jlndlphk

[jlndlphk]

Oh my G-d, this!

[jlndlphk]

やっと日本語バージョンでたよ！そのうえよく訳したんだ（サイラスがオリジナルバージョンと同じくカミングアウトをするか信用があまりなかったのに・・・）

They finally dubbed this scene for the Japanese version.  I was afraid they would change some or all Cyrus’ story-line, but I’ve been happily surprised.  Not only did they do a really good translating it, but I think the voice actors, especially Buffy’s, did a really good job recreating the original emotion of the scene.

[jlndlphk]

Idk how you can be friends with Ethan Wacker. He's a gun-loving, Trump-supporting republican who stands against everything you stand for.

are politics a prerequisite to being friends with someone for you? there are cool people with different views than you, and I have no prerequisites for being friends with someone. I might disagree with him, but just because we disagree on some policy doesn’t mean I hate him.

last time I said this I was told that it was privelige. I don’t think that you should be friends with someone who is actively trying to hurt others, especially if they are racist, or homophobic. Ethan is neither of those. If he was actively working to push a republican agenda in a harmful way, I wouldn’t be a fan. But he can share his own political beliefs in the world. He has every right to, just like I do.

The first amendment and the shared American value of free speech isn’t just for Democrats.

[jlndlphk]

So, I just got my 63 and 65 year old lesbian mothers to start watching Andi Mack last night

They’re absolutely hooked (we ended up watching 6 episodes in a row).

So there are good things in life. :)

But the best part is that when we got to the first Ultimate Frisbee practice scene in episode two where Cyrus is freaking out over Jonah telling him he can just call him Jonah, one of my mothers says, completely straight-faced (referring to Cyrus), “So he’s gay, right?”

[jlndlphk]

On Empathy for those who do not Deserve it

I suspect this is not going to be a popular post.

In light of the recent scandal involving now former Disney Channel actor and director Stoney Westmoreland, who has been accused of attempting to solicit sex from an undercover cop whom he believed to be a thirteen-year-old boy, I would like to talk about empathy.

First, let be me clear about what I not going to do.  I am not going to try to justify or excuse Westmoreland’s actions, because they are unjustifiable and inexcusable.  I am not going to preach to you about how you should feel about this situation.  What I am going to do is talk about how it is possible to have empathy for someone who doesn’t deserve it and why I personally cannot help but to do so.  If for any reason you feel that you cannot even engage with the idea of having empathy for a would-be child molester, I will not in any way hold that against you, but I will ask you to stop reading and refrain from commenting on what you have read so far.

One of my favorite novels is Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card.  I am aware that to bring that novel up in and of itself is to open an entirely separate can of worms, since Card is a well-known homophobe. As a gay man, I certainly don’t condone his views on that subject, or really many of his views on any subject, but I cannot deny that Ender’s Game is, perhaps ironically, one of the most powerful treatises on empathy that I have even come across.  

The titular character involved as the battle against an alien race known as the Formics which has already invaded Earth twice and massacred thousands of people both times.  Almost nothing about the Formics, not least their motivation is, understood.  Thus, they have become a pure and simple monster, something for humanity to hate freely and without second thoughts.

Fourteen-year-old Ender ends up unwittingly committing “xenocide,” the authors ad-hoc term for the destruction of an entire sentient race.  He is celebrated as the hero of humankind, but feels guilty nonetheless.  Eventually, he discovers a single survivor of the Formics, a pregnant Hive Queen, who reveals to him the reason for the invasions, and he resolves to both restore their reputation and to find a home for this survivor to restart her race. To the first end, he anonymously pens a thin volume based on what the Hive Queen has told him which subsequently becomes a best-seller.  Despite the fact that it is interpreted as a work of fiction, it so moves the people that as Ender embarks on near-lightspeed travel from planet to planet in order to escape political turmoil back on Earth, his reputation slowly but surely changes from humanity’s savior to a despicable war criminal.  Ender has become the monster, and the Formics an innocent victim.

This gets the heart of the issue that Card, despite his flaws, sheds a spotlight on so skillfully.  When we are faced with a person committing a heinous and despicable act, especially if we have previously viewed that person positively, or at least neutrally, our natural reaction is to declare that person a monster.  The actions are evil, and therefore the person who has committed them must be evil as well.  Card also shows how the winds of time so often reverse course so that heroes are declared villains and villains declared victims.

There is much food for thought here.  But the most memorable quote from the novel, at least for me, is this line from the Ender: “I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves.”

Have you ever stopped to wonder why we are so quick to declare certain people monsters?  I think that quote illustrates that we do so in order to avoid understanding them. Because if we understood them, we would not so easily be able to separate ourselves from them.

I am a Buddhist, and I would like to relate a story that a teacher of mine once told me about the Dalai Lama when he visited the former concentration camp at Auschwitz.  Upon reaching the entrance gate, the Dalai Lama suddenly knelt down and clasped his hands in silent prayer.  Later on, one of the monks accompanying him asked him what he had been praying about. The Dalai Lama responded, “I was praying that I should never be involved in perpetrating such an atrocity.”

I’ll bet that’s not what you were expecting.  I know it certainly wasn’t what I was expecting the first time I heard it. Why would he think that such a thing was even possible for him?  Does the Dalai Lama harbor some secret genocidal tendencies?

No, of course he does not.  Rather he has recognized one of the teachings that all Buddhists strive to understand and embody, namely the understanding that there is no such thing as a good person or an evil person, merely good actions and evil actions, and the consequences therein. Each and every one of us is, given the right circumstances, capable of making heroic sacrifices and committing depraved crimes.

If you truly reflect, there may be something about yourself that if others found out about might lead them to declare you a monster.  And if there truly isn’t, then I guarantee there is something that I find personally even scarier: The potential to do such things.

That’s why I cannot consider Stoney Westmoreland a monster despite the fact that I can and do consider his actions to be monstrous.  Because despite the fact that I don’t want to believe it, I know that I, too, am capable of monstrous actions.  We all are, whether we are capable of admitting it or not.

But the lesson here isn’t to raise our esteem for Stoney Westmoreland or anybody else who has committed atrocities.  After all, despite loving the Formics as they love themselves, Ender ultimately destroys them (save the one Hive Queen he is unaware of at the time), albeit unwittingly. In turn, Westmoreland deserves to punished to the full extent the law provides.

No, the lesson is about ourselves.  Because if we call Westmoreland a monster, we implicitly deny that we are capable of monstrous acts, and that is often how they happen.  I’m absolutely sure that Westmoreland convinced himself that what he was doing wasn’t wrong or at least not that bad, and we are perfectly capable of doing the same.

If you are still un-swayed, I will offer up one more perspective.  Many people have been talking about the effect this must be having on the cast, but most people, including me in several pervious posts, have focused on the sense of betrayal and disgust they must presumably feel as a result of these revelations.  But I implore you to look at this from their perspective: try to imagine if Westmoreland was a great friend of yours, someone you had worked with for several years.  Given that context, do you think you would so easily be able to dismiss him a monster, separate from you in every way? Westmoreland also has a family, including a son in his twenties.  How is that poor boy supposed to feel about this?

This is one of those cases where the difference between empathy and sympathy is critically important.  You don’t need to feel sorry for the man, although I admit that, seeing this as partially a mental health issue, I do feel a bit of sympathy for his internal issues, even though they are absolutely no excuse for his external behavior.  The only thing I suggest you try to feel is empathy, not to exonerate or lessen his actions, but to try to ensure that this doesn’t happen again.

I know this is a tough topic.  I don’t expect everyone to agree with me.  If you’ve made it this far, please feel free to comment with whatever opinions you might have.  Dissent is welcomed and encouraged, but rudeness and abuse are not.

[jlndlphk]

Since the last post I made was about dealing with trauma, it seemed appropriate to address this too.  People, and especially young people, are often a lot more resilient than we give ourselves credit for.  I’m sure these guys are still affected by what happened, of course, but it’s nice to see that they’re not so distraught as to be unable to have fun.

So it’s probably a good time to say that virtually everyone does get over their trauma.  That’s not to minimize anyone’s experience, but rather to hold out some hope if you need it.  It took me two years to completely get over my trauma, and even now it’s still a part of me.  It’s just that now I barely think about it, and when I do, sometimes I even laugh.  If you told me that I’d ever be able to laugh about what happened to me at the time it did, there’s no way in hell I’d have believed you.  But I promise, you will get there, as long as you seek out help from friends, family, and medical professionals.

I can’t walk that lonesome valley for you, but I can promise you that it has an end.

[jlndlphk]

I want to elaborate a bit on something I said last night regarding the news about Stoney Westmoreland, who plays Ham on Andi Mack.  First of all, as I said, I have been through a traumatic event, although I will freely admit that the circumstances were very different, and of course not everyone will react the same to trauma anyway.

Either way, I said that not talking about trauma is the worst thing you could do to someone who has experienced it, but I should have clarified what I meant (to be honest, it took me a little while to figure out exactly why myself).  When something really awful and all-consuming happens to you, it’s all you want to talk about in the beginning.  Whether people bring it up or not, your going to be thinking about it.  Given that fact, when people avoid the issue (or even worse avoid the person entirely, even in the interest of “giving them space”), the victim of the trauma can feel as if they have been “tainted” by this horrible thing that someone else has done to them, even if they know intellectually that that isn’t true.

So what does this mean for us fans?  As I also said last night, it sure as hell doesn’t mean that we need to go bugging Josh and others for details about what happened.  That’s just self-serving.  In this situation, and in fact anytime you are in a situation where a friend or acquaintance has just experienced a traumatic event, you should say some variation of this: “I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now.  If you don’t want to talk, I totally get it, but if you need someone to talk to, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll always be here for you.”  And then respect whatever they say.  If they want space, give them space.  If they want to talk, talk.  Frankly, I suspect the cast will choose to talk with people they know personally rather than vent online, but even just holding open that offer means something.

At the same time, we also need to accept that, especially for fans who are very invested in this show, this is a sort of trauma for us as well.  It’s not nearly as bad as that experienced by those closest to the situation, of course, but the human brain doesn’t decide how to feel about something based on whether other people have worse problems.  Maybe that would be more equitable, but it’s just not how things work and pretending it is doesn’t do anybody any good.  So wanting to talk about this, and wanting to analyze all the details and everything is not wrong.  Worrying about the show being cancelled is not wrong, either.  The whole reason why people are so upset over this is because the show means so much to them.  The reason my trauma was so bad was that I lost something which I had woven into multiple aspects of my life, and so so there was a ripple effect.  However you’re feeling is not wrong, and if you want to talk, please do so.  Just do it with other fans, whose level of trauma is more similar, rather than the cast (unless they initiate it).

That said, if anyone wants to talk to me about this, I would be absolutely happy to oblige.

If you’ve actually read this entire ramble, I congratulate you.  I’m sorry for going on so much, but this isn’t an easy topic and it has a lot of nuance (something I rather think is lacking in our society these days).

[jlndlphk]

Unfortunately, this is exactly how this tends to happen.  Most assaults on minors are perpetrated by people they know well, and child molesters tend to be unnaturally good at making themselves well liked and gaining trust.  At the same time, as you said, there were so many people watching so carefully that, thankfully, I doubt he targeted anyone on set.  That’s cold comfort to any other victims he may have had, of course, but I suppose it’s something. 

I genuinely feel sick right now. I can’t imagine how the rest of the cast and crew must be feeling. They have been filming the show for a little over two years now which means all of the cast has been between the ages of about 12-17 over the entire process of production. There were hundreds of extras throughout these two years. Most of the cast lived in the area for large chunks of time. Their PARENTS were on set the entire time. There is absolutely no way anyone saw this coming, or else they wouldn’t have kept him around. But who knows how long he’s been doing this. The kids on that show don’t deserve to be having to go through this kind of sick betrayal, especially when they are filming the finale AND it’s one of their birthdays. It’s just not fair. It’s not fair to this man’s victim(s) or the children and adults in his life who put their trust in him. I think this is the first time something like this has ever come to light about a Disney Channel actor while their show was still airing, so I have no clue how the network will deal with this or if it will affect the series itself. That’s not really what matters right now, but it’s hard to not think about. Anyways. Please be respectful of the rest of the cast and crew right now. Don’t flood anyone’s social media with questions or comments or hate. In the meantime, if you are a young person (or anyone, really, but especially the young ones) in the fanbase and this has a negative effect on you please don’t read any more about it or please talk to someone you trust. My ask box is open if anyone needs someone right now.

[jlndlphk]

And let’s also try to be there for the cast members and crew if they need us. I can’t even begin to imagine how they must be feeling right now, especially Terri, Lauren, Lilan, and Peyton (and poor Josh, who I’m sure was not expecting such a travesty for his 17th birthday).  Obviously we shouldn’t be pressing any of them on anything, but let’s just all let them know that if we can do anything at all for them, we’re happy to.

Regarding tonight’s news, a friendly reminder to take care of yourself first and foremost. We’re all out here watching the show and participating in fandom because it’s a fun thing, but if it becomes upsetting or triggering there’s nothing wrong with stepping away. If you need a break, take a break for as long as you need. And if anyone is ever making you uncomfortable, online or not please talk to someone you trust. Just please take care of yourselves.

[jlndlphk]

I’m making my donation as soon as I get the paperwork worked out.  This is really important and it’s just about the least we can do for Josh right now (not to mention how much good it will do for preventing gun violence). 

friendly reminders:

josh was definitely checking the ‘joshua rush’ tag today because of his birthday, so please leave his name & url out of your tags and posts about this situation

it’s still josh’s birthday in salt lake city and it’s never too late to donate to a good cause, so if you can please consider donating to march for our lives as a gift to him!!!

[jlndlphk]

Well said. Having lived through a traumatic event myself, I can say that one of the most frustrating things was well-meaning people avoiding the topic. The worst thing we can do for ourselves and for the people intimately involved with the situation is to pretend like nothing is happening.

Of course that doesn't mean bombarding Josh and others with asks about details, but it might mean reaching out and offering them a place to talk about how they're feeling.

And we need to do the same for ourselves. Obviously we are not as close to the issues as Josh, Peyton, Sofia, Laura, Lilan, Trent, Asher, and the others, but that doesn't mean it hasn't affected us. Burying your problems doesn't make them go away. Trust me, I know from experience.

Very controversial opinion

We should not stop talking about this. We need to keep talking about this.

We should ALL be “triggered” if it gives you PTSD, that’s one thing, but if it’s just that you are scared or don’t want to think about it cause it makes you feel sick, GOOD, it should make you feel sick, and we should STILL talk about it.

The less we talk about it the more it will happen again and again. 

We need to keep this alive as long as possible, because the news cycle will forget by tomorrow. 

This is not something that should go away or we should stop talking about if we are uncomfortable. 

[jlndlphk]

@lgbtyrus @webarebares  I’m sure someone has already done this, but I haven’t seen it yet, so I thought I’d make this tiny little contribution to your wonderful fanfic.  I used the versions you specified when I could find one, and the one I liked best when you didn’t.  If I made any mistakes, though, please tell me!  I’ll keep updating it for the last few chapters, too.  Hope you get some enjoyment out of it, and keep up the great work!