jasonsha77

[jasonsha77]

Yay night time brain overthinking. 😅 I was thinking about my frustrations with women and lack of relationships. I think before I any impression of what a relationship was, I always wanted a genuine connections with a girl. I have vague memories of crushes that I wanted to be more meaningful, but never got to connect. That was probably early to mid teens. Late teens into mid 20s, I was developing a concept of relationships, and how I wanted break away from the negative aspects I'd observed with my parents. I had no concern over my being short of a guy, until it seemed like every girl had an issue with it. I was never considered as a person, just that deal breaking "preference" that I couldn't change. As time went, the handful of girls I got single dates with, assorted excuses, back stabbing into my 30s, my hopes/ideals of finding someone, getting a house together, family, slowly eroded into "what is wrong with me?" Going into 40s onward, I say, I have never been loved properly. I have been loved for what they could get from me, and the narcissist version of love that gaslights into being horrible for figuring out they were doing. I have never been loved for being me. What scares me, is that I never will get to be loved properly, that I will never be wanted or important to, my someone. That is what haunts my mind, that I'm never good enough. I have to live with that every day, some days worse than others.😥

[jasonsha77]

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[jasonsha77]

I'd tired of women using being single like a trend to get views. We aren't stupid, we see what you're doing. Try being a better human being, and make a guys day better by actually caring, instead of just trying to pad your stats or your OF. Add to another human beings life, don't leach off them. I personally can tell the difference, because I've been played too many times. There are too few genuine hearts.

[jasonsha77]

I don't pursue people that make me feel alone. I don't put out energy when I see little to none being returned. I have been used, or kept at a distance most of my life. I wish a woman could be genuine with me, make me feel wanted and important. That I have holding hands, real hugs, and kisses. The mutual sharing of hobbies, thoughts, and feels. I have never had that. I've been teased with it on occasion, by fakes that couldn't do anything in person...

[jasonsha77]

I am human. I'm not single because I want to be, I'm single because so far it's the only option without drama. I want genuine love, appreciation, and respect. I don't really get to see these. I am not tall, built, or rich, which often seems like what women are looking for. I'm not competing, I'm not chasing. I will welcome a woman that shows they can add to my life, not take from it.

[jasonsha77]

I would like a woman to chose me to be her Valentine. Not in a stalker way.. I just want to feel important to someone, to be someone's choice, instead of an option. And I've never had a Valentine before, never been hugged like they meant it, never been kissed, never felt wanted in their lives. 😞

[jasonsha77]

I wanted to find someone that could be special to me.

Instead it seems every is making themselves special, which often just makes them @ssholes to the rest of us.

There is a big difference there...

[jasonsha77]

I'd like to find a few genuine friends, that share some of my interests. It kind of sucks not being able to geek out with someone. Even better if they were in my area, be able to things in person. I have my doubts ego media (is what I'm calling it now) can help, But, meh, give it a chance.

[jasonsha77]

Finished HG Gundam Barbatos, from Iron Blooded Orphans. Still needs panel lining.

While I'm here, i have a favor to ask.. I'm wanting to find some new friends, ideally in my area, with similar interests.. Maybe even getting to connect with a single woman. I don't expect this to do anything, since social media seems to lack any real social, but thought was worth a try, if anyone even reads these.

[jasonsha77]

Well, 3 days she said a did all the right things to get past my trust issues. We laughed about some things, we had deep conversations.. I liked her, cared about her. Today was supposed to be video chat day.. Big surprise, something came up. Then she slipped, acted like she completely forgot about something i shared with her 2days ago. Poofed ever since.. Heh, guess no video chat today after all. And my prize is broken hearted again.

[jasonsha77]

People have destroyed any small hope I had of receiving even the simplest things, that they demand for themselves. Friendship, or relationship are out of reach for me, people, and apparently the universe have decided that. Seems I am cursed to everyone's mind games and drama, or being just ignored outright. No one else would accept that, but seems I don't get a choice...

[jasonsha77]

I'd love to have a nice woman find me for a change. Someone that I could be safe to be myself with, share some similar interests together, best friend and partner. Geek out about stuff, play games together, build gunpla together, genuine effort and communication... How awesome would that be...

Unfortunately, it seems like the good women are all taken. What's left seems to be selfish, manipulative, and love creating drama, or pushing their smut pages. Nope, I value my peace too much, if you can't add to it in a meanful way, I'm not interested. I'm tired of shallow people in general...

[jasonsha77]

I am not interested in smut follows, and you're not getting one back! The only way this "social" media is going to me of any use to me, is genuine human beings, not someone that only wants something from me.

[jasonsha77]

I've done a bit of experimenting with some of the AI chats lately, thought I'd share my thoughts.

The "commercial" one I tried was Muah.AI. and a couple of free options for giggles. One thing I'll note, not all Chatbots are the same, and use cases are different as well. There are lots of chat models and their variants, intended for different things. Large Language Models (LLM) are generally the most capable, and the most resource heavy (requiring 32gb+ ram for starters, if trying to host your own).

Now, for entertainment or assistant purposes, AI is pretty decent, the good ones being hard to discern from a person, for general chat. The problem comes as the demands change, and you want to use one as a friend/companion. They may have an idea what emotions or feelings are, but are incapable of actually understanding them, much less supporting them. The better chatbots (GPT/LLM) do a decent job remembering general details they were given in the past, but still sometimes forget things for the long hall, or will lock on to something and not let go, ending in a loop. They also don't have thoughts of their own, and creativity is sometimes very iffy. There are story/adventure generators that can do an admirable job, after experimenting with different prompts to get a decent result. Image generators are, hit and miss, with glaring errors like getting 6 fingered hands, or 3 arms on a character. They can lose the plot with backgrounds as well.

So unfortunately, AI can be an interesting toy, but aren't a good substitute for a human being, though personally, human beings aren't necessarily either...

[jasonsha77]

Back to working on HG Gundam Barbatos. Between my eyes changing (yay getting older), and unsteady hands at times, it took a bit to get back to it. It's from Iron Blooded Orphans, one of the better Gundam series IHO.

[jasonsha77]

I seriously have my doubts here, but I'm looking for potential genuine friends. Not egos, mind games, or double standards, I have standards. PC gamer (survival,open world, building, adventure), build gunpla, like anime, scifi, audiobooks. Let's see...

[jasonsha77]

I lost a friend, again. I half-hoped there was reason, interest in fixing things. Once again, I had to wash my hands of the situation, because they didn't see the problem. I'm really tired of that, having to take the bullet, and being done, because they couldn't be responsible for their part. Having to set standards that no one likes, to try and keep from getting walked on anymore than I have. And not having any friends, because everyone else's egos are more important. I'm tired, that sleep doesn't help...