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[jotnrot]

balled up

If I lie on my side and fold into myselfagain, and again, and againkneading my need into the solace between my knees and chin perhaps, I can bring outwhat knaws at me within and face the day anew

[jotnrot]

stasis

Living is what I do When I’m not thinking of you I’m often in stasis these days The sun warms my shoulders Into feeling less old than My bark-like skin declares I spend my days exposed Like light can appease thirst And bring life to dried dirt But it won’t And I’m left fiddling With […]stasis

[jotnrot]

untold

Have you or have I rewritten the story? I recall like yesterday How I recoiled How he called you out How you insisted, then persisted and convinced, yourself How I went along, against all my instincts because I wanted to destroy something that night Because the one that should have stepped in, hadn’t Because I should have asked him to Because he shouldn’t have had to Because I shouldn’t have had…

[jotnrot]

not enough

I’ve run circles around shadows Raised two people from a grain Crossed oceans and added, collected and borrowed, Begged and bent to be let in yet fled at every chance I’ve climbed mountains in my mind and tumbled down numbed by blatant lies meant to exalt and suppress all uprising Nothing has touched me like colours and smiles hiding in the corner of a mouth or an eye or the blush of a cheek or…

[jotnrot]

small measures

It has been a while, measured in breaths, in, out, like tick and talk about the weather Time marked and dismissed with the taking of pills and meals and chilled tea I haven’t thought of you in days, maybe weeks Thyme cures all, they say Rambles and brambles would etch patterns more entrancing than the creases of these sheets imprinted on my skin Artists, like prisoners, make much of so…

[jotnrot]

faulty vision

With faults and all Tweaking and peeking No filter

[jotnrot]

recovery

Stay sharp, stay strongstandkeep walking, keep walking  tall face out  keep walking, keep looking, straight aheadkeep typing, keep flinching,inching towards a better placetowards comfort talking In here all is silenceno one talks, they look out windows, they lookpast floors, they lookto their next stepall is investedin that next step

[jotnrot]

save

And I want to save that poem and that other one Fold it into my pastry cortex here, now, to find it whenever I gnaw mindless this way to remember that time, that is now, when I was laid out splayed head ringing with spring breeze ease leaking thoughts of fucking awe at all that is and words’ power to sow/seed/warp/tear/lift/free I want to hit SAVE, UPLOAD and NOTIFY, should I slipslink back into…

[jotnrot]

without a word

Some know, though they stay quiet They meet your eyes steadily, knowing you know, they would change it if they could let the comfort slip off and stand flayed and flawed as they see you, past the layers of nuance you worked a lifetime to layer into a thick bark now peeling away under their gaze leaving you breadth to forgive and breathe again

[jotnrot]

waking

5:35 a.m. and mortality rattles my dreams to shake me from slumber and dump me in the clamour of consciousness considering probabilities of you waking to another day Across the way we ponder ifs and mays to outfit ourselves against judgement Would that you would see me, and I you, we could spare the world our gifts wrought to hit the right spot, weld the right cage, forge our thoughts, and…

[jotnrot]

straining colour

if you squint hard enough

[jotnrot]

craving colour

craving colour

[jotnrot]

considerations

I tire of strategies and ways to cope with oncoming days relentlessly repenting my weakfisted displays of resistence Should I walk you through the maze of forays I’ve made to breach your frame of reference and make you see me Or should I don those gifted feathers and the walk that make me talk in ways that appease and rename me South, North, West, East, Worst, Best, Most, Least these things…

[jotnrot]

and still is

[jotnrot]

giving tree

my kind of Christmas tree

[jotnrot]

vestiges

Vestiges shorn from my dreams rise like phantom limbs unveiling their legacies Slightly more bent over, one leg shorter, I eventually circle round to make the same mistakes only with more weight to my now uneven gait But wait, I’m not done choking back that song I should have sung as out of tune as your face hung below the new moon that drew my attention More than you ever would

[jotnrot]

earnest question

When you’ve made peace with ghosts and regrets, attended to duties and promises unkept, repaired mistakes and mended fences, paid your dues with atonement and repentance Will you rise from the ashes of all dreams forlorn? Or settle with the dust of afterthoughts to scorn our misguided trust that all things sacred, decent and just will be rewarded?