the door of your shared apartment, heart pounding like it's trying to break free from his chest. he doesn't even know if you're home. he just knows he had to try. because losing you? not an option. not now. not ever.
he's frozen. he doesn't knock, not yet, because all he can think about is that night—the one that flipped everything on its head.
-ˏˋ⋆ 3 days ago ⋆ˊˎ-
the club is packed. lights flashing, bass shaking the floor, bodies pressed too close together. it was supposed to be a fun night out with friends—something casual. you hadn't even wanted to go at first, but heeseung pulled you in with that stupidly hot grin and a promise whispered against your neck:
"just one drink, baby. i'll be glued to your side the whole night."
he wasn't.
it started slow. the first girl who leaned in too close to shout something in his ear, fingers brushing his chest like it was casual. the second one who asked him if he was single, loud enough for you to hear over the music. he laughed—brushed it off, clueless in the way only heeseung could be. “nah, i’m taken,” he’d said with a smile, already turning back to the bar. like it didn’t matter. like he didn’t notice the way your face dropped every time it happened again. and again.
he wasn’t flirting back. that was the worst part.
because he wasn’t doing anything wrong, and that made you feel crazy. insecure. irrational. like you were overreacting when your chest was tightening with every giggle, every glance, every hand that lingered too long on the guy who was supposed to be yours.
but the real twist came when one of the girls—bold and drunk and so damn sure of herself—reached for his phone and he let her.
you watched it happen from across the dance floor. she typed something in, laughing like they’d known each other forever. and he just stood there, blinking slow like his brain hadn’t caught up to his body yet.
he didn’t even look for you in the crowd. didn’t see the way you froze. didn’t see how fast you turned away.
because you knew.
after you got home, you confronted him, voice shaking. he furrowed his brows like he was the one who’d been hurt. “what are you talking about? she just put in her spotify to play a song—i didn’t even save her contact.”
but it was too late. it wasn’t about the number. it wasn’t even about the girl.
it was about how easy it was for someone else to take space in his attention. how easily he forgot you were right there, feeling invisible.
and when you finally snapped, voice rising with every word. heeseung—tired, drunk, and defensive—said the one thing that shattered everything:
“i can’t babysit your insecurities every time we go out.”
that’s what did it.
not the girls, not the phone. not even the forgetfulness.
that.
that sentence, that tone.
the way he made you feel like the problem.
-ˏˋ⋆ present time ⋆ˊˎ-
and now he’s outside your apartment, heart in his throat, replaying it all. wishing he could take it back. rewrite that night. reach for you instead of grabbing the next drink.
but the worst part? the part that haunts him?
he still doesn’t know if he deserves forgiveness.
you know he’s out there.
you heard the elevator ding, the shuffle of footsteps just beyond your door. the quiet, hesitant knock that followed.
but you don’t move.
you sit on the floor, back against the cold wall of your bedroom, knees pulled to your chest. your phone is on the nightstand, lit up with another message you won’t open. you don’t need to read it. you already know what it says. “i’m sorry.” “can we talk?” “please.”
you pick at a loose thread in your sleeve, jaw tight, heart aching. you don’t want to cry again. you’ve already done that. in the shower, on the couch, in the silence that filled this apartment after you locked the door behind you and waited—half hoping he’d chase after you, half hoping he wouldn’t.
heeseung used to be your safe space.
now, you don’t even know who you are when you’re still standing next to him—if you’re still his, or just someone waiting to be forgotten in the next room, the next club, the next crowd.
and yet…
a part of you wants to open the door.
to see if he’s still there. to see if he looks sorry, or just tired and confused. part of you wants to press your forehead to his chest and ask why he didn’t see you.
conflicted, you weigh the pros and cons.
pros: you’d get an answer, you’d see if he looks as wrecked as he makes it seem, you could work through this bump (hopefully).
cons: you’re still hurt, you don’t want to make this easy for him, and you know you’ll break down when you hear his soft voice.
after an internal debate in your head, you decide needing answers outweigh the cons you listed.
heeseung didn’t think you’d open the door. he expected to walk back to his friends house with the same heavy heart, and bags under his eyes.
he’s about to walk away when he hears footsteps approaching the door.
it opens. and you’re standing there.
you.
even with your bare face, red eyes, dark eye bags, and puffy cheeks, you’re the most angelic and stunning person he’s ever had the blessing to lay his eyes on.
he freezes in his spot, standing across from you.
“h-hi,” he’s the first one to break the deafening silence. you don’t say anything. just open the door and step aside, signaling him to come in.
he treads lightly, hovering by the entrance, not knowing what to expect from you.
you close the door behind him, the soft click echoing louder than either of you expected. heeseung’s eyes flicker around the space, taking in the dim lighting, the half-drunk tea on the table, the blanket you were probably using the night you came back here. it feels…intimate.
but he doesn’t say a word.
you finally turn to face him. arms crossed. guarded.
he hates that you look like you’ve been crying. hates that he’s the reason even more.
“i didn’t think you’d come,” you say, voice quiet but steady.
“i wasn’t sure i would,” he admits. “but then i realized i couldn’t not.”
there’s a pause. neither of you move.
then, almost in a whisper, you ask, “why did you do it?”
heeseung flinches. it’s not a dramatic reaction, just a flicker of guilt crossing his face—but you catch it. he runs a hand through his hair, breathing out slow. “because i was scared,” he finally says. “scared of what it meant. how real it felt.”
your throat tightens, “so you just what? ran? pushed me away?”
“i thought if i pretended i didn’t care, it’d go away.”
“did it?”
he looks at you then—really looks.
“no.”
you stare at him. jaw clenching. “you said you couldn’t babysit my insecurities. remember that?” his head drops slightly, guilt heavier in the curve of his shoulders. “i didn’t mean it like that.”
“then how did you mean it, heeseung?” your voice cracks. “because it sounded like you were tired of me. like i was some burden you couldn’t wait to drop.”
he steps forward, hands twitching at his sides. “you were hurting. and i didn’t know how to help. i just—i got frustrated and said the worst thing i could have.”
“and you think showing up now erases that???”
“no,” he says quickly. “but it means something that i’m here, doesn’t it?”
you scoff. “only if you came to say something real, not just some excuse.”
he looks up at you, eyes dark, voice low, “i came because i couldn’t stop thinking about you. about what i said. about how i hurt you. and how i’d do anything to take it back.”
you hesitate, anger and ache crashing inside you like waves. “you made me feel like i was too much for needing reassurance. for wanting to feel wanted.”
he steps closer. “you were never too much. i was just too much of a coward.”
the silence between you thickens, his breath mingling with yours. your chest rises, then his. heeseung’s eyes drop to your lips, and when he speaks again, it’s raspy.
“you think i don’t want you?”
his hand reaches up, tentative at first—fingertip brushing your jaw.
“i’ve wanted you every second since the first time we kissed. even when we fought, even when i walked away like a fucking idiot.”
you swallow hard, your lips parting slightly. “then show me.”
and that’s all it takes.
his lips crash into yours with a desperation that’s been simmering since you walked away that night. he kisses you like it’s the only apology he knows how to give, his hands sliding into your hair, down your back, gripping your waist like you’re the only thing keeping him grounded.
and you are.
your fingers bunch in his shirt, tugging him closer, until your bodies are pressed together and nothing else matters—not the past, not the words, not the wounds. just heat. friction. the sound of your name falling from his lips between kisses.
he walks you backward, blindly, until the back of your knees hit your bed. you fall, pulling him down with you. his mouth moves from your lips to your jaw, down your neck, murmuring soft, breathless apologies between each kiss.
“tell me to stop,” he whispers against your skin.
you look down at him, chest heaving, eyes glassy. “don’t you dare stop.”
he groans, planting more kisses near your collarbones. he tugs at your sweater, and with a small nod of your head, he gently lifts your arms up and slips the item of clothing off your body. “fuck, no bra, baby?” he mutters in awe, staring at your naked tits. you blush and a whimper escapes your mouth at his fiery gaze.
heeseung gets off the bed to take off his clothes, urging you to do the same. by the time you strip your sweats off your legs, he’s still fully clothed, admiring you at your most vulnerable state.
you want to make this a bit challenging for him, so you crawl onto the bed with your back propped up on the headrest, spreading your legs. your bare core is displayed to his hungry eyes. wet, warm, and pulsing.
your whimpers and whines bring him back to earth as you start to rub your sensitive bundle of nerves. he quickly rips his hoodie off, revealing his abs and biceps, making you moan just at the sight of him. yeah, he’s a loser, but god. is he hot.
he climbs on the bed, hovering over you, in nothing but his boxers. as he makes his way between your legs, eager to taste your sopping wet cunt, you swat his hands away.
“not yet, baby, i didn’t say you could touch me, did i?” he stares at you with his wide doe eyes, “no, you didn’t,” he chokes out.
you motion for him to get off you and sit on the chair that rests parallel to your bed.
knowing how handsy heeseung gets, you think this’ll be fair for his punishment.
as you start to gather the wetness between your legs, heeseung whimpers, body aching to reach out and touch you. he knows he deserves more than this but his body craves you. he doesn’t wanna count the amount of times he jerked off in the three days you ignored him.
he sits across from you, legs spread, bulge poking through his boxers. he presses his hand on his aching length, hissing at his sensitivity. god he needs you bad. but he decides he’ll be patient, waiting for your patience to snap instead.
you push a finger inside your clenching hole, sighing at the stimulation. it isn’t enough to make you cum, but heeseung watching makes it that much better. his eyes are locked on your pussy, the way your clit throbs, the way you clench around one of your measly fingers (he knows his are thicker and longer, exactly what you deserve).
he tries to ignore the pulsing between his legs, but he’s a weak man. especially when it comes to you.
he slides his boxers down his legs, freeing his thick length for your eyes to feast on.
heeseung truly has no idea how big he is. you were the woman who took his virginity, gave him his first handjob and blowjob, even his first kiss. you’ve been together for three years, hooked up plenty of times, but he always needs to stretch you out beforehand.
at first, he never understood why, but he figured it was normal.
he in fact is not a normal man with a normal cock.
the first handful of times you guys had sex, it took 30 minutes just for him to bottom out.
which brings you to now, watching his hand grip his base. even his hand (that is way larger than yours), can barely wrap around him. he has length and girth. and you’re the only person who will ever know the pleasure he’s so desperate to provide.
he squeezes his dick, drops of precum practically spilling out of his tip, if you didn’t know him, you’d have thought he just came. but no, his balls match his cock in the sense that they are large and have a lot of cum to give.
he swipes his palm over his wet tip, groaning at the sensitivity. he’s so hard it hurts.
you both sit across from each other, pleasuring yourselves. the scene is erotic and the sounds are just as bad. he’s groaning every time his hand moves up and down, and you’re moaning, pumping your fingers in and out of your clenching hole.
“ba—baby can i—please.. touch you,” he says through grunts. you let out a loud moan, basking in how desperate he is to please you. “not yet, my love.”
he whimpers, cock aching, hips bucking up into his fist rapidly. you look so hot all spread out, fingering yourself. he just wants to lend a helping hand. you reach over to your nightstand, and pull out a box. a box he knows all too well. inside are toys, a variety. you reach in and grab a dildo. one you guys used when heeseung was prepping you to take him.
you lay down on the bed with your head resting on your plush pillows, sliding the toy down in between your legs, gathering your slick to use as lube.
heeseung’s eyes are bulging out of his head. he’s never seen a hotter sight, feeling like he’s missing out. that should be his cock you’re using, not some silicon toy that won’t give you pleasure like he can.
he decides this is fair and sits there, hand not moving anymore, just resting by his side. you take a glance at him before sliding the toy in your awaiting hole, his rock hard dick is resting on his abs, drooling precum.
you don’t waste any time. having taken this dildo before, you slide it right in, moaning at the slight stretch. heeseung then moves to the bed, resting on the edge, watching you intently.
he doesn’t move to touch you, he knows his place. he just watches you fuck yourself on a toy. his anger and impatience starts to rise because that should be him fucking you.
all of a sudden, he gets an idea, and slots himself between your legs. not touching you, just slowly stroking his cock while you slide the toy in and out, moaning.
you tilt your head back up, locking eyes with a smug heeseung.
“go on, baby, fuck yourself with that thing.” he grins. you don’t say anything in response, just picking up the pace at which you fuck yourself with the toy, eyes never leaving his. he jerks off faster and before you know it, thick ropes of cum land all over your torso. with a loud groan, his pace slows down, allowing him to ride out his high. just as he thinks he’s nearing the end, you cum around the silicon dildo, but this time feels different.
your head is tilted back, eyes rolling into your head so hard you think they’ll get stuck. it isn’t until you feel his presence on top of you that you open your eyes. you look down and realize you squirted all over him. his hair is a bit wet, his torso is soaked, and your sheets are damp.
“fucked yourself so hard you squirted, huh?” you gulp. he has never looked so authoritative, and yet, you feel a familiar throbbing between your legs, signalling you wanted, no you needed more.
heeseung hurriedly flips you over, throwing the small dildo to the corner of the room and plants his hands on your hips.
you look over your shoulder and remove his hands, “what’d i say, hee? no hands.” he just smirks at you and lines his swollen tip to your tiny hole.
“ready, princess?” he says too smug, and you just whimper, “yes, please. need it—need you.”
before you have time to close your mouth from speaking, he thrusts into you, barely able to fit half of him in one motion.
you release the loudest moan he’s heard from you, and stills, allowing you to adjust. it hasn’t been long since you last had sex with him, but he makes it feel like your first. every. time. and you never get sick of it.
he grunts from the tightness, it’s almost painful. he can’t even move with how you clench around him. “fuck—still so tight, baby,” he moans out at the sensation. he can feel you all too well—the way to clench, the way you pulse. it’s nearly too much for both of you.
he feels like he could cum just from this, but he pushes the feeling down, not wanting to cum straight away. “you okay?” he wills himself to say despite the snug feeling of your walls clamping down. “y-yeah,” you mutter, already looking fucked out.
you try to adjust to the feeling, getting needier by the second. thinking he’s sheathed fully inside you, you look back and realize he’s barely halfway inside. at the realization, you moan into your pillow, arching your back further.
heeseung’s using all of his willpower to not touch you, but fuck. it’s hard (pun intended).
noticing your more relaxed state, he pushes his hips further, when you grab his arms and pull him forward. he lands with his chest to your back, cock plunged all the way inside.
you both moan so loud, you think the neighbors will come knocking.
“hee,” you groan out, gripping the sheets so tight, your knuckles turn white.
“it’s okay baby, breathe” he says softly, resting his cheek on your back and bringing a hand up to rub your swollen clit, to ease the discomfort.
he smiles against your back when he hears little moans leaving your lips, “fuck so proud of your for taking me so fast,” he grunts, your walls still squeezing his raging cock.
as your breathing has stabilized a bit, you move to prop yourself up on your elbows, wanting him to hear every filthy noise that comes out.
he lifts himself off of your back, staring down at where you two are connected, seeing his large cock plunged into your tiny cunt. the slight is enough to make him drool. no feeling could beat your velvety walls wrapped around him so snug and tight. he’s never felt this good or satisfied.
all he knew before you was his right hand.
“feel like i’m gonna cum,” your lips form a slight pout, not wanting to cum so early. his fingers are still working your clit, rubbing in tight, controlled circles.
you whimper his name, and he already knows. he presses his hips closer to your stretched out hole, somehow sheathing another inch inside you, and that's all it takes for you to unravel.
“cumming!” you blurt out as he feels you convulse on his cock. “cream this dick, angel.” the way you grip his cock nearly makes his mind slip into subspace. he’s so far gone, lost in the pleasure you provide him. his mind is hazy, the only thing slipping from his lips is your name.
you shove your face into the pillow even further, muffling your screams, wanting to be wary of your neighbors.
heeseung’s not having it.
he slowly pulls your hair into a ponytail, and brings your head up, whispering against your head, “c’mon baby, let me hear you, hm?”
and that’s where your resolve breaks, you want his hands everywhere, you need him to touch you. “hee… touch me—fuck please,” you whimper.
he releases your hair and brings both of his hands up, cupping your tits. he takes one hand and softly pinches your nipple, swirling it between his fingers.
your walls clamp down harder, if that was even possible, earning a groan from heeseung.
the feeling of your walls alone has him emptying his load deep inside you. even worse, he hasn’t even moved the whole time he’s been inside you.
“fuck” he grunts, his shaft pulsing inside you with each rope of his sticky cum that paints your walls.
you moan, feeling his tip release rope, after rope inside your fluttering hole.
he’s lodged so deep, his cum doesn’t have to go far to reach your womb.
heeseung brings his hands away from your tits to find home on your belly. more specifically, where a bulge has been formed, ever since he first slid inside you.
he presses down slightly, able to feel how far he is inside your guts.
you moan, a familiar coil winding tightly right where his hand is.
he takes that sign as a green light and slowly pulls out, barely halfway, before plunging right back in.
your both reduced to moaning messes, chasing yet another high. the lewd, wet sounds coming from where you guys are connected, make you hide your face between your arms, heat creeping to your cheeks.
heeseung pulls out of you and flips you both over, so you’re on top of him. “nuh uh, don’t hide your beautiful face—” he gets cut off with a whimper that emerges from his mouth when he feels you bouncing on him.
you lift your hips up, then right back down, feeling him even deeper than before.
even after cumming a second time, he was still hard. he could never get enough of you. the only girl he’s ever known, inside and out.
“hee, s’big” you let out under your breath. his mouth is suddenly dry, he’s at a loss for words. you look absolutely stunning on top of him. so he whimpers. continuously, while you let praises slip from your lips. lots of “feels so good,” “you’re so deep,” and of course, loud, loud moans.
your hands rest on heeseung’s abs, lightly tracing each divot and running over the smooth skin of his chest.
his abs tighten, the feeling of your tight walls wrapped around his aching cock, and the stimulation of your soft fingers on his skin drives him even closer to the edge.
he grips your hips and holds you up, starting to thrust into you at a rapid pace. throwing his head back he grunts, “fuck so tight. relax for me baby, please.”
“c-can’t, feel s-s’full,” you manage to get out.
you’re on the edge. heeseung’s thrusts have not slowed down at all, keeping the same, fast, steady pace.
he’s everywhere in your guts, rearranging them and he isn’t even going as hard as he can.
you’re both worn out, having cum twice, but you mutually agreed a third high is right around the corner.
heeseung feels your walls clamping tighter and tighter which can only mean one thing—you’re close. and he silently thanks the gods because he’s been putting off his third orgasm since he flipped you both. the visual of you on top of him, boobs bouncing in his face, is always too much.
he picks up the pace and brings a hand to your clit, pressing down just the right amount. you hiss at the sensitivity, starting to meet his thrusts by bouncing down when he’s thrusting up.
he starts to rub your clit in circles, and within seconds, you’re releasing on him with a loud whine. clamping down on his dick, heeseung releases your hips, letting himself still inside your sopping cunt while he cums.
he cums so much you feel it slip down your legs, coating his cock.
you collapse on top of him, the sticky mess between you both being the least of your worries.
breathing heavy, heeseung is the first to break the silence. “i really am sorry. for what i said, and what happened at the club. i was stupid and said the wrong thing. the worst thing.” you sigh and press a kiss to his sweaty cheek, “i can’t pretend what you said didn’t hurt me, but i forgive you. i love you too much to let something like this come between us. let’s just talk next time, yeah? when we aren’t too emotionally unstable or under the influence.”
hearing your words, heeseung smiles. a genuine smile, one that reaches his eyes. he presses a soft and tender kiss to your lips, mumbling an ‘i love you more’ that doesn’t go unnoticed.
nothing else is said between you both, but it doesn’t matter.
the past three days have been hell. but this—this was heaven, and it was yours again.
[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250422
perm taglist: @yunnchip @kristynaaah (send an ask/comment to be tagged!!)
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no hands - l.hs
pairing: loser switch!lee heeseung x switch!reader
synopsis: heeseung's main purpose in life is to please you. that's all he wants to do, and you love it, you love him. if you were to tweak one thing about him, it'd be his awareness to other girls. you know he's hot but he doesn't, therefore, other girls flirt with him regardless if you're there or not. one situation in particular leads to words heeseung can't take back, so he makes it up to you the only way he knows how to-with his tongue, fingers, and dick.
featuring: heeseung of enhypen
genre: smut (mdni!!!), slight angst, pwp (porn w plot)
warnings: heeseung is kinda pathetic, reader wears the pants in this relationship, established relationship, no aftercare but it's like fluffy at the end, make up sex, i think that's all??? lowercase intended
(smut warnings below the cut!)
playlist: no hands by waka flocka flame & attention by the weeknd
wc: 4.597k
a/n: this is fully inspired by the way heeseung hip thrusts in paradoxxx invasion... n another hee fic cause i need him ☺️!
smut warnings: use of toys, mutual masturbation, fingering, oral (f. receiving), monster cock heeseung, a lot of stretching out, heeseung whimpers, switch x switch, p in v, creampies, unprotected sex (big no-no), belly bulges, squirting, size kink, reader is a tease, they're nasty LMAOOOO, lmk if i forgot anything!
you've never ignored his texts before.
not when he was late. not when he forgot your anniversary. not even when the fights got loud enough to make neighbors knock. but now, it's been two days. two days of your name missing from his notifications. two days of unread messages piling up with no replies. two days of silence so thick, he can't sleep, can't think, and barely breathe.
heeseung knows he messed up, he knows the exact second he crossed the line—when his voice got too sharp, when frustration twisted into something mean. he was angry, sure. but you didn't deserve what he said. not you, not when you've always been the one to stay, to listen to forgive.
not when he messed up.
you didn't stay this time. you walked away. from the relationship? situation? him? he wasn't sure. but you didn't slam the door or scream. that might've been easier. instead, you looked at him like he'd just proved every fear you never spoke out loud. like he wasn't safe anymore. and then you left.
he hasn't stepped foot in your shared apartment since. it doesn't feel right without you in it—like the air's too heavy, like the bed's too cold. he's been sleeping on his friend's couch, lying awake at night replaying everything that led to this. over and over again.
he types a message he won't send. "i didn't mean it. i was scared. i hate that i made you feel like you weren't enough. please, baby" delete. type again. delete again.
he's never been good with apologies.
not with women.
you're his first everything. first girlfriend, first time having sex, even his first kiss.
but for you? he's willing to do anything.
his body moves before his mind catches up and now, he's standing outside the door of your shared apartment, heart pounding like it's trying to break free from his chest. he doesn't even know if you're home. he just knows he had to try. because losing you? not an option. not now. not ever.
he's frozen. he doesn't knock, not yet, because all he can think about is that night—the one that flipped everything on its head.
-ˏˋ⋆ 3 days ago ⋆ˊˎ-
the club is packed. lights flashing, bass shaking the floor, bodies pressed too close together. it was supposed to be a fun night out with friends—something casual. you hadn't even wanted to go at first, but heeseung pulled you in with that stupidly hot grin and a promise whispered against your neck:
"just one drink, baby. i'll be glued to your side the whole night."
he wasn't.
it started slow. the first girl who leaned in too close to shout something in his ear, fingers brushing his chest like it was casual. the second one who asked him if he was single, loud enough for you to hear over the music. he laughed—brushed it off, clueless in the way only heeseung could be. “nah, i’m taken,” he’d said with a smile, already turning back to the bar. like it didn’t matter. like he didn’t notice the way your face dropped every time it happened again. and again.
he wasn’t flirting back. that was the worst part.
because he wasn’t doing anything wrong, and that made you feel crazy. insecure. irrational. like you were overreacting when your chest was tightening with every giggle, every glance, every hand that lingered too long on the guy who was supposed to be yours.
but the real twist came when one of the girls—bold and drunk and so damn sure of herself—reached for his phone and he let her.
you watched it happen from across the dance floor. she typed something in, laughing like they’d known each other forever. and he just stood there, blinking slow like his brain hadn’t caught up to his body yet.
he didn’t even look for you in the crowd. didn’t see the way you froze. didn’t see how fast you turned away.
because you knew.
after you got home, you confronted him, voice shaking. he furrowed his brows like he was the one who’d been hurt. “what are you talking about? she just put in her spotify to play a song—i didn’t even save her contact.”
but it was too late. it wasn’t about the number. it wasn’t even about the girl.
it was about how easy it was for someone else to take space in his attention. how easily he forgot you were right there, feeling invisible.
and when you finally snapped, voice rising with every word. heeseung—tired, drunk, and defensive—said the one thing that shattered everything:
“i can’t babysit your insecurities every time we go out.”
that’s what did it.
not the girls, not the phone. not even the forgetfulness.
that.
that sentence, that tone.
the way he made you feel like the problem.
-ˏˋ⋆ present time ⋆ˊˎ-
and now he’s outside your apartment, heart in his throat, replaying it all. wishing he could take it back. rewrite that night. reach for you instead of grabbing the next drink.
but the worst part? the part that haunts him?
he still doesn’t know if he deserves forgiveness.
you know he’s out there.
you heard the elevator ding, the shuffle of footsteps just beyond your door. the quiet, hesitant knock that followed.
but you don’t move.
you sit on the floor, back against the cold wall of your bedroom, knees pulled to your chest. your phone is on the nightstand, lit up with another message you won’t open. you don’t need to read it. you already know what it says. “i’m sorry.” “can we talk?” “please.”
you pick at a loose thread in your sleeve, jaw tight, heart aching. you don’t want to cry again. you’ve already done that. in the shower, on the couch, in the silence that filled this apartment after you locked the door behind you and waited—half hoping he’d chase after you, half hoping he wouldn’t.
heeseung used to be your safe space.
now, you don’t even know who you are when you’re still standing next to him—if you’re still his, or just someone waiting to be forgotten in the next room, the next club, the next crowd.
and yet…
a part of you wants to open the door.
to see if he’s still there. to see if he looks sorry, or just tired and confused. part of you wants to press your forehead to his chest and ask why he didn’t see you.
conflicted, you weigh the pros and cons.
pros: you’d get an answer, you’d see if he looks as wrecked as he makes it seem, you could work through this bump (hopefully).
cons: you’re still hurt, you don’t want to make this easy for him, and you know you’ll break down when you hear his soft voice.
after an internal debate in your head, you decide needing answers outweigh the cons you listed.
heeseung didn’t think you’d open the door. he expected to walk back to his friends house with the same heavy heart, and bags under his eyes.
he’s about to walk away when he hears footsteps approaching the door.
it opens. and you’re standing there.
you.
even with your bare face, red eyes, dark eye bags, and puffy cheeks, you’re the most angelic and stunning person he’s ever had the blessing to lay his eyes on.
he freezes in his spot, standing across from you.
“h-hi,” he’s the first one to break the deafening silence. you don’t say anything. just open the door and step aside, signaling him to come in.
he treads lightly, hovering by the entrance, not knowing what to expect from you.
you close the door behind him, the soft click echoing louder than either of you expected. heeseung’s eyes flicker around the space, taking in the dim lighting, the half-drunk tea on the table, the blanket you were probably using the night you came back here. it feels…intimate.
but he doesn’t say a word.
you finally turn to face him. arms crossed. guarded.
he hates that you look like you’ve been crying. hates that he’s the reason even more.
“i didn’t think you’d come,” you say, voice quiet but steady.
“i wasn’t sure i would,” he admits. “but then i realized i couldn’t not.”
there’s a pause. neither of you move.
then, almost in a whisper, you ask, “why did you do it?”
heeseung flinches. it’s not a dramatic reaction, just a flicker of guilt crossing his face—but you catch it. he runs a hand through his hair, breathing out slow. “because i was scared,” he finally says. “scared of what it meant. how real it felt.”
your throat tightens, “so you just what? ran? pushed me away?”
“i thought if i pretended i didn’t care, it’d go away.”
“did it?”
he looks at you then—really looks.
“no.”
you stare at him. jaw clenching. “you said you couldn’t babysit my insecurities. remember that?” his head drops slightly, guilt heavier in the curve of his shoulders. “i didn’t mean it like that.”
“then how did you mean it, heeseung?” your voice cracks. “because it sounded like you were tired of me. like i was some burden you couldn’t wait to drop.”
he steps forward, hands twitching at his sides. “you were hurting. and i didn’t know how to help. i just—i got frustrated and said the worst thing i could have.”
“and you think showing up now erases that???”
“no,” he says quickly. “but it means something that i’m here, doesn’t it?”
you scoff. “only if you came to say something real, not just some excuse.”
he looks up at you, eyes dark, voice low, “i came because i couldn’t stop thinking about you. about what i said. about how i hurt you. and how i’d do anything to take it back.”
you hesitate, anger and ache crashing inside you like waves. “you made me feel like i was too much for needing reassurance. for wanting to feel wanted.”
he steps closer. “you were never too much. i was just too much of a coward.”
the silence between you thickens, his breath mingling with yours. your chest rises, then his. heeseung’s eyes drop to your lips, and when he speaks again, it’s raspy.
“you think i don’t want you?”
his hand reaches up, tentative at first—fingertip brushing your jaw.
“i’ve wanted you every second since the first time we kissed. even when we fought, even when i walked away like a fucking idiot.”
you swallow hard, your lips parting slightly. “then show me.”
and that’s all it takes.
his lips crash into yours with a desperation that’s been simmering since you walked away that night. he kisses you like it’s the only apology he knows how to give, his hands sliding into your hair, down your back, gripping your waist like you’re the only thing keeping him grounded.
and you are.
your fingers bunch in his shirt, tugging him closer, until your bodies are pressed together and nothing else matters—not the past, not the words, not the wounds. just heat. friction. the sound of your name falling from his lips between kisses.
he walks you backward, blindly, until the back of your knees hit your bed. you fall, pulling him down with you. his mouth moves from your lips to your jaw, down your neck, murmuring soft, breathless apologies between each kiss.
“tell me to stop,” he whispers against your skin.
you look down at him, chest heaving, eyes glassy. “don’t you dare stop.”
he groans, planting more kisses near your collarbones. he tugs at your sweater, and with a small nod of your head, he gently lifts your arms up and slips the item of clothing off your body. “fuck, no bra, baby?” he mutters in awe, staring at your naked tits. you blush and a whimper escapes your mouth at his fiery gaze.
heeseung gets off the bed to take off his clothes, urging you to do the same. by the time you strip your sweats off your legs, he’s still fully clothed, admiring you at your most vulnerable state.
you want to make this a bit challenging for him, so you crawl onto the bed with your back propped up on the headrest, spreading your legs. your bare core is displayed to his hungry eyes. wet, warm, and pulsing.
your whimpers and whines bring him back to earth as you start to rub your sensitive bundle of nerves. he quickly rips his hoodie off, revealing his abs and biceps, making you moan just at the sight of him. yeah, he’s a loser, but god. is he hot.
he climbs on the bed, hovering over you, in nothing but his boxers. as he makes his way between your legs, eager to taste your sopping wet cunt, you swat his hands away.
“not yet, baby, i didn’t say you could touch me, did i?” he stares at you with his wide doe eyes, “no, you didn’t,” he chokes out.
you motion for him to get off you and sit on the chair that rests parallel to your bed.
knowing how handsy heeseung gets, you think this’ll be fair for his punishment.
as you start to gather the wetness between your legs, heeseung whimpers, body aching to reach out and touch you. he knows he deserves more than this but his body craves you. he doesn’t wanna count the amount of times he jerked off in the three days you ignored him.
he sits across from you, legs spread, bulge poking through his boxers. he presses his hand on his aching length, hissing at his sensitivity. god he needs you bad. but he decides he’ll be patient, waiting for your patience to snap instead.
you push a finger inside your clenching hole, sighing at the stimulation. it isn’t enough to make you cum, but heeseung watching makes it that much better. his eyes are locked on your pussy, the way your clit throbs, the way you clench around one of your measly fingers (he knows his are thicker and longer, exactly what you deserve).
he tries to ignore the pulsing between his legs, but he’s a weak man. especially when it comes to you.
he slides his boxers down his legs, freeing his thick length for your eyes to feast on.
heeseung truly has no idea how big he is. you were the woman who took his virginity, gave him his first handjob and blowjob, even his first kiss. you’ve been together for three years, hooked up plenty of times, but he always needs to stretch you out beforehand.
at first, he never understood why, but he figured it was normal.
he in fact is not a normal man with a normal cock.
the first handful of times you guys had sex, it took 30 minutes just for him to bottom out.
which brings you to now, watching his hand grip his base. even his hand (that is way larger than yours), can barely wrap around him. he has length and girth. and you’re the only person who will ever know the pleasure he’s so desperate to provide.
he squeezes his dick, drops of precum practically spilling out of his tip, if you didn’t know him, you’d have thought he just came. but no, his balls match his cock in the sense that they are large and have a lot of cum to give.
he swipes his palm over his wet tip, groaning at the sensitivity. he’s so hard it hurts.
you both sit across from each other, pleasuring yourselves. the scene is erotic and the sounds are just as bad. he’s groaning every time his hand moves up and down, and you’re moaning, pumping your fingers in and out of your clenching hole.
“ba—baby can i—please.. touch you,” he says through grunts. you let out a loud moan, basking in how desperate he is to please you. “not yet, my love.”
he whimpers, cock aching, hips bucking up into his fist rapidly. you look so hot all spread out, fingering yourself. he just wants to lend a helping hand. you reach over to your nightstand, and pull out a box. a box he knows all too well. inside are toys, a variety. you reach in and grab a dildo. one you guys used when heeseung was prepping you to take him.
you lay down on the bed with your head resting on your plush pillows, sliding the toy down in between your legs, gathering your slick to use as lube.
heeseung’s eyes are bulging out of his head. he’s never seen a hotter sight, feeling like he’s missing out. that should be his cock you’re using, not some silicon toy that won’t give you pleasure like he can.
he decides this is fair and sits there, hand not moving anymore, just resting by his side. you take a glance at him before sliding the toy in your awaiting hole, his rock hard dick is resting on his abs, drooling precum.
you don’t waste any time. having taken this dildo before, you slide it right in, moaning at the slight stretch. heeseung then moves to the bed, resting on the edge, watching you intently.
he doesn’t move to touch you, he knows his place. he just watches you fuck yourself on a toy. his anger and impatience starts to rise because that should be him fucking you.
all of a sudden, he gets an idea, and slots himself between your legs. not touching you, just slowly stroking his cock while you slide the toy in and out, moaning.
you tilt your head back up, locking eyes with a smug heeseung.
“go on, baby, fuck yourself with that thing.” he grins. you don’t say anything in response, just picking up the pace at which you fuck yourself with the toy, eyes never leaving his. he jerks off faster and before you know it, thick ropes of cum land all over your torso. with a loud groan, his pace slows down, allowing him to ride out his high. just as he thinks he’s nearing the end, you cum around the silicon dildo, but this time feels different.
your head is tilted back, eyes rolling into your head so hard you think they’ll get stuck. it isn’t until you feel his presence on top of you that you open your eyes. you look down and realize you squirted all over him. his hair is a bit wet, his torso is soaked, and your sheets are damp.
“fucked yourself so hard you squirted, huh?” you gulp. he has never looked so authoritative, and yet, you feel a familiar throbbing between your legs, signalling you wanted, no you needed more.
heeseung hurriedly flips you over, throwing the small dildo to the corner of the room and plants his hands on your hips.
you look over your shoulder and remove his hands, “what’d i say, hee? no hands.” he just smirks at you and lines his swollen tip to your tiny hole.
“ready, princess?” he says too smug, and you just whimper, “yes, please. need it—need you.”
before you have time to close your mouth from speaking, he thrusts into you, barely able to fit half of him in one motion.
you release the loudest moan he’s heard from you, and stills, allowing you to adjust. it hasn’t been long since you last had sex with him, but he makes it feel like your first. every. time. and you never get sick of it.
he grunts from the tightness, it’s almost painful. he can’t even move with how you clench around him. “fuck—still so tight, baby,” he moans out at the sensation. he can feel you all too well—the way to clench, the way you pulse. it’s nearly too much for both of you.
he feels like he could cum just from this, but he pushes the feeling down, not wanting to cum straight away. “you okay?” he wills himself to say despite the snug feeling of your walls clamping down. “y-yeah,” you mutter, already looking fucked out.
you try to adjust to the feeling, getting needier by the second. thinking he’s sheathed fully inside you, you look back and realize he’s barely halfway inside. at the realization, you moan into your pillow, arching your back further.
heeseung’s using all of his willpower to not touch you, but fuck. it’s hard (pun intended).
noticing your more relaxed state, he pushes his hips further, when you grab his arms and pull him forward. he lands with his chest to your back, cock plunged all the way inside.
you both moan so loud, you think the neighbors will come knocking.
“hee,” you groan out, gripping the sheets so tight, your knuckles turn white.
“it’s okay baby, breathe” he says softly, resting his cheek on your back and bringing a hand up to rub your swollen clit, to ease the discomfort.
he smiles against your back when he hears little moans leaving your lips, “fuck so proud of your for taking me so fast,” he grunts, your walls still squeezing his raging cock.
as your breathing has stabilized a bit, you move to prop yourself up on your elbows, wanting him to hear every filthy noise that comes out.
he lifts himself off of your back, staring down at where you two are connected, seeing his large cock plunged into your tiny cunt. the slight is enough to make him drool. no feeling could beat your velvety walls wrapped around him so snug and tight. he’s never felt this good or satisfied.
all he knew before you was his right hand.
“feel like i’m gonna cum,” your lips form a slight pout, not wanting to cum so early. his fingers are still working your clit, rubbing in tight, controlled circles.
you whimper his name, and he already knows. he presses his hips closer to your stretched out hole, somehow sheathing another inch inside you, and that's all it takes for you to unravel.
“cumming!” you blurt out as he feels you convulse on his cock. “cream this dick, angel.” the way you grip his cock nearly makes his mind slip into subspace. he’s so far gone, lost in the pleasure you provide him. his mind is hazy, the only thing slipping from his lips is your name.
you shove your face into the pillow even further, muffling your screams, wanting to be wary of your neighbors.
heeseung’s not having it.
he slowly pulls your hair into a ponytail, and brings your head up, whispering against your head, “c’mon baby, let me hear you, hm?”
and that’s where your resolve breaks, you want his hands everywhere, you need him to touch you. “hee… touch me—fuck please,” you whimper.
he releases your hair and brings both of his hands up, cupping your tits. he takes one hand and softly pinches your nipple, swirling it between his fingers.
your walls clamp down harder, if that was even possible, earning a groan from heeseung.
the feeling of your walls alone has him emptying his load deep inside you. even worse, he hasn’t even moved the whole time he’s been inside you.
“fuck” he grunts, his shaft pulsing inside you with each rope of his sticky cum that paints your walls.
you moan, feeling his tip release rope, after rope inside your fluttering hole.
he’s lodged so deep, his cum doesn’t have to go far to reach your womb.
heeseung brings his hands away from your tits to find home on your belly. more specifically, where a bulge has been formed, ever since he first slid inside you.
he presses down slightly, able to feel how far he is inside your guts.
you moan, a familiar coil winding tightly right where his hand is.
he takes that sign as a green light and slowly pulls out, barely halfway, before plunging right back in.
your both reduced to moaning messes, chasing yet another high. the lewd, wet sounds coming from where you guys are connected, make you hide your face between your arms, heat creeping to your cheeks.
heeseung pulls out of you and flips you both over, so you’re on top of him. “nuh uh, don’t hide your beautiful face—” he gets cut off with a whimper that emerges from his mouth when he feels you bouncing on him.
you lift your hips up, then right back down, feeling him even deeper than before.
even after cumming a second time, he was still hard. he could never get enough of you. the only girl he’s ever known, inside and out.
“hee, s’big” you let out under your breath. his mouth is suddenly dry, he’s at a loss for words. you look absolutely stunning on top of him. so he whimpers. continuously, while you let praises slip from your lips. lots of “feels so good,” “you’re so deep,” and of course, loud, loud moans.
your hands rest on heeseung’s abs, lightly tracing each divot and running over the smooth skin of his chest.
his abs tighten, the feeling of your tight walls wrapped around his aching cock, and the stimulation of your soft fingers on his skin drives him even closer to the edge.
he grips your hips and holds you up, starting to thrust into you at a rapid pace. throwing his head back he grunts, “fuck so tight. relax for me baby, please.”
“c-can’t, feel s-s’full,” you manage to get out.
you’re on the edge. heeseung’s thrusts have not slowed down at all, keeping the same, fast, steady pace.
he’s everywhere in your guts, rearranging them and he isn’t even going as hard as he can.
you’re both worn out, having cum twice, but you mutually agreed a third high is right around the corner.
heeseung feels your walls clamping tighter and tighter which can only mean one thing—you’re close. and he silently thanks the gods because he’s been putting off his third orgasm since he flipped you both. the visual of you on top of him, boobs bouncing in his face, is always too much.
he picks up the pace and brings a hand to your clit, pressing down just the right amount. you hiss at the sensitivity, starting to meet his thrusts by bouncing down when he’s thrusting up.
he starts to rub your clit in circles, and within seconds, you’re releasing on him with a loud whine. clamping down on his dick, heeseung releases your hips, letting himself still inside your sopping cunt while he cums.
he cums so much you feel it slip down your legs, coating his cock.
you collapse on top of him, the sticky mess between you both being the least of your worries.
breathing heavy, heeseung is the first to break the silence. “i really am sorry. for what i said, and what happened at the club. i was stupid and said the wrong thing. the worst thing.” you sigh and press a kiss to his sweaty cheek, “i can’t pretend what you said didn’t hurt me, but i forgive you. i love you too much to let something like this come between us. let’s just talk next time, yeah? when we aren’t too emotionally unstable or under the influence.”
hearing your words, heeseung smiles. a genuine smile, one that reaches his eyes. he presses a soft and tender kiss to your lips, mumbling an ‘i love you more’ that doesn’t go unnoticed.
nothing else is said between you both, but it doesn’t matter.
the past three days have been hell. but this—this was heaven, and it was yours again.
[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250524
perm taglist: @yunnchip @kristynaaah (send an ask/comment to be tagged!!)
#enhypen#angst#kpop#kpop smut#enhypen fanfic#enhypen heeseung#enhypen x reader#enha#heeseung x reader#heeseung smut#lee heeseung#heeseung imagines#heeseung#kpop fluff#engene#enha smut#lee heeseung smut#enhypen smut#jaeyuniversal
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˗ˏˋ02. MOAN FOR THE CAMERA



pairingᝰ.ᐟ lee heeseung x fem reader
warningsᝰ.ᐟ unprotected sex, grinding, praise kink, soft dom! heeseung, overstimulation, etc.
natty's notesᝰ.ᐟ mdni, hate comments will be deleted.
statusᝰ.ᐟ 2/9 completed!
──
it has been a week since you got the message.
seven days since your phone lit up with his user for the first time. seven days since those words slid across your screen and rewired the chemistry in your chest—since that simple, perfect sentence cracked something open inside of you and refused to let it close again.
god, you were so fucking hot. why don’t you let me see what more you’re capable of doing?
you didn’t answer at first. not out of disinterest or shock, but because your breath caught in your throat and refused to let go. because your body lit up in a way it hadn’t in years. because the sudden heat that flooded your skin felt so raw, so consuming, you didn’t know if it came from fear or desire or both. you stared at the message in the dark of your room, the sound of your breath uneven, your fingers hovering over the screen like it might burn you.
and then you said yes.
you haven’t looked away from him since.
you haven’t stopped thinking about the way his voice curls into your ears, low and patient and warm with something just shy of menace—how he never tries to impress you, never tries to talk himself up, just says what he means and means what he says. you still haven’t seen his face. not fully. he’s careful with his camera, careful with his angles, his hair always falling into the frame and covering the details that might make him feel too real. but that doesn’t matter. because it’s not his face that made you agree.
he told you his name on the third night. not dramatically. not as a reveal. just tucked into the middle of a message like a comma.
heeseung. thought you should know.
and that was it. no last name. no photos. no follow-up. and for some reason, that made you trust it more.
the days since then have been slow and fast in turns. mornings feel stretched out, your body heavy with anticipation you don’t know how to burn off. nights feel electric—your phone screen the only light in the room, your fingers trembling as you read and reread everything he sends. he’s not always sweet. he’s not always careful. but he always makes you feel seen. he always reminds you that you said yes. and you keep saying yes, over and over, in every message you return.
until this morning, when the yes had to become real.
because today’s the day. tonight’s the night. and he’s waiting.
your bag is half-packed. your body is half-numb. you’ve been staring into your closet for twenty minutes now, unsure of what it means to dress for someone who’s already seen you at your most bare—someone who watched you fall apart in silence, whose voice sat in your head while your fingers pushed deeper into yourself than they ever had before.
he told you to bring whatever makes you feel good.
and you wish you knew what that was.
you tug down a black lace lingerie, something you bought months ago and never wore—something that felt too bold, too obvious, too much skin. you smooth it out over your bed with slow, reverent hands, then lay a silk robe beside it. then another option. then another. the pile grows until it looks more like you’re preparing to become someone else than getting dressed. because maybe that’s what this is. not a costume. not a mask. but a version of yourself that hasn’t been touched yet. one that only lives in the shadow of a camera light.
you fold everything slowly. precise. intentional. like the way you pack will dictate the way he undresses you.
be ready by 7.
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you don’t remember the drive—not in any clear way, not in the kind of way that leaves images you can describe. you remember the sound of your bag shifting across the seat beside you, the constant press of your thighs against each other beneath your hoodie, the way your fingers curled into the hem like they were holding on for stability. you remember the driver didn’t speak, and you were grateful. you didn’t think you could have formed a sentence anyway. the city moved around you in streaks and shadows, lights bleeding into the windows like soft threats, buildings you couldn’t name passing in patterns you didn’t register. your stomach stays tight the whole way, curled in on itself with the kind of heat that makes you feel nauseous, but not sick. it wasn’t fear in the way most people feel fear. it was quieter. heavier. like your body was preparing itself for something it had never done before, but had already decided it would endure.
the car slows, and you know before the driver says anything that you’ve arrived. something in your chest drops, cold and sudden, and it stays there as you look out the window. the building is sleek. modern. smooth walls and quiet lighting. tall glass that reflects just enough to keep the inside hidden. it looks expensive. clinical. the kind of place people rent for short terms, the kind of place that doesn’t hold stories—just moments.
your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you flinch even though you were expecting it.
unit 603.
you stare at the words, fingers gripping your phone tighter than you mean to. your eyes trace the message once, then again. it’s not dramatic. not aggressive. just information. a direction. a point of no return.
your lips part. not to speak—just to breathe. just to test if you still can. you turn your head toward the driver, your mouth opens like you might ask him to keep going, to turn the car around, to pretend none of this happened. maybe you’ll say you made a mistake. maybe you’ll lie and say you have the wrong building. maybe you won’t say anything at all—you’ll just go home, crawl into bed, and forget that this ever felt real enough to chase. but you don’t. the air stays trapped in your throat, and the words never come.
because you remember why you’re here.
you remember the numbers at the bottom of your bank statement. you remember the rent due in four days. you remember the red stamp on that envelope and the way you stood in the corner of your kitchen with your heart thudding so loud it felt like it might shake your teeth loose. you remember your first video—the shaky way your hands touched your skin, the breathy little moans you tried to bite back, the way your legs trembled when you came—and how that one night covered groceries for the week. the one that paid for a quarter of your tuition bill. you remember the messages. the tips. the strange little thrill that came with being seen.
so you open the door and step out into the cold.
the night wraps around you immediately. the air has a bite to it—nothing violent, just enough to raise goosebumps along the backs of your thighs. you adjust your hoodie and sling your bag higher onto your shoulder as you approach the building, heart thumping with a rhythm that doesn’t match your pace. the inside is even quieter than it looked from the outside—soft lighting, clean tile, no front desk, no noise. you walk toward the elevator like your body’s been programmed to do it, and when the doors open with a sound that feels too loud in your ears, you step inside and keep your eyes down.
the mirrored walls don’t help. they catch you from every angle, all soft curves and stiff limbs and the subtle trembling of your fingers where they press against your thigh. you don’t look at your face. you know what you’ll see. too much. too vulnerable. too obvious.
the ride is short but unbearable.
each number lights up like a warning.
and then the doors part again, and you’re stepping into a hallway that looks like all the others—long, narrow, lit with warm bulbs that hum faintly overhead. the carpet swallows the sound of your steps. you feel like a ghost. like someone halfway between becoming and undoing.
unit 603 is near the end.
you don’t rush toward it. you walk slowly. deliberately. like your body is stalling, trying to delay what’s inevitable. like maybe if you just slow down enough, the tension will go away. the heat in your stomach will ease.
it doesn’t.
you stop in front of the door and just stand there. you don’t reach for the handle. you don’t knock. you don’t breathe. you just… exist, trembling slightly, caught in the kind of silence that feels like it should be protected.
your eyes drop to your feet. you shift your weight. the strap of your bag digs into your shoulder, and your hand reaches for it without thinking, like it might steady you. your other hand hovers near the door, fingers flexing once, twice, like they want to touch something they don’t believe they deserve.
you don’t knock.
you don’t have to.
you could leave.
you could turn around right now. no one’s seen you yet. you could head back to the elevator, back down to the street, call a new ride, go home, crawl into your bed and cry about it later. tell yourself you’ll find a different way to get the money. a different life.
your heel shifts.
your body starts to turn.
and then, quietly—smoothly—the door opens.
you freeze.
the hallway holds its breath with you.
you don’t know what you expected to see. you don’t know what you hoped he’d look like. you don���t know if you even dared to imagine. maybe you thought he wouldn’t answer. maybe you thought you’d stand out here until the hallway lights went out and the quiet pressed into your lungs so tightly you couldn’t take it anymore. maybe you thought you’d be strong enough to leave.
but now the door is open.
and he’s real.
and everything in your body goes still.
your eyes widen instantly, and for a full second—maybe two—you forget how to move. your fingers curl tighter around the strap of your bag, breath caught at the base of your throat, chest tightening like it’s reacting to something it never thought it would see in real life. because there he is. standing just inches from you. real. solid. and so painfully beautiful it almost feels cruel.
he’s tall, taller than you imagined, his frame filling the doorway with a presence that makes everything behind him blur. his body is broad and built in a way that feels effortless, like he was never trying to be impressive—he just is. his arms are bare, exposed by the loose black tank that clings to the outline of his torso and drapes perfectly over the swell of his chest. his skin is smooth and golden, glowing faintly under the warm hall light, veins barely visible where they run down his thick forearms. he looks strong in the way that matters—not for show, not posed—but like he knows how to use every inch of himself. like he could hold you up and tear you open in the same breath.
his hair is the same cotton candy pink from his previews, but messier now—soft strands falling over his forehead in loose waves, the ends curling just slightly where they brush against his temple. it looks like he’s been running his hands through it all day, and the idea of those hands—big, rough, ringed—tangled in your hair, gripping your hips, wrapped around your throat—makes your stomach twist so tightly you have to shift your weight. a few strands cling to the side of his cheek, the light catching on the moisture like maybe he just showered, or maybe he’s been waiting. pacing. preparing.
his ears are a constellation of silver, pierced through with hoops and cuffs and studs that glitter faintly each time he shifts. one of them dangles slightly—a thin, delicate chain brushing the edge of his jaw. and then your eyes land on his mouth.
and you stop thinking altogether.
his lips are almost too pink. full, soft-looking, the kind that look like they’d leave a stain on your skin no matter where they touched. he has the faintest indent of a bite mark on the lower one, like he’d been chewing at it without realizing, and it glistens slightly with the sheen of spit or gloss or both. you don’t know if you want to kiss him or watch him speak. maybe both. maybe forever.
and then his eyes meet yours.
brown. impossibly dark, but warm. deep in a way that makes you feel like you’ve already said too much, like he’s pulling the truth out of you just by looking. they glimmer faintly in the low light, lined with thick lashes that make him look devastatingly pretty and disarmingly unreadable all at once. there’s a slight drop to his gaze, heavy-lidded like he’s already seeing you undressed. like he’s been seeing you that way from the moment you said yes.
they remind you of boba pearls—glossy and rich and bottomless. and just as dangerous. you feel like you could fall into them without realizing you were drowning until it was already too late.
you’re frozen.
completely and utterly off guard.
this is not what you expected. not what you prepared for. not the image you tried to sketch in your head based on his previews. you thought he might be attractive, sure—maybe even cocky. you assumed he’d be confident, comfortable in his skin, maybe a little smug about how much he’s watched you. but this?
this is something else entirely.
he’s not just beautiful. he’s unreal. he looks like something that stepped out of the fantasy you didn’t even know how to finish. and he’s looking at you like you’re the one that took too long to arrive.
he smirks, soft and knowing.
“i knew you’d still be here.”
his voice doesn’t just sound good. it sounds dangerous. smooth and rich and low enough to sink through the fabric of your hoodie and press directly into your skin. it’s slower than you expected, a little raspier, like it’s made for private conversations and whispered commands. it doesn’t rise above a murmur, but it fills the space between you completely. it curls under your ears and down your neck and makes your stomach dip so hard it steals your balance for half a second.
you swallow, but your throat is dry.
your heart flutters violently against your ribs, pounding loud enough you wonder if he can hear it. your lips part slightly, maybe to say something, maybe just to breathe, but no sound comes out. your tongue feels too heavy. your mouth is too unsure. and the last thing you want to do is stutter over yourself while he’s standing there, relaxed and perfect and waiting.
your eyebrows pinch together without meaning to—just a small, confused furrow, like your body is trying to process what your brain can’t catch up to. you hadn’t thought this far ahead. hadn’t planned for what it would feel like to be seen like this. not through a screen. not through a message. but here. in person. under his eyes.
you thought you were prepared.
you were wrong.
he doesn’t say anything at first. he just stands there in the doorway, holding it open like it weighs nothing, while your whole body feels impossibly heavy. his gaze is steady, quiet, unwavering—not intense, not invasive, just there. patient. like he’s not surprised you showed up, like he always knew you would. like this moment was never a question.
when he finally shifts to the side, it’s a small, effortless movement—barely more than a step—but it sends something sharp through your chest. he doesn’t gesture. he doesn’t usher you in or flash a grin or try to ease the nerves that are curling tighter in your stomach. he just opens the space. clears the path. leaves it entirely up to you.
you hesitate for a beat longer than you mean to. the hallway feels colder now, the air thinner somehow. your fingers twitch where they’re clenched around the strap of your bag, your heartbeat pressing against the inside of your ribs like it wants out. but your legs move. maybe from instinct, maybe from need, maybe because part of you knows that if you don’t do it now, you never will.
you cross the threshold.
the air inside is warm—soft and still, carrying the faintest trace of something unfamiliar and expensive, something dark and clean and musky like amber or smoke. it hits you in a slow wave, curling up your nose and settling in the back of your throat. you take a shallow breath, then another, but it doesn’t help. everything feels too quiet now. too private. the silence inside the apartment is thicker than the silence outside, not empty, but full—of tension, of weight, of waiting. like the walls know what’s about to happen. like they’ve already seen it a hundred times.
you take a few careful steps forward and stop just inside, unsure what to do with yourself. unsure where to stand, unsure what to look at. your body is taut with nerves and anticipation, your hands suddenly too aware of themselves. your mouth is dry. the sound of the door clicking closed behind you is sharp in your ears, the lock sliding into place like a thread being pulled tight.
you don’t turn to look at him. you can’t. not yet.
his apartment is clean, but not in a soulless way. everything is curated. intentional. the lights are low and warm, tucked beneath shelves and mounted in corners, glowing like dusk instead of buzzing like daylight. the walls are matte, smooth concrete or something close to it, and the furniture is dark—black, deep gray, the kind of colors that drink light instead of reflecting it. a massive bed dominates the space, not tucked into a corner, not hidden behind doors, but bold and unashamed in the middle of the room. the sheets are dark. rumpled. there's a throw blanket tangled at the end, half falling over the side. and scattered around the perimeter of the space, you spot his gear—tripods, light stands, cameras. they’re sleek and familiar, but somehow more intimidating now that they’re not behind a screen.
he gestures toward the kitchen with a small tilt of his head, his hand brushing lightly against your lower back as he leads the way, not forceful—just present. his touch is gentle, careful, a whisper against fabric that leaves warmth in its place as you follow the slow rhythm of his stride. the kitchen glows in soft amber light, casting long shadows across the clean counters and illuminating the faint sheen of condensation on the glass he’s set out for you. it’s quiet here, the kind of quiet that doesn’t press but cradles, wrapping around your shoulders like a weighted blanket. he moves like the silence belongs to him, like he’s always known how to make space feel soft instead of suffocating. the air smells like faint vanilla and spice, like clean linen and a memory you can’t name. you slide onto the stool he pulled out for you, your palms damp against your thighs, the hem of your hoodie gathered loosely in your grip. heeseung remains standing across from you, arms braced on the counter, eyes soft but intent as they meet yours.
“before anything else,” he begins, voice low and smooth, every word laid down like silk on stone, “i want to talk about boundaries.” he doesn’t blink too much when he speaks, doesn’t fidget, just holds your gaze with something steady, like it’s not a challenge but a promise. his hands spread slightly against the marble surface, fingers relaxed, the veins on his forearms faint but visible beneath warm skin. he’s not performing. he’s not playing a part. it’s in the way he waits—silent after each phrase, giving you room to process, not expecting your answer before you’re ready to offer it. “if there’s anything you don’t want to do, say it. if you change your mind mid-way, say it. we stop whenever you say stop, and i won’t ask why.” there’s nothing rehearsed in his tone, no false sweetness, only care shaped by confidence and restraint.
you nod slowly, your eyes dipping toward the glass he set in front of you, its surface dewy against the soft light. your throat is dry, but your voice finds its way through the haze, low and hesitant but certain. “i’m okay with most things,” you say, the words trembling slightly as they leave your lips. he nods as you speak, never interrupting, never shifting his weight too abruptly, like he wants you to feel the space between each word instead of rushing past it. “but it’s been a while,” you admit, your shoulders curling inward slightly, your hands clasping together in your lap. he doesn’t react with surprise or even curiosity—just attentiveness, the kind that feels like a door being held open instead of a window being peered into. “and… i don’t want to show my face,” you finish, the truth dropping into the space between you with more weight than anything else you’ve said. “i want to stay anonymous.”
his expression doesn’t flicker, doesn’t shift into confusion or disappointment—it deepens, softens even, like your request settles into place with ease. “we’ll work around that,” he says, the certainty in his voice firm enough to anchor you, even as your nerves start to pool low in your stomach again. “no face, no identifiers. close shots, over-the-shoulder angles, shallow focus. i’ve done it before, and it works.” he moves slightly, adjusting the way he leans against the counter, one hand tapping once against the glass as if to ground the moment. “this is about what makes you feel good, not what the camera sees,” he adds, voice dipping even lower, like it’s meant to reach beneath your skin. “if you don’t want the world to know it’s you, then they won’t.” your chest eases at that, something unspoken unraveling in your lungs. he doesn’t ask why. he just honors the request like it’s law.
you look up at him then, really look, and his gaze hasn’t drifted once—it’s still locked to yours, patient, open, unreadable but safe. he hasn’t made a single move to close the distance between you again, even though it would be easy. his restraint isn’t cold—it’s reverent, like he’s watching you bloom slowly and doesn’t want to bruise the petals. “thank you,” you say, quieter this time, the words heavy with relief you didn’t realize you were holding. he nods, a small motion that carries more weight than it should, then steps back just enough to gesture toward the hallway. “bathroom’s on the left if you want to change,” he says. “take your time.” you slide off the stool with a breath you didn’t know you were holding, your legs moving on instinct, the pulse between your ribs still uneven but quieter now. you clutch your bag loosely, fingers curled around the strap like a lifeline, and head towards the quiet hall.
the bathroom is clean and warm, wrapped in that same subtle scent of something smooth and expensive and low—soap and eucalyptus and a hint of whatever lived beneath his skin. you lock the door behind you gently, setting your bag on the closed toilet lid, your reflection already waiting for you in the wide mirror. the light here is softer than expected, casting a muted glow over the white tile and catching faintly on the metal fixtures, making everything feel a little too clear. you unzip your bag slowly, each sound exaggerated in the quiet, each movement deliberate but hesitant. the fabric of your hoodie feels heavier now, like it doesn’t want to be peeled away, but you force your hands to keep moving. you fold your jeans with care and lift the set from your bag, the lace cool against your fingers. you pull it on carefully, the straps snug where they wrap around your shoulders, the softness of the fabric suddenly feeling like too much.
you face the mirror again, eyes sweeping slowly over the new version of yourself standing there—exposed, yes, but not ruined. the lingerie hugs you in all the places you thought you wanted to hide, lifting and shaping you into something elegant, something quiet but striking. but even as you look, your stomach knots. you think of the camera. of your body in motion. of being watched, of being remembered. of existing somewhere outside yourself. the doubts creep in slowly, delicate as poison—what if you look awkward? what if you can’t do it? what if he’s disappointed the second he sees you? your fingers brace against the sink, palms flat, knuckles pale, your breathing shallow and uneven. for a moment, you wonder if you should leave before it starts.
but then you think of his voice again—measured, thoughtful, unrushed. you’re in control here. you remember how he looked at you—not like something to consume, but something to hold, to coax open with time. your chest rises and falls once more, slower this time, deeper, steadier. you adjust one last strap, swipe your thumb beneath your bottom lip, and blink once at your reflection. she doesn’t look scared anymore. she looks like someone beginning. you reach for the doorknob and step out into the hallway, the cool air brushing against your skin, your pulse quickening with every step back toward him. and you know, as your bare feet sink silently into the dark flooring—that you’re about to let someone see you, truly, maybe for the first time.
when you return to the room, the silence greets you like a held breath, still and warm and heavier now, coiled around the soft glow of ambient light and the faint hum of something electric in the walls. heeseung is standing near the kitchen still, his posture easy but not casual, one hand resting lightly against the counter, the other falling slowly to his side as he looks at you. his eyes catch on the shape of you like he wasn’t prepared, like he thought he was but somehow still feels like the floor just dropped out beneath him. his gaze sweeps down, slow and deliberate, not in hunger but in reverence, like he’s taking in something rare he’s never seen in full daylight. he doesn’t speak right away, but the silence between you blooms like a confession, every second weighted with something unspoken but deeply understood. your bare feet shift against the hardwood, the coolness of it whispering up your calves, grounding you even as your breath begins to shallow. his lips part slightly, like he wants to say something—maybe a compliment, maybe a request—but nothing comes. and then finally, slowly, he steps forward.
his approach is quiet, not calculated but intentional, his body moving like it already knows how not to startle you, how not to rush, how not to steal. he stops a foot away from you, eyes still holding yours, one corner of his mouth lifted in something soft, something just shy of a smile. you can feel the heat radiating off of him now, feel the quiet pressure of his presence like it’s brushing against your collarbone, your ribs, your thighs. his hand lifts slowly, fingers hovering just beside your arm, and he doesn’t touch you—just lets the air between your skin and his feel thicker than it should. his voice, when it comes, is low and quiet and perfectly clear. “can i show you where we’ll start?” he asks. your lips part, and your nod is small, breathless, but sure. he waits a second longer, then gently tilts his head toward the center of the room.
the bed looks larger now than it did earlier, all shadow and suggestion, the dark linens catching the warm light and folding it into softness. you follow him slowly, each step silent, deliberate, your nerves curling into your spine and blooming down your arms like smoke. the mattress dips faintly under your weight as you sit, the fabric cool beneath your thighs, your back straight but uncertain. heeseung lowers himself beside you, not quite touching, his knees bent and body angled toward yours like he’s shielding you from the rest of the room. his hand rests on the bed between you, close enough that your pinky grazes his knuckle, but he still doesn’t reach. his eyes find yours again, deeper now, full of something steadier than want. he breathes in, slow and even, his tongue wetting his bottom lip before he speaks. “can i kiss you?” he asks, and it’s not a whisper—it’s a vow.
your heart stutters in your chest, not from fear, not from surprise, but from the weight of being asked—of being given the choice. the air around you hums with heat, not the kind that scorches but the kind that builds, lingers, waits for ignition. you meet his eyes fully now, let yourself hold there, let him see what it means for you to say yes. your voice is quiet when it comes, but steady, a single word laced with permission. “yes.” he doesn’t move all at once—he moves like something precious, something unfolding, his hand lifting first to cup your jaw, fingers warm where they press against your cheek. your breath catches when he leans in, not because you’re afraid, but because you’ve never been kissed like this—not yet, not even now. his nose brushes yours, a breath shared in the space between, and then, gently, he closes the gap.
his lips are soft but sure, pressing against yours with a slow ache that makes your knees curl into the mattress and your fingers tighten in your lap. he kisses you like he’s reading you, like every tilt of his head is a question and every pull of his lips is an answer you didn’t know you could give. his hand stays on your jaw, his thumb tracing lightly against your cheekbone, grounding you even as your pulse picks up. there’s no rush, no hunger, no desperation—just heat, slow and sinking, pouring into your spine and rising up behind your ribs. you kiss him back with equal weight, not matching his rhythm but meeting it, finding your own within it. the room feels quieter now, the lights dimmer, the air denser with the sound of your shared breathing and the subtle hitch of your chest when he shifts closer. his other hand moves to your thigh, not gripping, just resting there, heavy and warm.
when he pulls back, it’s not abrupt—it’s a soft retreat, like he’s giving you time to breathe, to think, to want more. he stays close, his forehead resting lightly against yours, the bridge of his nose brushing your own, his thumb still stroking your cheek. his eyes are closed for a moment, and when they open again, there’s something darker in them—still soft, but heavier now, like want coiled behind patience. you don’t speak. you don’t need to. your body is already leaning forward again, your lips parting just slightly as your breath mingles with his. he waits, just a second, just to be sure, and then you feel the kiss again—deeper this time, fuller, still slow but firmer, like he’s letting go of a layer he’d been holding back. your hand lifts to his chest, pressing lightly against the cotton of his shirt, feeling the heat of him through the fabric, the steady beat of his heart.
you’re not sure when it happens—when your thighs brush, when his hand slides slightly higher on your leg, when your breath comes faster—but it’s there now, pulsing between your bodies. you’re not overwhelmed. you’re alive. every nerve alert, every part of you tuned to the press of his mouth and the pressure of his palm and the low sound he makes when your lips part just enough for him to taste you. it’s not just a kiss—it’s something more deliberate. a grounding. a beginning. and it feels exactly like it should. when he pulls away again, his eyes meet yours, searching—not for doubt, but for reassurance, for confirmation that you’re still here, still with him, still choosing this. and you are.
he doesn’t rush the question—he asks it like he’s offering you the last word in a language only the two of you speak. “are you ready?” heeseung says, and it sounds less like a formality and more like a thread of silk brushing across your skin, soft and waiting. you pause for half a breath, letting the moment linger there between your chest and his voice, letting it settle just behind your ribs. you meet his eyes, steady now, your heart loud but your voice quiet and sure. “yes,” you answer, and it lands softly, but it rings through the room like a bell. heeseung gives you a single nod—silent, smooth, composed—and then turns slightly toward the camera. the lens is positioned precisely, angled just enough to capture the space you share while keeping your identity untouched. he reaches for the remote resting on the bedside table, presses one button, and the soft red light comes on.
the room doesn’t change when it starts recording—it just feels heavier. the silence stretches a little longer, the air thickens a little deeper, and your skin starts to feel like it’s holding more than just heat. he doesn’t turn to the camera. he doesn’t acknowledge the lens. his eyes are on you, and only you. heeseung takes a slow breath and shifts his position on the bed, moving a little closer, the dip of the mattress drawing your knees toward his. his hand reaches up, fingertips brushing lightly against your jaw, and his touch is warm, sure, almost grounding. he watches your reaction like it’s the only thing he needs to see to move forward—like your body gives permission long before your mouth does. “can i kiss you?” he asks again, even now, when you’ve already said yes to everything else. and when you nod—small, breathless, trembling a little—he moves in with a reverence that feels like worship.
his lips meet yours with the kind of care that makes your chest ache, a kiss not rushed or shallow but deliberate, slow and full of intention. he doesn’t press for more than you give—he lets the rhythm unfold with time, lets your lips part when they’re ready, lets the tension curl warm and slow between your knees. his hand stays cradling your cheek, thumb stroking the soft skin just beneath your eye, as if he’s memorizing the exact way you feel beneath his fingers. your breath stutters slightly when the kiss deepens, when his mouth opens just enough to taste you, when your tongue brushes his in something quiet but certain. his other hand finds your thigh again, not moving higher, not demanding, just resting there—heavy and warm and present. you kiss him back with something softer than desperation, something more vulnerable than lust. your fingers twitch, aching to hold onto something, and when they finally curl into the edge of his shirt, he lets out a breath that sounds a little too much like relief.
he doesn’t speak when he pulls back—he just watches you, eyes dark and steady, breathing a little heavier than before. your forehead brushes his, your mouths still so close they could reunite with a single breath, and the quiet feels louder now than anything else in the room. you feel his fingers flex against your thigh once, like he’s holding something back, like he’s still giving you room to shift or stop or say anything else. but you don’t. you just nod again, slower this time, your eyes half-lidded, mouth still tingling with the press of his. “good,” he whispers, and the word moves through you like heat. then his hand slides—just slightly, just above your knee—tracing the edge of your thigh with the same patience he kissed you with.
his lips find yours again before the silence can thicken too much, and this time the kiss is heavier, more certain, laced with the tension that’s been building since you stepped inside his apartment. his hand doesn’t rush higher, doesn’t slide beneath your lace just yet—it just lingers, exploring the softness of your skin in slow strokes that burn like silk dragged over bare flame. you part your lips more eagerly now, letting him taste the corners of your breath, letting his tongue find yours in something messier, something that leaves your lungs stuttering and your thighs tightening together. your fingers drag up his chest, slow and careful, the fabric of his shirt warm beneath your touch, the steady drum of his heart loud enough to match your own. heeseung groans softly against your mouth when your grip tightens—low and hushed, like the sound slipped out without permission.
when he pulls back again, it’s only to look at you—really look, his gaze trailing from your eyes down to your lips, then back again, lingering like he doesn’t know where he wants to settle most. your breathing is ragged now, lips kiss-bruised and chest rising in slow, uneven swells, your hands still resting against his collarbones like you’re afraid he might float away if you let go. his thumb brushes across your bottom lip once, dragging lightly over the spot where his teeth had pressed seconds before. “you okay?” he murmurs, not because he thinks you’re not—but because he wants to hear it from you. you nod again, slower this time, your voice catching in your throat as you answer. “yes,” you whisper, and your legs shift slightly where they’re tucked under you on the bed.
heeseung leans in again—not to kiss you this time, but to trail his nose down the curve of your cheek, to inhale the scent of your skin where it glows faintly warm. his lips press against the corner of your mouth, then the edge of your jaw, slow and reverent, like he’s tasting gratitude. his hand moves again, slightly higher this time, fingertips tracing the underside of your thigh, still careful, still asking. his lips find your collarbone, pressing once, then again, just beneath the strap of your lingerie. his teeth graze the edge of your skin there, not biting, just lingering, a question written in touch instead of speech. and when you tilt your head to give him more room, heeseung breathes out a soft, broken sound against your neck that makes your core clench and your pulse spike.
“you like that, baby?” he asks, his voice husky against your skin, his teeth grazing your shoulder—but never biting, never hard enough to leave a trace. you nod, breathless, and tilt your head back further, offering your throat like instinct, letting him kiss and suck and worship without ever crossing the boundary. his hand tightens gently around your thigh, holding you still as your hips roll against his palm, wetness soaking through the lace with each drag. the moan you let out is quiet but needy, slipping out against his ear as he nuzzles beneath it and hums in return.
his fingers pause just at the hem of the lace, the pads of them slipping under with a kind of patience that makes your lungs seize and your hips twitch. the fabric drags slightly against your folds as he shifts it to the side, the air hitting your bare heat and making you tremble despite the warmth of the room. he groans under his breath when he finally feels you, his fingertips gliding slowly through your slick, parting you so delicately it makes you clench around nothing. your thighs try to close out of reflex, but his palm presses gently against the inside of one, guiding them apart without force—just the weight of intent. his mouth is still at your neck, lips soft, kissing lazily beneath your jaw as if he isn’t already making you fall apart with nothing but his hand. “you’re soaked for me,” he breathes, lips brushing the edge of your earlobe now, and the sound of it nearly makes you whimper. his fingers drag through your folds again, this time stopping at your clit, circling it slowly in wet, aching spirals. you’re already shaking, your head dropping back slightly as the pleasure coils tighter in your core.
heeseung doesn’t rush the motion, doesn’t press harder than necessary, just works your clit with the kind of care that makes your vision blur and your body hum with electricity. his fingers are long and warm, slick with you, moving in soft, controlled circles that never lose rhythm, never falter. every time your hips shift to chase the pressure, he meets you halfway, adjusting the angle, letting you grind subtly against the heel of his palm. his other hand stays at your waist now, anchoring you in place, thumb rubbing gentle strokes into your hip like he’s reminding you to stay with him. his mouth hasn’t left your neck, only moved lower, teeth grazing your skin without ever biting, lips pressing over every place your pulse flutters wild beneath your flesh. “that’s it,” he whispers, low and soothing, “just like that, baby…” your breath is broken now, little gasps slipping out between parted lips, and you can barely keep your eyes open, your lashes fluttering as the pleasure builds deeper in your belly. your fingers reach for his arm, gripping at his wrist like it’s the only thing tethering you to the bed beneath you.
he kisses down your neck with the same rhythm he’s touching you, soft and unhurried, lips brushing along the delicate edge of your collarbone like he wants to memorize it with his mouth. your skin is warm beneath his tongue, flushed and trembling, and his breath leaves it damp as he continues to move lower. his fingers never stop working your clit, thumb pressed gently but firmly, circling in slow, wet loops that make your thighs twitch and your hips rock forward on instinct. you can feel the weight of him between your legs without him even being there yet, just his hand and his mouth and the thick tension swirling in your core like a storm waiting to snap. he lifts his head for a moment to look at you—eyes dark, wide, mouth flushed from kissing your skin—and the way he looks at you makes something ache deep in your chest. “you tell me if it’s too much, okay?” and when you nod, breathless and already shaking, he finally slides his middle finger down and pushes it slowly inside.
you gasp—high and sharp, your mouth falling open as the stretch hits, not painful but deep, too real, too much after so long without. his finger sinks in carefully, inch by inch, and he watches your face the whole time, like every twitch in your brow and shift in your hips is more important than anything else in the world. your walls pulse around him, already clenching tight, wet and warm and so reactive his jaw tightens with the effort of keeping his own hips still. he exhales against your collarbone and presses his lips there again, kissing gently as he begins to move the finger in and out, slow and shallow. his thumb keeps working your clit, synced perfectly with the curl of his finger as he searches for that spot inside you that will make you crumble. you can’t speak—your breath is too staggered, your moans too broken to shape into words—but the way your body arches toward him says enough. “fuck, you feel so good,” he murmurs, kissing just beneath the swell of your chest, his voice vibrating through your skin. “you’re perfect like this.”
your breath hitches when he curls the single finger inside you again, the slow glide of it dragging perfectly against your walls, thick and precise like he knows exactly where to touch without needing to be told. your body is already arching into him, your hips grinding down against his hand as the slick sounds between your thighs grow louder, needier, messier. he doesn’t tease—not once—he keeps the rhythm steady, intentional, with every motion designed to draw the tension higher, to coax your body open instead of ripping it wide. when your walls begin to flutter, tightening around him with the kind of resistance that begs for more, he presses a kiss to your sternum, right between your breasts, and lifts his head just slightly. “gonna give you two, baby,” he whispers, lips brushing over your skin as he speaks, his voice dark and low and reverent. “i want you to take it slow for me, yeah?” you nod, breathless, your nails digging into his forearm as his finger slowly pulls out. the moment his second finger presses in beside the first, your mouth falls open on a soft, broken moan. the stretch burns for a second, sharp and thick, but his thumb keeps circling your clit, and the pleasure blooms fast enough to swallow the sting.
his lips part as he watches the way your body reacts—your thighs trembling, your hips jerking up, your slick coating his fingers as he begins to move them in a slow, twisting rhythm that makes your stomach flutter. heeseung groans softly, his forehead brushing your chest as he sinks lower, dragging the flat of his tongue along the curve of your breast with aching care. “so fucking tight,” he breathes against your skin, his voice thick with restraint, his jaw clenched as your pussy clenches down on his fingers. “you feel unbelievable, baby.” his mouth moves to your breast, kissing softly over the top of it, then trailing down until his lips brush over your nipple through the thin lace. he sucks gently, just enough to make you whimper, and the combination of his mouth and his hand makes your eyes roll back into your head. his fingers curl inside you again, deeper this time, pressing right against that spot that makes your whole body jerk, and he doesn’t stop—he does it again, and again, and again. your back arches off the bed, your fingers clutching the sheets now, your breath coming in broken little pants that you can’t control.
he pulls the lace down with his teeth—slow and controlled, his mouth never leaving your skin—and when your nipple is bare, he takes it into his mouth like it’s something sacred. the suction is warm, wet, steady, and his tongue flicks just enough to make your core tighten dangerously around his fingers. every motion feels choreographed, like his entire body is synced to yours—your breath, your pulse, your need, all dictating the way he moves. his fingers fuck into you slow but deep, knuckles brushing your soaked entrance with every stroke, the squelch of your arousal thick in the air between your bodies. his thumb never leaves your clit, drawing small, precise circles that keep you trembling, unable to come down from the tension he keeps pulling tighter and tighter. “you’re doing so good,” he murmurs, voice muffled against your chest, “taking me so well, baby, just like that.” your hands move instinctively, threading into his hair, tugging gently at the soft strands as your head tips back into the pillow. he groans at the touch—low and needy—and his pace shifts slightly, fingers thrusting just a little faster, a little rougher, still watching your every breath.
your thighs begin to tremble uncontrollably, the pleasure peaking in your lower belly, every muscle tensing like you’re caught on the edge of something massive. you can barely speak, barely form a thought, the only thing in your mind is him—his hand, his mouth, the deep pull of his voice every time he praises you. he lets go of your nipple only to kiss a path across your chest to the other, his lips never leaving your skin, his breath fanning out over every inch he touches. “you gonna cum for me?” he whispers, his voice shaking now, wrecked with how wet you are, how tight you are, how you’ve soaked his hand with nothing but slow kisses and a little praise. “let me feel you cum, sweetheart.” your body jerks when his thumb presses harder against your clit, circling faster, and your moan breaks—loud, breathy, raw. your hips buck, your walls clamp down around his fingers, and everything inside you snaps.
you cum with a force that steals your breath, your body seizing beneath him, your voice reduced to high, desperate whimpers as the orgasm crashes through you. he doesn’t stop—his fingers slow but stay buried inside you, his thumb softening into soothing strokes, guiding you through the aftershocks as your legs tremble and your stomach flutters. his lips kiss over your chest again, murmuring sweet, quiet things into your skin—“so good for me,” “so beautiful,” “you’re perfect like this”—until the tension in your limbs begins to fade. he finally pulls his fingers out, slowly, carefully, and your pussy twitches with the absence, fluttering around nothing, still dripping with your release. he lifts his hand, coated in your slick, and glances at you once with heat in his eyes before licking his fingers clean, slow and shameless. your chest rises and falls in uneven waves, your eyes glassy, your thighs sticky and trembling where they rest open. and all he does is smile—soft, sinful, and absolutely wrecked—with the taste of you still on his tongue.
he climbs over you slowly, the mattress shifting with his weight as he settles between your legs, his thighs bracketing yours while your slick coats the sheets beneath you. his hands press gently into your hips, guiding you back into the center of the bed, keeping you open for him as his mouth finds your throat again. you feel the heavy drag of his cock through his sweatpants, thick and hard, pressing flush against your soaked slit with nothing but damp fabric between you. the sensation makes your head fall back into the pillow, a sharp gasp catching in your throat as your hips roll up, grinding against him without even meaning to. he groans, a low, guttural sound that vibrates in his chest and melts into the curve of your neck as his lips drag down to your shoulder. “fuck… you feel that?” he rasps, his hips rocking down just once, slow and deliberate, forcing a desperate moan from the back of your throat. he grinds again, firmer this time, the head of his cock catching perfectly against your clit through the soaked material, and it makes your eyes flutter closed. “so messy for me already, baby.”
your moan slips out before you can stop it, soft and high and cracked open with heat.
“heeseung…” his name trembling on your tongue like a secret that finally escaped. his whole body jerks at the sound, like he wasn’t expecting to hear it, like it did something to him that he wasn’t ready for. he lifts his head, eyes dark and wide and hungry, his breath hot against your cheek as his hand slides up to cup your jaw. “say that again,” he breathes, thumb brushing your bottom lip, voice low and tight like he’s barely holding it together. “please, baby—say my name again.” you do—whispered at first, then louder, your moan broken around it as your hips buck up into his again, grinding shamelessly into the thick line of his cock. “heeseung…” you whimper, and he lets out a sound that’s half a growl, half a praise, pressing his forehead to yours as his hips grind down harder. “fuck, just like that,” he groans. “keep saying it. don’t stop.”
you can barely think anymore, the friction dragging over your sensitive clit, your core still pulsing from your orgasm, your skin too hot and your breath too fast. heeseung keeps rocking against you, not thrusting, just grinding, slow and deep, letting the drag of his cock over your soaked folds speak for itself. every roll of his hips pushes a new moan from your mouth, and every time his name leaves your lips, his rhythm falters like he’s losing control one syllable at a time. he’s not speaking now—just breathing, hard and fast, his mouth open against your shoulder as he chases the pressure, the heat, the tension pulling tight in his spine. his hands are on your hips again, holding you down as you writhe beneath him, his name falling from your lips in messy, broken cries that make his cock twitch harder against you. “god, you’re driving me fucking insane,” he chokes out, grinding harder now, faster, like he needs the friction or he’s going to snap. “i could cum like this—just like this, fuck—just from you saying my name like that.”
you’re soaked again already, the wet drag of your pussy against his cock leaving a dark, sticky stain on his sweats, and the sound of it makes your face burn. he kisses your jaw again, his lips soft and reverent, like he’s grounding himself before he loses what little control he has left. “you make me so fucking hard, baby,” he groans, voice rough against your ear, “you don’t even know what you do to me.” his hips stutter as you arch up, grinding harder, needier, chasing the pressure and the weight of him and the sound of your name in his mouth. your fingers claw at his back now, slipping under his shirt, dragging your nails down the smooth muscle there as he grinds again and again. his name falls from your lips like a chant now, breathless and ruined and wrecked, and each time he reacts—his hips jerking, his teeth biting down on a moan, his hands gripping you tighter. “again,” he begs, lips at your throat. “say it again—please.”
heeseung pulls back just slightly, just enough to sit up on his knees between your thighs, the cool air brushing over your sticky skin in the wake of his body. his eyes never leave you as he lifts his shirt with one hand and tosses it aside, exposing lean lines and smooth muscle, his chest flushed with heat, his collarbones glistening faintly in the low light. your breath catches, and before you can even say anything, he’s dragging his fingers down the waistband of his sweats, sliding them low on his hips until his cock finally springs free—thick, hard, flushed deep red at the tip and already slicked with precum. your thighs twitch at the sight of him, your mouth parting on instinct as your eyes drop and your stomach coils at the sheer size of him. he watches you watch him, and the look on his face shifts into something darker—needier—like he knows exactly how you’re feeling. “you want it?” he asks, his voice a low rasp as he wraps a hand around the base and strokes once, slow and tight. “you wanna feel it, baby?” you nod quickly, breathless, the answer already written across your body in the way your legs part further, your back arches, your fingers curl into the sheets.
he lowers himself again, one hand steadying his cock, the other gripping your thigh as he settles between you, his body flush against yours once more. the first drag of him through your folds punches a moan straight out of you, loud and broken, your hips jolting upward as the thick head of his cock slides perfectly over your clit. heeseung groans low in his chest, teeth clenched as he guides himself back and forth, letting your slick coat his shaft, every motion slow and heavy and deliberate. “fuck—so wet,” he mutters, his voice wrecked, breath catching as the head of his cock catches at your entrance before he pulls back again. he doesn’t press in yet—he just teases you, again and again, the tip dragging down your slit, catching, slipping, soaking. “say it again,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss the corner of your mouth as he rocks his hips forward just enough to make you feel every inch of him. “say my name like you did before.” you moan it again—soft, breathless, full of want, and it makes him hiss through his teeth, his forehead dropping to yours.
he keeps moving his hips, sliding his cock over your pussy in slow, deep grinds that make the head catch at your entrance just enough to make your walls flutter and your thighs shake. heeseung’s breathing hard now, the muscles in his arms flexing beside your head, sweat starting to gather at the nape of his neck as he holds himself above you. “you feel that?” he groans, cock slick and heavy between your folds, grinding against your clit with every roll of his hips. “you feel how fucking hard i am for you?” you nod, gasping, your back arching off the bed as your body chases more pressure, more friction, more him. “i could do this all night,” he rasps, voice cracking against your throat. “just like this—grinding my cock on you while you moan my name like that.”
“heeseung…fuck..” you whimper it again and he nearly loses it, his hips stuttering, cock twitching, precum smearing hot across your swollen clit. “fuck, baby. don’t stop.”
you don’t—you can’t. the way he feels against you is too much and still not enough, the thick head of his cock dragging through your folds, slicking you up more with every stroke. your pussy is dripping now, soaked and swollen and clenching on nothing, desperate for him, but he just keeps teasing—keeps grinding—like he’s determined to make you come again before he even gets inside. he leans down to kiss you again, tongue messy and breath ragged, and his hips roll deeper, grinding the head of his cock harder against your clit until you cry out into his mouth. “say it again,” he whispers between kisses, his voice hoarse, eyes burning into yours. “say it while i make you come just like this.” you moan it again and again—his name spilling off your lips like prayer, like surrender—and the sound of it makes him twitch, makes him curse, makes his cock slide lower and nudge right at your entrance again. you gasp, trembling, and he pulls back just barely, smirking against your lips. “yeah… just like that.”
heeseung doesn’t speak at first—he just looks at you, eyes locked to yours, breath coming heavy as he reaches down to line himself up with your entrance. the swollen head of his cock rests right against your soaked slit, and you feel it twitch, leaking more precum that drips down over your folds as you clench around nothing. his hand tightens on your thigh, holding you open for him, and when he pushes just the tip in, you both moan—his, low and broken in his chest, yours sharp and high as the stretch hits hard and fast. “fuck…” he breathes, voice cracking as his forehead drops against yours, “you’re so fucking tight.” your walls flutter around him already, pulling him in instinctively, and it takes everything in him not to sink in all at once. “relax for me,” he whispers, kissing the corner of your mouth as he strokes your side with his free hand, “breathe, baby… let me in.” you nod, your legs trembling, your nails digging into his biceps, and with one slow, steady push, he eases in another inch. the burn is intense, but it’s exactly what you need—he’s so big, so thick, and your body is clenching so hard it makes your vision blur.
he stills halfway in, giving you a second to adjust, his mouth pressed to your jaw as he breathes through his nose and murmurs softly into your skin. “you feel unreal,” he says, voice wrecked, like he’s speaking through gritted teeth just to keep control, “so warm… so wet… you’re fucking perfect.” your body trembles beneath him, thighs twitching, toes curling, your hips arching off the mattress in a slow, involuntary motion that makes him groan deep and filthy. his hands move to cradle your hips, holding you steady as he rolls his in return, easing another inch into your soaked heat. the stretch makes your eyes flutter shut, makes your mouth fall open in a breathless moan that turns into a plea, your fingers gripping the sheets now. “heeseung…” you cry, broken and sweet, and it makes his cock twitch deep inside you, his hips rocking forward until he’s fully seated, the base of him pressed snug to your aching folds. “fuck, that’s it,” he growls, his jaw clenched, sweat starting to bead along his temple, “you’re taking me so well, baby… so fucking good for me.”
he doesn’t move yet—he just stays there, deep inside you, letting your walls pulse and flutter around his cock while he kisses your temple and whispers through shaky breaths. your pussy clenches again, so tight and hot that he has to squeeze his eyes shut to keep from coming too fast, and his hand lifts to brush your hair back from your face, his thumb sweeping over your cheekbone. “i can feel you squeezing me,” he whispers, so low it almost sounds reverent, “like your body doesn’t wanna let me go.” you nod, whimpering, your whole body buzzing from how full you are—how stretched, how completely consumed by him you feel. his cock fits inside you like it was made for it, like every vein and curve was molded to your walls, every inch pushing against spots you didn’t know were there. “you’re so deep,” you whisper, voice shaky, breath caught, and he presses a kiss to your lips again—soft, open-mouthed, messy. “i know, baby,” he says, and the way he says it—like it’s a promise—makes your whole body tremble again. “you want more?”
his hips pull back slowly, just enough to make you feel the stretch of his cock leaving your body, the drag so thick and heavy it makes your breath hitch. your walls flutter at the loss, already aching to be full again, but before the whine can slip out, heeseung thrusts forward—slow and smooth, burying himself back inside you until your bodies are flush again. the moan that escapes you is soft and breathless, your fingers clutching at his shoulders as your back arches, your chest pressing into his. “that’s it,” he breathes against your ear, his voice low and shaking with restraint, “just like that, baby—take it.” he sets a rhythm that’s deliberate, not fast, just deep—so deep—like every stroke is meant to make you remember the exact shape of him. the bed rocks beneath you in soft, steady pulses, the slick sound of your bodies filling the space between each breath. your pussy clenches around him with every thrust, soaking his cock with more wetness, and he groans, long and low, his mouth brushing the side of your neck. “you’re so fucking tight,” he says, the words barely a whisper, “you’re milking my cock, baby…”
you cry out his name again, broken and high, your voice shaking as your hips start to move in sync with his, meeting each stroke with the kind of desperation that makes your thighs burn. heeseung’s hand slides up your body, past your waist, your ribs, and finally settles around your throat—not squeezing, just holding, his thumb brushing softly against your jaw. “keep saying it,” he tells you, fucking you deeper now, his strokes heavier, thicker, the drag of his cock so intense it makes your eyes roll back. “say my name while i’m inside you.” and you do—his name tumbling out between gasps, your lips parted, your moans turning to pleading whispers that make his pace stutter. heeseung’s head drops to your shoulder, his breath hot and ragged, his teeth grazing your skin as he tries to keep control. “fuck, you feel so good,” he groans, his voice raw now, wrecked, as he drives back in deeper. “you were made for this—you were made for me.” your nails dig into his back, dragging down his spine, your walls clenching again, tighter, hungrier.
his thrusts grow a little rougher now, not fast but more forceful, each one punching moans from your chest and making the bed creak beneath you. the rhythm is everything—steady and perfect, his hips rolling with precision, never breaking contact, always dragging back just to push deeper again. his hand on your throat moves to cradle your jaw now, tilting your head so he can kiss you, sloppy and breathless and open, your tongues tangling as you moan into each other’s mouths. his other hand grips your hip harder, holding you still as he grinds deep into your core, your clit brushing against his pelvis with every thrust. your pussy is soaking him now, slick dripping down his cock, your inner thighs sticky, your skin flushed and trembling. “you’re so fucking beautiful like this,” he says, kissing down your neck again, “i could stay buried in you forever.” and he means it—you can hear it in the way he moans when your walls tighten, in the way he slows down just to feel it, in the way his voice cracks when he says your name again. “don’t stop, baby. don’t stop saying it.”
heeseung’s lips don’t leave your skin as he slowly starts to move again, his cock still deep inside you, twitching slightly from the last wave of pleasure. your body is warm and pliant beneath him, flushed and wrecked and trembling, but still hungry—your walls fluttering around him like they’re begging for more. he lifts his head slowly, brushing his thumb across your cheek, and you see it in his eyes—there’s no hesitation left, just need, raw and open and laced with something darker now. “turn over for me,” he murmurs, voice thick and low, like the words are dragging out of his throat from somewhere heavy. he leans back just enough to let his cock slide out, and even the loss of him makes your body ache, your pussy clenching at the emptiness. you move without thinking, already shifting beneath him, rolling to your stomach as your thighs tremble against the mattress. his hands are on your hips instantly, lifting you up just enough so your ass tilts higher, your chest pressed to the sheets, your back arched beautifully for him. “just like that, baby,” he groans, one hand sliding down your spine, the other gripping your ass as he positions himself behind you, “fucking perfect.”
you feel him again—his cock dragging slow between your soaked folds, thick and hot and still dripping with both of you as he lines himself back up with your entrance. your breath hitches when the head presses against your hole again, pushing in with that same slow, stretching pressure that makes your jaw drop open. he slides in deeper this time, the angle sharper, the thrust more intense as he sinks into you inch by inch, both of you moaning as he fills you back up completely. “fuck—you’re tighter like this,” he groans, hands gripping your hips hard now, thumbs digging into the softness of your skin as he pulls you back onto him. you’re gasping into the sheets, your hands fisting the covers, your knees spread wide as your pussy takes him all the way to the base. the new angle hits deeper, rougher—his cock dragging against spots that make you cry out, your body jolting with every thrust. “look at you,” he breathes, hips snapping forward, his cock slamming into you now with full control, “taking me so good, baby… so fucking deep.” your moans get louder, more desperate, your voice breaking on his name as you start to fall apart all over again.
he builds a rhythm that feels brutal and perfect, his hips slamming against your ass, the clap of skin on skin echoing through the room with every thrust. your walls are soaked now, slick running down your thighs, the mess of your first orgasm coating both of you and making every stroke louder, wetter, filthier. heeseung growls under his breath as he leans forward, one hand sliding up your back to tangle in your hair, gently pulling your head up so your cheek turns toward him. “say it again,” he demands, breath hot against your ear as he pounds into you from behind, “say my name while i fuck you like this.” your voice shakes as you sob it out—“heeseung, heeseung, heeseung”—and the sound of it makes his hips stutter, his grip tighten, his cock jerk inside you. “that’s it, baby—keep moaning for me,” he groans, his hand sliding down your front now, finding your clit again and rubbing tight circles while he keeps thrusting into you hard and deep. your legs tremble, your elbows give out, your chest sinking into the sheets as your second orgasm starts building fast, burning low and hot and uncontrollable.
his thrusts grow slower, deeper, deliberate again—not to ease you, but to let you feel it all, to make your body stretch around every inch of him like it’s learning him. he doesn’t say anything for a second, just breathes through clenched teeth, his hands gripping your hips like handles as he watches the way his cock disappears into your soaked pussy with every roll of his hips. your moans are soft and broken, spilling into the pillow as you push back to meet his rhythm, the pressure building inside you sharp and sweet. “you’re dripping, baby,” he pants, voice dark and strained, “can you hear that?” and you can—the filthy, wet squelch every time he fucks into you, your slick coating his cock, the mess of both your bodies echoing in the quiet room. his fingers tighten around your hips, dragging you into him harder now, the new angle hitting deeper, the tip of his cock nudging your cervix in a way that makes your back arch and your breath catch. “i’m not gonna stop,” he groans, and he means it—you can feel it in the way his body moves, like he’s addicted to the way you take him. “not until i feel you cum on me again.” his voice breaks on the last word, and you choke on a moan, your thighs already starting to tremble from how close you are.
his free hand slides down again, slipping between your legs to circle your clit with his fingers—still soaked from earlier, still trembling with how sensitive you are. “i know you’re close,” he says, breath hot against your back as he leans over you, his cock still grinding deep into your pussy with slow, firm thrusts, “i can feel it—you’re squeezing me so tight.” your body jerks under him, your hands clawing at the sheets, your moans broken and high as the pleasure builds higher, tighter, hotter. he doesn’t let up—not with his cock, not with his hand—he keeps fucking you slow and hard, his fingers pressing tight circles against your clit until your legs shake uncontrollably. “come on, baby,” he whispers, voice right in your ear now, “cum for me again—cum on my cock, let me feel it.” and the way he says it—so low, so desperate—breaks something open inside you. your pussy clamps down, walls fluttering in tight, wet pulses as your second orgasm takes hold, crashing over you harder than the first. “fuck—heeseung!” you cry, your voice breaking, your whole body convulsing under him as you cum, hips jerking wildly, back arching, mouth open and gasping.
heeseung groans loud—filthy—his hands grabbing your hips tight as your pussy squeezes around him, your slick spilling down his cock and dripping onto the sheets. “holy fuck,” he growls, hips stuttering, his pace falling apart as he ruts into you hard, deep, chasing his own release now. “you feel—so good—so fucking good,” he moans, each word punched out between heavy, desperate thrusts. your body is limp beneath him, ruined and twitching, but he holds you up, keeps you open, keeps driving into you like he can’t stop. “i’m gonna cum,” he gasps, “gonna cum inside you again, baby—fuck—i’m not pulling out.” your moan is soft, breathless, nothing but wrecked permission. heeseung groans, loud and broken, as he thrusts deep one last time and spills into you, hot and thick, his cum flooding your pussy in long, heavy pulses. he doesn’t stop moving, not right away—he keeps grinding into you, burying it deeper, fucking it up into your sore, overstimulated cunt like he wants it to stay. your walls twitch around him, fluttering from the aftershocks, your breath shallow as he collapses forward, his chest pressed to your back, sweat-slick and panting.
he stays inside you as long as your body lets him, his cock twitching with every breath, his cum warm and sticky between your thighs, leaking down onto the sheets. his arms wrap around your middle, pulling you close, holding you still as your body shivers beneath his, overstimulated and buzzing. he kisses your shoulder slowly, reverently, murmuring soft things you barely register—“you were perfect,” “i didn’t want to stop,” “you’re so fucking good.” his voice is hoarse, wrecked from moaning your name, from holding back, from fucking you like he meant it. your eyes flutter closed, your body loose and heavy, your chest rising and falling with each shaky breath. heeseung doesn’t move, doesn’t let you go—his arms stay locked around your waist, his cock still half-hard inside you, like he can’t stand the idea of being anywhere else. “stay like this for a minute,” he whispers, kissing the back of your neck. “just like this, baby… let me feel you a little longer.”
heeseung’s chest rises and falls against your back, each breath brushing over your shoulder as his arms slowly loosen around your waist, just enough to let you shift. you let out a soft sound—half-whimper, half-sigh—and he presses a kiss to your spine, so featherlight it almost doesn’t register. “hold on,” he whispers, low and hoarse, and he pulls out carefully, the slow drag of his cock making your body twitch as his cum begins to slip out of you. he steadies your hips with one hand, still gentle, still warm, and reaches for the small remote near the bedside table with the other. you hear the soft beep as he presses the button, the red light fading instantly, the lens no longer watching, no longer recording. he exhales deeply, like some part of him only now lets go, and he sets the remote aside before turning back to you. “it’s off,” he says softly, brushing your hair back from your face, his fingers trembling just slightly. “it’s just us now.”you hum faintly in response, eyes half-closed, body limp and heavy against the mattress, and heeseung smiles—small, crooked, fond—before leaning down to kiss your temple. “you did so fucking good,” he murmurs, his voice all warmth now, rough around the edges but soft with pride, with affection. he moves slowly, lifting himself from the bed and disappearing for just a moment, the faint sound of running water coming from down the hall. when he returns, his hands are full—warm washcloth, small towel, a bottle of water already uncapped. he kneels beside you again, coaxing you onto your back with a careful hand on your hip, and when your body winces from the soreness, he just nods. “i’ve got you,” he says gently, his eyes full of something deep and quiet. he cleans you up slowly, thoroughly, without rushing—starting at your thighs, then between your legs, wiping away the mess with care, never looking away from your face.
the rag is warm, soft, comforting against your skin, and his touch never loses its patience, even when you shiver or twitch from the overstimulation. “tell me if it’s too much,” he says, barely louder than a breath, his hand resting lightly on your knee as he presses the cloth between your legs once more. your voice is weak when you say “you’re okay,” but it’s enough—his shoulders relax, and he finishes the last gentle sweep before setting the rag aside and covering you with the clean towel. he presses another kiss to your thigh this time, lingering, almost reverent, before he climbs back into bed beside you, body warm, arms open. “come here,” he whispers, and you move slowly, shakily, letting him pull you into his chest. the moment you settle against him, everything melts—his hand in your hair, your cheek against his collarbone, the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear grounding you completely. “you’re everything,” he says again, and this time it isn’t just praise—it’s a truth.
he stays like that with you, holding you close, stroking your back, letting the silence settle like a blanket. the heat from your bodies still lingers, but it’s not heavy anymore—it’s soft, intimate, something woven into the quiet between your breaths. heeseung doesn’t try to fill the silence with anything unnecessary—he just exists with you, his touch constant, his presence wrapping around you like something you never realized you needed. his hand moves to your waist, tracing lazy circles against your skin, grounding you gently, reminding you that you’re safe, that it’s over, that you’re okay. “do you want anything?” he asks quietly, lips brushing your hairline, and when you shake your head, he nods, content to just be here with you. his fingers curl around yours beneath the towel, and you feel his thumb stroke the back of your knuckles once, twice, again. “we’ll stay like this as long as you want,” he says. “there’s no rush.”
you feel your chest swell at that—your lungs tightening with the weight of something you don’t want to name, something warm and stupid and dangerous. the words hit you somewhere low and vulnerable, curling beneath your ribs like they belong there, and for a second, you almost let it. you almost believe this could be more, that the way he touches you means something deeper, that this warmth he gives isn’t just for the camera. but then you remember the red light, the lens, the view count still sitting at zero. you remember why you’re here in the first place—money, rent, survival. and just like that, you shift again, sitting up slowly, the sheet slipping down your chest as you turn your back to him. “i should go,” you say quietly, forcing the words out like they don’t scrape your throat raw. heeseung moves beside you, confusion creasing his features as he reaches out gently, his hand brushing your back. “wait—what’s wrong?”
you stand before he can touch you again, grabbing your clothes from the floor and pulling them on with unsteady hands, refusing to look at him. “nothing’s wrong,” you say quickly, too quickly, because everything feels wrong now—the closeness, the softness, the way your body still buzzes with the ghost of his touch. “this was great. it was good.” you pause, slipping on your hoodie, heart pounding too loud in your chest. “but this is business, remember?” heeseung’s face shifts at that—something subtle breaking in the way he exhales, in the way his eyes fall to the sheets, then back to you. “i know,” he says quietly, sitting up, raking a hand through his hair. “i just didn’t think you’d want to leave so fast.” you ignore the way that stings and reach for your phone, already stepping toward the door. “can you call me a ride?”
he doesn’t argue, doesn’t beg, doesn’t guilt you—he just nods, slides out of bed, and grabs his own phone from the nightstand. the air feels heavier now, the silence between you no longer soft but sharp, cutting against your ribs with every breath you try to take. you watch him through your lashes as he types, jaw tense, his brows furrowed like he wants to say something he knows he shouldn’t. “ride’s five minutes away,” he says, voice flat, and you nod, hugging your arms around yourself even though you’re fully dressed. neither of you speak again—not until the buzz of your phone signals the driver’s arrival, and even then, you just give him a short, “thank you,” before heading for the door. he doesn’t stop you, but you feel his eyes on your back the entire time, like he’s memorizing the way you walk away. the door clicks shut behind you, final and quiet, and it takes everything in you not to look back.
────୨ৎ────
you don’t cry in the ride home—you’re too tired, too overwhelmed, too busy replaying the feeling of his hand on your jaw, the warmth of his voice in your ear. your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you pull it out without thinking, eyes widening at the notification that lights up your screen.
@heefreakshow posted a new video: “moan for the camera, baby.”
your stomach flips, breath catching as you tap it open, watching the views tick up in real time—hundreds, then thousands, climbing faster than you can process. the comments pour in, the gifts, the subscribers, and your inbox is already starting to fill with names you don’t recognize.
your eyes stay fixed to the numbers, the sound of the car engine barely registering over the pounding of your heart, the dull throb between your legs still pulsing with the ghost of his cock. comments begin pouring in, flooding the screen in a blur of praise and fire emojis, messages of “who is she?” and “this is fucking art,” and “the way he touches her???” flashing by too fast for you to breathe. the heat in your chest blooms again, twisting tight, painful in a way you can’t name—because this was supposed to be just business. but it doesn’t feel like business when you’re watching yourself fall apart under him, when your moans play back through the speakers like something sacred, when he touches you like you matter. your hand tightens around your phone, jaw clenched, eyes wide as the numbers keep rising—ten thousand, twelve, fifteen—until you can’t look anymore. you close the video, thumb hovering over the home screen, heart still pounding.
and then it hits—a soft buzz. one new message.
@jayafterhours has sent you a message.
natty's notesᝰ.ᐟ it's not proofread so sorry >-< but i hoped y'all enjoyed it anyways !!
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anxiety - n.rk
pairing: stranger!nishimura riki x fem!reader
synopsis: you meet him on a quiet night — a stranger with sharp eyes and a colder edge, nothing like anyone in your sleepy suburb. he won’t talk, barely looks at you, but something about him lingers. maybe you’re just curious. or maybe you’ve seen him before.
featuring: ni-ki & jake of enhypen
genre: childhood friends to lovers, a sprinkle of angst, smut, skinship, kissing, etc.
warnings: smut (18+), difficult relationships with parents, love at first sight lowk, vulnerability, themes of implied watching (not rlly stalking) but it isn't graphic, riki smokes cigs, uhhh i think that's it?? lowercase intended heh
playlist: anxiety by doechii, clarity by zedd & sacrifice by enhypen
(smut warnings under cut)
wc: 9.120k
a/n: this is way longer than i expected but it came to me in a dream... enjoy! also i'm gonna start a perm taglist! comment on any of my fics or send an ask to be added! <3
smut content: riki's PACKING, they cum in their pants lol, dry humping, deepthroating kinda, backshots LMAO, missionary, dom!riki x sub!reader, degradation & praise kinks, creampie, like SO MUCH cum... n e ways! fluffy aftercare, unprotected sex (wrap b4 you tap), tit fucking, oral (m. receiving), choking, everything is consensual, riki and reader are both so down bad for each other... lmk if i missed anything :3
(not proofread)
-ˏˋ⋆ 7 months ago ⋆ˊˎ-
it was raining the day you first felt it — that creeping sensation at the back of your neck, like invisible fingers brushing against your skin.
not a storm, not anything dramatic. just that kind of soft, cold drizzle that seeped into your clothes and made the world feel like it was holding its breath. gray sky melted into gray pavement, the horizon smeared like a half-finished painting. you were standing under the chipped awning of the old bakery on the corner, the scent of yeast and sugar mixing with the rain, waiting for your usual thursday pastry that was always slightly overbaked but comfortingly warm.
you remember scrolling through your phone, aimlessly, as your friend, jake, rambled beside you about something he saw on tv. you weren't listening. you were too aware of the feeling — that hum beneath your skin. subtle but unshakable.
“there’s someone watching me,” you’d said earlier that morning, trying to brush it off with a laugh as you stirred milk into your coffee. “it’s my anxiety.” jake didn’t look up from his phone. “or maybe you’re watching yourself spiral.”
you’d rolled your eyes. maybe he was right. midterms were looming, you hadn’t slept in days, and your brain felt like it was being slowly pulled apart by rubber bands. but still. the feeling didn’t go away.
it got worse.
you’d been fidgeting, switching the weight on your feet, chewing the inside of your cheek. and then, like something calling your name without a sound, your eyes had drifted across the street.
that’s when you saw him.
a boy. or maybe a man — it was hard to tell, the rain blurred everything. tall, impossibly still, wearing a black hoodie that clung to his shoulders. he wasn’t under any kind of shelter. he stood alone, soaked to the bone, his face half-hidden by the hood, his gaze fixed. not on the road. not on the buildings. but on you.
you stared. you didn’t recognize him. not really. and yet something deep in your chest stirred like a memory. like a name you almost remembered. like a dream you’d had once and forgotten by morning.
you glanced down for a second — a message lighting up your screen.
when you looked up, he was gone.
no footsteps. no splash. just… gone.
you never told jake. what would you say? you didn’t even know what you’d seen. maybe nothing at all.
maybe your anxiety really was watching you. maybe it had grown arms and legs and a face hidden under a rain-soaked hood. maybe it had always been there, just waiting for the right day to show itself.
either way, it started then.
and it never really stopped.
-ˏˋ⋆ present day ⋆ˊˎ-
the hallway is too quiet for a friday night.
you shuffle down the corridor with a tied-up trash bag swinging limply at your side, socks stuffed in your duck slippers, slapping against the cool tile floor. the overhead light flickers once, buzzing faintly. classic.
you reach the stairwell, already bracing yourself for the sharp chill of the outside air, when you stop short.
he’s there.
leaning against the railing of the third-floor landing, hoodie pulled up over his head, cigarette dangling between his fingers — even though this is strictly a no-smoking building. he doesn’t flinch when you turn the corner. just keeps staring out at the dim skyline, face barely visible under the shadow of his hood.
you slow down, blinking.
he’s not familiar — not really. you pride yourself on knowing every face in this sleepy apartment complex, whether through polite nods in the mailroom or awkward elevator silences. but him? nothing. no name. no room number. just angles and silence.
and yet… something about him rings in your head like a half-forgotten dream.
his profile is soft, almost too pretty to be real. sharp jaw, dark lashes, bangs dipping into his eyes. he looks like he doesn’t belong here — like someone plucked him out of a bigger story and dropped him into yours by mistake.
"hey," you offer, voice casual, just above a whisper. "you new here?"
he doesn’t look at you. doesn’t answer.
awkward.
you shift the trash bag in your hands, trying again. “i live on the second floor. don’t think i’ve seen you around before.”
still nothing. just a small exhale of smoke that curls into the cold night air.
rude, you think. but not in a mean way. more like… distant. careful.
you lean against the opposite railing, letting the silence stretch for a few seconds.
"you look familiar," you say, eyes narrowing. "have we met before?"
this time, his gaze flickers. not quite to you — just past you. a twitch of recognition, maybe. or annoyance.
you can't tell.
but your brain is racing. you know him. you must. maybe in passing. maybe in a memory. maybe you’ve just seen him out here before, on the edge of your vision, existing quietly in the corners of your routine. maybe your subconscious noticed him long before you did.
he stubs out the cigarette and walks past you without a word.
you don’t move. you just watch him disappear down the hall, hoodie covered by a black jacket, hands stuffed in his pockets.
"okay then," you murmur to yourself, staring after him. and you can’t help it — the way your eyes linger on the spot he stood, heart ticking a little faster.
there’s something about him.
you just don’t know what. yet.
───
it's raining the next time you see him.
you’re standing under the overhang by the front entrance, fumbling with your umbrella, when the door swings open behind you. you glance back — and it’s him. again.
hoodie. same brown timberlands. same unreadable expression.
you swear he pauses when he sees you, just a fraction of a second. but maybe that’s in your head.
"you smoke a lot for someone living in a no-smoking building," you say without thinking, half a joke.
he doesn’t laugh. but his lips twitch, barely, like maybe he almost did.
he steps out into the rain without an umbrella.
"hey!" you call, surprised. "you're seriously just gonna walk in that?"
he doesn't stop. doesn't answer. but this time, he does glance back at you over his shoulder. eyes dark. thoughtful. like he’s trying to decide something.
“i’ve seen you before,” you say — louder, more certain now. “i just don’t remember where.”
his mouth parts, like he might say something. but then he turns and keeps walking, rain soaking into the fabric of his hoodie, blending him into the gray of the street.
and you're left standing there, umbrella unopened, heart kicking strangely against your ribs.
───
it’s quiet in the laundry room — too quiet. the kind of quiet that settles in your chest and presses down, like you’re underwater. the overhead light flickers occasionally, buzzing in protest, but no one’s bothered to fix it. you wouldn’t usually be here this late, but your sheets were stained and the smell was driving you insane. so here you are, half-past midnight, leaning against a rickety folding table, waiting.
your phone barely gets signal this far in the basement, and the wi-fi’s always spotty. it’s just you, the low groan of the washer, and your own thoughts trying to make conversation.
until the door creaks open.
you don’t jump, but your spine straightens on instinct. you don’t have to look up to know it’s him — the presence is immediate, unmistakable. that stillness in the air that follows him like a shadow. you finally glance up, and there he is. same black hoodie. same too-quiet footsteps. same face that looks like it doesn’t belong here. like it was carved into something older than this tiny suburban building.
he doesn’t say a word. just drops a bag on the floor and begins sorting laundry like it’s the most normal thing in the world. like you haven’t already seen him twice this week, always at night, always alone, always watching without watching.
“seriously?” you say, trying to keep your voice light. “do you just hang out in weird corners of this complex to freak people out?”
nothing.
he lifts a pair of dark jeans, shakes them out. you watch his fingers. they're pale. long. too clean for someone who lives in this building. you’ve lived here your whole life and never seen him before last week — and yet...
he feels familiar.
“okay,” you continue, stepping off the table now. the room feels colder suddenly. “do you live here? or are you like... a freak with laundry privileges?”
still nothing. you laugh under your breath, but it sounds too loud in the silence. your heartbeat starts to climb your throat.
then he says it. quiet. low.
“you used to wait outside the bakery every thursday. same dark purple coat. hair in a slick bun. you never looked both ways when you crossed the street.”
the words stop you cold.
“what?” you ask, your voice barely audible.
he still doesn’t look at you. he presses a button on the washer. it whirs to life.
“i remember,” he says simply.
and then he walks out.
no explanation. no glance back. just leaves you standing there, spine prickling, air thick with something you can’t name.
you don’t move for a long time. the washer keeps spinning. and somewhere in the back of your mind, a door creaks open — something old, something buried. you know that voice. you know it.
but from where?
and why now?
───
you see him again the next week.
it’s late. everything always is these days. late nights, late thoughts, late feelings that come crawling out of places you’ve spent years trying to bury.
he’s there again by the mailboxes, half-shrouded in the dim glow of the overhead light. same hoodie, same stillness. like he’s always belonged to the dark. like the world moves around him, but never through him.
you don’t say anything this time. just glance at him, let your eyes linger a little too long. the silence stretches like fog between you, thick and almost heavy.
when you get back to your apartment, you sit on the floor of your room, knees to your chest, staring at nothing. trying to remember.
because it’s not just déjà vu. it’s more insistent than that. it’s something sharper. something that presses at the edges of your mind like a dull knife.
you know him.
or—at least, you’ve seen him before. not in this life maybe, but in another version of it. in a hallway, maybe. in a photograph. in a moment you never thought would matter until it does.
you try to pull it apart, memory by memory. but your brain is tired and tangled, the way it always is when you think too hard about the past. especially your own.
your mom used to say you were dramatic. that you let small things become monsters under the bed. “don’t be so sensitive,” she’d snap, when you cried over things she didn’t understand. “you make everything so hard for yourself.”
your dad never said much at all.
they were loud in the wrong ways. silent in the ones that mattered. and you learned early how to turn your feelings into puzzles with missing pieces — complex enough to keep you distracted, but unsolvable enough to stop you from ever really facing them.
and yet, riki… there’s something about him that pulls at those missing pieces. like maybe he was one of them. like maybe he slipped into your life through a crack in the wall and waited, patiently, for you to notice.
was he from your old school? a kid from your neighborhood? someone you passed in a crowd once and never forgot, even if you didn’t realize it?
you hate not knowing. hate how it makes you feel like a child again — helpless and unsettled. desperate for answers no one’s willing to give.
maybe that’s what this really is. not fear. not obsession. just the ache of a memory that refuses to resurface.
he’s a question mark in human form. and you’ve never been good with uncertainty.
you don’t see him again for days.
which should be a relief. it should give you space to think, to forget. but it doesn’t. it just makes everything louder. the silence, the questions, the feeling in your gut that something is watching you — or waiting.
your sleep turns thin and restless. shadows stretch too long across your walls. you start leaving your bedroom light on. just in case.
one night, you wake up at 3:12 a.m., heart racing for no reason at all. it takes a second to realize what pulled you out of sleep — a sound. something light. deliberate.
a knock?
you hold your breath. wait. nothing.
you get up anyway.
there’s no one at the door. of course not. but something catches your eye as you start to turn back — something lying just at the edge of your doormat. small. folded. a piece of paper.
you hesitate, then pick it up. it’s blank on the outside. no name. no writing. nothing.
you open it slowly.
inside, in rushed, almost messy handwriting, are six words:
“do you really not remember me?”
your throat goes tight. your first instinct is to look around, scan the hallway, check the peephole twice. there’s no one.
no sound.
just that question burning in your hands.
do you really not remember me?
your fingers shake a little as you fold it back up. your brain is moving too fast and not fast enough at the same time. and that feeling — the one that’s been gnawing at you for days — it blooms in your chest like a scream that never makes it out.
because now it’s real. now you know you aren’t imagining it. the familiarity, the tension, the way your spine goes rigid every time you see him —
he knows you.
he’s known you.
and maybe you did know him once, too. maybe you still do, buried under everything you’ve forgotten on purpose.
you think about the look in his eyes that first night. the way he never said a word. the stillness of him.
you think of the hallway. the sound that woke you. the note.
you think of how you told your friend the other day, half-laughing, half-serious: “there’s someone watching me, it’s my anxiety.”
but what if it’s more than that?
what if it’s not just in your head?
what if it’s him?
───
it hits you in the middle of folding laundry.
something about the way your fingers move. something about the light slanting in through the kitchen window. warm, but not comforting. and all at once, you’re not in your apartment anymore.
you’re in a house. someone else’s. maybe your own. there’s music playing — muffled through a closed door. a cheap stereo with tinny speakers. old j-pop, the kind that loops endlessly on cassettes. the wallpaper is peeling in one corner.
and then—
a voice. soft. younger. yours.
"why do you always hide when they come home?"
someone's sitting in the hallway. knees pulled to their chest. head down. shadows in the space between them like they’re both in different dimensions.
and then he looks up.
not the man in the stairwell. not riki, not yet. just a boy. sharp eyes, hollow cheeks, hair too long in front. there’s a cut on his lip. fading purple under his eye.
“because it’s safer,” he says.
the air warps around that line, like heat off asphalt. she wants to reach for him, wants to say something back, but the memory curls tighter around her, swallowing the end of it before she can hold on.
then it’s gone.
just like that.
you blink down at the pile of laundry in your lap, hands gone still.
your chest feels tight. throat aching, like you swallowed something heavy. the apartment feels colder than it should. that voice — his voice — still rings somewhere in your bones.
because you’ve heard it before. not recently. years ago.
and suddenly you’re thinking about your father’s anger. how he used to break things before he yelled. how sometimes he didn’t yell at all. how the silence always scared you more. how you stopped inviting friends over after age ten. how there was one boy you let in. once.
his name—
you press the heel of your palm to her forehead, hard, like you can shake it loose.
it won’t come. not yet.
but the shape of it is there, curling at the edges of a memory like smoke. and the boy with the bruised mouth and quiet eyes — he's not a stranger.
not even close.
later that night, you can't sleep.
there's a weight on your chest that won’t lift no matter how you shift under the sheets. it’s not insomnia — it’s memory. something clawing at the back of your skull, begging to be seen.
so you get up.
the air in the apartment is too still. even the hum of the fridge feels distant. you don't bother with the lights. just moving barefoot and slow, like any noise might scare the truth away.
the closet in the hallway creaks when you open it. you kneel. pushing past shoeboxes, tangled cords, the mess of forgotten things. until your hand hits the one you’re looking for.
a red box. scuffed corners. cheap velvet peeled at the edges. inside: scraps of a childhood. yours.
old keychains, broken friendship bracelets, polaroids faded to brown. concert tickets. a snow globe from sapporo. and then—
a photograph.
creased down the center. color bleeding with age. a summer day, maybe. you’re younger. seven or eight. awkward teeth, sunburnt nose, some awful haircut her mother swore looked cute. and beside you —
a boy.
not smiling. just… there. close, but not touching. eyes dark and watchful even then.
and it’s him.
riki.
only it wasn’t his name back then, was it? he went by ni-ki.
your breath catches. you sit back on your heels, heart thudding in your ears.
how could you forget? they lived on the same street. just four houses down. his mom used to walk him to school until she didn’t anymore. and then he stopped coming altogether.
after that, he vanished. until now.
until the stairwell. until the way he didn’t speak but looked at her like he knew everything.
you swallow the sick twist in your stomach. the sudden, sharp cold shivering down your spine.
why was he back?
and why you?
you leave the photo on the kitchen island.
maybe it’s careless, maybe even stupid, but you tell yourself it’ll make more sense in the morning. you’ll wake up, look at it with clearer eyes, and it won’t feel like your chest is caving in. besides, you live alone. and it’s just a photo.
just a photo.
you drag yourself to the couch, the blanket scratchy against your legs, exhaustion curling into your limbs like smoke. you fall asleep fast — but it’s the wrong kind of sleep. thick, dreamless, heavy with something you can’t name. a noise pulls at you. a door. or a voice. or your own heart cracking open.
you wake up just as the first light creeps through the windows. your mouth is dry. your tongue tastes like copper.
something is off.
you walk into the kitchen, still half in a fog—and stop.
the photo is gone.
you freeze, staring at the empty spot where it had been, your thoughts moving too fast and too slow all at once. the red box is still there. untouched. the lid sitting open like a mouth waiting to swallow more. you check the floor. under the fridge. between papers. nothing.
no one could’ve taken it.
the door was locked. the windows haven’t budged. you were here. you were alone.
a chill slides down your spine, sharp and crawling. you think of him again. the way he looked at you in the stairwell. not confused. not curious.
just watching.
like he already knew what you would find.
your breath catches. you don’t even realize you’ve backed up until your shoulder hits the wall.
you don’t understand what’s happening, but something is— and it’s closing in.
the silence hums in your ears. the wind slips against the glass like breath. and then you see it.
something on the kitchen table.
not the photo. but something folded.
small. white. placed exactly where the photo had been.
your name is written on the front.
in handwriting you almost recognize.
you stare at the folded paper like it might burn through the table. your name, in soft, slanted letters—almost familiar, like a half-remembered dream. the kind you wake up from with your chest tight and eyes wet, but can’t explain to anyone without sounding insane.
your fingers hesitate.
you don’t want to touch it. you want to burn it. you want to leave the apartment and never come back.
but your hand moves anyway, like it isn’t yours. like you’re being pulled by something older than memory.
the paper is heavier than it looks. the kind of paper someone saves. the kind that lives in boxes under beds, waiting to be found.
you unfold it slowly. deliberately.
the first line makes your stomach drop:
“you used to laugh with your whole face.”
your throat tightens. your vision blurs at the edges. you keep reading.
“i remember when you were afraid of thunderstorms. you’d hide under the table with that stuffed bear. the one with the missing eye.”
you sink into the nearest chair. it creaks beneath you. your heartbeat pounds in your ears like thunder.
how does he know that?
no one remembers that.
not even your mother—too busy fighting shadows of men who never stayed long enough to learn your name.
you blink hard, trying to push away the sting in your eyes. your hand shakes as you reach the last line:
“it’s okay if you don’t remember me. i remember you.”
the note isn’t signed.
but you already know who it’s from.
and you’re not sure if that makes it better… or so much worse.
you find yourself standing at the corner of the street, unsure of where to go or how to breathe. the note is heavy in your hand, the words on it are still too real. still too impossible to wrap your mind around.
but you can’t ignore it anymore. you’ve been running from something, running from the truth, but it’s all catching up with you. and it starts with one thing—one person—who might just hold the answers.
you text jake. i need to talk to you.
he replies almost immediately: come over. i’ll make coffee.
you don’t hesitate. your body moves before your brain can catch up.
jake’s apartment smells like coffee, like books, and like something homey you can’t quite place. you’ve always liked it here—quiet, safe, with jake’s easy smile and the way he always listens like he doesn’t have a million things on his plate.
but today, when he opens the door, his smile falters. his eyes linger on the note in your hand before he invites you in.
“what’s going on?” he asks, his voice soft. “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“worse,” you murmur, sitting down at the kitchen table. “riki. the guy from my apartment building. the one i’ve been thinking about.”
jake’s face changes. his usual calm demeanor cracks for a split second, but it’s enough. enough to make you sit up straighter, enough to make your heart skip a beat.
“what do you mean, the guy you’ve been thinking about?” he asks carefully. “y/n, you’ve been telling me you’ve never met him before. he’s just some weird guy who shows up at random times. are you sure you’re okay?”
you hesitate. the note is still in your hand. you want to show it to him, but something holds you back. you can’t explain this to him without sounding insane.
“he knows things, jake. about me. about my childhood. stuff no one would know.” you pause, swallowing hard. “it’s like he’s been... watching me.”
the silence in the room thickens. jake stands still, his hands gripping the edge of the table. you can feel his mind working through it, piecing things together. finally, he exhales sharply.
“you know who he is, don’t you?” jake’s voice cracks just a little, and you hate that you can hear it.
“he’s riki,” you whisper. “i know it.”
jake looks like he’s just seen a ghost too. but it’s worse than that. it’s betrayal, old wounds you never knew were still there.
“how do you know him?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.
jake runs a hand through his hair, his face tight with something you can’t read. "riki... he was my best friend back home. we were inseparable when we were kids, after he randomly showed up one day. before everything in his home town happened. before he disappeared from there."
you lean forward, your heart racing. "why did he disappear?"
jake looks away, his eyes shadowed with memories. "riki got tangled up in some bad stuff, y/n. things that don’t go away, things that ruin people. he got in with the wrong crowd—gangs, debts, all kinds of shit. he disappeared from there too and... no one ever really knew what happened. but the rumors started. they said he ran. he left everything behind."
your throat tightens. “but... he didn’t.”
jake’s gaze is heavy, dark. “no. he didn’t. he’s been trying to stay hidden ever since. but some ghosts don’t stay buried, y/n.”
your chest tightens. you’ve been living in the shadow of something you can’t even remember fully. and now it’s back.
───
later that night, you find yourself standing in front of riki’s door, your heart hammering in your chest. you knock once, twice, and wait.
the door opens slowly, and riki stands there, eyes wide, almost guilty. he looks different in the light, darker somehow, worn and tired. but the same fire is still there. it’s still riki.
“you know, don’t you?” he says, his voice tight, like he’s holding something back.
you nod, your voice barely above a whisper. “you disappeared. you ran. kept running. and i don’t understand why.”
riki’s eyes flicker with something—pain, maybe. “it’s not that simple. there’s things you don’t know, things i can’t tell you.”
you step closer, ignoring the hesitation in your chest. “i need to know, riki. everything. i need you to tell me.”
his jaw clenches. but then he opens the door wider, his shoulders slumping as he gestures for you to come inside.
you step into his dimly lit apartment, your heart racing. the room feels charged with something unspoken, like the air is holding its breath.
“i didn’t want you to get involved in all of this,” riki says, his voice raw. “but now that you know, i can’t just leave you hanging.”
you take a step forward, your hand trembling as you reach for him, the tension between you unbearable. “you’re not alone in this anymore, riki. i’m here.”
he looks at you, eyes haunted, like he’s trying to decide if he can trust you. then, without warning, his lips crash against yours.
you freeze for a second, the intensity of it taking you by surprise. but then your body reacts, pulling him closer, kissing him back with everything you’ve been holding in. it’s messy, desperate, like neither of you knows what’s happening but can’t stop it.
his hands are everywhere—on your waist, your back, your neck—like he’s trying to memorize you, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.
your heart is racing, your body pressed against his, and for a moment, everything feels like it’s on fire.
riki pulls back, his breathing shallow, his forehead resting against yours. the tension between you two is still there, but it's different now — softer, like a thread connecting you in a way neither of you can fully explain.
"y/n," he says, his voice low but intense, trembling slightly. "there are things i never wanted to tell you, things i couldn't bear to say. i thought it would be easier to push you away, to make you hate me before you found out... but i can't do it anymore. i can't keep lying to myself."
you step back a little, your chest tightening as you watch him. his eyes are full of so many emotions—regret, pain, love—but it’s the last one that makes your heart ache with something you didn’t expect.
"i’ve been in this dark place for so long, y/n. i never thought i could get out of it. i pushed everyone away, especially you, because i knew if i let you in, you’d see the mess i am... but you’re the only one who’s ever mattered. i’ve always known it, even when i was too afraid to admit it. i love you."
his words hang in the air, raw and vulnerable. and you feel something inside of you break wide open—something you’ve been trying so hard to protect, trying to hide.
“i’ve always loved you,” riki continues, his voice softer now, almost like he’s confessing a secret that’s been buried for too long. “even when i tried to run from it, even when i tried to push you away... you were always the one. always.”
you can barely find your voice, overwhelmed by the tenderness in his words. "riki, i—"
but he shakes his head, cutting you off gently. "no, listen. i know i’ve hurt you. i know i’ve been distant, but everything i did... i did it because i was scared. scared of losing you. scared of what you’d think of me if you knew everything. but i can’t hide anymore. not from you. i’ve never stopped loving you. not even for a second.”
tears sting the back of your eyes, but you blink them away, letting his confession settle inside you. your heart feels too full, too full of emotions you don’t know how to contain. you take a deep breath, your voice trembling when you finally speak.
“i’m not going anywhere, riki,” you whisper, the words catching in your throat. “i never was. i don’t care about the past... i don’t care about what happened before. i care about you. i’ve always cared about you.”
for a moment, neither of you moves. the world feels so quiet, like everything has stopped, and it’s just the two of you in this space—this moment where everything you’ve both been hiding finally comes to light.
riki steps closer, his hands gently cupping your face, his thumbs brushing over your skin. his eyes are soft now, almost like he’s memorizing every detail of you, like he never wants to forget this moment.
“can i kiss you again?” he asks, his voice so soft, so unsure. it’s like he’s asking for permission, like he’s afraid of making the wrong move.
you nod, your breath catching in your throat. “please,” you whisper.
and then, his lips are on yours, gentle but urgent, like everything he’s held inside of him is pouring into this kiss. his hands slide to your back, pulling you closer, and you melt into him. you kiss him back with everything you’ve been holding onto, everything you’ve been feeling but never knew how to say.
when you pull back, both of you breathless, riki presses his forehead to yours, his hands resting gently on your hips. his eyes are full of that same tenderness, that same love that’s been there all along.
“i love you, y/n,” he whispers again, this time with more certainty, more peace. “and i always will. no matter what.”
and in that moment, you know, without a doubt, that everything—every question, every fear, every hesitation—has been worth it. because now, in this space, with him, everything feels right.
“i love you too, riki,” you say softly, the words more sure now. “i always will.”
and the kiss that follows is more than just passion—it’s a promise.
he breaks the kiss and leads you to his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed. he pulls you onto his lap and crashes his lips against yours once again.
but this kiss, it’s different than the others.
it’s hot. fiery. desperate.
his tongue bullies its way into your mouth, fighting for dominance which you happily give him. as you continue making out, he becomes increasingly handsy. they fly from your jaw, to your shoulder blades, sliding down to rest on your ass. he grips your clothed flesh with desire.
and that's when you feel it—the unmistakable hardness settled between his legs. pressed against your burning hot core.
you gasped into his lips and he swallowed it up eagerly.
he rolled your hips down onto his crotch, seeking friction to ease his hard on. groaning into the kiss, he broke it, tilting his head back.
you carefully observed how his adam’s apple bobbed each time he swallowed, your self control fading into nothing. reaching out to grab his neck, you lightly apply pressure as you leave sloppy, wet kisses all over his jaw. your eyes drop to his collarbones, noticing his hoodie getting in the way.
you shift in his lap, knees sinking further into his bed as your hands find his shoulders for balance. riki looks up at you, eyes half-lidded, lips parted slightly like he’s caught between breath and want. his hoodie is bunched up from where your fingers had tugged at the hem earlier, and when you reach for it again, he doesn’t stop you.
you pull it over his head slowly, your fingers grazing warm skin as the fabric slides up and off. beneath it, he’s wearing a black tank top that clings to him in all the right places—soft cotton stretched over lean muscle, tracing the shape of his chest and the dip of his waist.
his collarbones catch the low light of the room, sharp and defined, leading down to the elegant curve of his neck. you can see the slight rise and fall of it as he swallows, your gaze drifting lower to the sculpted line of his biceps, muscles flexing subtly under your weight, like he’s holding back.
he looks devastating like this—relaxed and bare in a way that feels forbidden, like you’re seeing something no one else is allowed to.
"you’re staring," he says quietly, a flicker of amusement in his voice, but there's a softness to it too, like he doesn’t mind being seen this way. like he wants you to look.
you smile, brushing your fingers across his shoulder, down his arm, feeling the strength beneath the surface. "can you blame me?"
he laughs under his breath, hands settling at your hips, warm and steady. "not really."
you lean in closer, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck, right where it meets his collarbone. he shivers under your touch, and you feel it in your core—how easy it is to fall into him, how right it feels to be here like this.
you push him further on his bed, his back hitting the soft comforter, hands never leaving your hips.
he captures your lips once again in a kiss that's delicate, like he’s trying to process everything but he can’t. are you really here with him right now? his childhood best friend who he forced himself to cut contact with—but then again, did he ever really cut contact with you? he had to make sure you were okay one way or another, so he watched from the shadows. even if it meant sacrificing his greatest love. you.
as if you could sense the gears overheating in his brain, you pull away from him and stare into his familiar brown eyes. he pouts and you see a glimpse of ni-ki. the scared, eight year old who you’d give up anything to protect.
he cradles your face like you’re made of glass and whispers, “are you sure you want this, angel? because once i start… i don’t think i’ll be able to stop.”
you nod your head, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for him, “words, baby. i need words, hmm?” you bite back a flustered smile, “yeah ni-ki, i want this. you.”
he grins hearing his childhood name fall out of your soft, sweet lips and picks you up off his lap so he can rest with his back against the headboard.
settling back on his thighs, and becoming increasingly impatient, you roll your hips against his, surprising him.
he lets out a breathy moan, urging you to continue. you want to hear each of his pretty sounds.
pressing your clothed clit into the tip of his dick, he closes his eyes, biting his lip. you feel him pulsing beneath you, the thin layer of his sweats not doing much to hide his arousal.
neither of you have ever been this turned on just by kissing, heavy petting, and grinding. but neither of you dare to stop. it feels too good, like a craving you’ve subconsciously had.
riki pauses the movement of your hips, being the first one to break this careful, but familiar, tension between you two. “baby, give me a sec. i’m c-close,” he mutters.
wanting to see what he looks like when he finishes, you grin, dragging your hips down harder and slower, in a teasing manner. he groans, but with the same teasing energy, bucks his hips up into yours, allowing you to feel just how big he is—and he knows it, too. judging by your reaction, he can tell it’s been a while since you’ve both been intimate with someone else.
feeling his release closer than he’d say out loud, he takes control of your movements, speeding them up. you can feel how badly he needs this. how desperate he needs you.
the friction of his covered cock rubbing repeatedly on your sensitive clit, feels better than anything you’ve ever tried with others or yourself. you’re both panting, forehead to forehead, when everything comes crashing down. riki releases into his gray sweats, making a mess. he swears he’s never cum that hard. and your panties get increasingly sticky and uncomfortable.
basking in the aftermath of your shared orgasm, riki gently holds you by the waist, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. lots of “you did great,” “that felt so good, baby,” and a lot of whining. “i need you so bad,” “please, angel, i’ll make you feel so so good.”
who are you to deny your first and only love?
you slowly stand on wobbly legs, stripping, giving riki a show.
he gawks as you remove each item of clothing, starting with your shirt. he’s surprised you aren’t wearing a bra but when your perky tits come into his eyesight, he’s right in front of you. grabbing—licking—whatever’s closest to his mouth and hands.
feeling a bit exposed, while he’s still fully clothed, you whimper into his mouth, silently asking him to take his clothes off as well.
speeding up the process, he rips his tank top off and finally. finally. you get a glimpse of what he always hides under his baggy hoodies. sculpted by the greek gods, you nearly drool at his defined torso. reaching out to drag a hand down his abs, riki shivers at your gentle, yet burning, touch.
you back him up so he sits on his bed and slowly sink to your knees. he leans back on his palms, quiet, but watching you like a hawk. you bring a hand up to cup his bulge, not caring about the sticky stain he’s left.
he groans, low, hot, and it goes straight to your wetness, practically leaking on his floor.
with your hands gripping his waistband, you look up into his dark eyes, clouded with lust, and he nods lifting his hips. yanking his sweats down, you’re met with his hard cock, slapping his abs. “no boxers, huh?” you smugly ask, as if he anticipated this. “nah, not when i’m relaxing, sweetheart.” sweetheart. the name he called you the last day you saw him as kids.
staring at his flushed cock, you lick your lips, ready to devour the man sitting in front of you.
you start by gripping his base, your fingers not fully wrapping around him. how the fuck are you supposed to fit him inside your mouth? a problem you’ve never faced, but for riki? you’d be stupid not to choke on it.
giving his tip sweet little kitten licks, you dig your tongue into his slit, as if you were trying to drink up all his precum. “fuck,” he grunts out, hoping you didn’t discover how sensitive he was at his tip.
he thinks you didn’t, but he should really know better.
you focus all your attention on his swollen head, sucking softly and jerking off the rest of his lengthy dick. his back falls flat, resting on his bed, while he lets out a symphony of moans.
abruptly, you pull off him and when he leans up on his elbows to see why, he’s met with the sight of spit falling from your lips, landing right on his tip. then, his vision goes white.
you lean down, shoving him in your mouth, lips stretched around his girth.
you take him halfway, and the stretch alone is painful already. knowing this might be an issue, riki speaks up, “fuck, you don’t have to take all of me, this already feels so—” but you cut him off, when you sink your mouth further, his tip hitting your throat.
you swallow around him and he whimpers. he’s never felt anything like this before.
when he’s tried to hook up with girls in the past, they normally gave up after a minute of trying to unhinge their jaw to please him.
but with you? he should’ve known you’d be the one to make him proud.
noticing how surprised he is, you start bobbing your head up and down, spit pooling at the corners of your mouth.
it’s messy, wet, and loud. but neither of you care. not when riki is whimpering beneath you so prettily.
his tip repeatedly slams into the back of your throat, making you gag but it just turns him on more. his thighs start to tense and he knows he’s close to his second orgasm.
feeling him twitch in your mouth, you hollow your cheeks and ignore the tears streaming down your face. only focused on his pleasure. you know exactly what will push him over the edge, so you bring your mouth up his cock, lips wrapped carefully around his tip.
swirling your tongue around it, occasionally focusing on his slit, you bring one hand up to his balls and the other to wrap around his base, applying pressure to the vein running along his shaft.
one second later, your mouth gets flooded with his sticky, hot cum. rope after rope shooting from his enlarged tip. his dick is pulsing in your mouth and his cum never ends. it’s spilling out of your mouth onto the floor, but you try and swallow everything you can, not wanting to waste even a drop.
his chest is rapidly rising and falling when you pull off of him with a pop. you wipe your mouth with the sleeve of your shirt and smile sweetly at him, acting like you didn’t just suck him so good his soul left his body.
“damn, baby, didn’t know you wanted me that bad.” he says through a smirk. “calm down nishimura, i could’ve filled up a gallon of water with how much you came,” you bite back. he just looks at your tear stained cheeks and a sense of pride swells in his chest.
while he’s lost in his thoughts, you stand up, knees bruised from his hardwood floor.
glancing between his legs, you notice he’s still hard. how much cum does he have for you? you wonder, taking off your jeans and panties in one go.
now that you’re both fully naked, riki gets up off his bed and approaches you, holding one of your hands. he spins you around, taking in your fully nude body for the first time.
noticing his staring, you open your mouth, “are you just gonna stare or fuck me?”
smoothly, he leads you to lie down on his bed, “patience, princess, be good for me while i take care of you, yeah?” oh you’re gone already.
he leans down to kiss you and your hands find his nape, gently grabbing the hair trailing down his neck.
you mistook riki for an ass guy, when his fascination with your tits makes you break the kiss. he’s sucking gently on your right nipple, his free hand finding your left boob.
moaning gently, you tip your head back into his pillow that smells like comfort, and something musky, but it’s something extremely riki. you instinctively arch into his touch, bare core desperately grinding into the air of his bedroom, desperate for friction.
he senses your neediness, bringing his stiff cock down to rub between your soaked folds. his tip catches your clit, eliciting soft whimpers from your parted lips. using your slick as lube, he lines himself up, stopping before he goes further. “condom?” he sweetly asks. you whisper, under your breath, “n-no, i’m on birth—,” however, you don’t get to answer him when you feel his tip slide into your awaiting hole.
both moaning in relief, he stays with just his tip in, preparing you for the stretch that’s about to come. you relax a bit, a signal for him to push a bit further, cutting off his action with a loud moan.
it’s better than any porn he could dream of, and he’s only about two inches in. the sheer girth of him alone makes it feel like he’s splitting you open in the best way possible.
you look down, thinking he’s halfway in, when in reality, he’s about a fourth of the way inside you. meeting his eyes, he senses your nerves, bringing a hand down to rub your sensitive bundle of nerves.
it helps distract you from the pain, allowing him to slide half way in. he groans at the sensation of your warm, wet walls, engulfing his aching cock. “baby, you gotta relax… you’re s’tight,” he drunkenly mumbles. you can only whimper in response, exhaling as you try to calm down.
once your breathing has returned to a normal state, riki slowly pushes in more, but it all comes to a halt when you wrap your legs around his torso, pulling him all the way in.
he moans, caught off guard, guessing your patience snapped like a thin wire.
as his thick length rests inside you, you can’t help but let out a string of moans, incoherently babbling about how big he feels, and how deep he’s reaching.
“f-fuck. baby, please, can—can i move?” he forces out. you hum in agreement.
he slowly pulls out until only his tip is sheathed inside your warm pussy, then pushes back in all the way. your eyes roll into the back of your head, “fuck. s—s’big, riks.” his pace steadily increases until he notices how your boobs bounce with each thrust he gives you.
he brings his head down, lips wrapping around one of the perky budd, giving you even more pleasure than you knew what to do with.
loud moans grace his ears, the only other sound being skin slapping.
his attention is dragged back to your face when one of your hands reaches for his and brings it up to your neck. his pace falters for a bit until his face contorts, realization dawning over his lust filled features. “oh? does my baby wanna be choked? dirty slut.” you nod in response.
feeling the pressure of his cold ring clad fingers wrapping around your burning flesh, you let out a sigh of relief, the tension in your tummy building at a rapid pace.
riki suddenly pulls out of you, flipping you on all fours, placing a pillow under your stomach. he drags your hips up, kneading the plumpness of your ass. he slams back into you, reaching even deeper in your guts, as he hovers over your back.
“you like feelin’ me this deep, hm?” he takes your hand and places it over the bump you feel with every thrust. your noises are muffled by his bed, which ticks him off—he wants to hear every sound that slips through your mouth. noticing that you liked things a bit rough, he pulls your hair, bringing you flush against the hardness of his chest.
he stills inside you, letting you feel every inch, twitch, and pulse. he’s holding off his orgasm for as long as he can, but he’s not sure how long he can last when you keep clenching around him.
he knows it’s unintentional, but it feels too good, he just needs a second.
you can feel him breathing down your neck when you begin to move. he tries stopping you, but to no avail, you start bouncing on his stiffened cock.
“f-fuck. gonna—cum,” he moans when he attempts to pull out. you push him back down, needing to feel him fill you up. “no. inside,” is all you can muster when he makes a sound of confusion.
slowly gaining confidence, you turn around, and flip him over so you’re on top of him.
flustered by the change in positions, riki gasps when you start to move. his hand finds your clit, rubbing in tight circles.
the band in your stomach starts building, fueling both of your desperation.
your orgasm comes crashing down in waves, pushing riki to buck his hips up, fucking you through it. “that’s it, baby, let it out. c’mon, be a good girl f’me and make a mess,” he mutters out, wanting to prolong your pleasure for as long as he can.
as you cum, your walls uncontrollably clench around his dick, making it harder for him to slide in and out. he starts to chase his own high, gently placing your head back on his pillow and picking up your legs to rest on his shoulders.
he pistons in and out of you, mind hazy, consumed with the need to cum inside of you.
groaning, he stills in your abused cunt, flooding you with the gift of his cum. each pulse, you clench around his hard cock, milking him dry.
he’s on cloud nine, feeling the way you’re taking everything he could possibly offer you.
just as he thinks he’s nearing the end of his high, you whisper in a sultry voice, “you’re still hard, riks,” which makes his skin flush a deep red. his balls tighten and somehow a couple more ropes of cum shoot into your womb. he doesn’t know what you do to him, “take it out on me, baby, i can’t imagine how pent up you must be…” and that does it for him.
wanting to try something new, he straddles your torso, pushing your plush tits together. he aligns his sensitive cock between the flesh and slowly slides through. you stick your tongue out, trying to lick his tip each time it peeks between your boobs.
his cock is nearly too thick for your tits to wrap around him, but he doesn’t care. the sight is more than enough for him to finish.
he’s already close.
the sensitivity gets to him when you begin to hold your tits together, giving him an unobstructed view of you. each time your tongue laps at his slit, he feels himself growing closer to the high he so badly craves.
what really does it for him, is when you spit between your breasts, further lubing his cock. with a low, drawn-out moan, he paints your tits and face with his cum. the sight is too much, his balls go into overdrive, pulsing out more and more ropes of his white, messy load.
your mouth hangs open, wanting to taste more of the salty substance. he thinks you’re perfect.
he collapses on top of you, feeling spent and tired. it’s only when you whine about the stickiness between your legs, on your boobs, and on your face that he gets out of bed, rushing to his bathroom.
he makes his way back over to you with a warm washcloth, and the softest touch you’ve ever felt. he gently cleans the mess he made, only now realizing how much cum he gave you.
and you took all of it. his good girl.
once he’s done wiping away his mess, he picks you up bridal style, heading back to his bathroom. to your surprise, he drew you a bath, with scented candles—lavender. he remembered your favorite.
he helps you into the tub, climbing in behind you. he shampoos your hair, conditions it, and even washes your body with such care, it brings tears to your eyes.
after many hushed whispers, he drains the bathtub, helping you dry off and get into your (his) clothes.
you both get back into his bed, snuggled against one another, riki’s embrace wrapped around you warmer than any blanket could provide.
“riki?” you whisper, afraid to shatter the delicate silence. he hums in response. “please don’t leave me again,” you say trembling, a silent tear slipping down your cheek.
he turns you to face him, “hey, hey, hey, baby, i’m right here. and i know what i did was shitty, you deserved an explanation. but. i couldn’t let you get caught up in what i was doing. it was risky, i couldn’t be what you deserve,” he croaks out, tears wetting his lashes. now it was your turn to comfort him, “oh my riki,” you cooed, cradling his face.
“you did what you had to do, but what’s important is that you’re here now. with me. okay?” you plant the softest kiss on his plump lips. “okay,” he says with a small smile.
you don’t let go. neither does he. his hands stay on your waist, tentative but needing, like he’s still trying to memorize the feel of you. your fingers linger against his jaw, your thumb brushing the damp skin beneath his eye. there’s silence between you, but it’s no longer heavy—just full. thick with everything that couldn’t be said before.
his lips brush against yours again—slower this time, deeper. like a question. and an answer. you lean in, the way you sigh into him. it’s not desperate, not rushed. it’s reverent.
when he pulls back just slightly, his forehead resting against yours, his breath is shaky. “i missed you,” he whispers, voice barely audible. “missed you so much i forgot how to breathe without it hurting.”
you cup his face in both hands now, heart aching in the best way. “i’m here. i’m not going anywhere.”
and then you kiss him again—like a vow sealed in warmth and want. like a beginning.
reblog if u enjoyed this! and comment or send an ask to be part of my perm taglist <3
[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250419
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‼️announcement‼️
i do not use ai or condone the use of ai for writing, actual writers are getting targeted because of this, meanwhile the ones who shamelessly use it get respect for writing well. make it make sense.
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tapes
⋆.˚✮ hard hours
heeseung
jay
jake
sunghoon
sunoo
jungwon
ni-ki
ot7
⋆.˚✮ drabbles
heeseung
jay
jake
sunghoon
sunoo
jungwon
ni-ki
ot7
⋆.˚✮ headcanons
heeseung
jay
jake
sunghoon
sunoo
jungwon
ni-ki
ot7
⋆.˚✮ texts
heeseung
jay
jake
sunghoon
sunoo
jungwon
ni-ki
ot7
#masterlist#library#playlist#fics#list#drabbles#hcs#headcanon#hard hours#hard thoughts#enhypen#enhypen fanfic#enhypen x reader#jaeyuniversal
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𝖷𝖮 ♡ use me, i'll be your genie
❪ ➴ ❫───엔하이픈; asking them to teach you how to kiss
ft. bsf!OT7 % hcs + 1.5k (180+ per member) && w. kiss talk ˖ ✧
♡ [ 1-800-XO HOTLINE ] : new layout #bless ++ no one talk to me ab this for 3 business days. but i do personally LOVE how this turned out icl
🔗. 𝗀𝗈 𝗍𝗈 𝘍i𝖫𝖤 ᰈ̠ 𝖭𝘈𝖵𝗂𝖦𝘈𝖳𝖤 ✮
이희승 — ❪ LEE HEESEUNG ❫
౨ৎ as soon as he hears you casually bring up the question—a simple “so will you do it?”—heeseung responds with a flat out refusal. nope. no way. nuh-uh.
it’s not like he particularly hates the idea of kissing you, hell, he’d be lying if he said the thought hadn’t crossed his mind a few (or slightly more than that) times.
but … past experiences have made it plenty clear that the thin line between friendship and something more is delicate. one wrong move, one wrong act, and the entire dynamic could crumble.
when you huffily tell him to forget about it, wanting to keep some face, he immediately protests.
“no wait! just... don’t ask anyone else to do it. if—if it has to be someone, i’d rather it be me.”
before the sentence is even finished, he’s closing the gap between you; hands cautious, touch careful.
heeseung’s lips brush against your jaw first, dipping slightly to the plane of your neck before tracing their way back up. if he has to do this he’ll do it right.
your breath catches and he pulls back, just barely, before looking at you to ask if you really want this. you can only hope the way your hands rest on his shoulder are enough to convey your yes.
zero palpable hesitation, his kiss drips with confidence. like he has a point to prove. like he’s decided that if you are crossing this line, it might just have been waiting for you both all along.
⋅ ˚ ଳ ₊ ‧ others utc
박종성 — ❪ JAY PARK ❫
౨ৎ with one too many jabs about your "inability to pull bitches" and your "lack of rizz" from him, you will definitely be regretting your question within 10 minutes, tops.
because of course jay’s first reaction would be to make fun of the fact that you actually have to stoop to the level of asking him for help.
you try to huffily leave the rooftop at least thrice but he just laughs and tugs you right back to him by your sleeve.
before you know it, almost as if he hadn’t spent the last half an hour now teasing you unrelentingly, he casually leans in.
shifting closer so imperceptibly that you don’t even notice at first, eyes skimming over your features, unreadable smirk ever present as he angles your chin towards him—mumbling a quick “no time like the present, yeah?”—and then he kisses you.
no warning. no build up. just his mouth on yours, his touch patient but deliberate, with him simply choosing to allow his gentle actions to ease you into it.
somehow, the silence letting you get lost in the moment is worse.
심재윤 — ❪ JAKE SIM ❫
౨ৎ when what jake had originally imagined to be an ordinary study session at the library, ends up with you having him pressed up against one of the shelves, he really can’t be blamed for his flustered reaction.
okay, so sure, maybe blushing and bursting into laughter right in your face at you asking him to teach you how to kiss wasn’t the most appropriate response. so, sue him.
and fine, maybe you didn’t mean to let it escalate this much. he’s now visibly bothered, ears pink, and hands twitching awkwardly by his sides. “y-you’re serious about this? really? i just thought—”
you weren’t serious. you swear it. you really only meant to tease him. but then his wide eyes fluttered down to your lips once, twice, and... really how could you be expected to stop after that?
“d'you still find this funny?” you can’t help but murmur, voice barely more than a whisper.
he just stares at you, mouth slightly parted, like he has something to say. you see the exact moment he decides to lean in—tentative, a movement laced with anticipation.
and that’s exactly when you pull back.
“guess you’ll have to take this more seriously next time.”
and then you’re walking off, leaving him standing there—flushed, stunned, and definitely no longer laughing.
박성훈 — ❪ PARK SUNGHOON ❫
౨ৎ winner of the most nonchalant award !! you need help practicing how to kiss? sure. what else are best friends for?
he promises he’ll only be slightly cocky about it. “if you wanted to kiss me all you had to do was ask.”
“i don’t,” you’d shoot back, but the way he has to hide how the corner of his mouth quirks up, shows that he clearly doesn’t believe a word.
you ramble on a little about how this is just to familiarize yourself with the entire process, how it’s overrated and not even that deep—like why does a “first” kiss even matter? it’s literally just a kiss.
all sunghoon responds with is an easy “sure.” like you asked him the time. “c’mere.”
no teasing, no embarrassment. his hands are comforting at your waist and the kiss is slower than you expect. more cautious. when he pulls back, his voice is low, even. too even.
“there you go. you’re not half bad.”
he seems nonchalant, sure, yet... the faint red on his features tells a completely different story.
김선우 — ❪ KIM SUNWOO ❫
౨ৎ “you’re joking, right? Right?.”
sunoo stands up—he did always have a thing for dramatics—like he needs to have free range of motion to be able to process what you just said.
“you,” his fingers points accusingly like you’ve committed a grave sin, “want me,” finger pointing back at his own now pacing figure, “to teach you how to kiss?!”
his conviction is so strong that you almost believe in the sacrilege yourself.
you eventually interrupt him with an airy mention of just "dropping it" because you can always ask someone else.
“do you even know,” he gasps at that, “how easily people could literally take advantage of you if you walk up to them and say that??”
you snort, brushing him off. you’re confident, positive that you can handle yourself.
but when he moves next you hardly expect him to crowd into your space, pinning you against the bed you’d been lazily lounging against.
his lips ghost over yours, not touching but close enough that you can feel the words he says next before you hear them. “confident huh? i guess we’ll see how well you handle this, then.”
safe to say … lesson learnt. (maybe.)
양정원 — ❪ YANG JUNGWON ❫
౨ৎ finding yourself alone on classroom cleaning duty is usually plenty boring. it’s only natural you’d have … some interesting thoughts to distract you from the mundanity of the chore.
but thankfully, your best friend happens to be suffering on duty with you too! what better way to pass time than a quick chat with him?
so when you half jokingly bring up the idea you don’t really expect anything to come out of it.
and the surprisingly positive response you get is, if nothing else, a tad bit unexpected. jungwon almost seems to be a little too thrilled at the prospect. “so,” his face is carefully neutral, but years of knowing him have made you rather familiar to that knowing sparkle in his gaze, “this would purely be for educational purposes?”
you nod, still half thinking this is just hypothetical. he nods back in response.
he moves slowly, like he has all the time in the world, like this is something he doesn’t even have to think twice about.
you find your face cupped in both his hands and all your follow up questions silenced as he presses kiss after kiss to your lips, unorganized desks remaining forgotten.
"i'd hate to get in the way of proper learning, after all." is his only explanation as he lets you up for air (much) later.
西村 力 — ❪ NISHIMURA RIKI ❫
౨ৎ it’s actually him who jokingly brings it up.
some offhand comment about first kisses tasting like lemons. when you admit you wouldn’t know, considering you haven’t had yours, he pauses. almost as if considering the logistics of what he’s about to say.
to fill the silence, you add a “you could teach me, you know.” not meaning anything by it at all.
but you can only blink when in a tone that is way too assured he says, “i could.”
“…huh?”
ni-ki has the gall to shrug at that, eyes glued to whatever 2000’s cheesy romcom you’d picked out earlier that evening. he insists you should get some ‘real experience’ and that it’d be a disservice to society (i.e., all the boys you could potentially date in the future) not to help you out.
one would think he's doing you a public service by how much he talks it up.
you roll your eyes, deciding to play along. if he wants to take the joke this far, you might as well get some fun out of it.
naturally, his only way to deal with your unserious attitude is to prove his point.
one short kiss melts into two, three, four—you end up losing count. and frankly, you couldn’t be bothered one bit about it.
his thumb brushes against your slightly swollen lips, stopping you when you chase after his own again, and you almost hate how he seems so composed.
“don’t overthink it.” he says, sealing the words with one last kiss to your forehead, a complete contrast to the earlier rushed ones, “i’ve got you.”
𐙚 . regulars : @chrrific @jessxxxfwd @evanesceki @soobundle1009 @weedatthegasstattion @flipitkickit @douqhnxtss @soona-huh @amoressb @nicholasluvbot @manariee @rinrinninnin @ddeonuswife @douqhnxtss @lovenha7 @amatabelle @i-am-not-dal @liyahhhh620 @elleetlalune @eunwonji @s0shroe @wensurr ⋆
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nonsense - s.jy
pairing: loser shy tutor!sim jaeyun x outgoing tutee fem!reader
synopsis: you're loud, confident, and a little too good at making shy boys squirm. your only issue is you’ve always hated physics—until you meet your painfully shy tutor, jake sim. he’s awkward, brilliant, and blushes every time you call him cute. so naturally, you flirt. hard. at first, he stammers and short-circuits, but as study sessions stack up, jake starts to change. maybe it’s the way you lean a little too close or how he starts to flirt back (badly, but adorably).
featuring: jake sim of enhypen n maki from &team!!
genre: college au fluff!!!
warnings: jake has his first kiss, making-out?? kind of. a bit of jealousy, jake is just a super cute loser. lowercase intended ◡̈
playlist: nonsense by sabrina carpenter & soft spot by keshi
wc: 2.411k
a/n: i fear i will ride the loser jake wave forever! i love nerdy men <3 btw this is not proofread...
you’ve always hated physics.
not because you didn’t get it — okay, maybe a little because of that — but mostly because it was boring. theories and forces and laws. rinse and repeat. you weren’t failing physics. not exactly.
you were, however, spending an uncomfortable amount of time squinting at your textbook wondering how the hell you’d gone from memorizing song lyrics in under a minute to barely remembering newton’s third law. you told yourself it wasn’t that bad. then your lab partner dropped out, and your professor kindly suggested that you “seek out support.”
support came in the form of jake sim.
quiet. polite. a little too handsome for his own good. glasses-wearing, formula-spouting jake, with a habit of ducking his head when people talked too loudly. you’d seen him around campus before — usually alone, sometimes reading while walking (impressive), always in a hoodie two sizes too big, and baggy jeans that he almost steps on.
you’d think he was popular, but those thick framed glasses always resting on his perfect nose made you think otherwise.
your meet-cute wasn’t the typical coffee-spill-and-eye-contact thing. it happened last semester, during an elective you were both in: intro to astronomy. you’d been running late one day, flustered and frantic, only one seat left in the lecture hall. next to him. you took it.
he didn’t even glance up.
not until halfway through the class, when you leaned over and whispered, “sorry if i’m invading your orbit.”
he looked at you like he didn’t get the joke. (he didn’t.)
but later that day, you got an anonymous compliment on the university confessions page. “to the girl who sat next to me in astronomy and said something about orbits… you kind of wrecked mine.”
you knew it was him. and you never forgot.
───
“you don’t have to hover,” jake mumbled, eyes focused on the problem set in front of him.
“i’m not hovering. i’m observing… like a particle. you know, in motion.”
“that’s not… how particles work.”
you smiled to yourself. “i was hoping you'd say that.”
he flushed immediately. jake didn’t handle flirting well. hell, he had never even felt the touch of a woman, nevertheless flirted with one.
you’d learned this by session two. if you got too close, he got tongue tied. if you complimented him, he’d practically glitch. it was fascinating. like a physics experiment, but cuter.
“what happens when you apply an external force to a closed system?” you asked, tapping your pencil.
he looked up slowly, suspicious. “depends on the force.”
you leaned in, gaze playful. “what if it’s me?”
he froze.
“y/n,” he said quietly, “you’re not even trying to learn right now.”
“that’s where you’re wrong, mr. sim.” you leaned back in your chair, spinning your pencil between your fingers. “i’ve been learning a lot.”
he narrowed his eyes, skeptical but intrigued. “like what?”
you met his gaze, serious now. “like how you pretend you didn’t notice me in astronomy last semester. even though you did.”
jake stiffened. his pen slipped from his fingers and rolled across the table.
“i—i didn’t—how did you—”
“i recognized your handwriting,” you said softly. “from the confession post.”
his face went scarlet.
you tilted your head, a smile tugging at your lips. “you called me orbit girl.”
jake looked like he wanted to disappear into the earth’s mantle. “i didn’t think you saw that.”
“i did. i screenshotted it.” you shrugged casually, then added, “still have it.”
he looked like you’d just told him you’d been keeping a shrine in your closet. but beneath the panic, something else flickered — hope, maybe?
“…why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.
and there it was. the plot twist.
you dropped your eyes to your notebook, fingers idly brushing a corner.
“i was going to,” you said. “but you never talked to me again. i figured you weren’t interested.”
jake looked stunned. like he’d just missed the punchline to his own joke.
“no! i mean– um…i wasn’t not interested,” he said quickly. “i just didn’t think someone like you would ever…”
“what?” you said, raising a brow. “flirt with their physics tutor?”
jake swallowed hard. “like me back.”
there was a beat of silence. you reached across the table, nudging his pen back toward him.
“you’re cute when you’re nervous, jake” he blushed and wrapped up the tutoring session, brain too flustered to continue talking about his second favorite subject (you’re his favorite).
───
you asked around for jake’s number which proved to be very difficult.
no one had it.
so, you did the only thing you could think of. you went to every cafe within a 15 mile radius of your campus, hoping to find the shy boy.
your mission to find him ended up taking longer than anticipated, misjudging how many cafe’s surrounded decelis. you’ve been to 23 and counting, not once finding the fluffy haired boy with glasses way too big for his adorable face.
as you walk into the twenty-fourth cafe, you think you see him. striped shirt, slightly messy brown hair, around 5’9ish. you walk up to him, tapping on his shoulder when someone behind you calls your name.
“y/n?”
you whip your head around to be met with those big, dark hazel eyes you adored so much.
his plump, heart-shaped lips were wrapped around the straw of his green grape ade, softly biting the plastic. his head was strewn to the side, resembling a golden retriever.
“i found you!” you happily cheered as you made your way to the little table he was at.
“f-found me? were you… looking? for me?” he stuttered which made you giggle.
you fondly smiled at him, “yeah. i was.”
after you ordered an iced mocha, you guys sat in a comfortable silence until you spoke.
“so,” you said, stirring whipped cream into your drink, “what’s a physics genius like you doing tutoring me when you could be dating someone who understands quantum mechanics?”
jake almost spat out his coffee.
you smiled sweetly. “kidding. kind of.”
“i—i don’t think I’m a genius,” he mumbled. “and I’m not — uh — dating anyone.”
“oh, i know,” you said casually, resting your chin on your hand. “campus gossip moves fast.”
jake’s eyes widened. “wait — what do you mean? what gossip? about me?”
you laughed. “relax, jake. you’re just a bit of a mystery. tall, soft spoken, brainy, never goes to parties. people notice.”
he stared at you like you’d told him he was famous.
you sipped your drink and shrugged. “i noticed.”
the cup trembled in his hand.
“…thanks?” he said, though it sounded more like a question than a statement.
you leaned forward. “you say that like you don’t believe me.”
jake’s mouth opened, then closed again.
he was still trying to respond when the barista called out your name, signaling your pastries were ready. you winked at him on the way up and when you turned back, he was still watching you, straw halfway to his mouth, like he couldn’t believe any of this was real.
───
you had your feet up on the seat across from you, swinging gently as you skimmed your notes. jake sat across from you, hoodie sleeves shoved up to his elbows, manspreading with his textbook open on his lap.
you knew what you were doing when you stretched, your shirt riding up slightly as you leaned across the table to reach a pencil. you knew jake saw. his eyes darted down and back up so fast it was like a reflex.
“everything okay?” you asked sweetly.
“fine!” he said, voice three octaves too high. “great. normal. yup.”
you laughed, tossing your pen down. “you know, if we were measuring awkward tension in this room, we’d have to switch to the richter scale.”
jake groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “why are you like this?”
“because it’s fun watching you short-circuit.”
he peeked at you through his fingers, a lopsided grin starting to form. “you’re evil.”
“i prefer charming.’”
there was a beat of silence. then, softly—
“you are.”
your smile faltered. just for a second. “what?”
jake met your eyes, cheeks still flushed but voice steady. “charming.”
you blinked. it was the first time he’d said something like that without tripping over his own tongue.
“…jake sim,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “are you flirting with me?”
he shrugged — shrugged — with fake nonchalance. “maybe.”
you stared at him.
he stared back.
and then — his pencil rolled off the table and he smacked his head on the edge trying to catch it.
“still me,” he groaned, face down on the table. “still a loser.”
you couldn’t help it. you laughed so hard you nearly fell out of your chair. he was cute and adorably clumsy. exactly. your type.
───
the next session, you came in with your usual confidence. playful comments. flirty glances.
but jake didn’t fold this time. (immediately).
in fact, when you were about to lean over to grab his calculator, he reached past you and did it first. smooth. like he was testing you.
“looking for this?” he asked, eyebrows raised.
your eyes narrowed suspiciously. “who are you and what have you done with jake?”
he smiled — cocky, but still nervous. “maybe i’m learning.”
you tilted your head. “is this some physics thing? like, building resistance?”
“more like acceleration,” he said softly. “you keep pushing. i’m picking up speed.”
you stared at him.
he immediately panicked. “i mean — not in a creepy way — i just meant—”
you cut him off with a smirk. “careful, jake. you flirt like you solve equations — painfully accurate.”
he blushed again, but this time, he didn’t back away. instead, he looked at you for a long moment, then leaned in a little, just enough to make your breath catch.
“you said once that you noticed me before,” he murmured.
“yeah,” you said slowly.
he smiled, shy and genuine. “i think i’ve been noticing you for a lot longer.”
you forgot how to breathe for a second.
and then he bumped your knee under the table, awkward as ever. “anyway, we should… probably go over magnetic fields now.”
you grinned, heart racing. “god, you’re such a loser.”
“your loser,” he said quietly.
and somehow, that was the smoothest line of all.
───
the tutoring session was going fine.
that is, until maki showed up.
you were in the library lounge, halfway through a problem on thermodynamics, when a voice interrupted.
“y/n?”
you looked up. riki maus (known as maki). same year, tall, charming, objectively hot in that annoying way that made girls forgive him for talking through labs.
“hey,” you said, blinking. “didn’t know you were on this floor.”
jake went completely still next to you, pen frozen mid-equation.
maki barely glanced at him. “i was just heading out, but i had to say hi. you doing okay with physics? i tutor sometimes too, you know.”
jake’s grip on his pen tightened.
“oh?” you asked, amused. “you tutor now?”
maki shrugged. “not officially. but i could make time. for you.”
you opened your mouth, ready to tease him back, but jake’s voice cut in first.
“she already has a tutor.”
maki blinked, like he’d just noticed him. “right. sim, yeah? you’re in physics lab.”
“yeah,” jake said, still quiet, but there was an edge now. “i’ve got it covered.”
you turned to jake, brows lifting slightly. was he… tense?
maki grinned. “no offense, man, but i’ve heard tutoring y/n is more like surviving her. you sure you can handle it?”
jake stood.
you blinked. jake stood.
he was taller than you remembered. towering over maki, still in his soft hoodie and baggy jeans, but standing like something had clicked. like a switch had flipped.
“i can handle her,” he said, voice even. “better than anyone else.”
maki raised his hands. “okay. chill, bro.”
he gave you one last glance and walked off.
you looked up at jake. he was still standing, chest rising and falling like he was trying to keep it together.
“jake?”
his eyes met yours. there was something in them you hadn’t seen before. something fierce.
“do you like him?” he asked.
you frowned. “maki? god, no.”
he exhaled like he’d been holding his breath. stepped closer.
“because i don’t like seeing guys like that flirt with you.”
you tilted your head, heart starting to pick up. “jealousy doesn’t suit you, sim.”
“i know,” he said quietly. “but you do.”
and then he kissed you.
you didn’t expect it. not from him. not like this.
not with his hand cradling your cheek so gently it made your heart ache, not with the way his lips pressed to yours like he’d been waiting for this moment for weeks — months — forever.
your breath caught. he was warm. steady. his lips moved with surprising confidence, slow at first, then deeper, more certain as you kissed him back.
his other hand found your waist, pulled you in, grounded you. like he was afraid you might disappear if he let go.
your fingers curled in his hoodie, body leaning into his. he tilted his head just slightly and kissed you like a man who had solved the formula for gravity and decided to fall anyway.
wanting to deepen the kiss, you moved your thumb to his jaw, signaling him to open his mouth wider.
he (hopefully) got the hint and slowly but surely slotted his tongue right against yours. he wanted to memorize every part of you and figured he should start with your mouth.
it was as if your lips and tongues moved in perfect synchronization. like puzzle pieces.
when he finally pulled back, it was only enough to rest his forehead against yours.
you both stood there, catching your breath.
“…wow” you said, dazed. “what the hell, sim.”
he started at you. blinked. once. twice. “w-was it okay? did i — do it wrong?”
silence.
he spoke again, “that was kinda.. my first — um — my first kiss…”
you let out a disbelieving laugh. “what do you mean that was your first kiss??? you kissed me like you’ve been rehearsing it in your dreams.”
he looked away. shy. “…maybe i have.”
you narrowed your eyes. “wait. have you?”
he winced. “that was a joke.”
it was silent for a hot minute.
“…mostly. i—i never really get close to pretty girls because i don’t— well i don’t go out. so. um. yeah…”
you grabbed his hoodie and pulled him closer until your lips were right in front of his plush ones. “stop speaking nonsense and kiss me again, sim.”
he didn’t hesitate. just smiled at you and slammed your lips on his. he kissed you like he was finally where he belonged.
and maybe he was.
because nerdy physics tutors?
yeah.they might know the laws of motion — but now he knew what it felt like to crash into you.
please reblog if you enjoyed this cute lil fic ! it helps a lot <3
[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250417
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nonsense - s.jy
pairing: loser shy tutor!sim jaeyun x outgoing tutee fem!reader
synopsis: you're loud, confident, and a little too good at making shy boys squirm. your only issue is you’ve always hated physics—until you meet your painfully shy tutor, jake sim. he’s awkward, brilliant, and blushes every time you call him cute. so naturally, you flirt. hard. at first, he stammers and short-circuits, but as study sessions stack up, jake starts to change. maybe it’s the way you lean a little too close or how he starts to flirt back (badly, but adorably).
featuring: jake sim of enhypen n maki from &team!!
genre: college au fluff!!!
warnings: jake has his first kiss, making-out?? kind of. a bit of jealousy, jake is just a super cute loser. lowercase intended ◡̈
playlist: nonsense by sabrina carpenter & soft spot by keshi
wc: 2.411k
a/n: i fear i will ride the loser jake wave forever! i love nerdy men <3 btw this is not proofread...
you’ve always hated physics.
not because you didn’t get it — okay, maybe a little because of that — but mostly because it was boring. theories and forces and laws. rinse and repeat. you weren’t failing physics. not exactly.
you were, however, spending an uncomfortable amount of time squinting at your textbook wondering how the hell you’d gone from memorizing song lyrics in under a minute to barely remembering newton’s third law. you told yourself it wasn’t that bad. then your lab partner dropped out, and your professor kindly suggested that you “seek out support.”
support came in the form of jake sim.
quiet. polite. a little too handsome for his own good. glasses-wearing, formula-spouting jake, with a habit of ducking his head when people talked too loudly. you’d seen him around campus before — usually alone, sometimes reading while walking (impressive), always in a hoodie two sizes too big, and baggy jeans that he almost steps on.
you’d think he was popular, but those thick framed glasses always resting on his perfect nose made you think otherwise.
your meet-cute wasn’t the typical coffee-spill-and-eye-contact thing. it happened last semester, during an elective you were both in: intro to astronomy. you’d been running late one day, flustered and frantic, only one seat left in the lecture hall. next to him. you took it.
he didn’t even glance up.
not until halfway through the class, when you leaned over and whispered, “sorry if i’m invading your orbit.”
he looked at you like he didn’t get the joke. (he didn’t.)
but later that day, you got an anonymous compliment on the university confessions page. “to the girl who sat next to me in astronomy and said something about orbits… you kind of wrecked mine.”
you knew it was him. and you never forgot.
───
“you don’t have to hover,” jake mumbled, eyes focused on the problem set in front of him.
“i’m not hovering. i’m observing… like a particle. you know, in motion.”
“that’s not… how particles work.”
you smiled to yourself. “i was hoping you'd say that.”
he flushed immediately. jake didn’t handle flirting well. hell, he had never even felt the touch of a woman, nevertheless flirted with one.
you’d learned this by session two. if you got too close, he got tongue tied. if you complimented him, he’d practically glitch. it was fascinating. like a physics experiment, but cuter.
“what happens when you apply an external force to a closed system?” you asked, tapping your pencil.
he looked up slowly, suspicious. “depends on the force.”
you leaned in, gaze playful. “what if it’s me?”
he froze.
“y/n,” he said quietly, “you’re not even trying to learn right now.”
“that’s where you’re wrong, mr. sim.” you leaned back in your chair, spinning your pencil between your fingers. “i’ve been learning a lot.”
he narrowed his eyes, skeptical but intrigued. “like what?”
you met his gaze, serious now. “like how you pretend you didn’t notice me in astronomy last semester. even though you did.”
jake stiffened. his pen slipped from his fingers and rolled across the table.
“i—i didn’t—how did you—”
“i recognized your handwriting,” you said softly. “from the confession post.”
his face went scarlet.
you tilted your head, a smile tugging at your lips. “you called me orbit girl.”
jake looked like he wanted to disappear into the earth’s mantle. “i didn’t think you saw that.”
“i did. i screenshotted it.” you shrugged casually, then added, “still have it.”
he looked like you’d just told him you’d been keeping a shrine in your closet. but beneath the panic, something else flickered — hope, maybe?
“…why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.
and there it was. the plot twist.
you dropped your eyes to your notebook, fingers idly brushing a corner.
“i was going to,” you said. “but you never talked to me again. i figured you weren’t interested.”
jake looked stunned. like he’d just missed the punchline to his own joke.
“no! i mean– um…i wasn’t not interested,” he said quickly. “i just didn’t think someone like you would ever…”
“what?” you said, raising a brow. “flirt with their physics tutor?”
jake swallowed hard. “like me back.”
there was a beat of silence. you reached across the table, nudging his pen back toward him.
“you’re cute when you’re nervous, jake” he blushed and wrapped up the tutoring session, brain too flustered to continue talking about his second favorite subject (you’re his favorite).
───
you asked around for jake’s number which proved to be very difficult.
no one had it.
so, you did the only thing you could think of. you went to every cafe within a 15 mile radius of your campus, hoping to find the shy boy.
your mission to find him ended up taking longer than anticipated, misjudging how many cafe’s surrounded decelis. you’ve been to 23 and counting, not once finding the fluffy haired boy with glasses way too big for his adorable face.
as you walk into the twenty-fourth cafe, you think you see him. striped shirt, slightly messy brown hair, around 5’9ish. you walk up to him, tapping on his shoulder when someone behind you calls your name.
“y/n?”
you whip your head around to be met with those big, dark hazel eyes you adored so much.
his plump, heart-shaped lips were wrapped around the straw of his green grape ade, softly biting the plastic. his head was strewn to the side, resembling a golden retriever.
“i found you!” you happily cheered as you made your way to the little table he was at.
“f-found me? were you… looking? for me?” he stuttered which made you giggle.
you fondly smiled at him, “yeah. i was.”
after you ordered an iced mocha, you guys sat in a comfortable silence until you spoke.
“so,” you said, stirring whipped cream into your drink, “what’s a physics genius like you doing tutoring me when you could be dating someone who understands quantum mechanics?”
jake almost spat out his coffee.
you smiled sweetly. “kidding. kind of.”
“i—i don’t think I’m a genius,” he mumbled. “and I’m not — uh — dating anyone.”
“oh, i know,” you said casually, resting your chin on your hand. “campus gossip moves fast.”
jake’s eyes widened. “wait — what do you mean? what gossip? about me?”
you laughed. “relax, jake. you’re just a bit of a mystery. tall, soft spoken, brainy, never goes to parties. people notice.”
he stared at you like you’d told him he was famous.
you sipped your drink and shrugged. “i noticed.”
the cup trembled in his hand.
“…thanks?” he said, though it sounded more like a question than a statement.
you leaned forward. “you say that like you don’t believe me.”
jake’s mouth opened, then closed again.
he was still trying to respond when the barista called out your name, signaling your pastries were ready. you winked at him on the way up and when you turned back, he was still watching you, straw halfway to his mouth, like he couldn’t believe any of this was real.
───
you had your feet up on the seat across from you, swinging gently as you skimmed your notes. jake sat across from you, hoodie sleeves shoved up to his elbows, manspreading with his textbook open on his lap.
you knew what you were doing when you stretched, your shirt riding up slightly as you leaned across the table to reach a pencil. you knew jake saw. his eyes darted down and back up so fast it was like a reflex.
“everything okay?” you asked sweetly.
“fine!” he said, voice three octaves too high. “great. normal. yup.”
you laughed, tossing your pen down. “you know, if we were measuring awkward tension in this room, we’d have to switch to the richter scale.”
jake groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “why are you like this?”
“because it’s fun watching you short-circuit.”
he peeked at you through his fingers, a lopsided grin starting to form. “you’re evil.”
“i prefer charming.’”
there was a beat of silence. then, softly—
“you are.”
your smile faltered. just for a second. “what?”
jake met your eyes, cheeks still flushed but voice steady. “charming.”
you blinked. it was the first time he’d said something like that without tripping over his own tongue.
“…jake sim,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “are you flirting with me?”
he shrugged — shrugged — with fake nonchalance. “maybe.”
you stared at him.
he stared back.
and then — his pencil rolled off the table and he smacked his head on the edge trying to catch it.
“still me,” he groaned, face down on the table. “still a loser.”
you couldn’t help it. you laughed so hard you nearly fell out of your chair. he was cute and adorably clumsy. exactly. your type.
───
the next session, you came in with your usual confidence. playful comments. flirty glances.
but jake didn’t fold this time. (immediately).
in fact, when you were about to lean over to grab his calculator, he reached past you and did it first. smooth. like he was testing you.
“looking for this?” he asked, eyebrows raised.
your eyes narrowed suspiciously. “who are you and what have you done with jake?”
he smiled — cocky, but still nervous. “maybe i’m learning.”
you tilted your head. “is this some physics thing? like, building resistance?”
“more like acceleration,” he said softly. “you keep pushing. i’m picking up speed.”
you stared at him.
he immediately panicked. “i mean — not in a creepy way — i just meant—”
you cut him off with a smirk. “careful, jake. you flirt like you solve equations — painfully accurate.”
he blushed again, but this time, he didn’t back away. instead, he looked at you for a long moment, then leaned in a little, just enough to make your breath catch.
“you said once that you noticed me before,” he murmured.
“yeah,” you said slowly.
he smiled, shy and genuine. “i think i’ve been noticing you for a lot longer.”
you forgot how to breathe for a second.
and then he bumped your knee under the table, awkward as ever. “anyway, we should… probably go over magnetic fields now.”
you grinned, heart racing. “god, you’re such a loser.”
“your loser,” he said quietly.
and somehow, that was the smoothest line of all.
───
the tutoring session was going fine.
that is, until maki showed up.
you were in the library lounge, halfway through a problem on thermodynamics, when a voice interrupted.
“y/n?”
you looked up. riki maus (known as maki). same year, tall, charming, objectively hot in that annoying way that made girls forgive him for talking through labs.
“hey,” you said, blinking. “didn’t know you were on this floor.”
jake went completely still next to you, pen frozen mid-equation.
maki barely glanced at him. “i was just heading out, but i had to say hi. you doing okay with physics? i tutor sometimes too, you know.”
jake’s grip on his pen tightened.
“oh?” you asked, amused. “you tutor now?”
maki shrugged. “not officially. but i could make time. for you.”
you opened your mouth, ready to tease him back, but jake’s voice cut in first.
“she already has a tutor.”
maki blinked, like he’d just noticed him. “right. sim, yeah? you’re in physics lab.”
“yeah,” jake said, still quiet, but there was an edge now. “i’ve got it covered.”
you turned to jake, brows lifting slightly. was he… tense?
maki grinned. “no offense, man, but i’ve heard tutoring y/n is more like surviving her. you sure you can handle it?”
jake stood.
you blinked. jake stood.
he was taller than you remembered. towering over maki, still in his soft hoodie and baggy jeans, but standing like something had clicked. like a switch had flipped.
“i can handle her,” he said, voice even. “better than anyone else.”
maki raised his hands. “okay. chill, bro.”
he gave you one last glance and walked off.
you looked up at jake. he was still standing, chest rising and falling like he was trying to keep it together.
“jake?”
his eyes met yours. there was something in them you hadn’t seen before. something fierce.
“do you like him?” he asked.
you frowned. “maki? god, no.”
he exhaled like he’d been holding his breath. stepped closer.
“because i don’t like seeing guys like that flirt with you.”
you tilted your head, heart starting to pick up. “jealousy doesn’t suit you, sim.”
“i know,” he said quietly. “but you do.”
and then he kissed you.
you didn’t expect it. not from him. not like this.
not with his hand cradling your cheek so gently it made your heart ache, not with the way his lips pressed to yours like he’d been waiting for this moment for weeks — months — forever.
your breath caught. he was warm. steady. his lips moved with surprising confidence, slow at first, then deeper, more certain as you kissed him back.
his other hand found your waist, pulled you in, grounded you. like he was afraid you might disappear if he let go.
your fingers curled in his hoodie, body leaning into his. he tilted his head just slightly and kissed you like a man who had solved the formula for gravity and decided to fall anyway.
wanting to deepen the kiss, you moved your thumb to his jaw, signaling him to open his mouth wider.
he (hopefully) got the hint and slowly but surely slotted his tongue right against yours. he wanted to memorize every part of you and figured he should start with your mouth.
it was as if your lips and tongues moved in perfect synchronization. like puzzle pieces.
when he finally pulled back, it was only enough to rest his forehead against yours.
you both stood there, catching your breath.
“…wow” you said, dazed. “what the hell, sim.”
he stared at you. blinked. once. twice. “w-was it okay? did i — do it wrong?”
silence.
he spoke again, “that was kinda.. my first — um — my first kiss…”
you let out a disbelieving laugh. “what do you mean that was your first kiss??? you kissed me like you’ve been rehearsing it in your dreams.”
he looked away. shy. “…maybe i have.”
you narrowed your eyes. “wait. have you?”
he winced. “that was a joke.”
it was silent for a hot minute.
“…mostly. i—i never really get close to pretty girls because i don’t— well i don’t go out. so. um. yeah…”
you grabbed his hoodie and pulled him closer until your lips were right in front of his plush ones. “stop speaking nonsense and kiss me again, sim.”
he didn’t hesitate. just smiled at you and slammed your lips on his. he kissed you like he was finally where he belonged.
and maybe he was.
because nerdy physics tutors?
yeah. they might know the laws of motion — but now he knew what it felt like to crash into you.
please reblog if you enjoyed this cute lil fic ! it helps a lot <3
[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250508
#enhypen#jake sim#sim jaeyun#sim jake#fluff#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen fanfic#tutor jake#nerd jake#so cute#jake is a loser#jake sim fluff#jake sim x reader#jake sim fanfic#jake sim imagines#jake enhypen#enhypen jake#suggestive#kpop#kpop fluff#enha fluff#jaeyuniversal
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the Heeseung fic ‘you broke me first’ got me on my knees like….😮💨🫠😩🤗🫣🤩😌🥹🙇🏽♀️🧎🏽♀️
Hoping to have more Hee fics from youuuuuuuuu🙏🏼🫶🏼 (but ofc the rest of en- members too)🤩
THANK YOU OMG it was my first time writing in a long time im so glad you enjoyed it ◡̈ <3
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My Journey to Escape the War in Gaza
My name is Abdelmajed. I never imagined I’d be sharing my story like this, but life in Gaza has become unbearable. I am a survivor of the war here, and in the blink of an eye, everything I once knew—my home, my safety, my community—was ripped away from me.

The war has transformed Gaza into a graveyard of broken dreams. The buildings that once stood as symbols of life and resilience are now piles of rubble. Every corner is filled with the echoes of explosions. Every moment is shrouded in uncertainty. There is no security. There is no stability. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Basic needs have become luxuries. Food is scarce. Clean water is even scarcer. Hospitals are overwhelmed and under-resourced, and there is almost no medical care to be found. Every night, families go to bed hungry, praying they’ll wake up to see another day. The cost of basic necessities has skyrocketed, and it’s become a daily battle just to survive.
I’ve seen things I never thought possible—standing in long lines for a piece of bread, rationing every drop of water, and watching my people suffer in silence. I have lost everything—my home, my safety, my dignity.
Escape from Gaza is my only hope, but it’s almost impossible without financial help. The cost of evacuation is far beyond my means, and without support, I’m trapped in a warzone with no way out.
I’m reaching out to you now, in the hopes that someone, anyone, can help. I am not asking for luxury. I am asking for a chance—just a chance—to live. A chance to escape this never-ending cycle of fear, destruction, and loss. A chance to rebuild my life somewhere safe, where I can begin again, where I can find hope once more.
Any amount you can give will help me get closer to safety. Even the smallest donation will make a difference—it could be the lifeline I need to survive. If you are unable to donate, please share my story. The more people who hear it, the better the chance that I can find the support I desperately need.
Your kindness and support mean the world to me. You’re not just helping me escape a war; you’re giving me a chance to live, to rebuild, to breathe again.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring.
Vetted by @gazavetters
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My name is Abed.
I’m a survivor from Gaza, holding on to hope in a world that has fallen apart around me. 💔
The life I once knew — my home, my family, my sense of safety — has been shattered by war. Today, I live among the ruins, trying to find a path forward through the rubble and heartbreak. 🏚
Every moment is a battle against fear and uncertainty. What was once ordinary — a safe place to sleep, a future to dream of — now feels like a distant memory. 🕊️
I share my story not to seek pity, but to keep hope alive — to believe that even in the darkest places, kindness can still find a way. 🤍
If my story touches your heart, please consider sharing it or offering support. Every voice, every act of care, brings me one step closer to safety. ✨
Thank you for taking the time to listen. 🙏
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i’ll keep you in my prayers <3 sending light love and hope for better days! 🫶🏼🫶🏼
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MY KIND OF WOMAN ✶ 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗄𝗇𝖾𝖾𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎



𝗔𝗟𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘𝗟𝗬 ──── 𝗂’𝗆 𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗄𝗇𝖾𝖾𝗌. 𝖻𝖾𝗀𝗀𝗂𝗇’ 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾, 𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗒. 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗆𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗅𝖽.
❪ 𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗦&𝗖𝗢 ❫ 。 enhypen x fem ! rea 1854 fluff ✶ skinship kissing alcohol mention crying (ᴗ_ ᴗ。) 书
REBLOG4AKISS
HEESEUNG
your boyfriend feels like he is slowly losing all sense of sanity. as he peeks over at you standing in front of the bathrooms mirror— to busy getting yourself dolled up to merely notice a sign of his presence— he feels his mind slipping away from his fingers.
his leg is bouncing, at the same rate as his heartbeat. he bites down his lower lip, presses it against the higher one and tries to drift his eyes away from your lipstick brushing over your mouth. but he still wants it, he still wants to kiss you that bad.
the sound of his feet against the floor makes you turn your attention to his direction. he looks at you like he knows you are going to deny him again— which is true.
“go away,” you tell him with a laugh but he doesn’t listen. instead, he stops a few centimeters away from you and under your confused gaze, he starts to lower himself. “what are you doing?”
he is soon all the way down to his knees, with his hands clasped against one another in a way that reminds one of a prayer. he looks up at you with such wide bambi like eyes that you can’t help but laugh in disbelief, “pretty girl please,” he starts, voice pleading. “let me give you one kiss before you leave.”
you stay silent as heeseung begs a little more for a the smallest sign of affection. then you giggle as you say, “heeseung, get up,” and he listens. he steps closer to you, who wraps your arms around his neck. your lip combo can be ruined after all, “you are so stupid.”
JAY
the tension in the house welcomes your boyfriend the second his steps inside. it sends chills from the top of his nape down down to his spine. suddenly, his cravat is a little bit too tight around his neck and his hands are getting sweaty.
with his fingers around his cravat, making in a little bit more loose, he walks towards where you could be. “princess,” he calls out for you, following the light that erupts from the kitchen. you didn’t come open the door for him. “i’m home.”
jay likes to think that he didn’t hear your answer and that you didn’t ignore his greeting— but he knows better.
you don’t even grace him with a glance but his breath is still stolen by the sight of you. the smell of your conditioner took all over the kitchen and your skin glows due to the products of your cherished skin care routine. his eyes drags all over your pretty pajamas down to your shorts and your bare legs.
he gets closer to you, waiting for you to give him a little bit of attention. he sighs when you don’t, “can you at least look at me?” he feels like talking to a wall.
it feels like it’s a punishment for coming home too late. now he can’t kiss his pretty lover but he knows how to make things a little better.
and because jay is a real man who doesn’t mind being a little pathetic for his girlfriend, he gets on his knees in his expensive suit and takes your hands in his.
“princess, i’m sorry,” he says as he scoots closer. his puts your hands on his shoulders and puts his on your hips. he can’t help but find the way you furrow your brows extremely hot. “i’ll make it up to you, i promise.”
JAKE
he comes back home red in the face and teary eyed. due to the alcohol running in his system, he stumbles over every single furniture of the house. in the empty hall, he slurs your name in an attempt to call out for you.
you rush to him, “jake, are you okay?” you ask, your ends on his shoulders as he almost stumbles over his own feet. he takes him some time to realize that you are here, standing right in front of him.
his eyes shines even more when he looks at you. you can see your reflection in his growing tears, “my love,” his voice his shaky and wobbly. he doesn’t say anything more— only collapsing his body against yours.
his strong arms hold you firmly. he hides his face in your neck. you can swear that he starts to cry, even sobs a little from time to time while you hug him back. “what happened?”
he doesn’t respond but his grip on your becomes lighter and you feel is body getting lamb, as if he was melting against your warmth. he slides down until he is in front of your feet, on his knees.
he embraces your waist and rests his cheek against your stomach, “i missed you,” he sniffles. he tightens his embrace, “i missed you a lot.”
you pat the back of his head, “i missed you too.”
SUNGHOON
“hey, you,” the tall man says after you open the door. he presents himself in a white tank top and black sweatpants. there is a big bag hoppped over his shoulder, indicating that he just came back from the gym.
you get on your tiptoes to kiss him as a greeting. then you go back on your feet properly and scan his buff form with a smile, “why do you but the gym everyday?” you ask, resting your arms on his naked arms. you squeeze his biceps. “you are already jacked.”
he smiles as you touch him. “are you feeling yourself?” well, yes. his question doesn’t make you stop and you keep on torturing his arms for a while before having pity for your boyfriend.
you step backwards to let him in. he steps closer to you, though, without closing the door behind him. he puts his large back on the floor, “i hit the gym just so i can—” he starts as he kneels in front of you.
sunghoon looks like a prince when he is down there, and that makes your heart skip a bit when your eyes lock with his. the look in his eyes and his goddamn smirk is anything but trustworthy.
“what are you doing?” you laugh nervously. then, you yelp when he hugs your thighs and hops you over his shoulder. as he starts to get up, you beat his back weakly, “put me down!”
he doesn’t. instead, he continues to talk while turning around and closing the door behind him, “—do that.”
SUNOO
“i don’t know,” you start hesitantly as you let yourself fall into the couch behind you. you bite your lower lip— glistening with your lipgloss— slightly before continuing, “i don’t like my face these days.”
your boyfriend can’t help but let a grimace creep on his face. not being your worries doesn’t matter, but because he think they don’t make sense. when he looks at you, all dressed up and glowing from head to toes, he is in disbelief.
“you’re beautiful,” he tells you before thinking. and he wonders, quietly, how anyone else can say otherwise. how can someone so gorgeous fail to see her own beauty?
you huff, clearly trying yet failing to believe his words. “thank you,” your fingers tuck a hair strand behind your ear.
for a few seconds you are too busy avoiding his eyes and fidgeting with your fingers to notice that he has got closer to you. he stands in front of you, and when you finally notice, you are too embarrassed to look up.
he decides to find another way. he gets his knees on the floor, and cup your face tenderly. “look at me,” he smiles when you do. “you are so beautiful that you got a man on his knees for you, who else can say that?”
he brings your face closer to his own. he kisses your forehead while you laugh, then your nose, your cheeks until whispering against your mouth, “you are gorgeous, okay?”
he doesn’t let you go until you nod weakly.
JUNGWON
if there is one person who is a pain to take care of, it’s definitely your boyfriend.
you try to push him away off of you, but he groans and has the audacity to rearrange his position. “jungwon,” he whines when you try to get him off of you again. it’s not like you want to get up for the fun of it, or only because you can’t feel your body anymore, “i need to go buy you medication.”
he doesn’t budge. for a moment, you want to give up and let yourself be swallowed by the mattressunder you. but if he doesn’t take medication, he will be sick, even more annoying than usual. you tickle his stomach, he yelps a laugh. you take the advantage of his weakness to escape.
“no,” he says when you are already out of the bed. he grips into your arm but he is too weak to fight against your strength. your wrist slips away from his fingers, his torso out of the bed. he decides to get up completely and follow you.
“stay away,” you tell while you put your shoes on.
“why do you hate me?” he coughs in despair. then, he literally falls down to his knees. you hand flies to your mouth as he pleads, “i don’t need medication, i need you.”
you stay still for a few seconds. flabbergasted and amused by his antics, you put on your jacket, still. “i love you,” the man is still on his knees when you open the door. “please be normal when i come back.”
RIKI
“you cheated!” he exclaims, yanking his controller in the empty space next to him. he falls back against the couch’s backseat. his faces the ceiling, slowly processing his defeat, as you jump on the couch.
his allegations doesn’t phase you at all: how can anyone cheat at mario kart? perhaps, you did push him with your shoulder from time to time, but he did it back. “i won!” you remind him, cheerful. you don’t hide your mean smile when you continue, “get on your knees now.”
your boyfriend’s large hands fall to his thighs. he sends you a look that clearly asks you if you are being serious right now. “oh, come on,” you giggle at both him and the sight on the television. princess peach is happy to be first place, it seems. “it was part of the bet.”
riki sighs, slowly getting in up. he steps in front of you, “do you really want me to?” he laughs at how happily you nod to give him an answer.
slowly, he lowers himself. he is still tall, even when he is so prettily set on his knees. with a small grin, he looks up at you, “you are the only princess ever,” his eyes follow you when you sit down. “and i would do anything for you,” there is a small pause where he takes a deep breath, “really. now gimme a kiss.”
when such a beautiful man is on his knees asking for a kiss, it’s your job to make his wish come true.
분지 ܃ i hope you enjoyed this longer work <3
taglist open !
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anxiety - n.rk
pairing: stranger!nishimura riki x fem!reader
synopsis: you meet him on a quiet night — a stranger with sharp eyes and a colder edge, nothing like anyone in your sleepy suburb. he won’t talk, barely looks at you, but something about him lingers. maybe you’re just curious. or maybe you’ve seen him before.
featuring: ni-ki & jake of enhypen
genre: childhood friends to lovers, a sprinkle of angst, smut, skinship, kissing, etc.
warnings: smut (18+), difficult relationships with parents, love at first sight lowk, vulnerability, themes of implied watching (not rlly stalking) but it isn't graphic, riki smokes cigs, uhhh i think that's it?? lowercase intended heh
playlist: anxiety by doechii, clarity by zedd & sacrifice by enhypen
(smut warnings under cut)
wc: 9.120k
a/n: this is way longer than i expected but it came to me in a dream... enjoy! also i'm gonna start a perm taglist! comment on any of my fics or send an ask to be added! <3
smut content: riki's PACKING, they cum in their pants lol, dry humping, deepthroating kinda, backshots LMAO, missionary, dom!riki x sub!reader, degradation & praise kinks, creampie, like SO MUCH cum... n e ways! fluffy aftercare, unprotected sex (wrap b4 you tap), tit fucking, oral (m. receiving), choking, everything is consensual, riki and reader are both so down bad for each other... lmk if i missed anything :3
(not proofread)
-ˏˋ⋆ 7 months ago ⋆ˊˎ-
it was raining the day you first felt it — that creeping sensation at the back of your neck, like invisible fingers brushing against your skin.
not a storm, not anything dramatic. just that kind of soft, cold drizzle that seeped into your clothes and made the world feel like it was holding its breath. gray sky melted into gray pavement, the horizon smeared like a half-finished painting. you were standing under the chipped awning of the old bakery on the corner, the scent of yeast and sugar mixing with the rain, waiting for your usual thursday pastry that was always slightly overbaked but comfortingly warm.
you remember scrolling through your phone, aimlessly, as your friend, jake, rambled beside you about something he saw on tv. you weren't listening. you were too aware of the feeling — that hum beneath your skin. subtle but unshakable.
“there’s someone watching me,” you’d said earlier that morning, trying to brush it off with a laugh as you stirred milk into your coffee. “it’s my anxiety.” jake didn’t look up from his phone. “or maybe you’re watching yourself spiral.”
you’d rolled your eyes. maybe he was right. midterms were looming, you hadn’t slept in days, and your brain felt like it was being slowly pulled apart by rubber bands. but still. the feeling didn’t go away.
it got worse.
you’d been fidgeting, switching the weight on your feet, chewing the inside of your cheek. and then, like something calling your name without a sound, your eyes had drifted across the street.
that’s when you saw him.
a boy. or maybe a man — it was hard to tell, the rain blurred everything. tall, impossibly still, wearing a black hoodie that clung to his shoulders. he wasn’t under any kind of shelter. he stood alone, soaked to the bone, his face half-hidden by the hood, his gaze fixed. not on the road. not on the buildings. but on you.
you stared. you didn’t recognize him. not really. and yet something deep in your chest stirred like a memory. like a name you almost remembered. like a dream you’d had once and forgotten by morning.
you glanced down for a second — a message lighting up your screen.
when you looked up, he was gone.
no footsteps. no splash. just… gone.
you never told jake. what would you say? you didn’t even know what you’d seen. maybe nothing at all.
maybe your anxiety really was watching you. maybe it had grown arms and legs and a face hidden under a rain-soaked hood. maybe it had always been there, just waiting for the right day to show itself.
either way, it started then.
and it never really stopped.
-ˏˋ⋆ present day ⋆ˊˎ-
the hallway is too quiet for a friday night.
you shuffle down the corridor with a tied-up trash bag swinging limply at your side, socks stuffed in your duck slippers, slapping against the cool tile floor. the overhead light flickers once, buzzing faintly. classic.
you reach the stairwell, already bracing yourself for the sharp chill of the outside air, when you stop short.
he’s there.
leaning against the railing of the third-floor landing, hoodie pulled up over his head, cigarette dangling between his fingers — even though this is strictly a no-smoking building. he doesn’t flinch when you turn the corner. just keeps staring out at the dim skyline, face barely visible under the shadow of his hood.
you slow down, blinking.
he’s not familiar — not really. you pride yourself on knowing every face in this sleepy apartment complex, whether through polite nods in the mailroom or awkward elevator silences. but him? nothing. no name. no room number. just angles and silence.
and yet… something about him rings in your head like a half-forgotten dream.
his profile is soft, almost too pretty to be real. sharp jaw, dark lashes, bangs dipping into his eyes. he looks like he doesn’t belong here — like someone plucked him out of a bigger story and dropped him into yours by mistake.
"hey," you offer, voice casual, just above a whisper. "you new here?"
he doesn’t look at you. doesn’t answer.
awkward.
you shift the trash bag in your hands, trying again. “i live on the second floor. don’t think i’ve seen you around before.”
still nothing. just a small exhale of smoke that curls into the cold night air.
rude, you think. but not in a mean way. more like… distant. careful.
you lean against the opposite railing, letting the silence stretch for a few seconds.
"you look familiar," you say, eyes narrowing. "have we met before?"
this time, his gaze flickers. not quite to you — just past you. a twitch of recognition, maybe. or annoyance.
you can't tell.
but your brain is racing. you know him. you must. maybe in passing. maybe in a memory. maybe you’ve just seen him out here before, on the edge of your vision, existing quietly in the corners of your routine. maybe your subconscious noticed him long before you did.
he stubs out the cigarette and walks past you without a word.
you don’t move. you just watch him disappear down the hall, hoodie covered by a black jacket, hands stuffed in his pockets.
"okay then," you murmur to yourself, staring after him. and you can’t help it — the way your eyes linger on the spot he stood, heart ticking a little faster.
there’s something about him.
you just don’t know what. yet.
───
it's raining the next time you see him.
you’re standing under the overhang by the front entrance, fumbling with your umbrella, when the door swings open behind you. you glance back — and it’s him. again.
hoodie. same brown timberlands. same unreadable expression.
you swear he pauses when he sees you, just a fraction of a second. but maybe that’s in your head.
"you smoke a lot for someone living in a no-smoking building," you say without thinking, half a joke.
he doesn’t laugh. but his lips twitch, barely, like maybe he almost did.
he steps out into the rain without an umbrella.
"hey!" you call, surprised. "you're seriously just gonna walk in that?"
he doesn't stop. doesn't answer. but this time, he does glance back at you over his shoulder. eyes dark. thoughtful. like he’s trying to decide something.
“i’ve seen you before,” you say — louder, more certain now. “i just don’t remember where.”
his mouth parts, like he might say something. but then he turns and keeps walking, rain soaking into the fabric of his hoodie, blending him into the gray of the street.
and you're left standing there, umbrella unopened, heart kicking strangely against your ribs.
───
it’s quiet in the laundry room — too quiet. the kind of quiet that settles in your chest and presses down, like you’re underwater. the overhead light flickers occasionally, buzzing in protest, but no one’s bothered to fix it. you wouldn’t usually be here this late, but your sheets were stained and the smell was driving you insane. so here you are, half-past midnight, leaning against a rickety folding table, waiting.
your phone barely gets signal this far in the basement, and the wi-fi’s always spotty. it’s just you, the low groan of the washer, and your own thoughts trying to make conversation.
until the door creaks open.
you don’t jump, but your spine straightens on instinct. you don’t have to look up to know it’s him — the presence is immediate, unmistakable. that stillness in the air that follows him like a shadow. you finally glance up, and there he is. same black hoodie. same too-quiet footsteps. same face that looks like it doesn’t belong here. like it was carved into something older than this tiny suburban building.
he doesn’t say a word. just drops a bag on the floor and begins sorting laundry like it’s the most normal thing in the world. like you haven’t already seen him twice this week, always at night, always alone, always watching without watching.
“seriously?” you say, trying to keep your voice light. “do you just hang out in weird corners of this complex to freak people out?”
nothing.
he lifts a pair of dark jeans, shakes them out. you watch his fingers. they're pale. long. too clean for someone who lives in this building. you’ve lived here your whole life and never seen him before last week — and yet...
he feels familiar.
“okay,” you continue, stepping off the table now. the room feels colder suddenly. “do you live here? or are you like... a freak with laundry privileges?”
still nothing. you laugh under your breath, but it sounds too loud in the silence. your heartbeat starts to climb your throat.
then he says it. quiet. low.
“you used to wait outside the bakery every thursday. same dark purple coat. hair in a slick bun. you never looked both ways when you crossed the street.”
the words stop you cold.
“what?” you ask, your voice barely audible.
he still doesn’t look at you. he presses a button on the washer. it whirs to life.
“i remember,” he says simply.
and then he walks out.
no explanation. no glance back. just leaves you standing there, spine prickling, air thick with something you can’t name.
you don’t move for a long time. the washer keeps spinning. and somewhere in the back of your mind, a door creaks open — something old, something buried. you know that voice. you know it.
but from where?
and why now?
───
you see him again the next week.
it’s late. everything always is these days. late nights, late thoughts, late feelings that come crawling out of places you’ve spent years trying to bury.
he’s there again by the mailboxes, half-shrouded in the dim glow of the overhead light. same hoodie, same stillness. like he’s always belonged to the dark. like the world moves around him, but never through him.
you don’t say anything this time. just glance at him, let your eyes linger a little too long. the silence stretches like fog between you, thick and almost heavy.
when you get back to your apartment, you sit on the floor of your room, knees to your chest, staring at nothing. trying to remember.
because it’s not just déjà vu. it’s more insistent than that. it’s something sharper. something that presses at the edges of your mind like a dull knife.
you know him.
or—at least, you’ve seen him before. not in this life maybe, but in another version of it. in a hallway, maybe. in a photograph. in a moment you never thought would matter until it does.
you try to pull it apart, memory by memory. but your brain is tired and tangled, the way it always is when you think too hard about the past. especially your own.
your mom used to say you were dramatic. that you let small things become monsters under the bed. “don’t be so sensitive,” she’d snap, when you cried over things she didn’t understand. “you make everything so hard for yourself.”
your dad never said much at all.
they were loud in the wrong ways. silent in the ones that mattered. and you learned early how to turn your feelings into puzzles with missing pieces — complex enough to keep you distracted, but unsolvable enough to stop you from ever really facing them.
and yet, riki… there’s something about him that pulls at those missing pieces. like maybe he was one of them. like maybe he slipped into your life through a crack in the wall and waited, patiently, for you to notice.
was he from your old school? a kid from your neighborhood? someone you passed in a crowd once and never forgot, even if you didn’t realize it?
you hate not knowing. hate how it makes you feel like a child again — helpless and unsettled. desperate for answers no one’s willing to give.
maybe that’s what this really is. not fear. not obsession. just the ache of a memory that refuses to resurface.
he’s a question mark in human form. and you’ve never been good with uncertainty.
you don’t see him again for days.
which should be a relief. it should give you space to think, to forget. but it doesn’t. it just makes everything louder. the silence, the questions, the feeling in your gut that something is watching you — or waiting.
your sleep turns thin and restless. shadows stretch too long across your walls. you start leaving your bedroom light on. just in case.
one night, you wake up at 3:12 a.m., heart racing for no reason at all. it takes a second to realize what pulled you out of sleep — a sound. something light. deliberate.
a knock?
you hold your breath. wait. nothing.
you get up anyway.
there’s no one at the door. of course not. but something catches your eye as you start to turn back — something lying just at the edge of your doormat. small. folded. a piece of paper.
you hesitate, then pick it up. it’s blank on the outside. no name. no writing. nothing.
you open it slowly.
inside, in rushed, almost messy handwriting, are six words:
“do you really not remember me?”
your throat goes tight. your first instinct is to look around, scan the hallway, check the peephole twice. there’s no one.
no sound.
just that question burning in your hands.
do you really not remember me?
your fingers shake a little as you fold it back up. your brain is moving too fast and not fast enough at the same time. and that feeling — the one that’s been gnawing at you for days — it blooms in your chest like a scream that never makes it out.
because now it’s real. now you know you aren’t imagining it. the familiarity, the tension, the way your spine goes rigid every time you see him —
he knows you.
he’s known you.
and maybe you did know him once, too. maybe you still do, buried under everything you’ve forgotten on purpose.
you think about the look in his eyes that first night. the way he never said a word. the stillness of him.
you think of the hallway. the sound that woke you. the note.
you think of how you told your friend the other day, half-laughing, half-serious: “there’s someone watching me, it’s my anxiety.”
but what if it’s more than that?
what if it’s not just in your head?
what if it’s him?
───
it hits you in the middle of folding laundry.
something about the way your fingers move. something about the light slanting in through the kitchen window. warm, but not comforting. and all at once, you’re not in your apartment anymore.
you’re in a house. someone else’s. maybe your own. there’s music playing — muffled through a closed door. a cheap stereo with tinny speakers. old j-pop, the kind that loops endlessly on cassettes. the wallpaper is peeling in one corner.
and then—
a voice. soft. younger. yours.
"why do you always hide when they come home?"
someone's sitting in the hallway. knees pulled to their chest. head down. shadows in the space between them like they’re both in different dimensions.
and then he looks up.
not the man in the stairwell. not riki, not yet. just a boy. sharp eyes, hollow cheeks, hair too long in front. there’s a cut on his lip. fading purple under his eye.
“because it’s safer,” he says.
the air warps around that line, like heat off asphalt. she wants to reach for him, wants to say something back, but the memory curls tighter around her, swallowing the end of it before she can hold on.
then it’s gone.
just like that.
you blink down at the pile of laundry in your lap, hands gone still.
your chest feels tight. throat aching, like you swallowed something heavy. the apartment feels colder than it should. that voice — his voice — still rings somewhere in your bones.
because you’ve heard it before. not recently. years ago.
and suddenly you’re thinking about your father’s anger. how he used to break things before he yelled. how sometimes he didn’t yell at all. how the silence always scared you more. how you stopped inviting friends over after age ten. how there was one boy you let in. once.
his name—
you press the heel of your palm to her forehead, hard, like you can shake it loose.
it won’t come. not yet.
but the shape of it is there, curling at the edges of a memory like smoke. and the boy with the bruised mouth and quiet eyes — he's not a stranger.
not even close.
later that night, you can't sleep.
there's a weight on your chest that won’t lift no matter how you shift under the sheets. it’s not insomnia — it’s memory. something clawing at the back of your skull, begging to be seen.
so you get up.
the air in the apartment is too still. even the hum of the fridge feels distant. you don't bother with the lights. just moving barefoot and slow, like any noise might scare the truth away.
the closet in the hallway creaks when you open it. you kneel. pushing past shoeboxes, tangled cords, the mess of forgotten things. until your hand hits the one you’re looking for.
a red box. scuffed corners. cheap velvet peeled at the edges. inside: scraps of a childhood. yours.
old keychains, broken friendship bracelets, polaroids faded to brown. concert tickets. a snow globe from sapporo. and then—
a photograph.
creased down the center. color bleeding with age. a summer day, maybe. you’re younger. seven or eight. awkward teeth, sunburnt nose, some awful haircut her mother swore looked cute. and beside you —
a boy.
not smiling. just… there. close, but not touching. eyes dark and watchful even then.
and it’s him.
riki.
only it wasn’t his name back then, was it? he went by ni-ki.
your breath catches. you sit back on your heels, heart thudding in your ears.
how could you forget? they lived on the same street. just four houses down. his mom used to walk him to school until she didn’t anymore. and then he stopped coming altogether.
after that, he vanished. until now.
until the stairwell. until the way he didn’t speak but looked at her like he knew everything.
you swallow the sick twist in your stomach. the sudden, sharp cold shivering down your spine.
why was he back?
and why you?
you leave the photo on the kitchen island.
maybe it’s careless, maybe even stupid, but you tell yourself it’ll make more sense in the morning. you’ll wake up, look at it with clearer eyes, and it won’t feel like your chest is caving in. besides, you live alone. and it’s just a photo.
just a photo.
you drag yourself to the couch, the blanket scratchy against your legs, exhaustion curling into your limbs like smoke. you fall asleep fast — but it’s the wrong kind of sleep. thick, dreamless, heavy with something you can’t name. a noise pulls at you. a door. or a voice. or your own heart cracking open.
you wake up just as the first light creeps through the windows. your mouth is dry. your tongue tastes like copper.
something is off.
you walk into the kitchen, still half in a fog—and stop.
the photo is gone.
you freeze, staring at the empty spot where it had been, your thoughts moving too fast and too slow all at once. the red box is still there. untouched. the lid sitting open like a mouth waiting to swallow more. you check the floor. under the fridge. between papers. nothing.
no one could’ve taken it.
the door was locked. the windows haven’t budged. you were here. you were alone.
a chill slides down your spine, sharp and crawling. you think of him again. the way he looked at you in the stairwell. not confused. not curious.
just watching.
like he already knew what you would find.
your breath catches. you don’t even realize you’ve backed up until your shoulder hits the wall.
you don’t understand what’s happening, but something is— and it’s closing in.
the silence hums in your ears. the wind slips against the glass like breath. and then you see it.
something on the kitchen table.
not the photo. but something folded.
small. white. placed exactly where the photo had been.
your name is written on the front.
in handwriting you almost recognize.
you stare at the folded paper like it might burn through the table. your name, in soft, slanted letters—almost familiar, like a half-remembered dream. the kind you wake up from with your chest tight and eyes wet, but can’t explain to anyone without sounding insane.
your fingers hesitate.
you don’t want to touch it. you want to burn it. you want to leave the apartment and never come back.
but your hand moves anyway, like it isn’t yours. like you’re being pulled by something older than memory.
the paper is heavier than it looks. the kind of paper someone saves. the kind that lives in boxes under beds, waiting to be found.
you unfold it slowly. deliberately.
the first line makes your stomach drop:
“you used to laugh with your whole face.”
your throat tightens. your vision blurs at the edges. you keep reading.
“i remember when you were afraid of thunderstorms. you’d hide under the table with that stuffed bear. the one with the missing eye.”
you sink into the nearest chair. it creaks beneath you. your heartbeat pounds in your ears like thunder.
how does he know that?
no one remembers that.
not even your mother—too busy fighting shadows of men who never stayed long enough to learn your name.
you blink hard, trying to push away the sting in your eyes. your hand shakes as you reach the last line:
“it’s okay if you don’t remember me. i remember you.”
the note isn’t signed.
but you already know who it’s from.
and you’re not sure if that makes it better… or so much worse.
you find yourself standing at the corner of the street, unsure of where to go or how to breathe. the note is heavy in your hand, the words on it are still too real. still too impossible to wrap your mind around.
but you can’t ignore it anymore. you’ve been running from something, running from the truth, but it’s all catching up with you. and it starts with one thing—one person—who might just hold the answers.
you text jake. i need to talk to you.
he replies almost immediately: come over. i’ll make coffee.
you don’t hesitate. your body moves before your brain can catch up.
jake’s apartment smells like coffee, like books, and like something homey you can’t quite place. you’ve always liked it here—quiet, safe, with jake’s easy smile and the way he always listens like he doesn’t have a million things on his plate.
but today, when he opens the door, his smile falters. his eyes linger on the note in your hand before he invites you in.
“what’s going on?” he asks, his voice soft. “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“worse,” you murmur, sitting down at the kitchen table. “riki. the guy from my apartment building. the one i’ve been thinking about.”
jake’s face changes. his usual calm demeanor cracks for a split second, but it’s enough. enough to make you sit up straighter, enough to make your heart skip a beat.
“what do you mean, the guy you’ve been thinking about?” he asks carefully. “y/n, you’ve been telling me you’ve never met him before. he’s just some weird guy who shows up at random times. are you sure you’re okay?”
you hesitate. the note is still in your hand. you want to show it to him, but something holds you back. you can’t explain this to him without sounding insane.
“he knows things, jake. about me. about my childhood. stuff no one would know.” you pause, swallowing hard. “it’s like he’s been... watching me.”
the silence in the room thickens. jake stands still, his hands gripping the edge of the table. you can feel his mind working through it, piecing things together. finally, he exhales sharply.
“you know who he is, don’t you?” jake’s voice cracks just a little, and you hate that you can hear it.
“he’s riki,” you whisper. “i know it.”
jake looks like he’s just seen a ghost too. but it’s worse than that. it’s betrayal, old wounds you never knew were still there.
“how do you know him?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.
jake runs a hand through his hair, his face tight with something you can’t read. "riki... he was my best friend back home. we were inseparable when we were kids, after he randomly showed up one day. before everything in his home town happened. before he disappeared from there."
you lean forward, your heart racing. "why did he disappear?"
jake looks away, his eyes shadowed with memories. "riki got tangled up in some bad stuff, y/n. things that don’t go away, things that ruin people. he got in with the wrong crowd—gangs, debts, all kinds of shit. he disappeared from there too and... no one ever really knew what happened. but the rumors started. they said he ran. he left everything behind."
your throat tightens. “but... he didn’t.”
jake’s gaze is heavy, dark. “no. he didn’t. he’s been trying to stay hidden ever since. but some ghosts don’t stay buried, y/n.”
your chest tightens. you’ve been living in the shadow of something you can’t even remember fully. and now it’s back.
───
later that night, you find yourself standing in front of riki’s door, your heart hammering in your chest. you knock once, twice, and wait.
the door opens slowly, and riki stands there, eyes wide, almost guilty. he looks different in the light, darker somehow, worn and tired. but the same fire is still there. it’s still riki.
“you know, don’t you?” he says, his voice tight, like he’s holding something back.
you nod, your voice barely above a whisper. “you disappeared. you ran. kept running. and i don’t understand why.”
riki’s eyes flicker with something—pain, maybe. “it’s not that simple. there’s things you don’t know, things i can’t tell you.”
you step closer, ignoring the hesitation in your chest. “i need to know, riki. everything. i need you to tell me.”
his jaw clenches. but then he opens the door wider, his shoulders slumping as he gestures for you to come inside.
you step into his dimly lit apartment, your heart racing. the room feels charged with something unspoken, like the air is holding its breath.
“i didn’t want you to get involved in all of this,” riki says, his voice raw. “but now that you know, i can’t just leave you hanging.”
you take a step forward, your hand trembling as you reach for him, the tension between you unbearable. “you’re not alone in this anymore, riki. i’m here.”
he looks at you, eyes haunted, like he’s trying to decide if he can trust you. then, without warning, his lips crash against yours.
you freeze for a second, the intensity of it taking you by surprise. but then your body reacts, pulling him closer, kissing him back with everything you’ve been holding in. it’s messy, desperate, like neither of you knows what’s happening but can’t stop it.
his hands are everywhere—on your waist, your back, your neck—like he’s trying to memorize you, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.
your heart is racing, your body pressed against his, and for a moment, everything feels like it’s on fire.
riki pulls back, his breathing shallow, his forehead resting against yours. the tension between you two is still there, but it's different now — softer, like a thread connecting you in a way neither of you can fully explain.
"y/n," he says, his voice low but intense, trembling slightly. "there are things i never wanted to tell you, things i couldn't bear to say. i thought it would be easier to push you away, to make you hate me before you found out... but i can't do it anymore. i can't keep lying to myself."
you step back a little, your chest tightening as you watch him. his eyes are full of so many emotions—regret, pain, love—but it’s the last one that makes your heart ache with something you didn’t expect.
"i’ve been in this dark place for so long, y/n. i never thought i could get out of it. i pushed everyone away, especially you, because i knew if i let you in, you’d see the mess i am... but you’re the only one who’s ever mattered. i’ve always known it, even when i was too afraid to admit it. i love you."
his words hang in the air, raw and vulnerable. and you feel something inside of you break wide open—something you’ve been trying so hard to protect, trying to hide.
“i’ve always loved you,” riki continues, his voice softer now, almost like he’s confessing a secret that’s been buried for too long. “even when i tried to run from it, even when i tried to push you away... you were always the one. always.”
you can barely find your voice, overwhelmed by the tenderness in his words. "riki, i—"
but he shakes his head, cutting you off gently. "no, listen. i know i’ve hurt you. i know i’ve been distant, but everything i did... i did it because i was scared. scared of losing you. scared of what you’d think of me if you knew everything. but i can’t hide anymore. not from you. i’ve never stopped loving you. not even for a second.”
tears sting the back of your eyes, but you blink them away, letting his confession settle inside you. your heart feels too full, too full of emotions you don’t know how to contain. you take a deep breath, your voice trembling when you finally speak.
“i’m not going anywhere, riki,” you whisper, the words catching in your throat. “i never was. i don’t care about the past... i don’t care about what happened before. i care about you. i’ve always cared about you.”
for a moment, neither of you moves. the world feels so quiet, like everything has stopped, and it’s just the two of you in this space—this moment where everything you’ve both been hiding finally comes to light.
riki steps closer, his hands gently cupping your face, his thumbs brushing over your skin. his eyes are soft now, almost like he’s memorizing every detail of you, like he never wants to forget this moment.
“can i kiss you again?” he asks, his voice so soft, so unsure. it’s like he’s asking for permission, like he’s afraid of making the wrong move.
you nod, your breath catching in your throat. “please,” you whisper.
and then, his lips are on yours, gentle but urgent, like everything he’s held inside of him is pouring into this kiss. his hands slide to your back, pulling you closer, and you melt into him. you kiss him back with everything you’ve been holding onto, everything you’ve been feeling but never knew how to say.
when you pull back, both of you breathless, riki presses his forehead to yours, his hands resting gently on your hips. his eyes are full of that same tenderness, that same love that’s been there all along.
“i love you, y/n,” he whispers again, this time with more certainty, more peace. “and i always will. no matter what.”
and in that moment, you know, without a doubt, that everything—every question, every fear, every hesitation—has been worth it. because now, in this space, with him, everything feels right.
“i love you too, riki,” you say softly, the words more sure now. “i always will.”
and the kiss that follows is more than just passion—it’s a promise.
he breaks the kiss and leads you to his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed. he pulls you onto his lap and crashes his lips against yours once again.
but this kiss, it’s different than the others.
it’s hot. fiery. desperate.
his tongue bullies its way into your mouth, fighting for dominance which you happily give him. as you continue making out, he becomes increasingly handsy. they fly from your jaw, to your shoulder blades, sliding down to rest on your ass. he grips your clothed flesh with desire.
and that's when you feel it—the unmistakable hardness settled between his legs. pressed against your burning hot core.
you gasped into his lips and he swallowed it up eagerly.
he rolled your hips down onto his crotch, seeking friction to ease his hard on. groaning into the kiss, he broke it, tilting his head back.
you carefully observed how his adam’s apple bobbed each time he swallowed, your self control fading into nothing. reaching out to grab his neck, you lightly apply pressure as you leave sloppy, wet kisses all over his jaw. your eyes drop to his collarbones, noticing his hoodie getting in the way.
you shift in his lap, knees sinking further into his bed as your hands find his shoulders for balance. riki looks up at you, eyes half-lidded, lips parted slightly like he’s caught between breath and want. his hoodie is bunched up from where your fingers had tugged at the hem earlier, and when you reach for it again, he doesn’t stop you.
you pull it over his head slowly, your fingers grazing warm skin as the fabric slides up and off. beneath it, he’s wearing a black tank top that clings to him in all the right places—soft cotton stretched over lean muscle, tracing the shape of his chest and the dip of his waist.
his collarbones catch the low light of the room, sharp and defined, leading down to the elegant curve of his neck. you can see the slight rise and fall of it as he swallows, your gaze drifting lower to the sculpted line of his biceps, muscles flexing subtly under your weight, like he’s holding back.
he looks devastating like this—relaxed and bare in a way that feels forbidden, like you’re seeing something no one else is allowed to.
"you’re staring," he says quietly, a flicker of amusement in his voice, but there's a softness to it too, like he doesn’t mind being seen this way. like he wants you to look.
you smile, brushing your fingers across his shoulder, down his arm, feeling the strength beneath the surface. "can you blame me?"
he laughs under his breath, hands settling at your hips, warm and steady. "not really."
you lean in closer, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck, right where it meets his collarbone. he shivers under your touch, and you feel it in your core—how easy it is to fall into him, how right it feels to be here like this.
you push him further on his bed, his back hitting the soft comforter, hands never leaving your hips.
he captures your lips once again in a kiss that's delicate, like he’s trying to process everything but he can’t. are you really here with him right now? his childhood best friend who he forced himself to cut contact with—but then again, did he ever really cut contact with you? he had to make sure you were okay one way or another, so he watched from the shadows. even if it meant sacrificing his greatest love. you.
as if you could sense the gears overheating in his brain, you pull away from him and stare into his familiar brown eyes. he pouts and you see a glimpse of ni-ki. the scared, eight year old who you’d give up anything to protect.
he cradles your face like you’re made of glass and whispers, “are you sure you want this, angel? because once i start… i don’t think i’ll be able to stop.”
you nod your head, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for him, “words, baby. i need words, hmm?” you bite back a flustered smile, “yeah ni-ki, i want this. you.”
he grins hearing his childhood name fall out of your soft, sweet lips and picks you up off his lap so he can rest with his back against the headboard.
settling back on his thighs, and becoming increasingly impatient, you roll your hips against his, surprising him.
he lets out a breathy moan, urging you to continue. you want to hear each of his pretty sounds.
pressing your clothed clit into the tip of his dick, he closes his eyes, biting his lip. you feel him pulsing beneath you, the thin layer of his sweats not doing much to hide his arousal.
neither of you have ever been this turned on just by kissing, heavy petting, and grinding. but neither of you dare to stop. it feels too good, like a craving you’ve subconsciously had.
riki pauses the movement of your hips, being the first one to break this careful, but familiar, tension between you two. “baby, give me a sec. i’m c-close,” he mutters.
wanting to see what he looks like when he finishes, you grin, dragging your hips down harder and slower, in a teasing manner. he groans, but with the same teasing energy, bucks his hips up into yours, allowing you to feel just how big he is—and he knows it, too. judging by your reaction, he can tell it’s been a while since you’ve both been intimate with someone else.
feeling his release closer than he’d say out loud, he takes control of your movements, speeding them up. you can feel how badly he needs this. how desperate he needs you.
the friction of his covered cock rubbing repeatedly on your sensitive clit, feels better than anything you’ve ever tried with others or yourself. you’re both panting, forehead to forehead, when everything comes crashing down. riki releases into his gray sweats, making a mess. he swears he’s never cum that hard. and your panties get increasingly sticky and uncomfortable.
basking in the aftermath of your shared orgasm, riki gently holds you by the waist, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. lots of “you did great,” “that felt so good, baby,” and a lot of whining. “i need you so bad,” “please, angel, i’ll make you feel so so good.”
who are you to deny your first and only love?
you slowly stand on wobbly legs, stripping, giving riki a show.
he gawks as you remove each item of clothing, starting with your shirt. he’s surprised you aren’t wearing a bra but when your perky tits come into his eyesight, he’s right in front of you. grabbing—licking—whatever’s closest to his mouth and hands.
feeling a bit exposed, while he’s still fully clothed, you whimper into his mouth, silently asking him to take his clothes off as well.
speeding up the process, he rips his tank top off and finally. finally. you get a glimpse of what he always hides under his baggy hoodies. sculpted by the greek gods, you nearly drool at his defined torso. reaching out to drag a hand down his abs, riki shivers at your gentle, yet burning, touch.
you back him up so he sits on his bed and slowly sink to your knees. he leans back on his palms, quiet, but watching you like a hawk. you bring a hand up to cup his bulge, not caring about the sticky stain he’s left.
he groans, low, hot, and it goes straight to your wetness, practically leaking on his floor.
with your hands gripping his waistband, you look up into his dark eyes, clouded with lust, and he nods lifting his hips. yanking his sweats down, you’re met with his hard cock, slapping his abs. “no boxers, huh?” you smugly ask, as if he anticipated this. “nah, not when i’m relaxing, sweetheart.” sweetheart. the name he called you the last day you saw him as kids.
staring at his flushed cock, you lick your lips, ready to devour the man sitting in front of you.
you start by gripping his base, your fingers not fully wrapping around him. how the fuck are you supposed to fit him inside your mouth? a problem you’ve never faced, but for riki? you’d be stupid not to choke on it.
giving his tip sweet little kitten licks, you dig your tongue into his slit, as if you were trying to drink up all his precum. “fuck,” he grunts out, hoping you didn’t discover how sensitive he was at his tip.
he thinks you didn’t, but he should really know better.
you focus all your attention on his swollen head, sucking softly and jerking off the rest of his lengthy dick. his back falls flat, resting on his bed, while he lets out a symphony of moans.
abruptly, you pull off him and when he leans up on his elbows to see why, he’s met with the sight of spit falling from your lips, landing right on his tip. then, his vision goes white.
you lean down, shoving him in your mouth, lips stretched around his girth.
you take him halfway, and the stretch alone is painful already. knowing this might be an issue, riki speaks up, “fuck, you don’t have to take all of me, this already feels so—” but you cut him off, when you sink your mouth further, his tip hitting your throat.
you swallow around him and he whimpers. he’s never felt anything like this before.
when he’s tried to hook up with girls in the past, they normally gave up after a minute of trying to unhinge their jaw to please him.
but with you? he should’ve known you’d be the one to make him proud.
noticing how surprised he is, you start bobbing your head up and down, spit pooling at the corners of your mouth.
it’s messy, wet, and loud. but neither of you care. not when riki is whimpering beneath you so prettily.
his tip repeatedly slams into the back of your throat, making you gag but it just turns him on more. his thighs start to tense and he knows he’s close to his second orgasm.
feeling him twitch in your mouth, you hollow your cheeks and ignore the tears streaming down your face. only focused on his pleasure. you know exactly what will push him over the edge, so you bring your mouth up his cock, lips wrapped carefully around his tip.
swirling your tongue around it, occasionally focusing on his slit, you bring one hand up to his balls and the other to wrap around his base, applying pressure to the vein running along his shaft.
one second later, your mouth gets flooded with his sticky, hot cum. rope after rope shooting from his enlarged tip. his dick is pulsing in your mouth and his cum never ends. it’s spilling out of your mouth onto the floor, but you try and swallow everything you can, not wanting to waste even a drop.
his chest is rapidly rising and falling when you pull off of him with a pop. you wipe your mouth with the sleeve of your shirt and smile sweetly at him, acting like you didn’t just suck him so good his soul left his body.
“damn, baby, didn’t know you wanted me that bad.” he says through a smirk. “calm down nishimura, i could’ve filled up a gallon of water with how much you came,” you bite back. he just looks at your tear stained cheeks and a sense of pride swells in his chest.
while he’s lost in his thoughts, you stand up, knees bruised from his hardwood floor.
glancing between his legs, you notice he’s still hard. how much cum does he have for you? you wonder, taking off your jeans and panties in one go.
now that you’re both fully naked, riki gets up off his bed and approaches you, holding one of your hands. he spins you around, taking in your fully nude body for the first time.
noticing his staring, you open your mouth, “are you just gonna stare or fuck me?”
smoothly, he leads you to lie down on his bed, “patience, princess, be good for me while i take care of you, yeah?” oh you’re gone already.
he leans down to kiss you and your hands find his nape, gently grabbing the hair trailing down his neck.
you mistook riki for an ass guy, when his fascination with your tits makes you break the kiss. he’s sucking gently on your right nipple, his free hand finding your left boob.
moaning gently, you tip your head back into his pillow that smells like comfort, and something musky, but it’s something extremely riki. you instinctively arch into his touch, bare core desperately grinding into the air of his bedroom, desperate for friction.
he senses your neediness, bringing his stiff cock down to rub between your soaked folds. his tip catches your clit, eliciting soft whimpers from your parted lips. using your slick as lube, he lines himself up, stopping before he goes further. “condom?” he sweetly asks. you whisper, under your breath, “n-no, i’m on birth—,” however, you don’t get to answer him when you feel his tip slide into your awaiting hole.
both moaning in relief, he stays with just his tip in, preparing you for the stretch that’s about to come. you relax a bit, a signal for him to push a bit further, cutting off his action with a loud moan.
it’s better than any porn he could dream of, and he’s only about two inches in. the sheer girth of him alone makes it feel like he’s splitting you open in the best way possible.
you look down, thinking he’s halfway in, when in reality, he’s about a fourth of the way inside you. meeting his eyes, he senses your nerves, bringing a hand down to rub your sensitive bundle of nerves.
it helps distract you from the pain, allowing him to slide half way in. he groans at the sensation of your warm, wet walls, engulfing his aching cock. “baby, you gotta relax… you’re s’tight,” he drunkenly mumbles. you can only whimper in response, exhaling as you try to calm down.
once your breathing has returned to a normal state, riki slowly pushes in more, but it all comes to a halt when you wrap your legs around his torso, pulling him all the way in.
he moans, caught off guard, guessing your patience snapped like a thin wire.
as his thick length rests inside you, you can’t help but let out a string of moans, incoherently babbling about how big he feels, and how deep he’s reaching.
“f-fuck. baby, please, can—can i move?” he forces out. you hum in agreement.
he slowly pulls out until only his tip is sheathed inside your warm pussy, then pushes back in all the way. your eyes roll into the back of your head, “fuck. s—s’big, riks.” his pace steadily increases until he notices how your boobs bounce with each thrust he gives you.
he brings his head down, lips wrapping around one of the perky budd, giving you even more pleasure than you knew what to do with.
loud moans grace his ears, the only other sound being skin slapping.
his attention is dragged back to your face when one of your hands reaches for his and brings it up to your neck. his pace falters for a bit until his face contorts, realization dawning over his lust filled features. “oh? does my baby wanna be choked? dirty slut.” you nod in response.
feeling the pressure of his cold ring clad fingers wrapping around your burning flesh, you let out a sigh of relief, the tension in your tummy building at a rapid pace.
riki suddenly pulls out of you, flipping you on all fours, placing a pillow under your stomach. he drags your hips up, kneading the plumpness of your ass. he slams back into you, reaching even deeper in your guts, as he hovers over your back.
“you like feelin’ me this deep, hm?” he takes your hand and places it over the bump you feel with every thrust. your noises are muffled by his bed, which ticks him off—he wants to hear every sound that slips through your mouth. noticing that you liked things a bit rough, he pulls your hair, bringing you flush against the hardness of his chest.
he stills inside you, letting you feel every inch, twitch, and pulse. he’s holding off his orgasm for as long as he can, but he’s not sure how long he can last when you keep clenching around him.
he knows it’s unintentional, but it feels too good, he just needs a second.
you can feel him breathing down your neck when you begin to move. he tries stopping you, but to no avail, you start bouncing on his stiffened cock.
“f-fuck. gonna—cum,” he moans when he attempts to pull out. you push him back down, needing to feel him fill you up. “no. inside,” is all you can muster when he makes a sound of confusion.
slowly gaining confidence, you turn around, and flip him over so you’re on top of him.
flustered by the change in positions, riki gasps when you start to move. his hand finds your clit, rubbing in tight circles.
the band in your stomach starts building, fueling both of your desperation.
your orgasm comes crashing down in waves, pushing riki to buck his hips up, fucking you through it. “that’s it, baby, let it out. c’mon, be a good girl f’me and make a mess,” he mutters out, wanting to prolong your pleasure for as long as he can.
as you cum, your walls uncontrollably clench around his dick, making it harder for him to slide in and out. he starts to chase his own high, gently placing your head back on his pillow and picking up your legs to rest on his shoulders.
he pistons in and out of you, mind hazy, consumed with the need to cum inside of you.
groaning, he stills in your abused cunt, flooding you with the gift of his cum. each pulse, you clench around his hard cock, milking him dry.
he’s on cloud nine, feeling the way you’re taking everything he could possibly offer you.
just as he thinks he’s nearing the end of his high, you whisper in a sultry voice, “you’re still hard, riks,” which makes his skin flush a deep red. his balls tighten and somehow a couple more ropes of cum shoot into your womb. he doesn’t know what you do to him, “take it out on me, baby, i can’t imagine how pent up you must be…” and that does it for him.
wanting to try something new, he straddles your torso, pushing your plush tits together. he aligns his sensitive cock between the flesh and slowly slides through. you stick your tongue out, trying to lick his tip each time it peeks between your boobs.
his cock is nearly too thick for your tits to wrap around him, but he doesn’t care. the sight is more than enough for him to finish.
he’s already close.
the sensitivity gets to him when you begin to hold your tits together, giving him an unobstructed view of you. each time your tongue laps at his slit, he feels himself growing closer to the high he so badly craves.
what really does it for him, is when you spit between your breasts, further lubing his cock. with a low, drawn-out moan, he paints your tits and face with his cum. the sight is too much, his balls go into overdrive, pulsing out more and more ropes of his white, messy load.
your mouth hangs open, wanting to taste more of the salty substance. he thinks you’re perfect.
he collapses on top of you, feeling spent and tired. it’s only when you whine about the stickiness between your legs, on your boobs, and on your face that he gets out of bed, rushing to his bathroom.
he makes his way back over to you with a warm washcloth, and the softest touch you’ve ever felt. he gently cleans the mess he made, only now realizing how much cum he gave you.
and you took all of it. his good girl.
once he’s done wiping away his mess, he picks you up bridal style, heading back to his bathroom. to your surprise, he drew you a bath, with scented candles—lavender. he remembered your favorite.
he helps you into the tub, climbing in behind you. he shampoos your hair, conditions it, and even washes your body with such care, it brings tears to your eyes.
after many hushed whispers, he drains the bathtub, helping you dry off and get into your (his) clothes.
you both get back into his bed, snuggled against one another, riki’s embrace wrapped around you warmer than any blanket could provide.
“riki?” you whisper, afraid to shatter the delicate silence. he hums in response. “please don’t leave me again,” you say trembling, a silent tear slipping down your cheek.
he turns you to face him, “hey, hey, hey, baby, i’m right here. and i know what i did was shitty, you deserved an explanation. but. i couldn’t let you get caught up in what i was doing. it was risky, i couldn’t be what you deserve,” he croaks out, tears wetting his lashes. now it was your turn to comfort him, “oh my riki,” you cooed, cradling his face.
“you did what you had to do, but what’s important is that you’re here now. with me. okay?” you plant the softest kiss on his plump lips. “okay,” he says with a small smile.
you don’t let go. neither does he. his hands stay on your waist, tentative but needing, like he’s still trying to memorize the feel of you. your fingers linger against his jaw, your thumb brushing the damp skin beneath his eye. there’s silence between you, but it’s no longer heavy—just full. thick with everything that couldn’t be said before.
his lips brush against yours again—slower this time, deeper. like a question. and an answer. you lean in, the way you sigh into him. it’s not desperate, not rushed. it’s reverent.
when he pulls back just slightly, his forehead resting against yours, his breath is shaky. “i missed you,” he whispers, voice barely audible. “missed you so much i forgot how to breathe without it hurting.”
you cup his face in both hands now, heart aching in the best way. “i’m here. i’m not going anywhere.”
and then you kiss him again—like a vow sealed in warmth and want. like a beginning.
reblog if u enjoyed this! and comment or send an ask to be part of my perm taglist <3
[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250419
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1.8k NOTES WHAT OMG 😖🫶🏼
you broke me first - l.hs
pairing: virgin!lee heeseung x experienced fem!reader
synopsis: you and heeseung are the school’s golden pair — popular, admired, and constantly shipped. the only problem? you can’t stand him. from competing on exams to gym class, you’re always neck and neck, and no one gets under your skin like he does. but while you see a rival, he sees the love of his life. when you overhear a hushed conversation that breaks you, will heeseung be able to win you back?
featuring: all of enha, winter from aespa, yuqi from (g)i-dle, and keeho from p1h
genre: angst... slow burn, some fluff, kissing, skinship, SMUTTTT, college au, first love trope?? sorta? one sided enemies to lovers
warnings: smut so mdni (18+), alcohol consumption, vandalizing property, Sexual Tension, everyone is around the same age (21-23), lowercase intended <3
playlist: you broke me first by tate mcrae & what was i made for — billie eilish
(smut warnings under cut!)
wc: 13.271k
a/n: first fic is here! plsplspls leave feedback as anything helps!! was listening to you broke me first and got inspo for a kinda angsty fic pls bare with me :3 anyways! enjoy the read <3<3
smut content: mention of toys (but no use), fingering, squirting, unprotected sex (not for you), dry humping, switch! hee and reader, riding, mating press, too much kissing, masturbation (m.), breeding kink, slight dacryphilia, oral (m. & f.), deepthroating, belly bulge, creampie, size kinkish, big dick! hee, not much aftercare but it's like fluffy, y/n has a “reputation” that she gets around, VIRGIN HEESEUNG (but no one knows…) i think thats it? lmk if i missed anything ◡̈
not proofread!

lee. fucking. heeseung. you hate him. you can't stand him. he always knows what to say just to piss you off. you might be wondering, "why don't you just try to avoid him?" the issue is... you do. you try with ALL your power but to no avail, he's in the same friend group as you.
your friends, knowing you hate him, decided to combine friend groups to see if you and him could mend things. spoiler alert: it failed miserably.
you felt safe in your small circle with keeho (the man you deemed to be your biological older brother — you aren't related), yuqi (your junior high best friend), and winter (your literal wife).
you guys were well known around the entire city of seoul for being the "it group" — always partying, hooking up, and somehow still acing every class (while nursing massive hangovers).
however, heeseung's friend group consisted of the golden boys in decelis university: park jongseong (known as jay, he hates his given name), sim jaeyun (known as the australian transfer student, jake), park sunghoon (the insanely hot figure skater), kim sunoo (the bubbliest person you've ever met), yang jungwon (the boy with feline features, however you've made a special note to never piss him off cause he has a black belt), and nishimura riki (known as ni-ki because he wanted to be different).
you loved riki. he was like your younger brother — chaotic, blunt, and always three steps ahead of everyone. you’d even joked once that if you had to suffer heeseung’s presence, at least you got riki out of it.
unfortunately, riki had the worst habit of instigating chaos.
“truth or dare?” he asked one friday night, grinning like he already had your life planned out. everyone was crammed into jay’s ridiculously large basement, music low, snacks half eaten, and bodies sprawled on beanbags and plush carpet.
you should’ve said “truth.” you knew you should’ve. but you weren’t a coward.
“dare,” you answered, arms crossed, eyes sharp.
the group erupted in ooooh's in perfect synchronicity.
riki’s grin only widened. “i dare you to sit on heeseung’s lap for five minutes.”
you almost lunged across the room.
“riki,” you hissed, “you are so dead.”
he just wiggled his brows suggestively. “i’m a baby. you wouldn’t hurt me.”
the worst part? he was right.
you looked over at heeseung, who was watching you like a cat watching a cornered mouse — lazy smirk, fingers casually drumming against his knee. “scared, sweetheart?”
“i’ll kill you in your sleep,” you said sweetly as you stalked over and dropped yourself into his lap like he was made of cardboard and air.
he oofed, not because you were heavy, but because he wasn’t expecting you to actually do it.
“wow,” he murmured, lips near your ear. “you smell like citrus and bad decisions.”
you resisted the urge to elbow him in the ribs.
five minutes. you just had to survive five minutes.
but then his hands casually settled on your waist, and you felt it — the spark. the electric, traitorous, goddamn spark that told you this was a very, very bad idea.
because maybe, just maybe, your hatred wasn’t as pure as you thought- no. what are you thinking??? you immediately shook the feeling that was buzzing inside you and blamed it on the alcohol swimming in your blood.
you definitely. hated heeseung. yup, yeah, you really did.
heeseung on the other hand? he was just praying to every god he could think of that you couldn't feel how sweaty his palms were getting.
because he was panicking. full blown, internal screaming, oh-no-she’s-sitting-on-me-and-she’s-warm kind of panicking. he hadn't expected you to actually follow through on your usual threats, much less practically straddle him in front of your mutual friends.
but now? now he was just trying to not pass out from the sheer force of your perfume and presence and the weight of years of unresolved tension that sat heavier than you ever could.
"you're sweating," you said flatly, side eyeing him with that expression that usually meant murder or mockery — or both. "you good?"
"totally," he croaked. "i always nearly die when beautiful people threaten me. it's, like, my thing."
you blinked once. twice.
"did you just call me beautiful?"
"i said what i said," he muttered, then immediately regretted everything.
your brows lifted in slow, dangerous amusement. "you feeling okay, heeseung? you hitting on me while i’m threatening you?”
“wouldn’t be the first time,” he said, almost too quiet for you to hear.
and there it was again. the spark. like a lighter flicked too close to your frayed nerves.
you looked away, choosing to focus on literally anything else, but his grip on your waist tightened just slightly, grounding you, almost daring you to acknowledge it.
“how much longer do i have to sit on this assholes lap?” you questioned under your breath, reminding yourself, reminding him, that this was temporary.
"4 minutes!" jake sang back as his accented voice rang in your ears. fuck, it's only been one minute? you thought to yourself... until he spoke.
“i could ruin us in three,” he whispered, warm breath tickling your ear. he was so close you could practically feel his labored breathing against your back. you craned your neck to the side so you could look him in the eyes, "what did you just say???" heeseung was at a loss for words — his brain only drawing blanks.
did he say what he thought he said in his head out loud? impossible. he's hidden it so well, no one in your guys' shared friend group had even suspected his overbearing attraction towards you.
so heeseung did the only thing he could think of. he gulped.
just as your gaze dropped to his adams apple, sunghoon cleared his throat, reducing the fiery tension between you two to reduce to a simmer. "time's up" he stated. and just like that, the warmth you once shared was gone.
as the game progressed, the most interesting things to occur were jake kissing sunghoon on the cheek, riki vandalizing an old alley way that never saw the sun, and winter lady-and-the-tramping a twizzler with keeho.
you and heeseung never dared to even spare a glance in each other's direction for the rest of the night.
───
you laid awake, staring at the ceiling in jay's basement while trying to get comfy on the leather couch that probably cost more than your entire wardrobe. you couldn't sleep. and the reason? none other than your self-proclaimed arch nemesis: lee heeseung.
your friend groups slept on different floors to prevent you and heeseung arguing and waking up the entire house. you slowly got up, attempting and (barely) succeeding to not step on a sleeping figure sprawled on the floor.
as you walk up the stairs from the basement, you hear two people whisper shouting at each other.
you glance at the time displayed on your phone.
a measly 3:16 am stared brightly at you. who's awake at this hour?? as you step closer to the hushed voices, you think you can make out the unmistakeable deepness of riki's voice and heeseung's annoying(ly hot) whispers, tinged with sleep.
"why the fuck would you dare HER of all people to sit on MY lap????" heeseung shouts quietly, clearly frustrated. riki bursts into a fit of giggles. "dude, don't tell me you feel something for her, don't you guys like hate each other?" he says between snide little chuckles.
heeseung freezes. there's no way riki really caught on to what he was supposed to never let slip through the cracks... right?! so he musters up all the dignity he has left and defensively grunts a series of defenses "nowhywouldieverseeherlikethatsheisn'tmytypeandithinkshe'sgross"
riki blankly stares back at heeseung's panicking eyes, "okayyy," he drags the word out, "you don't need to put her down like that, she's like my older sister, dude" riki spits back.
your lips twitch in a small smile, just for a second. just long enough for riki to catch your eyes peeking behind the corner. he nods once, subtle and solid. always in your corner.
but the comfort dies as soon as heeseung opens his mouth.
"i could never love someone like her."
and the world stops.
he says it so casually. almost like it’s a joke. like it's just another throwaway comment tossed between drinks and half-meant insults. but it lands with the weight of something cruelly true — or at least, something you believe he means.
you feel the breath hitch in your throat. just once.
riki's gaze is drawn to your frozen frame. and that's when everything freezes. heeseung whips around to see you standing there. eyes blown and glossy.
riki shifts, but he doesn’t move to try and console you — he knows better. knows this is something that'll bruise. something you need time to process, alone.
you bite back tears. “right,” you say, quietly. “of course.”
heeseung’s expression flickers — confusion, regret, something else — but you’ve already masked the pain. emotion draining from your face like you’ve trained for it. like it’s a sport. like if you stop moving, the hurt will catch up.
“i didn’t mean it like that,” he says, a little too late, a little too soft.
you readjust your posture, fixing your shirt.
“you meant it exactly like that,” you reply, and it’s not even bitter. it’s worse. numb.
riki’s there before heeseung can say anything else. standing between you like a wall. like a shield.
“walk away,” he tells you gently, and you do.
because if you stay, you might ask him why not. and you’re not sure your heart could take the answer.
riki turns back to heeseung, flames he's never seen before burning in the younger boys irises that are normally filled with mischief and teasing glints. but all of a sudden none of that is there anymore. it's pure, unfiltered anger. raw emotion.
heeseung wants him to yell at him. say something, anything. but nothing comes. riki just walks upstairs like he doesn't even know who heeseung is anymore.
and maybe he doesn't.
───
the next morning, when heeseung wakes up, it's almost peaceful. until rain begins to tip tap on the roof and everything comes crashing down. his chest is tight and immediately swells with regret. so much he thinks it'll spill out of him just like the rain outside.
he needs to talk to you. make sure you're okay. but he knows he's the last person you want to see right now. still, he has to try
as he descends down the stairs, he doesn't smell the usual feast jay would prepare them: eggs, bacon, toast, orange juice and cereal for jake since he claims, "it doesn't hurt his tummy," (his words).
he actually doesn't see jake. nor sunghoon, sunoo, jungwon, jay, winter, yuqi, or keeho.
after last nights events, he expected not to see riki as he was probably with you.
how did he go from having the girl of his dreams sitting on his lap, to making her hate him even more?
it's simple, really: he fucked up.
he moves through the house like a ghost — rooms too quiet, air too still. no laughter, no music playing off someone’s phone. just him and the rain.
the basement still has the blanket you’d curled up with last night. your mug — half full. he picks it up, and it’s cold. like him.
he tries to call riki. no answer.
he tries to call you.
it goes straight to voicemail.
he types out a text. deletes it. tries again.
“i didn’t mean what i said. i didn’t mean to hurt you. i'm sorry, y/n”
he stares at it. sends it.
and immediately regrets it. because what if you never answer?
as he packs up all his belongings, ready for the uncomfortable drive home, someone enters the house.
heeseung's heart rate picks up. what if it's you? he bolts down the stairs and is ultimately disappointed when he's met with a very disapproving jay.
they stand across from one another, staring into each others eyes.
heeseung's the first to break. he collapses on the bar stool at the counter and drops his head into his hands like it weighs a ton.
jay just sighs and sits down next to his friend.
"is she okay?" heeseung mumbles, his face buried in his hands.
jay’s jaw tightens. "why do you care?" he snaps. "you sure as hell didn’t last night when you said you could never love someone like her."
the words hit hard — harder than jay intended — and heeseung shatters.
the sobs break out of him like a dam giving way, loud and raw. tears stream down his face, and the sound of it makes jay flinch, caught off guard by how real the pain is. how broken heeseung suddenly looks.
still, jay moves without thinking, reaching out and rubbing slow circles on his friend’s back. it doesn’t fix anything, but it softens the edges of the moment.
they sit there in silence, the storm outside echoing the one inside, as heeseung cries himself hoarse.
by the time he’s able to breathe steadily again, nearly an hour has passed. his eyes are red, his voice barely there. he lifts his head and meets jay’s gaze; tired looking into just as tired.
neither of them says much. there’s no need.
finally, jay sighs and stands. “go grab your stuff,” he says quietly. “you’re in no shape to drive. i’ll take you home.”
heeseung doesn’t argue.
because for once, he knows jay’s right.
───
your phone dings.
dni: i didn't mean what i said. i didn't mean to hurt you. i'm sorry, y/n
you stare at your phone. gaze void of emotion. you've cried out everything you could muster.
you don't even know why heeseung's words echo in your head.
were you really that intolerable to be around? surely you weren't. all of heeseung's friends enjoyed hanging out with you and same with your little group.
so why did hearing your supposed enemy say he could never love someone like you hurt so bad?
you suppose you need to distract yourself from thinking that heeseung's words have any sort of impact on you. and that's when your door swings open. riki, yuqi, winter, keeho, sunghoon, jake, sunoo, and jungwon walk into your apartment with food, video games, board games, coloring books, skincare — everything you needed at the moment.
a break.
a break from your spiraling thoughts and endless questions you didn't want answered.
there's a knock at the door, jay comes in after he dropped heeseung off, with a freshly made cake, red velvet. your favorite.
you don’t move at first.
the warmth of your friends floods the apartment — laughter, chatter, the familiar rustle of takeout bags and the buzz of game controllers syncing. but it feels distant, like you’re underwater, watching from behind a thick pane of glass.
yuqi wraps her arms around you from behind, cheek resting on your shoulder. “we got your favorite pork buns,” she says softly.
you nod. you don’t trust your voice.
riki’s the one who notices your phone still clutched in your hand. screen glowing. that message. his message.
he doesn’t say anything, but he takes the phone from you gently, pressing the lock button, letting the screen fade to black. and you’re grateful. because if you kept staring at it, you might’ve started crying again, and you didn’t think you had anything left in you.
“movie?” sunghoon offers, holding up a stack of dvd's none of you ever returned to the library.
“coloring?” sunoo chirps, already spreading out gel pens across your coffee table.
“face masks?” winter insists, already tearing them open.
you let them distract you. you let them love you in the only way they know how — loudly, messily, unconditionally.
there’s a moment, in the middle of the chaos, when keeho makes a stupid joke and jungwon snorts soda out of his nose, that you laugh. actually laugh.
and then it hits you like whiplash — how easily heeseung could’ve been here. how almost close you came to letting yourself believe there was something soft behind his smirks and eye rolls. how you’d dared to hope that maybe, just maybe, the tension between you wasn’t just one-sided delusion.
but then he said it. “i could never love someone like her.”
and even with the people you love surrounding you, something in your chest hurts. like a bruise that won’t stop blooming.
later, after everyone’s settled into pillows and half-finished coloring pages, riki sits beside you. he doesn’t speak for a long time.
then, quietly, “you don’t have to pretend around me.”
and that’s when your lip trembles. just slightly.
“i don’t know why it hurts this much,” you whisper. “i knew he hated me. i knew. so why do i feel so broken?"
“he didn’t have to say it like that,” riki replies, voice firm. “he didn’t have to break something just because he couldn’t admit he wanted to hold it.”
you nod, finally letting a single tear trail down your cheek. riki wipes it away before it can fall too far.
he squeezes your hand.
“he messed up,” he says. “that’s on him. not you.”
you hold onto that — his words, their presence, the comfort of being chosen and cared for.
and for the first time since last night, you breathe. not easily. not painlessly. but it’s a start.
───
heeseung didn't know how hard it would be to try and get any information about you.
how you were doing, if you were okay. anything
your mutual friends? after hearing how massive he fucked up, they sided with you.
sure, jay, jake, sunghoon, sunoo, and jungwon would text him and hang out with him occasionally, but they wouldn't utter a word about you. most of the time heeseung saw them, it would be for awkward movie nights or when they would game together when none of them could sleep.
when he was alone, his mind ached, his chest twisted in pain, but mostly... his body ached.
he tried to stop it, he knew it was wrong.
but when you sat on his lap, something in him shifted.
sure he knew you were pretty (breathtakingly stunning), but he never imagined something he thought about constantly would ever become reality.
he thought back to those 5 minutes. the tension. surely it couldn't have just been made up in his head, right?
the way your entire body tensed when his hands rested on your hips. normally he wouldn't have touched you, but you were shifting and he needed to stop his growing problem before you noticed.
and thankfully it worked.
however, he was already hard as a brick.
his breath hitched as he remembered the look in your eyes — uncertain, but not scared. curious, maybe? or was he projecting again?
he swallowed hard, his hands now clenched at his sides like if he let them loose, they’d betray him again.
five minutes. that’s all it was. but it looped in his head like a damn broken record.
you hadn’t said a word. but your thighs had tensed. and when he shifted, trying to regain his composure, you hadn't moved away — not immediately, anyway.
maybe it meant nothing. maybe you hadn’t even noticed the way his breath had gone shallow or the way he was holding back like his life depended on it.
but god, his body remembered.
he shifted in his bed now, alone, frustrated, angry at himself. this wasn’t who he was supposed to be. he wasn’t supposed to want this — to want you — not like this. not in silence, not in secrecy, not in pain.
but the damage was already done.
and the worst part?
he wasn’t sure he even wanted to stop anymore.
as he stared at his chase atlantic posters, he thought to himself. any guy would get hard when a pretty girl sits on his lap, right? surely it isn't just because he's a pathetic virgin who's had to lie to his entire friend group about how he "gets around."
soon enough, his thoughts were interrupted by the rapidly increasing ache between his legs.
his hands trembled slightly as they hovered over the tent in his shorts. his breathing was shallow, lips parted, eyes half-lidded as if he were caught in some fever dream he didn’t want to wake up from.
he hated how much he needed this.
how much he needed you.
with a low, strangled groan, he finally gave in, palming himself over the thin fabric. the relief was immediate, but it wasn’t enough — it never was. not when the ache ran deeper than just skin. not when every nerve in his body was screaming for more.
he slipped his hand beneath his waistband, hissing through clenched teeth as his fingers wrapped around his thick length, already twitching with need. he was so hard it hurt, painfully stiff and dripping at the tip, slicking his palm almost instantly.
your name burned on his tongue, but he swallowed it back.
he couldn’t say it. shouldn’t say it.
but in his head, it echoed over and over again. your laugh. your voice. the way you looked at him — or didn’t. the way you moved. god, he remembered everything. he was haunted by it.
he shut his eyes tight and let his hand move — slow at first, starting at his base and dragging his fingers up each vein decorating the sides. his patience wore out quicker than he'd ever admit, starting to move up his length, then down with just enough pressure to make his thighs twitch. he bit his lip, hard, trying to hold in the sounds. but as the memory of you shifting in his lap played behind his eyelids like a cruel fantasy, a soft whimper escaped.
he was losing it.
desperation clawed at him with every stroke, every flex of his hand. his hips lifted off the mattress as his muscles tensed. he imagined your fingers replacing his, your body hovering over his, your breath against his neck.
“please,” he gasped into the dark — not even sure what he was begging for. forgiveness? permission? you?
he pumped harder now, faster, chasing that high like it would save him. his other hand gripped the sheets, knuckles white. he was right on the edge, falling apart with nothing but the echo of your presence and the throb of need coiled deep in his belly.
“i need — fuck, i need you,” he moaned, broken and breathless. his body was hot, slick with sweat, twitching under his own touch.
he could feel it. the band threatening to snap at any moment.
he swirled his fingers around his tip, hitting that spot that made his vision go white. he was close.
all it took to unravel him was an image of you, mouth replacing his hand. trying to fit as much of him into your mouth while he just laid there and took it.
eventually the thought was too much, his seed spilled over his stomach in thick, messy ropes, his fist slowing only when the aftershocks wracked his frame like a wave of guilt and pleasure colliding all at once.
he laid there for a moment, chest heaving, skin flushed and sticky.
and then it hit him.
he still wasn’t satisfied.
because it wasn’t your touch. it wasn’t your voice, your kiss, your heat. it was just his hand and a fantasy he couldn't let go of.
and no matter how many times he did this, no matter how many times he used the memory of you…
it was never going to be enough.
───
you’ve held it together for as long as you could — smiled through movie nights, laughed at keeho’s stupid impressions, even ate something other than ramen yesterday. but it’s all surface level. the moment you're alone again, the cracks split wide open.
there you are, sitting on your couch, drowning in your thoughts.
the faint glow of the streetlamp filters through the windows, further highlighting the text message staring back at you
“i didn’t mean it.”
it replays in your head over and over like a broken record until your vision starts to blur. tears flood your waterline but you make no effort to stop them.
you don’t sob. you just sit there, hurting so quietly it’s almost peaceful.
until it isn’t.
your lip trembles slightly, then it all comes pouring out.
“why? why did you say that? what the fuck. did i do to deserve those words?”
riki hears your quiet words from the bathroom. he comes rushing out, empathy and sadness twirling in his eyes.
“hey, hey, hey, talk to me y/n. yell at me if you need to, yeah?” he says. voice barely above a whisper. all you can choke out is a tiny “no, none of this is your fault.”
riki sits next to you, holding you, trying to piece you back together as if he were the one who broke you.
disrupting the mellow silence lingering in your apartment, there’s a knock at the door.
not wanting the worst case scenario, you answering the door to heeseung, riki gets up and makes his way to where the sound came from.
to both of your dismay, a tired heeseung stands in the doorway.
his hair is messy, dark bags under his usually teasing eyes, looking like he hasn’t slept in days.
he freezes when he sees you. your puffy eyes, shaking hands, the way you curl in on yourself like you’re trying to disappear.
riki steps in front of you, but you give him the signal to back down. you and heeseung can handle this alone. what’s another argument anyways?
as riki walks away, heeseung starts slowly “yn…”
you look at him. and no matter how hard you could have tried, nothing could have stopped you from snapping at him.
“why are you here?” “i had to see you. i had to say–” “you already said enough, heeseung.”
god. the way you say his name. all he’s thought about since you last saw each other was you saying his name. and now, he doesn’t wanna hear it ever again.
he opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.
“do you know what it felt like to hear you say i wasn’t lovable? that someone like me could never be enough for you?”
as if you could read his mind, you shake your head, dismissing whatever he was about to spit out.
with every last ounce of energy you can gather, you scream. “you don’t get to feel sorry now. you made your choice the other night. i knew we had a mutual hatred, or at least some twisted distaste, but i never even thought about saying something like that to you.”
he doesn’t respond right away. just stands there, frozen. then you hear it. soft sniffles. ragged breathing. sobs.
he breaks.
because this is the first time he gets it. really, truly understands what he did. what he said. what it cost you.
“i’m sorry,” he chokes out, voice cracked and barely audible. “truly. what i said last week… i didn’t mean it. even thinking it broke me.”
you stare at him for a long, quiet second. and then you say it — flat, but shaking.
“you broke me first, heeseung.”
his breath catches. your words land like a punch to the gut, because they’re the truth. maybe the first truth spoken between you in a long time.
heeseung, who’s always so calm. so composed. the one who rolls his eyes at everything and makes everything feel like a joke. he’s crumbling in front of you now. not fighting. not defending. just falling apart.
and then it hits you. maybe he’s always been like this.
watching you. listening. never the first to strike, only ever the one to react. maybe he was never the villain in this story.
your breath hitches. maybe, just maybe, you were wrong.
you don’t know why the realization crashes down now. maybe it’s the sound of his sobs. maybe it’s the way the silence has more weight than anything he’s ever said. but something inside you shifts.
and for the first time, you see him — not as the enemy. but as the boy who let you hate him, because he didn’t know how to ask for anything else.
you replay every argument like a tape stuck on rewind. you were always the one who started it.
the snide comments. the sideways glances. the venom you dressed up as jokes.
heeseung never really fought back. he always matched your energy, sure, but he never escalated it. never crossed a line. not until that night.
your chest tightens. you realize you don’t even remember what the first fight was about. some hallway bump? a misunderstood glance? maybe it was never about anything. maybe it was just you, projecting every piece of your brokenness onto the only person who saw through it and stayed.
god, had he always stayed?
you remember in elementary school, how he used to bring you extra snacks when you forgot lunch. how he gave you his hoodie that one time you were shivering during morning assembly, even after you’d spent the entire week roasting him in front of your friends.
you remember the way his gaze always lingered—not in a way that felt invasive, but like he was always checking. watching over you without saying a word.
and now here he is. slumped into his knees. back pressed against the wall, crying over you.
you were so busy building walls with your bitterness that you didn’t notice it was slowly breaking him.
the quiet way he tried to reach over them.
you sink to the floor across from him, not close enough to touch, but close enough to feel the weight of everything between you.
for a long moment, you don’t speak. neither does he. you just breathe in the silence together — like it’s the only language you both understand.
“i didn’t know how to stop hating you,” you whisper, voice catching. “because if i stopped… i think i would’ve started needing you.”
heeseung lifts his head. eyes red, lashes wet.
“i already did,” he says. “i never stopped.”
your heart fractures in a way that doesn’t feel sharp, just tired. heavy.
“i don’t know what to do with that,” you admit.
“you don’t have to do anything,” he murmurs. “not tonight.”
you nod. once. then you help him get up. both your legs feel numb, but you walk him towards the door. your hand rests on the handle, taking a second to look up at him. really look at him, and you’re tempted to say something.
but instead, you give him the quietest thing you can offer: a small, broken sort of smile. not quite forgiveness. not quite goodbye.
then, he steps out into the night. and just like that, the quietness of everything settling in takes over. no more lies. just the truth.
as you’re deep in thought, riki walks in with two mugs of hot chocolate — extra marshmallows, your favorite.
-ˏˋ⋆ 3 years ago ⋆ˊˎ-
it’s a chilly summer night. you and riki are sprawled out on the roof of his parents' house, the shingles warm beneath your backs from the day’s lingering sun. crickets hum below. the stars blink overhead, careless and constant.
you shift slightly, seeking warmth, and without a word, riki lifts his arm. you curl into the space beside him, head on his shoulder, fingers tucked into the sleeve of his hoodie. his arm settles around you like it belongs there.
“do you think we’ll ever feel like this again?” you murmur. “peaceful. like nothing’s wrong.”
he hums low in his chest. “you mean without chaos or boys who don’t deserve you?”
you let out a breath, half a laugh. “exactly.”
there’s a pause, the kind that feels thick with unspoken things.
riki’s voice is soft when he finally speaks. “i think… the people who make you feel heavy, like you're constantly questioning yourself, that’s not love, y/n. that’s something else.”
you turn your face slightly to look up at him. he’s gazing at the stars like he’s afraid of admitting he craves the one thing he’s always sworn to never care about.
“love should never hurt,” he says, quieter this time. “not the kind that stays.”
you don’t say anything right away. you’re too busy memorizing the way the night folds around his words. the way he’s always been a comfort for you, the one to pick you up when you’re falling.
and in that moment, you believe him. you really do.
you nod once. “then i hope… when it’s my turn, it feels like this. safe.”
riki swallows. “me too.”
-ˏˋ⋆ present time ⋆ˊˎ-
and now, back in your bedroom, the silence left in heeseung’s absence is deafening.
your gaze flicks toward the window, rain still threading down the glass like tear tracks. your mind lingers on that rooftop — the stars, the safety, the version of you who still believed in soft things.
before all the hook-ups, parties, and one-sided confessions.
you pull the blanket tighter around your shoulders and whisper. either to riki or yourself, you don’t know.
“you said love should never hurt. i think heeseung missed that memo.”
and god, how you wish you could go back to that night — before the spiral, before the ache.
before the boy who made you feel like an afterthought.
before you let yourself fall over someone you thought you didn’t care about.
riki leaves after making sure you’re alright, mumbling something about dance practice.
and again, it’s just you. in the quiet.
then, almost without thinking, you rip a blank piece of paper out of your journal.
you don’t plan it. it’s just instinct — fingers gripping your pen, waiting for permission your heart hasn’t quite given. but then you start writing.
dear heeseung,
i hated you before i knew how badly i could want you. maybe that’s where it all went wrong. because at some point, i stopped seeing you as the boy who annoyed me and started seeing you as someone i wanted to understand. as someone i wanted to look at me and see me. and for a while, i thought maybe you did. i thought maybe the way you pulled me into your lap, the way you whispered near my ear, the way your hand rested on my waist — i thought maybe it meant something. i thought i was stupid for hating you. turns out i was just stupid for hoping. you said you could never love someone like me. and god, that broke something in me i didn’t know was still whole. because even when i told myself i hated you, there was always that small, traitorous part of me that wondered: what if he doesn’t hate me back? what if it’s more? but it wasn’t. and now i can’t unhear it. you probably didn’t even mean it — not in the way it came out. maybe it was fear, or pressure, or ego. but it doesn’t matter, does it? words don’t get erased just because we didn’t mean them. they echo. and yours… yours are still echoing inside me like a song i can’t shut off. i don’t think i’m mad at you anymore. i think i’m mad at myself. for letting you get close. for not guarding the parts of me i only let out in small doses. for thinking i was different to you. i wish you hadn’t said it. but mostly, i wish it hadn’t mattered so much to me that you did. – y/n
you take out an envelope, neatly fold the paper and stuff it inside, writing a neat ‘heeseung’ on the front of it.
some truths aren’t meant to be sent. some confessions are only meant for the rain to witness.
and tonight, that’s enough.
───
the second the door shuts behind him, the silence hits like a punch to the ribs.
heeseung stands there for a second too long, staring at the wood grain of your door like it might open again. like maybe you’ll come running after him. like maybe that small, broken smile you gave him wasn’t the end.
but it doesn’t open.
and it was the end.
he starts walking. he doesn’t even remember moving his feet, just that suddenly he’s outside, and the rain greets him like an old friend. cold, sharp, unforgiving. it soaks through his hoodie in seconds, but he doesn’t flinch.
he deserves it. every drop. every chill. every echo of your voice in his head.
“not quite forgiveness. not quite goodbye.”
god, what did he do?
how did he take someone who was literally sitting in his lap, trusting him with the fragile thread of something real — and turn that into this? this mess of silence and space and words he can’t take back?
“i could never love someone like her.”
he had said it so carelessly. so cruelly. trying to deflect the attention off himself in front of your friends, like a coward. like a boy who still thinks protecting his ego is worth more than protecting a heart.
especially your heart.
he wipes his face with the back of his hand, unsure if it’s tears or rain. it’s probably both.
he thinks back to your eyes right before he left. the way you looked at him like he was someone you used to know. like whatever thread was between you had finally snapped.
and the worst part?
he couldn’t even beg you to stay.
because he knows — he knows — he doesn’t deserve it.
he walks home in silence, the city around him buzzing and breathing like it doesn’t care at all about the wreckage inside his chest. his phone buzzes a few times in his pocket, probably jay or jungwon checking if he made it back safely.
but none of it matters.
because there’s only one person he wants to hear from.
and you’ve already said everything you needed to say. in the way you didn’t ask him to stay. in the way you didn’t cry. in the way you simply closed the door.
so when heeseung finally steps into his apartment, soaked to the bone, trembling from more than just the cold, he collapses on his bed, stares at the ceiling, and whispers:
“i didn’t mean it. i swear i didn’t mean it.”
but there’s no one left to listen.
not tonight.
───
heeseung isn’t the center of your world anymore.
not in the way he used to be.
in the weeks that follow, your friends become your anchor. riki never leaves your side. winter brings over matcha lattes and blankets. sunoo paints your nails while jake tells bad jokes. you laugh again. slowly, but surely.
you start writing more letters.
some are angry. some are soft. some are nothing more than wordless scratches of ink on paper.
but one night, you write a letter that feels different.
you don’t even realize what you’re saying until it’s already down:
i wanted you. for a long time. maybe even when i said i hated you. maybe that was the only way i knew how to say it without crumbling. i masked want with rage. affection with sarcasm. love with loathing. you made it easier to run. but i wanted to stay. god, i wanted to stay.
you fold that letter gently. tuck it into your drawer. it doesn’t matter if he reads it. not now.
because healing isn’t about him.
it’s about you.
and you’re getting there.
lately, the weekends have felt lighter. your apartment has become a familiar gathering place again, only now, it’s just the people who stayed. who showed up. who chose you. heeseung hasn’t come around in weeks, and no one really talks about it. not in a cruel way, just in the quiet, understanding way that friendships shift when someone slips out of the picture.
you used to dread saturday nights, used to flinch every time the group chat lit up with plans. used to wonder if he’d show up, if you’d have to spend the night pretending not to notice the weight of his silence, the way your laughter dulled around him. but somewhere along the way, those nights started to feel easier. not because you stopped missing him — but because you started remembering how to miss him without hurting yourself in the process.
your living room is alive with warmth and laughter. the scent of popcorn and mango smoothies drifts through the air. blankets are piled high on the couch, soft pillows strewn across the floor where riki is dramatically throwing himself down after losing yet another round of mario kart to sunghoon, who’s grinning like he just won the olympics.
“cheater,” riki groans, pointing an accusing finger without lifting his head.
“just admit i’m better,” sunghoon replies smugly, stretching his legs across the coffee table like he owns the place.
in the corner, winter and yuqi are dancing barefoot to a chaotic mix of early 2000s pop and indie throwbacks — somehow still synced up to choreography you’d all made up back in sophomore year. their laughter is contagious, unfiltered and bright, and it tugs a smile onto your face before you even realize it.
keeho is halfway through teaching jungwon and sunoo a tiktok dance in the kitchen doorway, voice loud and arms flailing with exaggerated energy. they’re laughing too hard to get the moves right, collapsing into each other every time they mess up. jake, unfazed by the chaos, is blending something suspiciously green in the kitchen, wearing a headband that reads “chef vibes only.”
you’re curled up on the loveseat, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, a half-finished smoothie in your hands. and for once, you’re not scanning the room for him. you’re not wondering what he’d say or how he’d look at you or if tonight would be the night he pulled you aside and finally said something real.
you’re just… here. and it’s enough.
someone throws a pillow at your head, probably riki, based on the cackling, and you lunge to retaliate, laughing as the pillow war erupts across the living room. it’s messy, loud, ridiculous. and it’s yours. this little world you’re rebuilding, one laugh, one night, one breath at a time.
there’s still a part of you that misses him. maybe there always will be. but tonight, that part is small. quiet.
outnumbered by joy.
meanwhile, heeseung is alone in his apartment.
the place is dim. quiet. it hasn’t felt like home in a long time. he's been staring at his phone for an hour now, hoping for a text that doesn’t come.
he thinks about the group chat. the silence from everyone. he thinks about the night he ruined everything. and how, somehow, he still wants to fix it.
he knows an apology isn’t enough. not this time.
he needs to show you, all of you, that he’s not the same guy who let his fear speak louder than his heart.
he just doesn’t know how yet.
but he will. he has to.
because he doesn’t just want forgiveness.
he wants to deserve it.
───
somewhere in the chaos, one of your unsent letters goes missing.
riki finds it by accident. tucked under a cushion, edges worn. he doesn't mean to read it, but your handwriting draws him in, and before he knows it, he's holding your heartbreak in his hands.
he doesn't say a word. just slips it into his pocket and walks away.
a day later, heeseung finds the letter folded on the seat of his car.
he doesn’t recognize the paper at first. but the second he sees your handwriting, his heart drops.
his hands shake as he unfolds it. the silence around him is so loud, he can hear his pulse in his ears.
and then he reads it.
every word. every line. every raw, aching truth you never meant for him to see.
i thought maybe the way you pulled me into your lap, the way you whispered near my ear, the way your hand rested on my waist — i thought maybe it meant something. turns out i was just stupid for hoping. you said you could never love someone like me. and god, that broke something in me i didn’t know was still whole.
heeseung sits there, completely still. letter trembling in his grip.
"fuck," he whispers. "fuck."
he shows up to the next group hangout like his life depends on it.
he doesn’t talk to anyone. not really. not until you walk in.
you freeze when you see him. part of you wants to turn around and leave.
but he doesn’t let you.
he stands. crosses the room.
"can we talk?" he asks, voice low, not demanding, but pleading.
you don’t say anything.
"please. just five minutes. if you still hate me after, i’ll leave you alone. forever."
there’s a long pause.
you nod.
he takes you outside, away from the noise, into the quiet night.
"i read it," he says.
you blink. "read what?"
he reaches into his jacket and pulls out the letter. your letter.
your stomach drops.
"i wasn’t supposed to see it, i know. but... i’m glad i did."
"heeseung—"
"no. let me say this. please."
his eyes are desperate. glassy. his words shaky.
"i lied. that night. i said that because i was scared. because i felt too much, too fast, and didn’t know what to do with it. i thought if i pushed you away, i could kill whatever it was before it killed me."
he takes a step closer.
"but you weren’t just someone i hated. not really. you were someone i couldn’t stop thinking about. you were the highlight of every party, every night, every moment. i was an idiot. but i never stopped wanting you."
your throat is tight.
"you broke me," you whisper.
he nods.
"i know. and i’ll spend every second proving to you that i’m sorry. not with words — with time. with actions. with everything you’ll let me give."
there’s silence.
then you take a breath.
"you’ve got a lot to prove, lee heeseung."
he gives the smallest, hopeful smile.
"then let me start now."
and he does.
not with fireworks. not with promises he can’t keep. but with the small things. the consistent things.
the next morning, there’s a text from him. simple.
“did you sleep okay?”
you stare at it for a while before replying.
“yeah. you?”
“not really. kept thinking about you.”
you don’t answer that. but your heart stirs anyway.
a few days later, he’s waiting outside your class with a drink in his hand, the one he used to make fun of you for ordering (“that’s basically sugar and foam, y/n”), but now buys without hesitation. he doesn’t try to walk you home. doesn’t push. just hands you the drink, offers a soft “you looked tired,” and walks away before you can respond.
he lets you come to him.
at the next hangout, he doesn’t hover. doesn’t sulk. he helps jake in the kitchen, jokes with jungwon, lets the others tease him without biting back. when you walk in, his eyes find you — but he doesn’t pull you aside. just offers a quiet, careful smile. like he’s waiting. like he’s learning how to stay.
one night, you’re struggling with your laundry, balancing way too many bags and a basket of unfolded clothes, and he appears without a word, grabbing half the load from your arms. you glare at him, but you don’t tell him to stop.
he walks with you to the laundry room, helps you separate colors, folds your towels when you’re too tired to finish. “i owe you way more than this,” he says softly. you don’t look at him. “yeah,” you murmur. “you do.”
he doesn’t reply. just keeps folding.
you start to notice it more after that. the way he lingers behind after group dinners to help clean. the way he listens, really listens, when you talk, even if it’s just about the books you’re reading or the music you’ve been into lately. the way he starts learning your rhythms again, not to manipulate them, but to respect them.
one night, you find a note slipped into your bag.
“this isn’t about getting you back. it’s about being someone who deserves to stand beside you. i don’t expect anything from you. just… thanks for letting me try.”
you don’t know what to do with that. but you keep the note anyway.
and maybe the biggest moment doesn’t feel big at all. it’s late. you’re sitting on the floor of your apartment, overwhelmed with everything—assignments, memories, feelings you’ve tried to ignore—and he shows up.
he doesn’t say anything. just sits beside you. close, but not too close. his shoulder brushes yours. your hand trembles. and without looking at you, he says, “you don’t have to talk. just let me sit here.”
and you do.
because he’s not trying to fix you. he’s just showing up. and maybe that’s what love looks like now.
quiet. patient. real.
you don’t forgive him all at once.
but some nights, it’s harder to pretend you don’t want to.
like the night it rains, and you forget your umbrella. you’re standing under the campus archway, clutching your books to your chest, half-considering just running for it, when a quiet voice says, “hey.”
you turn. heeseung’s holding out his umbrella, expression unreadable, hair already wet from the walk over.
“you’ll get soaked,” you mumble, surprised. “i don’t mind,” he says. “but you hate the rain.”
you want to tell him to leave. want to remind him that knowing those things doesn’t mean he’s forgiven.
but instead, you step under the umbrella. shoulder to shoulder. hearts too close. you don’t say a word the whole walk home. but you remember how he always matched his pace to yours. he still does.
───
there’s another time. movie night.
everyone’s over again, sprawled across the living room. you end up between yuqi and jungwon on the couch, but at some point, someone moves, and when you shift, you realize you’re next to him. again.
the movie plays. people whisper and pass snacks and argue over the plot twist. but all you feel is the space between your knee and his. the ghost of warmth where your arms nearly brush.
you don’t move away. neither does he.
and at one point, you laugh at a stupid scene. without thinking, you glance at him, wanting to see if he found it funny too. he’s already looking at you. and for a second, everything stills.
you look away first. but your heart doesn't stop racing for a long, long time.
───
the third moment is softest of all.
it’s late. everyone’s left. you’re cleaning up alone, stacking plates in the kitchen.
you don’t hear him come back until he’s beside you, rolling up his sleeves.
“thought i’d help,” he says gently. you nod. don’t speak.
you’re both quiet for a while, working in sync. something about it feels… familiar. domestic. like home.
then, as you’re drying the last cup, you glance over. he’s watching you, and there’s something in his eyes. something tender. careful. full of things he hasn’t said yet.
“i miss you,” he says softly.
your breath catches.
you set the cup down.
“heeseung–”
“i’m not asking for anything,” he interrupts, voice thick. “just… i miss you. and i wanted you to know.”
you swallow hard. there’s so much you could say. but instead, you whisper, “i know.”
he nods once. and then he leaves. because he meant it — he wasn’t asking for anything. but that’s the moment you know: you don’t hate him anymore. you never did.
───
it happens a week later.
a rooftop. stars overhead. winter’s birthday, most of your friends are tipsy on alcohol, sugar and too many karaoke songs. you haven’t had a drop of alcohol, wanting to truly feel everything.
heeseung finds you leaning against the railing, eyes on the sky.
“hey,” he says. you nod and let him stand beside you.
the silence isn’t awkward anymore. it’s soft. steady.
“can i ask you something?” he says, barely audible.
you hum.
“do you still feel it?” he asks. “whatever it was… whatever we had.”
you don’t answer for a long time.
and then, quietly… “i never really stopped.”
he turns. slowly.
your eyes meet. and in them is every apology he’s ever whispered with his actions. every moment he gave you space. every time he showed up when he didn’t have to.
you reach for him first.
your hand brushes his. his fingers curl around yours like a prayer.
and then, finally, he kisses you.
soft. aching. full of every unspoken word, every almost, every could’ve been. this isn’t the kind of kiss that demands anything. it’s a promise. a beginning.
you pull back first, just enough to whisper, “i don’t wanna do this while you’re intoxicated, i don’t want you to regret it.”
he stares at you before mumbling into your lips.
“y/n, i haven’t had a drink, but it feels like i’m drunk when i kiss you.”
your heart stops and everything fades into the background. “don’t break me again.” you plead, face inches away from his.
he presses his forehead to yours.
“never again,” he breathes.
and this time, you believe him.
as he reconnects your lips, his hands tremble slightly where they find purchase on your waist. the night air is cool, but your skin is burning—flushed, alive, and aching in a way you haven’t let yourself feel in so long.
he pulls back just enough to look at you. his eyes flick between yours and your lips, like he’s still not sure this is real.
“we don’t have to,” he murmurs, voice hoarse. “just say the word.”
but you don’t want him to stop. not tonight. not after everything.
so you slide your fingers into the collar of his jacket, tug him closer until your lips brush his again.
“take me home, heeseung.”
and he does.
his apartment is quiet when you get inside, the chaos of the earlier party gone, the night still humming with something electric. you barely have time to kick your shoes off before his mouth finds yours again. hungrier now, more desperate. like all the restraint he’s shown is unraveling, thread by thread.
his hands are everywhere — your hips, your waist, your jaw. like he’s relearning you. memorizing the weight of you against him.
you tug his jacket off, fingers fumbling with the zipper, and he lets out a low, breathless laugh against your neck.
“still impatient,” he teases.
“still hot when you shut up,” you shoot back, and he groans.
you barely make it to the couch.
he sits first, pulling you into his lap like it’s instinct, like he’s needed this for months. your knees straddle him, bodies pressed chest to chest, your hands tangled in his hair as he kisses you like he’s starving for it.
he tilts his head, deepens the kiss, and it’s filthy. slow. wet. your hips roll against his without thinking, and the noise he makes, low and guttural, goes straight to your core.
“fuck,” he groans. forehead against your collarbone. “you’re gonna kill me.”
you arch into him, tug his shirt over his head, and he follows suit, fingers slipping under the hem of yours, eyes flicking up for permission. you nod, and he peels it off slowly, reverently, like unwrapping something precious.
his hands trail over your skin like he’s trying to remember what it feels like to deserve you.
and then his mouth is on your neck, your shoulder, trailing down until you’re gasping his name, your back arching as he presses kisses across your collarbones.
“you’re so beautiful,” he whispers, like it hurts.
as you reach for his belt wanting to make him feel good, he puts his hand over yours. “there’s something i need to tell you.. before we take anything further.” he says like he doesn’t even want you to know.
“what is it, hee?”
god. that nickname.
it’s what all his close friends call him, however when you say it. he wants to lay the world at your feet.
“i’m.. uh– a vir-virgin…” he mumbles. you would have missed it had you not been paying close attention.
you laugh.
heeseung leans back into the couch, hoping, praying, wishing it to swallow him whole.
as you observe heeseung, you realize he must be serious. “you’re a virgin? but you– you always used to talk about your hook-ups and how every week it was like you had someone new hanging off your arm??? what do you mean you’re a virgin?”
he whimpers. he fucking whimpers. “i’m not proud of it, okay? i always came really close to hooking up with girls but i um. i couldn’t you know.. get it… up.”
you sit there quietly, giving him time to compose himself and continue.
“everytime i tried to lose my virginity, i couldn’t get hard unless i thought she was you,” he speaks, not gaining enough courage to look you in the eyes.
you stare at heeseung for a moment, trying to process what he just said. the weight of it settles between you like a delicate secret, and suddenly the playful teasing tone you’d had before feels completely inappropriate.
you can see it in his doe eyes — how embarrassed he is, how much he wants to crawl out of his own skin. the corners of his lips are tugged in a tight line, as if holding in every emotion that threatens to spill out. but you can’t help the smile that creeps onto your face. it’s soft, gentle, but laced with a teasing warmth.
“you’re a virgin?” you ask, letting the words linger a little longer than they should, pretending to be surprised as if he hadn’t just told you, twice.
heeseung’s face reddens, and you see him shrink further into the couch. you could almost feel his desire to hide, to escape. but you don’t let him. instead, you move closer, shifting between his legs, and place your hand on his thigh. a gentle, reassuring pressure.
“god, heeseung,” you tease softly, your lips curling into a smile that isn’t cruel, but playful. “how could you keep that from me? you’ve been all… big talk and ‘i get all the girls,’ and here you are, this nervous little thing, blushing at the thought of being with me?”
his eyes flicker with uncertainty, but you lean in just enough to press your lips to his ear. you feel him tense under the touch, and the subtle shiver runs through his body, telling you everything you need to know. he’s not as confident as he makes it seem.
“you should’ve told me sooner, you know,” you whisper, your voice low, just enough to make his breath hitch. “i would’ve been patient. we could’ve taken it slow.”
heeseung groans softly, his hands gripping the fabric of the couch like he’s holding onto some semblance of control. you smile knowingly, watching the struggle on his face. but it’s not discomfort — it’s desire. you can feel it in the way his eyes refuse to leave yours, in the way his body reacts to the gentleness in your touch.
“i… i don’t want you to think less of me,” he mutters, barely audible, but you catch it anyway. “it’s just… with you, it’s always felt different.”
you gently trace your fingers up his chest, watching as his breath quickens. you’re giving him space to breathe, to process, and then you lean in, brushing your lips against his in a soft, teasing kiss.
“stop worrying about that,” you say quietly, your lips just barely touching his. “i don’t think less of you. if anything, you’re hotter right now than ever before.”
the vulnerability in his eyes shifts. he’s still nervous, but the weight is lifting. and for the first time in a while, you see him start to believe that he doesn’t need to hide anything from you.
then, you shift your focus, teasing him once more with a playful grin. “but you know, heeseung… i could help you with that. we could take this slow, maybe help you get comfortable with what it feels like to be with me. you trust me, don’t you?”
he nods, slowly, not trusting his voice. he’s ready. maybe more than he thought.
and you take that as your cue. you kiss him again, deeper this time, letting the heat between you grow. his body responds to you almost immediately. hands shifting from nervous to eager, pulling you closer as his mouth moves hungrily against yours.
“let me take care of you,” you murmur, your hands trailing down to his belt. this time, you don’t hesitate. you undo it slowly, giving him time to react, but he doesn’t stop you. instead, he leans back into the couch, chest rising and falling with each shallow breath.
heeseung’s eyes search yours one more time, a silent question in them. you nod gently, giving him permission to be vulnerable, to trust you fully.
and when your hands pull his pants down, you can feel the heat of him, see the evidence of his desire. you take your time, enjoying the way he reacts to each touch, savoring the way he trembles under your hands.
you start by rubbing over his bulge when your eyes widen.
he just stares back at you, not blinking, but incredibly nervous. “is– is something wrong?” he stutters out.
“wrong? no, heeseung. you’re huge.”
he blushes and hides his face in his hands. his veiny hands. you’ll definitely need to put those to use later.
you softly drag his hands away from his face and tell him to never hide from you. you think he’s beautiful like this.
after he calms down, you look back into his eyes that resemble a deer, and he nods. signaling you to continue.
you finally trail your eyes down to his raging hard on, you can almost see it pulse.
his breath quickens the longer you take to begin touching him.
you start by teasing his swollen tip, arousal evident in the stain on his gray boxers. he sighs heavily, tipping his head back.
as you rub your hand down to his base, you get a feel for how thick he truly is.
he’s hard. aching. even at the slightest touch, his eyebrows furrow and he holds back soft groans.
you rip your hand off his clothed bulge. “if you want me to continue, you need to let me hear you, baby.”
that was his breaking point, he quickly nods his head yes looking at you with pleading eyes, “c—can you please touch me? it hurts.”
not wanting to tease him any longer, you rip his boxers off his thighs and his throbbing length slaps against his lower abdomen reaching just above his belly button. precum smears on his abs and you get the urge to lick it off.
so you do.
you gently move his dick away from his toned stomach, swiping your wet muscle along his abs, sucking to leave light marks.
the noises he makes are downright pornographic, and you think you’ll never be able to hear them enough.
moving your attention back to the hardness in your grasp, you begin to lick up his shaft, tracing each vein with the tip of your tongue. his head is still tipped back, frustrating you a bit because you want his attention on you.
so… in one swift motion, you take him down your throat until his tip hits the back. his head shoots up and he moans. loud.
heeseung is in heaven. the feeling of your throat constricting around his cock, he never wants you to pull off of him. he gently pulls your hair into a ponytail, hands shaking when you start moving.
his apartment is filled with filthy noises: wet, loud, and obscene.
he can hear and feel your gag reflexes kicking in but you don’t budge. you continue to move up and down, not wanting to stop until he cums.
his tipping point was you somehow taking him even further down your throat, nose brushing his pelvis. he thought you were going to take a break for air but you didn't.
you stay.
swallowing around him.
the pressure in your jaw is almost unbearable but when you feel his thighs shaking, you know he’s close. and you need to ruin him.
hollowing your cheeks, you swirl your tongue around his engorged tip, hands coming up to play with his heavy balls. he can’t hold back anymore. the sensation of you taking his whole cock down your tiny throat and the stimulation of his balls in your hands. he groans.
desperate. low. deep
and spills down your throat. warm, wet, and sticky ropes, pour out of his tip. taking up all the space you had left, some spilling out from the corners of your mouth.
you swallow all that you can, then pull off from his dick.
heavy breathing is the only thing that can be heard. heeseung threw an arm over his eyes, chest heaving, trying to regain control of his senses.
meanwhile, you haven’t stopped clenching your thighs together.
you didn’t even notice you were staring until he clears his throat. he just looks so gorgeous all fucked out.
“wow. did you– swallow.. it?” he asks through pants.
you answer him like it was the most natural thing in the world, “yeah, because it was you”
he moans, again. and that’s when you notice he’s still hard, still aching.
as you move to straddle his lap, he grabs your thighs and wraps your legs around his waist. “not here, i want our first time to be special” he says softly, with a kiss to your temple.
he carries you to his bedroom on wobbly legs and gently lays you down on his bed, hovering on top of you. he plants wet kisses all over your face, trailing down to your neck, collarbones, until he reaches your covered chest.
looking at you with big, lust filled eyes, he waits for your green light. you nod and he fumbles with your bra clasp, eventually tearing the fabric away.
“you’re stunning,” he says completely awestruck by your half-naked form.
as he continues staring, he licks his lips, slowly lowering his head wrapping his soft lips around one of your perky buds.
you instinctively arch into his touch, one of his hands wrapping around your waist as his other hand gently kneads your other boob. soft gasps and whines slip from your lips as you try to grind up in search of any friction where you need it most.
he senses your desperate pleas and starts moving his body to slot between your legs, face in front of your clothed core. you wiggle your hips trying to convince him to speed up and touch you where you need it the most.
“can i…?” he practically begs, “yeah” you sigh as you relax into his plush sheets. he drags your sweats down your soft legs planting kisses along the inside of your thighs, all the way down to your calves. he makes his way to your panty clad pussy, pressing a soft kiss to your bundle of nerves aching for him.
you don’t think you’ve ever been this turned on before.
he looks so good between your thighs, you want this image ingrained into your brain forever.
he brings his thumb up to press on the wet spot that’s formed on your panties, groaning, “fuck, you’re so wet.”
“all for you.”
he replays those words in his head and his patience snaps. tearing your underwear in half, he wastes no time. tongue lapping and the wetness between your legs, like he’s been deprived of any liquid all his life.
you’ve never met someone this desperate to eat you out. or anyone for that matter.
he mumbles against your core, “guide me, please, wan’ you t’feel good, mmh.”
your hands take place in his silky soft roots, gently tugging on the strands.
through whimpers, you tell him to focus on your clit, and surprisingly (for a virgin), he finds it fairly quickly.
he briefly sucks on the nub, flicking it with his tongue to soothe it. “fuck, hee” you moan out into the space of his bedroom.
he groans against your pussy, carefully bringing up his fingers so he can push his tongue into your awaiting hole. the moment he starts fucking you with his tongue, you arch your back and grind into his face, needing more.
he heard his friends talking about “prep” and “stretching girls out,” so he wonders if you need to be stretched out to take him. you said he was huge, did you mean it? he has no idea, he’s a pathetic virgin who has only shoved his dick into his right hand. not even a pocket pussy or fleshlight.
to your dismay, he pulls away for a brief second asking if he should use his fingers. “please, i need you to stretch me out, i can’t– take you without prep,” you rush out feeling your high not far away.
“shit, okay baby,” he mutters back before bringing his middle finger up to spread your juices around.
your hips jerk up when he focuses on your clit, surprised by the stimulation.
slowly, he pushes his finger in, getting used to the warm sensation of your walls.
you clench around his thick digit, feeling fuller than when you finger yourself. as he pumps it in and out, you tell him to add another one and he does.
moaning in relief, you arch into his touch as his tongue finds its way back to your sensitive clit.
between him lapping like a dog and the feeling of two of his fingers pumping in and out of your tight hole, you feel a familiar band in your stomach building up.
your moans increase and heeseung feels dizzy, taking in all that you give.
he curves his fingers all while sucking on your bundle of nerves, causing you to tip over the edge and that band in your stomach to snap.
you come crashing down, chanting his name like a mantra as heeseung helps you ride out your high.
as you lift your head and meet his gaze, he looks more fucked out than you do. hooded eyes, tongue lolled out of his mouth, gaze consumed with lust. you pull him by the collar of his shirt until your lips collide in a mess of tongues and teeth.
your makeout session unfortunately doesn’t last long as heeseung starts whining into your lips.
that’s when you realize his cock found your bent knee, not so subtly grinding against it, trying to relieve some of the ache.
“feeling needy, are we?” you tease, earning a playful roll of the eyes from heeseung.
pulling back, you drink in his bare torso– he’s always been muscular as he was very popular with the ladies (until he got into bed with them).
dragging your hand up his chiseled abs, his stomach tenses and his dick twitches.
you found his second biggest weakness, besides you. his abs.
deciding to end the teasing there, since you’re also becoming increasingly impatient, you flip him over so you land on top of him with a quiet, “oof.”
as you settle your bare core on his rock solid cock, you start grinding, placing your hands on his chest for support.
he can’t hold back the guttural groans spilling from his mouth. not believing you’re really on top of him right now. this isn’t just one of his wet dreams.
he thought this couldn’t get any better, but when he struggles to get out a weak ask for a condom, you just respond with “no, i’m– on the pill. need to feel you. all of you.”
and to that, he moans, not believing his ears.
it’s his first time. and he’s about to have sex with YOU. raw. he thinks he’s dreaming. there’s no way you’re real.
you gently angle his dick towards your awaiting hole, sinking down until his fat tip is inside you.
instantly, you both sigh in relief, starting to feel the pressure ease up.
if you feel a stretch at his tip entering you, you don’t know how you’re supposed to fit all of him inside you. he’s the biggest you’ve seen and he doesn’t even know it.
your attention is drawn back to the man consuming your brain when he whines. “m-more, please.” he’s becoming needier the longer you stay at just his tip but you don’t know how to tell him you’ve never taken a size like him before.
“hee-heeseung i need a sec, you’re– fuck. so thick,” you say between moans.
his grip on your hips tightens, a silent way of telling you to take your time.
when you finally deem yourself ready, you sink lower, wanting to speed it up, bracing the stretch to come.
you feel him pulsing inside you and that’s all you need to sink all the way down, him bottoming out inside you.
it’s his first time feeling anything other than his hand wrapped around him, and he whimpers, loud. it’s overstimulating in the best way possible and before he knows it you move up to his tip and bounce back down. his dick twitches and you feel it. every vein, every pulse, every movement, even his heavy breathing.
heeseung, not in control of his movements, bucks his hips up, making another non-existent inch fit inside your stretched out core.
you moan soft and loud, eyes rolling back, as the pain turned into pleasure. bouncing faster on his girthy cock, you uncontrollably clench around him, causing heeseung’s grip to tighten. you know it’ll bruise tomorrow, but at the moment, he feels too good for you to care.
the room smells of sex, and the only sounds that can be heard are skin clapping and your shared noises.
heeseung must notice your legs becoming tired because before you know it, you’re flat on your back with heeseung on top of you, cock never slipping out from your pussy.
his large hands grab each of your thighs, pressing them to your chest.
his pace is slow at first, testing the waters, getting a feel for a rhythm.
as his hands stay pressed to your thighs, he slowly drags out and pushes all of his dick inside you.
you feel him deeper in this position, a bulge forming in your lower belly.
when he notices, his eyes stay glued there.
you wonder what he’s looking at but the moment you look down, you’re met with his hand pressing slightly on the bulge causing the loudest moan to leave your lips.
he signals you to hold your thighs as one of his hands holds himself up and the other focuses on how he can feel his dick inside your guts with every thrust.
his pace suddenly quickens when you clench hard around him, making his hips stutter briefly.
endless praises leave his pretty lips, telling you how good you feel, how hot you look laid underneath him, taking whatever he gives you.
feeling a familiar, yet new sensation building rapidly, you try to warn him that you’re close but somehow, he already knows. “i know baby, let go whenever you want.” he mutters back, feeling just as close to his high.
“fuck– where do you want it?” he rushes out, not wanting to cum inside you if that isn’t what you want.
but apparently, all the gods are smiling down on him as you release your thighs from the grip you had on them and wrap your legs around his waist. “inside,” you moan.
and at that, he cums. hard. ropes of his hot, gooey, cum spill inside you. tipping you over the edge.
with a loud groan, clear liquid comes rushing out from you, spraying all over his sheets and lower abdomen. soaking his dick.
heeseung moans. again. raw and unfiltered at the fact that you just squirted all over him (he’s seen enough porn and heard too many stories from your shared friend group to know what squirting is).
as you come down from your high, heeseung is somehow still cumming. it spills out of you, creating an even stickier mess on his bed. but he doesn’t care.
not when you’re beneath him, chest rising rapidly, trying to catch your breath.
heeseung’s cock is still lodged inside you, holding half of his cum inside you, not wanting it to go to waste.
as he collapses on top of you, he places a soft kiss on your forehead, holding your trembling body close to his.
you were the first to speak, “i didn’t even know i could do that,” talking about how you squirted all over him. “guess we both had firsts today,” he softly chuckles.
his breath is warm against your skin, his arm tightening just a little around your waist as if anchoring himself in the moment. you don’t respond right away, too caught up in the quiet thrum of your heartbeat, the lingering warmth between you, the way his fingers begin tracing gentle, absent-minded shapes against your spine.
“i didn’t expect it to be like this,” you murmur, your voice almost lost in the hush of the room.
“like what?” he asks, voice low, like he’s afraid to shatter the calm.
you shift slightly to face him, resting your head more comfortably on his chest. “soft. safe.”
Hheeseung lets out a breath that sounds like relief and something deeper, something reverent. “yeah,” he whispers. “me neither.”
for a while, neither of you say anything. he pulls the blanket higher over both of you, his other hand brushing your hair back with such tenderness that it makes your eyes sting. he presses a kiss to your forehead, lingering like he means it.
“you okay?” he asks, voice still rough from earlier, but softer now, like the edge of him has been smoothed by your touch.
you nod, then glance up at him. “are you?”
heeseung meets your gaze, and something in his expression shifts. vulnerability bleeding through the cracks he used to hide behind. “i am now.”
your heart squeezes.
he licks his lips, nervous. “i’ve been so stupid with you. all this time, i kept pushing and pulling, thinking maybe if i kept it messy, it’d be easier to walk away if i had to.” he pauses, his voice thinning. “but tonight just… made me realize i don’t want to walk away.”
your breath catches. “heeseung…”
“i don’t want this to be a one time thing,” he says, eyes searching yours. “not the sex, not the closeness. i want you. the fights, the tension, the way you drive me crazy and still somehow make me want to be better just by being around you. i’m so in love with you, it hurts.”
your lips part in surprise, and he laughs quietly, self-deprecating and shy. “too much?”
instead of answering, you lean up and kiss him, slow, deep, and full of all the things you couldn’t say until now. when you pull back, you rest your forehead against his, smiling as his thumb brushes over your cheek.
“i’m in love with you too, idiot.”
he grins, wide and a little teary-eyed, and pulls you closer like he’s never letting go.
and you know he won’t have to.
pls reblog & leave feedback <3 hope you enjoyed the read ◡̈
[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250417
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anxiety - n.rk
pairing: stranger!nishimura riki x fem!reader
synopsis: you meet him on a quiet night — a stranger with sharp eyes and a colder edge, nothing like anyone in your sleepy suburb. he won’t talk, barely looks at you, but something about him lingers. maybe you’re just curious. or maybe you’ve seen him before.
featuring: ni-ki & jake of enhypen
genre: childhood friends to lovers, a sprinkle of angst, smut, skinship, kissing, etc.
warnings: smut (18+), difficult relationships with parents, love at first sight lowk, vulnerability, themes of implied watching (not rlly stalking) but it isn't graphic, riki smokes cigs, uhhh i think that's it?? lowercase intended heh
playlist: anxiety by doechii, clarity by zedd & sacrifice by enhypen
(smut warnings under cut)
wc: 9.120k
a/n: this is way longer than i expected but it came to me in a dream... enjoy! also i'm gonna start a perm taglist! comment on any of my fics or send an ask to be added! <3
smut content: riki's PACKING, they cum in their pants lol, dry humping, deepthroating kinda, backshots LMAO, missionary, dom!riki x sub!reader, degradation & praise kinks, creampie, like SO MUCH cum... n e ways! fluffy aftercare, unprotected sex (wrap b4 you tap), tit fucking, oral (m. receiving), choking, everything is consensual, riki and reader are both so down bad for each other... lmk if i missed anything :3
(not proofread)
-ˏˋ⋆ 7 months ago ⋆ˊˎ-
it was raining the day you first felt it — that creeping sensation at the back of your neck, like invisible fingers brushing against your skin.
not a storm, not anything dramatic. just that kind of soft, cold drizzle that seeped into your clothes and made the world feel like it was holding its breath. gray sky melted into gray pavement, the horizon smeared like a half-finished painting. you were standing under the chipped awning of the old bakery on the corner, the scent of yeast and sugar mixing with the rain, waiting for your usual thursday pastry that was always slightly overbaked but comfortingly warm.
you remember scrolling through your phone, aimlessly, as your friend, jake, rambled beside you about something he saw on tv. you weren't listening. you were too aware of the feeling — that hum beneath your skin. subtle but unshakable.
“there’s someone watching me,” you’d said earlier that morning, trying to brush it off with a laugh as you stirred milk into your coffee. “it’s my anxiety.” jake didn’t look up from his phone. “or maybe you’re watching yourself spiral.”
you’d rolled your eyes. maybe he was right. midterms were looming, you hadn’t slept in days, and your brain felt like it was being slowly pulled apart by rubber bands. but still. the feeling didn’t go away.
it got worse.
you’d been fidgeting, switching the weight on your feet, chewing the inside of your cheek. and then, like something calling your name without a sound, your eyes had drifted across the street.
that’s when you saw him.
a boy. or maybe a man — it was hard to tell, the rain blurred everything. tall, impossibly still, wearing a black hoodie that clung to his shoulders. he wasn’t under any kind of shelter. he stood alone, soaked to the bone, his face half-hidden by the hood, his gaze fixed. not on the road. not on the buildings. but on you.
you stared. you didn’t recognize him. not really. and yet something deep in your chest stirred like a memory. like a name you almost remembered. like a dream you’d had once and forgotten by morning.
you glanced down for a second — a message lighting up your screen.
when you looked up, he was gone.
no footsteps. no splash. just… gone.
you never told jake. what would you say? you didn’t even know what you’d seen. maybe nothing at all.
maybe your anxiety really was watching you. maybe it had grown arms and legs and a face hidden under a rain-soaked hood. maybe it had always been there, just waiting for the right day to show itself.
either way, it started then.
and it never really stopped.
-ˏˋ⋆ present day ⋆ˊˎ-
the hallway is too quiet for a friday night.
you shuffle down the corridor with a tied-up trash bag swinging limply at your side, socks stuffed in your duck slippers, slapping against the cool tile floor. the overhead light flickers once, buzzing faintly. classic.
you reach the stairwell, already bracing yourself for the sharp chill of the outside air, when you stop short.
he’s there.
leaning against the railing of the third-floor landing, hoodie pulled up over his head, cigarette dangling between his fingers — even though this is strictly a no-smoking building. he doesn’t flinch when you turn the corner. just keeps staring out at the dim skyline, face barely visible under the shadow of his hood.
you slow down, blinking.
he’s not familiar — not really. you pride yourself on knowing every face in this sleepy apartment complex, whether through polite nods in the mailroom or awkward elevator silences. but him? nothing. no name. no room number. just angles and silence.
and yet… something about him rings in your head like a half-forgotten dream.
his profile is soft, almost too pretty to be real. sharp jaw, dark lashes, bangs dipping into his eyes. he looks like he doesn’t belong here — like someone plucked him out of a bigger story and dropped him into yours by mistake.
"hey," you offer, voice casual, just above a whisper. "you new here?"
he doesn’t look at you. doesn’t answer.
awkward.
you shift the trash bag in your hands, trying again. “i live on the second floor. don’t think i’ve seen you around before.”
still nothing. just a small exhale of smoke that curls into the cold night air.
rude, you think. but not in a mean way. more like… distant. careful.
you lean against the opposite railing, letting the silence stretch for a few seconds.
"you look familiar," you say, eyes narrowing. "have we met before?"
this time, his gaze flickers. not quite to you — just past you. a twitch of recognition, maybe. or annoyance.
you can't tell.
but your brain is racing. you know him. you must. maybe in passing. maybe in a memory. maybe you’ve just seen him out here before, on the edge of your vision, existing quietly in the corners of your routine. maybe your subconscious noticed him long before you did.
he stubs out the cigarette and walks past you without a word.
you don’t move. you just watch him disappear down the hall, hoodie covered by a black jacket, hands stuffed in his pockets.
"okay then," you murmur to yourself, staring after him. and you can’t help it — the way your eyes linger on the spot he stood, heart ticking a little faster.
there’s something about him.
you just don’t know what. yet.
───
it's raining the next time you see him.
you’re standing under the overhang by the front entrance, fumbling with your umbrella, when the door swings open behind you. you glance back — and it’s him. again.
hoodie. same brown timberlands. same unreadable expression.
you swear he pauses when he sees you, just a fraction of a second. but maybe that’s in your head.
"you smoke a lot for someone living in a no-smoking building," you say without thinking, half a joke.
he doesn’t laugh. but his lips twitch, barely, like maybe he almost did.
he steps out into the rain without an umbrella.
"hey!" you call, surprised. "you're seriously just gonna walk in that?"
he doesn't stop. doesn't answer. but this time, he does glance back at you over his shoulder. eyes dark. thoughtful. like he’s trying to decide something.
“i’ve seen you before,” you say — louder, more certain now. “i just don’t remember where.”
his mouth parts, like he might say something. but then he turns and keeps walking, rain soaking into the fabric of his hoodie, blending him into the gray of the street.
and you're left standing there, umbrella unopened, heart kicking strangely against your ribs.
───
it’s quiet in the laundry room — too quiet. the kind of quiet that settles in your chest and presses down, like you’re underwater. the overhead light flickers occasionally, buzzing in protest, but no one’s bothered to fix it. you wouldn’t usually be here this late, but your sheets were stained and the smell was driving you insane. so here you are, half-past midnight, leaning against a rickety folding table, waiting.
your phone barely gets signal this far in the basement, and the wi-fi’s always spotty. it’s just you, the low groan of the washer, and your own thoughts trying to make conversation.
until the door creaks open.
you don’t jump, but your spine straightens on instinct. you don’t have to look up to know it’s him — the presence is immediate, unmistakable. that stillness in the air that follows him like a shadow. you finally glance up, and there he is. same black hoodie. same too-quiet footsteps. same face that looks like it doesn’t belong here. like it was carved into something older than this tiny suburban building.
he doesn’t say a word. just drops a bag on the floor and begins sorting laundry like it’s the most normal thing in the world. like you haven’t already seen him twice this week, always at night, always alone, always watching without watching.
“seriously?” you say, trying to keep your voice light. “do you just hang out in weird corners of this complex to freak people out?”
nothing.
he lifts a pair of dark jeans, shakes them out. you watch his fingers. they're pale. long. too clean for someone who lives in this building. you’ve lived here your whole life and never seen him before last week — and yet...
he feels familiar.
“okay,” you continue, stepping off the table now. the room feels colder suddenly. “do you live here? or are you like... a freak with laundry privileges?”
still nothing. you laugh under your breath, but it sounds too loud in the silence. your heartbeat starts to climb your throat.
then he says it. quiet. low.
“you used to wait outside the bakery every thursday. same dark purple coat. hair in a slick bun. you never looked both ways when you crossed the street.”
the words stop you cold.
“what?” you ask, your voice barely audible.
he still doesn’t look at you. he presses a button on the washer. it whirs to life.
“i remember,” he says simply.
and then he walks out.
no explanation. no glance back. just leaves you standing there, spine prickling, air thick with something you can’t name.
you don’t move for a long time. the washer keeps spinning. and somewhere in the back of your mind, a door creaks open — something old, something buried. you know that voice. you know it.
but from where?
and why now?
───
you see him again the next week.
it’s late. everything always is these days. late nights, late thoughts, late feelings that come crawling out of places you’ve spent years trying to bury.
he’s there again by the mailboxes, half-shrouded in the dim glow of the overhead light. same hoodie, same stillness. like he’s always belonged to the dark. like the world moves around him, but never through him.
you don’t say anything this time. just glance at him, let your eyes linger a little too long. the silence stretches like fog between you, thick and almost heavy.
when you get back to your apartment, you sit on the floor of your room, knees to your chest, staring at nothing. trying to remember.
because it’s not just déjà vu. it’s more insistent than that. it’s something sharper. something that presses at the edges of your mind like a dull knife.
you know him.
or—at least, you’ve seen him before. not in this life maybe, but in another version of it. in a hallway, maybe. in a photograph. in a moment you never thought would matter until it does.
you try to pull it apart, memory by memory. but your brain is tired and tangled, the way it always is when you think too hard about the past. especially your own.
your mom used to say you were dramatic. that you let small things become monsters under the bed. “don’t be so sensitive,” she’d snap, when you cried over things she didn’t understand. “you make everything so hard for yourself.”
your dad never said much at all.
they were loud in the wrong ways. silent in the ones that mattered. and you learned early how to turn your feelings into puzzles with missing pieces — complex enough to keep you distracted, but unsolvable enough to stop you from ever really facing them.
and yet, riki… there’s something about him that pulls at those missing pieces. like maybe he was one of them. like maybe he slipped into your life through a crack in the wall and waited, patiently, for you to notice.
was he from your old school? a kid from your neighborhood? someone you passed in a crowd once and never forgot, even if you didn’t realize it?
you hate not knowing. hate how it makes you feel like a child again — helpless and unsettled. desperate for answers no one’s willing to give.
maybe that’s what this really is. not fear. not obsession. just the ache of a memory that refuses to resurface.
he’s a question mark in human form. and you’ve never been good with uncertainty.
you don’t see him again for days.
which should be a relief. it should give you space to think, to forget. but it doesn’t. it just makes everything louder. the silence, the questions, the feeling in your gut that something is watching you — or waiting.
your sleep turns thin and restless. shadows stretch too long across your walls. you start leaving your bedroom light on. just in case.
one night, you wake up at 3:12 a.m., heart racing for no reason at all. it takes a second to realize what pulled you out of sleep — a sound. something light. deliberate.
a knock?
you hold your breath. wait. nothing.
you get up anyway.
there’s no one at the door. of course not. but something catches your eye as you start to turn back — something lying just at the edge of your doormat. small. folded. a piece of paper.
you hesitate, then pick it up. it’s blank on the outside. no name. no writing. nothing.
you open it slowly.
inside, in rushed, almost messy handwriting, are six words:
“do you really not remember me?”
your throat goes tight. your first instinct is to look around, scan the hallway, check the peephole twice. there’s no one.
no sound.
just that question burning in your hands.
do you really not remember me?
your fingers shake a little as you fold it back up. your brain is moving too fast and not fast enough at the same time. and that feeling — the one that’s been gnawing at you for days — it blooms in your chest like a scream that never makes it out.
because now it’s real. now you know you aren’t imagining it. the familiarity, the tension, the way your spine goes rigid every time you see him —
he knows you.
he’s known you.
and maybe you did know him once, too. maybe you still do, buried under everything you’ve forgotten on purpose.
you think about the look in his eyes that first night. the way he never said a word. the stillness of him.
you think of the hallway. the sound that woke you. the note.
you think of how you told your friend the other day, half-laughing, half-serious: “there’s someone watching me, it’s my anxiety.”
but what if it’s more than that?
what if it’s not just in your head?
what if it’s him?
───
it hits you in the middle of folding laundry.
something about the way your fingers move. something about the light slanting in through the kitchen window. warm, but not comforting. and all at once, you’re not in your apartment anymore.
you’re in a house. someone else’s. maybe your own. there’s music playing — muffled through a closed door. a cheap stereo with tinny speakers. old j-pop, the kind that loops endlessly on cassettes. the wallpaper is peeling in one corner.
and then—
a voice. soft. younger. yours.
"why do you always hide when they come home?"
someone's sitting in the hallway. knees pulled to their chest. head down. shadows in the space between them like they’re both in different dimensions.
and then he looks up.
not the man in the stairwell. not riki, not yet. just a boy. sharp eyes, hollow cheeks, hair too long in front. there’s a cut on his lip. fading purple under his eye.
“because it’s safer,” he says.
the air warps around that line, like heat off asphalt. she wants to reach for him, wants to say something back, but the memory curls tighter around her, swallowing the end of it before she can hold on.
then it’s gone.
just like that.
you blink down at the pile of laundry in your lap, hands gone still.
your chest feels tight. throat aching, like you swallowed something heavy. the apartment feels colder than it should. that voice — his voice — still rings somewhere in your bones.
because you’ve heard it before. not recently. years ago.
and suddenly you’re thinking about your father’s anger. how he used to break things before he yelled. how sometimes he didn’t yell at all. how the silence always scared you more. how you stopped inviting friends over after age ten. how there was one boy you let in. once.
his name—
you press the heel of your palm to her forehead, hard, like you can shake it loose.
it won’t come. not yet.
but the shape of it is there, curling at the edges of a memory like smoke. and the boy with the bruised mouth and quiet eyes — he's not a stranger.
not even close.
later that night, you can't sleep.
there's a weight on your chest that won’t lift no matter how you shift under the sheets. it’s not insomnia — it’s memory. something clawing at the back of your skull, begging to be seen.
so you get up.
the air in the apartment is too still. even the hum of the fridge feels distant. you don't bother with the lights. just moving barefoot and slow, like any noise might scare the truth away.
the closet in the hallway creaks when you open it. you kneel. pushing past shoeboxes, tangled cords, the mess of forgotten things. until your hand hits the one you’re looking for.
a red box. scuffed corners. cheap velvet peeled at the edges. inside: scraps of a childhood. yours.
old keychains, broken friendship bracelets, polaroids faded to brown. concert tickets. a snow globe from sapporo. and then—
a photograph.
creased down the center. color bleeding with age. a summer day, maybe. you’re younger. seven or eight. awkward teeth, sunburnt nose, some awful haircut her mother swore looked cute. and beside you —
a boy.
not smiling. just… there. close, but not touching. eyes dark and watchful even then.
and it’s him.
riki.
only it wasn’t his name back then, was it? he went by ni-ki.
your breath catches. you sit back on your heels, heart thudding in your ears.
how could you forget? they lived on the same street. just four houses down. his mom used to walk him to school until she didn’t anymore. and then he stopped coming altogether.
after that, he vanished. until now.
until the stairwell. until the way he didn’t speak but looked at her like he knew everything.
you swallow the sick twist in your stomach. the sudden, sharp cold shivering down your spine.
why was he back?
and why you?
you leave the photo on the kitchen island.
maybe it’s careless, maybe even stupid, but you tell yourself it’ll make more sense in the morning. you’ll wake up, look at it with clearer eyes, and it won’t feel like your chest is caving in. besides, you live alone. and it’s just a photo.
just a photo.
you drag yourself to the couch, the blanket scratchy against your legs, exhaustion curling into your limbs like smoke. you fall asleep fast — but it’s the wrong kind of sleep. thick, dreamless, heavy with something you can’t name. a noise pulls at you. a door. or a voice. or your own heart cracking open.
you wake up just as the first light creeps through the windows. your mouth is dry. your tongue tastes like copper.
something is off.
you walk into the kitchen, still half in a fog—and stop.
the photo is gone.
you freeze, staring at the empty spot where it had been, your thoughts moving too fast and too slow all at once. the red box is still there. untouched. the lid sitting open like a mouth waiting to swallow more. you check the floor. under the fridge. between papers. nothing.
no one could’ve taken it.
the door was locked. the windows haven’t budged. you were here. you were alone.
a chill slides down your spine, sharp and crawling. you think of him again. the way he looked at you in the stairwell. not confused. not curious.
just watching.
like he already knew what you would find.
your breath catches. you don’t even realize you’ve backed up until your shoulder hits the wall.
you don’t understand what’s happening, but something is— and it’s closing in.
the silence hums in your ears. the wind slips against the glass like breath. and then you see it.
something on the kitchen table.
not the photo. but something folded.
small. white. placed exactly where the photo had been.
your name is written on the front.
in handwriting you almost recognize.
you stare at the folded paper like it might burn through the table. your name, in soft, slanted letters—almost familiar, like a half-remembered dream. the kind you wake up from with your chest tight and eyes wet, but can’t explain to anyone without sounding insane.
your fingers hesitate.
you don’t want to touch it. you want to burn it. you want to leave the apartment and never come back.
but your hand moves anyway, like it isn’t yours. like you��re being pulled by something older than memory.
the paper is heavier than it looks. the kind of paper someone saves. the kind that lives in boxes under beds, waiting to be found.
you unfold it slowly. deliberately.
the first line makes your stomach drop:
“you used to laugh with your whole face.”
your throat tightens. your vision blurs at the edges. you keep reading.
“i remember when you were afraid of thunderstorms. you’d hide under the table with that stuffed bear. the one with the missing eye.”
you sink into the nearest chair. it creaks beneath you. your heartbeat pounds in your ears like thunder.
how does he know that?
no one remembers that.
not even your mother—too busy fighting shadows of men who never stayed long enough to learn your name.
you blink hard, trying to push away the sting in your eyes. your hand shakes as you reach the last line:
“it’s okay if you don’t remember me. i remember you.”
the note isn’t signed.
but you already know who it’s from.
and you’re not sure if that makes it better… or so much worse.
you find yourself standing at the corner of the street, unsure of where to go or how to breathe. the note is heavy in your hand, the words on it are still too real. still too impossible to wrap your mind around.
but you can’t ignore it anymore. you’ve been running from something, running from the truth, but it’s all catching up with you. and it starts with one thing—one person—who might just hold the answers.
you text jake. i need to talk to you.
he replies almost immediately: come over. i’ll make coffee.
you don’t hesitate. your body moves before your brain can catch up.
jake’s apartment smells like coffee, like books, and like something homey you can’t quite place. you’ve always liked it here—quiet, safe, with jake’s easy smile and the way he always listens like he doesn’t have a million things on his plate.
but today, when he opens the door, his smile falters. his eyes linger on the note in your hand before he invites you in.
“what’s going on?” he asks, his voice soft. “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“worse,” you murmur, sitting down at the kitchen table. “riki. the guy from my apartment building. the one i’ve been thinking about.”
jake’s face changes. his usual calm demeanor cracks for a split second, but it’s enough. enough to make you sit up straighter, enough to make your heart skip a beat.
“what do you mean, the guy you’ve been thinking about?” he asks carefully. “y/n, you’ve been telling me you’ve never met him before. he’s just some weird guy who shows up at random times. are you sure you’re okay?”
you hesitate. the note is still in your hand. you want to show it to him, but something holds you back. you can’t explain this to him without sounding insane.
“he knows things, jake. about me. about my childhood. stuff no one would know.” you pause, swallowing hard. “it’s like he’s been... watching me.”
the silence in the room thickens. jake stands still, his hands gripping the edge of the table. you can feel his mind working through it, piecing things together. finally, he exhales sharply.
“you know who he is, don’t you?” jake’s voice cracks just a little, and you hate that you can hear it.
“he’s riki,” you whisper. “i know it.”
jake looks like he’s just seen a ghost too. but it’s worse than that. it’s betrayal, old wounds you never knew were still there.
“how do you know him?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.
jake runs a hand through his hair, his face tight with something you can’t read. "riki... he was my best friend back home. we were inseparable when we were kids, after he randomly showed up one day. before everything in his home town happened. before he disappeared from there."
you lean forward, your heart racing. "why did he disappear?"
jake looks away, his eyes shadowed with memories. "riki got tangled up in some bad stuff, y/n. things that don’t go away, things that ruin people. he got in with the wrong crowd—gangs, debts, all kinds of shit. he disappeared from there too and... no one ever really knew what happened. but the rumors started. they said he ran. he left everything behind."
your throat tightens. “but... he didn’t.”
jake’s gaze is heavy, dark. “no. he didn’t. he’s been trying to stay hidden ever since. but some ghosts don’t stay buried, y/n.”
your chest tightens. you’ve been living in the shadow of something you can’t even remember fully. and now it’s back.
───
later that night, you find yourself standing in front of riki’s door, your heart hammering in your chest. you knock once, twice, and wait.
the door opens slowly, and riki stands there, eyes wide, almost guilty. he looks different in the light, darker somehow, worn and tired. but the same fire is still there. it’s still riki.
“you know, don’t you?” he says, his voice tight, like he’s holding something back.
you nod, your voice barely above a whisper. “you disappeared. you ran. kept running. and i don’t understand why.”
riki’s eyes flicker with something—pain, maybe. “it’s not that simple. there’s things you don’t know, things i can’t tell you.”
you step closer, ignoring the hesitation in your chest. “i need to know, riki. everything. i need you to tell me.”
his jaw clenches. but then he opens the door wider, his shoulders slumping as he gestures for you to come inside.
you step into his dimly lit apartment, your heart racing. the room feels charged with something unspoken, like the air is holding its breath.
“i didn’t want you to get involved in all of this,” riki says, his voice raw. “but now that you know, i can’t just leave you hanging.”
you take a step forward, your hand trembling as you reach for him, the tension between you unbearable. “you’re not alone in this anymore, riki. i’m here.”
he looks at you, eyes haunted, like he’s trying to decide if he can trust you. then, without warning, his lips crash against yours.
you freeze for a second, the intensity of it taking you by surprise. but then your body reacts, pulling him closer, kissing him back with everything you’ve been holding in. it’s messy, desperate, like neither of you knows what’s happening but can’t stop it.
his hands are everywhere—on your waist, your back, your neck—like he’s trying to memorize you, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.
your heart is racing, your body pressed against his, and for a moment, everything feels like it’s on fire.
riki pulls back, his breathing shallow, his forehead resting against yours. the tension between you two is still there, but it's different now — softer, like a thread connecting you in a way neither of you can fully explain.
"y/n," he says, his voice low but intense, trembling slightly. "there are things i never wanted to tell you, things i couldn't bear to say. i thought it would be easier to push you away, to make you hate me before you found out... but i can't do it anymore. i can't keep lying to myself."
you step back a little, your chest tightening as you watch him. his eyes are full of so many emotions—regret, pain, love—but it’s the last one that makes your heart ache with something you didn’t expect.
"i’ve been in this dark place for so long, y/n. i never thought i could get out of it. i pushed everyone away, especially you, because i knew if i let you in, you’d see the mess i am... but you’re the only one who’s ever mattered. i’ve always known it, even when i was too afraid to admit it. i love you."
his words hang in the air, raw and vulnerable. and you feel something inside of you break wide open—something you’ve been trying so hard to protect, trying to hide.
“i’ve always loved you,” riki continues, his voice softer now, almost like he’s confessing a secret that’s been buried for too long. “even when i tried to run from it, even when i tried to push you away... you were always the one. always.”
you can barely find your voice, overwhelmed by the tenderness in his words. "riki, i—"
but he shakes his head, cutting you off gently. "no, listen. i know i’ve hurt you. i know i’ve been distant, but everything i did... i did it because i was scared. scared of losing you. scared of what you’d think of me if you knew everything. but i can’t hide anymore. not from you. i’ve never stopped loving you. not even for a second.”
tears sting the back of your eyes, but you blink them away, letting his confession settle inside you. your heart feels too full, too full of emotions you don’t know how to contain. you take a deep breath, your voice trembling when you finally speak.
“i’m not going anywhere, riki,” you whisper, the words catching in your throat. “i never was. i don’t care about the past... i don’t care about what happened before. i care about you. i’ve always cared about you.”
for a moment, neither of you moves. the world feels so quiet, like everything has stopped, and it’s just the two of you in this space—this moment where everything you’ve both been hiding finally comes to light.
riki steps closer, his hands gently cupping your face, his thumbs brushing over your skin. his eyes are soft now, almost like he’s memorizing every detail of you, like he never wants to forget this moment.
“can i kiss you again?” he asks, his voice so soft, so unsure. it’s like he’s asking for permission, like he’s afraid of making the wrong move.
you nod, your breath catching in your throat. “please,” you whisper.
and then, his lips are on yours, gentle but urgent, like everything he’s held inside of him is pouring into this kiss. his hands slide to your back, pulling you closer, and you melt into him. you kiss him back with everything you’ve been holding onto, everything you’ve been feeling but never knew how to say.
when you pull back, both of you breathless, riki presses his forehead to yours, his hands resting gently on your hips. his eyes are full of that same tenderness, that same love that’s been there all along.
“i love you, y/n,” he whispers again, this time with more certainty, more peace. “and i always will. no matter what.”
and in that moment, you know, without a doubt, that everything—every question, every fear, every hesitation—has been worth it. because now, in this space, with him, everything feels right.
“i love you too, riki,” you say softly, the words more sure now. “i always will.”
and the kiss that follows is more than just passion—it’s a promise.
he breaks the kiss and leads you to his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed. he pulls you onto his lap and crashes his lips against yours once again.
but this kiss, it’s different than the others.
it’s hot. fiery. desperate.
his tongue bullies its way into your mouth, fighting for dominance which you happily give him. as you continue making out, he becomes increasingly handsy. they fly from your jaw, to your shoulder blades, sliding down to rest on your ass. he grips your clothed flesh with desire.
and that's when you feel it—the unmistakable hardness settled between his legs. pressed against your burning hot core.
you gasped into his lips and he swallowed it up eagerly.
he rolled your hips down onto his crotch, seeking friction to ease his hard on. groaning into the kiss, he broke it, tilting his head back.
you carefully observed how his adam’s apple bobbed each time he swallowed, your self control fading into nothing. reaching out to grab his neck, you lightly apply pressure as you leave sloppy, wet kisses all over his jaw. your eyes drop to his collarbones, noticing his hoodie getting in the way.
you shift in his lap, knees sinking further into his bed as your hands find his shoulders for balance. riki looks up at you, eyes half-lidded, lips parted slightly like he’s caught between breath and want. his hoodie is bunched up from where your fingers had tugged at the hem earlier, and when you reach for it again, he doesn’t stop you.
you pull it over his head slowly, your fingers grazing warm skin as the fabric slides up and off. beneath it, he’s wearing a black tank top that clings to him in all the right places—soft cotton stretched over lean muscle, tracing the shape of his chest and the dip of his waist.
his collarbones catch the low light of the room, sharp and defined, leading down to the elegant curve of his neck. you can see the slight rise and fall of it as he swallows, your gaze drifting lower to the sculpted line of his biceps, muscles flexing subtly under your weight, like he’s holding back.
he looks devastating like this—relaxed and bare in a way that feels forbidden, like you’re seeing something no one else is allowed to.
"you’re staring," he says quietly, a flicker of amusement in his voice, but there's a softness to it too, like he doesn’t mind being seen this way. like he wants you to look.
you smile, brushing your fingers across his shoulder, down his arm, feeling the strength beneath the surface. "can you blame me?"
he laughs under his breath, hands settling at your hips, warm and steady. "not really."
you lean in closer, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck, right where it meets his collarbone. he shivers under your touch, and you feel it in your core—how easy it is to fall into him, how right it feels to be here like this.
you push him further on his bed, his back hitting the soft comforter, hands never leaving your hips.
he captures your lips once again in a kiss that's delicate, like he’s trying to process everything but he can’t. are you really here with him right now? his childhood best friend who he forced himself to cut contact with—but then again, did he ever really cut contact with you? he had to make sure you were okay one way or another, so he watched from the shadows. even if it meant sacrificing his greatest love. you.
as if you could sense the gears overheating in his brain, you pull away from him and stare into his familiar brown eyes. he pouts and you see a glimpse of ni-ki. the scared, eight year old who you’d give up anything to protect.
he cradles your face like you’re made of glass and whispers, “are you sure you want this, angel? because once i start… i don’t think i’ll be able to stop.”
you nod your head, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for him, “words, baby. i need words, hmm?” you bite back a flustered smile, “yeah ni-ki, i want this. you.”
he grins hearing his childhood name fall out of your soft, sweet lips and picks you up off his lap so he can rest with his back against the headboard.
settling back on his thighs, and becoming increasingly impatient, you roll your hips against his, surprising him.
he lets out a breathy moan, urging you to continue. you want to hear each of his pretty sounds.
pressing your clothed clit into the tip of his dick, he closes his eyes, biting his lip. you feel him pulsing beneath you, the thin layer of his sweats not doing much to hide his arousal.
neither of you have ever been this turned on just by kissing, heavy petting, and grinding. but neither of you dare to stop. it feels too good, like a craving you’ve subconsciously had.
riki pauses the movement of your hips, being the first one to break this careful, but familiar, tension between you two. “baby, give me a sec. i’m c-close,” he mutters.
wanting to see what he looks like when he finishes, you grin, dragging your hips down harder and slower, in a teasing manner. he groans, but with the same teasing energy, bucks his hips up into yours, allowing you to feel just how big he is—and he knows it, too. judging by your reaction, he can tell it’s been a while since you’ve both been intimate with someone else.
feeling his release closer than he’d say out loud, he takes control of your movements, speeding them up. you can feel how badly he needs this. how desperate he needs you.
the friction of his covered cock rubbing repeatedly on your sensitive clit, feels better than anything you’ve ever tried with others or yourself. you’re both panting, forehead to forehead, when everything comes crashing down. riki releases into his gray sweats, making a mess. he swears he’s never cum that hard. and your panties get increasingly sticky and uncomfortable.
basking in the aftermath of your shared orgasm, riki gently holds you by the waist, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. lots of “you did great,” “that felt so good, baby,” and a lot of whining. “i need you so bad,” “please, angel, i’ll make you feel so so good.”
who are you to deny your first and only love?
you slowly stand on wobbly legs, stripping, giving riki a show.
he gawks as you remove each item of clothing, starting with your shirt. he’s surprised you aren’t wearing a bra but when your perky tits come into his eyesight, he’s right in front of you. grabbing—licking—whatever’s closest to his mouth and hands.
feeling a bit exposed, while he’s still fully clothed, you whimper into his mouth, silently asking him to take his clothes off as well.
speeding up the process, he rips his tank top off and finally. finally. you get a glimpse of what he always hides under his baggy hoodies. sculpted by the greek gods, you nearly drool at his defined torso. reaching out to drag a hand down his abs, riki shivers at your gentle, yet burning, touch.
you back him up so he sits on his bed and slowly sink to your knees. he leans back on his palms, quiet, but watching you like a hawk. you bring a hand up to cup his bulge, not caring about the sticky stain he’s left.
he groans, low, hot, and it goes straight to your wetness, practically leaking on his floor.
with your hands gripping his waistband, you look up into his dark eyes, clouded with lust, and he nods lifting his hips. yanking his sweats down, you’re met with his hard cock, slapping his abs. “no boxers, huh?” you smugly ask, as if he anticipated this. “nah, not when i’m relaxing, sweetheart.” sweetheart. the name he called you the last day you saw him as kids.
staring at his flushed cock, you lick your lips, ready to devour the man sitting in front of you.
you start by gripping his base, your fingers not fully wrapping around him. how the fuck are you supposed to fit him inside your mouth? a problem you’ve never faced, but for riki? you’d be stupid not to choke on it.
giving his tip sweet little kitten licks, you dig your tongue into his slit, as if you were trying to drink up all his precum. “fuck,” he grunts out, hoping you didn’t discover how sensitive he was at his tip.
he thinks you didn’t, but he should really know better.
you focus all your attention on his swollen head, sucking softly and jerking off the rest of his lengthy dick. his back falls flat, resting on his bed, while he lets out a symphony of moans.
abruptly, you pull off him and when he leans up on his elbows to see why, he’s met with the sight of spit falling from your lips, landing right on his tip. then, his vision goes white.
you lean down, shoving him in your mouth, lips stretched around his girth.
you take him halfway, and the stretch alone is painful already. knowing this might be an issue, riki speaks up, “fuck, you don’t have to take all of me, this already feels so—” but you cut him off, when you sink your mouth further, his tip hitting your throat.
you swallow around him and he whimpers. he’s never felt anything like this before.
when he’s tried to hook up with girls in the past, they normally gave up after a minute of trying to unhinge their jaw to please him.
but with you? he should’ve known you’d be the one to make him proud.
noticing how surprised he is, you start bobbing your head up and down, spit pooling at the corners of your mouth.
it’s messy, wet, and loud. but neither of you care. not when riki is whimpering beneath you so prettily.
his tip repeatedly slams into the back of your throat, making you gag but it just turns him on more. his thighs start to tense and he knows he’s close to his second orgasm.
feeling him twitch in your mouth, you hollow your cheeks and ignore the tears streaming down your face. only focused on his pleasure. you know exactly what will push him over the edge, so you bring your mouth up his cock, lips wrapped carefully around his tip.
swirling your tongue around it, occasionally focusing on his slit, you bring one hand up to his balls and the other to wrap around his base, applying pressure to the vein running along his shaft.
one second later, your mouth gets flooded with his sticky, hot cum. rope after rope shooting from his enlarged tip. his dick is pulsing in your mouth and his cum never ends. it’s spilling out of your mouth onto the floor, but you try and swallow everything you can, not wanting to waste even a drop.
his chest is rapidly rising and falling when you pull off of him with a pop. you wipe your mouth with the sleeve of your shirt and smile sweetly at him, acting like you didn’t just suck him so good his soul left his body.
“damn, baby, didn’t know you wanted me that bad.” he says through a smirk. “calm down nishimura, i could’ve filled up a gallon of water with how much you came,” you bite back. he just looks at your tear stained cheeks and a sense of pride swells in his chest.
while he’s lost in his thoughts, you stand up, knees bruised from his hardwood floor.
glancing between his legs, you notice he’s still hard. how much cum does he have for you? you wonder, taking off your jeans and panties in one go.
now that you’re both fully naked, riki gets up off his bed and approaches you, holding one of your hands. he spins you around, taking in your fully nude body for the first time.
noticing his staring, you open your mouth, “are you just gonna stare or fuck me?”
smoothly, he leads you to lie down on his bed, “patience, princess, be good for me while i take care of you, yeah?” oh you’re gone already.
he leans down to kiss you and your hands find his nape, gently grabbing the hair trailing down his neck.
you mistook riki for an ass guy, when his fascination with your tits makes you break the kiss. he’s sucking gently on your right nipple, his free hand finding your left boob.
moaning gently, you tip your head back into his pillow that smells like comfort, and something musky, but it’s something extremely riki. you instinctively arch into his touch, bare core desperately grinding into the air of his bedroom, desperate for friction.
he senses your neediness, bringing his stiff cock down to rub between your soaked folds. his tip catches your clit, eliciting soft whimpers from your parted lips. using your slick as lube, he lines himself up, stopping before he goes further. “condom?” he sweetly asks. you whisper, under your breath, “n-no, i’m on birth—,” however, you don’t get to answer him when you feel his tip slide into your awaiting hole.
both moaning in relief, he stays with just his tip in, preparing you for the stretch that’s about to come. you relax a bit, a signal for him to push a bit further, cutting off his action with a loud moan.
it’s better than any porn he could dream of, and he’s only about two inches in. the sheer girth of him alone makes it feel like he’s splitting you open in the best way possible.
you look down, thinking he’s halfway in, when in reality, he’s about a fourth of the way inside you. meeting his eyes, he senses your nerves, bringing a hand down to rub your sensitive bundle of nerves.
it helps distract you from the pain, allowing him to slide half way in. he groans at the sensation of your warm, wet walls, engulfing his aching cock. “baby, you gotta relax… you’re s’tight,” he drunkenly mumbles. you can only whimper in response, exhaling as you try to calm down.
once your breathing has returned to a normal state, riki slowly pushes in more, but it all comes to a halt when you wrap your legs around his torso, pulling him all the way in.
he moans, caught off guard, guessing your patience snapped like a thin wire.
as his thick length rests inside you, you can’t help but let out a string of moans, incoherently babbling about how big he feels, and how deep he’s reaching.
“f-fuck. baby, please, can—can i move?” he forces out. you hum in agreement.
he slowly pulls out until only his tip is sheathed inside your warm pussy, then pushes back in all the way. your eyes roll into the back of your head, “fuck. s—s’big, riks.” his pace steadily increases until he notices how your boobs bounce with each thrust he gives you.
he brings his head down, lips wrapping around one of the perky budd, giving you even more pleasure than you knew what to do with.
loud moans grace his ears, the only other sound being skin slapping.
his attention is dragged back to your face when one of your hands reaches for his and brings it up to your neck. his pace falters for a bit until his face contorts, realization dawning over his lust filled features. “oh? does my baby wanna be choked? dirty slut.” you nod in response.
feeling the pressure of his cold ring clad fingers wrapping around your burning flesh, you let out a sigh of relief, the tension in your tummy building at a rapid pace.
riki suddenly pulls out of you, flipping you on all fours, placing a pillow under your stomach. he drags your hips up, kneading the plumpness of your ass. he slams back into you, reaching even deeper in your guts, as he hovers over your back.
“you like feelin’ me this deep, hm?” he takes your hand and places it over the bump you feel with every thrust. your noises are muffled by his bed, which ticks him off—he wants to hear every sound that slips through your mouth. noticing that you liked things a bit rough, he pulls your hair, bringing you flush against the hardness of his chest.
he stills inside you, letting you feel every inch, twitch, and pulse. he’s holding off his orgasm for as long as he can, but he’s not sure how long he can last when you keep clenching around him.
he knows it’s unintentional, but it feels too good, he just needs a second.
you can feel him breathing down your neck when you begin to move. he tries stopping you, but to no avail, you start bouncing on his stiffened cock.
“f-fuck. gonna—cum,” he moans when he attempts to pull out. you push him back down, needing to feel him fill you up. “no. inside,” is all you can muster when he makes a sound of confusion.
slowly gaining confidence, you turn around, and flip him over so you’re on top of him.
flustered by the change in positions, riki gasps when you start to move. his hand finds your clit, rubbing in tight circles.
the band in your stomach starts building, fueling both of your desperation.
your orgasm comes crashing down in waves, pushing riki to buck his hips up, fucking you through it. “that’s it, baby, let it out. c’mon, be a good girl f’me and make a mess,” he mutters out, wanting to prolong your pleasure for as long as he can.
as you cum, your walls uncontrollably clench around his dick, making it harder for him to slide in and out. he starts to chase his own high, gently placing your head back on his pillow and picking up your legs to rest on his shoulders.
he pistons in and out of you, mind hazy, consumed with the need to cum inside of you.
groaning, he stills in your abused cunt, flooding you with the gift of his cum. each pulse, you clench around his hard cock, milking him dry.
he’s on cloud nine, feeling the way you’re taking everything he could possibly offer you.
just as he thinks he’s nearing the end of his high, you whisper in a sultry voice, “you’re still hard, riks,” which makes his skin flush a deep red. his balls tighten and somehow a couple more ropes of cum shoot into your womb. he doesn’t know what you do to him, “take it out on me, baby, i can’t imagine how pent up you must be…” and that does it for him.
wanting to try something new, he straddles your torso, pushing your plush tits together. he aligns his sensitive cock between the flesh and slowly slides through. you stick your tongue out, trying to lick his tip each time it peeks between your boobs.
his cock is nearly too thick for your tits to wrap around him, but he doesn’t care. the sight is more than enough for him to finish.
he’s already close.
the sensitivity gets to him when you begin to hold your tits together, giving him an unobstructed view of you. each time your tongue laps at his slit, he feels himself growing closer to the high he so badly craves.
what really does it for him, is when you spit between your breasts, further lubing his cock. with a low, drawn-out moan, he paints your tits and face with his cum. the sight is too much, his balls go into overdrive, pulsing out more and more ropes of his white, messy load.
your mouth hangs open, wanting to taste more of the salty substance. he thinks you’re perfect.
he collapses on top of you, feeling spent and tired. it’s only when you whine about the stickiness between your legs, on your boobs, and on your face that he gets out of bed, rushing to his bathroom.
he makes his way back over to you with a warm washcloth, and the softest touch you’ve ever felt. he gently cleans the mess he made, only now realizing how much cum he gave you.
and you took all of it. his good girl.
once he’s done wiping away his mess, he picks you up bridal style, heading back to his bathroom. to your surprise, he drew you a bath, with scented candles—lavender. he remembered your favorite.
he helps you into the tub, climbing in behind you. he shampoos your hair, conditions it, and even washes your body with such care, it brings tears to your eyes.
after many hushed whispers, he drains the bathtub, helping you dry off and get into your (his) clothes.
you both get back into his bed, snuggled against one another, riki’s embrace wrapped around you warmer than any blanket could provide.
“riki?” you whisper, afraid to shatter the delicate silence. he hums in response. “please don’t leave me again,” you say trembling, a silent tear slipping down your cheek.
he turns you to face him, “hey, hey, hey, baby, i’m right here. and i know what i did was shitty, you deserved an explanation. but. i couldn’t let you get caught up in what i was doing. it was risky, i couldn’t be what you deserve,” he croaks out, tears wetting his lashes. now it was your turn to comfort him, “oh my riki,” you cooed, cradling his face.
“you did what you had to do, but what’s important is that you’re here now. with me. okay?” you plant the softest kiss on his plump lips. “okay,” he says with a small smile.
you don’t let go. neither does he. his hands stay on your waist, tentative but needing, like he’s still trying to memorize the feel of you. your fingers linger against his jaw, your thumb brushing the damp skin beneath his eye. there’s silence between you, but it’s no longer heavy—just full. thick with everything that couldn’t be said before.
his lips brush against yours again—slower this time, deeper. like a question. and an answer. you lean in, the way you sigh into him. it’s not desperate, not rushed. it’s reverent.
when he pulls back just slightly, his forehead resting against yours, his breath is shaky. “i missed you,” he whispers, voice barely audible. “missed you so much i forgot how to breathe without it hurting.”
you cup his face in both hands now, heart aching in the best way. “i’m here. i’m not going anywhere.”
and then you kiss him again—like a vow sealed in warmth and want. like a beginning.
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[ @jaeyuniversal ] prod. 250419
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