jezmatronwrites

[jezmatronwrites]

Benoit Blanc bagged Hugh Grant, guys got game.

I would love to see Grant in the sort of John Watson role, being mildly irritated with Benoit but clearly fondly adoring at the same time. But make him actually be Hugh Grant As Himself.

So many modern detectives have tried to emulate Sherlock Holmes, and none of them have even come CLOSE to touching Benoit Blanc. That man is Holmes' true spiritual successor. He's a silly little guy. He's gay. He's a drama queen. He has impeccable fashion sense. He loves music. He works with the cops but refuses to work for them. His voice is both goofy and incredibly fun to listen to. He sucks at playing Clue and Among Us. He mopes in the bathtub for weeks when he doesn't have a case. He loves hanging out with The Girls but gets incredibly uncomfortable when women flirt with him. The only reason he can afford his gorgeous downtown apartment is because his husband works a real job.* The only thing he hates more than Rich Assholes are Stupid Rich Assholes. He solved a double (attempted triple) homicide and the thing that made him most upset was plagiarism. He supports women's rights and women's wrongs. He refuses to break the law himself but actively encourages his client to commit arson.

And, most importantly, he and Holmes would fucking love each other. If most of the modern day detectives inspired by Holmes ever met him, he would probably want to kill them with hammers, but he and Blanc would probably end up being penpals and sending each other newspaper clippings about crime or some shit. And I can absolutely envision a teenage Blanc reading the Holmes stories and being like, "Wait, being a silly little gay private detective is a viable career option? Well, I guess I've finally found my calling in life."

Anyway I love the Benoit Blanc movies and I hope they make a million of them

*confirmed by Rian Johnson

[jezmatronwrites]

How come semi trucks in Europe look like “toot toot :)” and in North America they look like “HONK HOOOOOOOONK >:|”

[jezmatronwrites]

This is lovely.

But I can imagine Vimes would attend these because of how much he adores Sybil. He hates the formal events where he has to dress up and perform, but the honesty and straightforwardness of this would probably appeal to him. But I could still see him delegating to Carrot but with a sternly worded "Do Not Start a CHAT With Bunty About Mining, She's An Amateur Potholer" and it then becomes Carrot being baffled by a charming elderly heiress who knows more about dwarven mining techniques than him, Agatha Christie style, while Angus (who has tagged along (gets trapped in a conversation about cross breeding swamp dragon pedigrees.

the Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons should have some kind of fundraiser charity ball kind of thing... 🤔

at ramkin manor, or something

vimes doesn't mind going, compared to most parties he has to go to, because dragon ladies are a bunch of super-informal weirdos who don't use titles and mostly call him "sam" and can chitchat for hours about just dragons & whatever. i think there was a "vimes infodumps about cobblestones [1 hour]" incident at one of these dragon lady parties & to them that's very normal and interesting conversation

but still at least half the time he wants to avoid going, so sybil brings someone else as her plus-one... like carrot, who's always happy to listen to dragon weirdos nerd out about dragons. or vetinari. if it's mostly sybil's dragon-y friends there, he's way way more chilled out than you'd ever usually see him, dragon-y people are like "oh, hullo, havelock! how's mr fusspot?" (also, normally, it's implied he doesn't like people trying to be on first-name terms with him, aside from one or two people*, but dragon ladies, ie., posh eccentrics, are only known to anyone by names like "shrimpy" and "bunny", so what can you do) & don't even think to ask about politics, they just want to know if he brought iconographs of his dog (of course he did)

*the archchancellor? & possibly sybil. it's not even entirely clear he wants to be on first-name terms with margolotta or with his own aunt

anyway. dragon-lady fundraiser parties. they get together & watch slideshows of dragons (before & after all these poor little dragons got rehabilitated... and that sort of thing) and auction off stuff wot they found in their attics (per the sort of stuff sybil keeps in her attic, priceless antiques? really impressive amateur art pieces? etc)

oh also. dragon ladies are gonna accidentally re-invent The Clicks just so they can watch cute dragon videos. it's gonna happen!

[jezmatronwrites]

SCC - Bait and Switch Chapter 2

SPACE! CAPTAIN! CATRA!

Bait and switch - Chapter TWO

Will Adora's distraction work... or will it be too much? Will Mermista's scheme work? Or will BRAVE CAPTAIN CATRA FOIL the pirates? Will Catra finally admit anything? UNLIKELY!

[jezmatronwrites]

I love Lena because she's like "I don't deserve anything good in this world" but also like "of course I'm going to flirt with Supergirl, why would I settle for anyone less"

The immovable object of Lena's self-loathing vs the unstoppable force of her horniness: FIGHT 🥊

[jezmatronwrites]

Something to add to this - the Scottish glens and rolling hills of heath and ferns?

An ecological wasteland that used to be a thick forest. Britain ripped it all apart for shipbuilding and lumber and firewood. So all those mythological ideas of Wallace and Robert the Bruce should be seen in deep forests. Hadrian's wall would have looked at a North of dark trees and woad covered raiders.

Maybe I'm romanticising, but I know that I get a deep sense of wrongness when I just see uninterrupted blue sky; like there SHOULD be more trees or coverage.

[jezmatronwrites]

As a steam deck owner I have to say I would take it over the Nintendo Switch 2 and xboxs version. The consoles (as that's what I see them as) are clearly brickable and will be locked down "for ease".

With the steam deck you can basically do... Anything. So long as you're willing to invest time to make use, you can basically run GOG and other aps on it as well. I'm still fiddling, but since it's Linux it has a bit more flex (and a willingness to flex) that I cannot see MS or Nintendo even attempting.

If nothing else, I think the Steam Deck has been a positive development because having a fixed-spec target platform that can't be dismissed by insisting that a two-year-old GPU is obsolete and a formal certification process for being allowed to claim compatibility with that target is demonstrably encouraging publishers to actually let developers optimise their shit.

[jezmatronwrites]

So, in fact, you could use that Twink to obliterate?

Guys, the liquid stuff you use when you make a pen mistake so you have to cover it over, what’s it called?

[jezmatronwrites]

Predators. Are. Not. Klingons.

Remember, Predator was originally a HORROR movie with action elements. The predators will rip out your spine while you are still alive. They will skin their prey. They do not care for pain.

Their honour system is weird and barbaric and inhuman and only applies to how they approach a hunt in terms of challenge. They are not about HONOUR but challenge. Even in Predator one when the Predator strips down to its basics, it only partly does that to "honour" Dutch. And then it proceeds to toy with him. It could have killed him at any point but it's playing with him, to demonstrate how helpless he is (or it thinks he is).

And then after being beaten it tries to kill him again with a mini nuke.

They only apply honour to themselves and their approach - respecting how their clan members approach a hunt - like bass fishers only accepting a prize catch if it used the right equipment.

One odd critique of Predator: Killer of Killers that I’m seeing is people upset that the Predators “honor” feels hollow now, since they kidnap winners for future entertainment.

I would like to remind everyone that the Predators entire culture literally dehumanizes their targets. The first movie in the series has this high tech hunter kill people with invisibility, plasma weapons, shooting people in the back, and nuke the jungle when he lost. The second one had him attack an entire subway filled with civilians and slaughter them, and also try to nuke himself for losing. Prey literally compared them to colonizers!

What did y’all think “We kill to live, They live to kill” meant??

Their “honor” was bullshit the entire time. It was the equivalent of a man in tacticool equipment in a humvee talking about the honor of hunting the dangerous lion, while stroking an rpg launcher.

Humans are just a content farm for the Predators entertainment.

[jezmatronwrites]

Sparkle - She Ra Monster-Girl Series

The second instalment of the Monster-Girl series. This time something less monster and more girl, but maybe a bit... Magical?

Adora is in New York trying to write out a blog post, finding more niche parts of the city. The last thing she expected was to be accosted by someone SHE accosted a while back. Karma?

now Adora is trying to get away from a persistent, glittery menace. how will she get out of THIS mess?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66315421/chapters/170981191

[jezmatronwrites]

I would also posit the layer that the roommate is sharing interests and thus flirting via the media of yaoi.

One of my roommates is from China and neither of us speaks the other’s language but lately when she’s in a chatty mood she comes into our kitchen and shows me these douyin Matt Damon x Ben Affleck RPF videos and puts her theories about how Ben has been pining for Matt into google translate for me to read. fujoing out transcends language barriers

[jezmatronwrites]

Jack: “So who’s getting assigned to SG-1 while Daniel is gone?”

Hammond: “no one. You’re all over due for some personal leave”

Hammond internally: also you’re all pack bonded and something insane happens whenever we replace one of you & the replacement ends up evil, dead or both.

[jezmatronwrites]

seeing transfeminism coming from people who aren't transfem means a lot to me btw. we don't rly get a choice, it's this or be a doormat forever. others chose to stick with us even though it means they catch shit for it too. i wish solidarity was unremarkable but right now it isn't, and when i do see it it's like a sunbeam <3

[jezmatronwrites]

When you Love the Job - Chapter 24

The Assassin AU update! Chapter 24 - The Chase begins.

Octavia has Catra in her grasp, but Adora is on the hunt, willing to go to any lengths to save her... job? Girlfriend? Person-she-has-complicated-and-unfamiliar-feelings-for?

Enjoy this action packed chapter but be warned - VIOLENCE ensues!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41810859/chapters/170554579

[jezmatronwrites]

I felt something. Beautiful.

on watching a parent age

i saw somebody say “what if you’re gone and i haven’t become anything yet” and basically that broke me on a random thursday evening

[jezmatronwrites]

[ID: An image of Catra, a cat-like character from the show “She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, winking and in front of a background which the trans pride flag. The text overlaid on top of her reads “every time you repost this catra a transphobic gets bitten by a rabid cat” End ID]

edit: transphobia tw for the comments on this post, sorry about that y’all edit 2: typo in image ID was fixed, sorry about that! you’d think i would have seen that earlier 😅

[jezmatronwrites]

Cats getting caught doing crimes