just-an-ace-in-the-wild

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

i just want some (good) rep!!

does anyone else just feel bitter sometimes about how rare it is to just stumble upon a book where you feel represented?

as an aroace person, i feel like i need to actively look for books that include people like me...like i can't just accidentally find those characters because there are so few of them.

...speaking of: if you have any aroace (or aro or ace) book recommendations, PLEASE share them here!!

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

protect trans people.

support trans people.

validate trans people.

and for the love of all things and beings, STOP legislating against trans bodies and trans lives!!

This year for pride month I want trans people to be alive. Thank you.

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

aw, this is sweet.

especially these days, when the world can be so cruel to queer people, these kinds of reminders mean *everything* and are always appreciated!

If you ever hear something homophobic and feel sad, just remember that for every comment you hear, there’s 3x the people on tumblr who if you came out to them, would be accepting and proud of your identity, no matter how niche it may be. <3

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

sometimes people are actually really okay with queer people!?

about a year ago, i joined a local art group. i say "joined," but it was actually a lot less formal than that makes it sound. we've met up in person a handful of times and have a group chat where there's usually at least one person sharing something on any given day.

aside from one person in the group who i've known for maybe 7ish years now, everyone else is still relatively new to me, in that i didn't know them in any other space.

i haven't come out to any of them--including the person i've known since 2019ish. i think most of them would probably be pretty chill with me being queer, but there's still always that deep-seated fear, along with the worry that i don't want anyone to start thinking of me differently.

over the last several days, as june was approaching (and is now here), i noticed something interesting. several of the people in the group started talking about pride month and which parades and events they hoped to attend. (and when people talked about attending in the past and any frustrations they had with it, the frustrations weren't actually about pride itself but things like "ugh, it was too hot last year" or "way too many people" ...)

i don't know if there are any other queer people in the group, though statistically there should be, as there are a few dozen of us in the group. but it's been so affirming to be in a space where i haven't had to come out for people to just be Good People. it's really nice to see that people can be affirming and accepting without someone having to actually come out as some sort of like 'self-sacrifice' in order for people around them to realize that queer voices matter and that queer rights are human rights.

the best kind of allies are the ones who stand up for us and fight for us even when we're not in that space or are in that space but are not yet out.

so, from your neighborhood aroace artist--thanks for having my back, even when i keep quiet about my identity.

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

one day, i hope to be at a level of self-acceptance where i can say these words as if they were my own. for now, when it's still hard to believe this--specifically the part that there's not some weird void i have to fill in order to be a Good Human^TM with the Correct Priorities^TM--i'm going to keep coming back to this post. thank you for sharing these words.

I feel like people struggle to understand that my life as an aorace person is not centered around an absence of relationships. There is no romance shaped void that I am trying to live with, or live around, or which my life's purpose is to fill somehow.

I go to university and I go to work and I volunteer in my community and in the in-between moments I drink tea with my friends and I plant tomatoes on my balcony and there is no need for anything else. There is no room for anything else anyway.

When I am asked how I deal with 'the hole in my life' or what I do with 'all my free time', I know these questions are not about me at all. They are a reflection of the person asking.

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

and some queer healthcare, too, please!

I just want queer safety and queer happiness

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

new(ish) to tumblr // intro of sorts

this is my third (fourth? fifth? who knows!) attempt at having a tumblr. my most recent one was "ace-in-the-wild-version2" but silly me forgot all my account info and locked myself out. so here's me, trying again.

i'm still "getting the lay of the land" or whatever, so i can't tell you what to expect here just yet. for now, lots of likes and some reblogs. and, when i feel brave enough, some posts of my own.

'til then, i'm ace and aro and very much in the closet about both. this tumblr is for me to find community, find memes that make me feel seen--and then save those memes, and just explore another corner of the internet because why not!

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

gotta reblog this every time i see it

I think we could have more handshake 🤝 meme solidarity between asexuals and kinky people, and it doesn’t just stop with recognizing the people who are both. I’m most specifically thinking of the aces who don’t want to do any sex and the people who only want it with their kind of kink and never normal sex.

Think about it: the expectation is to have the right amount of the right kind of sex as an expression of the right kind of love. A relationship without sex is of course viewed suspiciously. It’s probably less serious than a real relationship. If you really care about your partner, why wouldn’t you have sex with them, right? But a relationship with only weird gross sex is just as bad, that’s probably less loving than a real relationship. If you really love your partner, you’d also be into them without the weird stuff, right?

It’s about not having sexual attraction vs having sexual attraction that’s so far off from the normal you’re not sure if it counts. When I hear aces talk about their struggles in relationships before figuring out they’re ace, I think of my first partner (who I did have sex with!) saying “but I just want to make love to you” until that phrase made me bluescreen. I think about them eventually telling me “I feel like you’re not really attracted to me” and realizing probably I wasn’t. Not the way they wanted anyway.

In a different way, there’s an uncanny resemblance in how people treat this stuff. It’s in how people disparage your identity and then ridicule any attempt to push back on that. Oh wow, you really want to pretend to be oppressed! Don’t you realize no one cares what you do (or don’t) in the bedroom? Why are you even talking about this at all, it should be private. Don’t you realize actual gay people get murdered for their sexuality while you just get your feelings hurt on the internet? (A favorite excuse of people who’s main hobby seems to be hurting people’s feelings on the internet.)

Through all of that, it still is private, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. It still gets isolating to never talk about it. And if you can’t just date “normal people,” how are you supposed to find your people? Plus it’s not like sex never comes up in conversation with friends, and you’re tired of not knowing what you can say. Then there’s the residual pain of those years wondering if you’ll ever really find someone who cares about you without wanting something you can’t give. (Unless it’s not residual because you’re currently still in it.)

I can’t know first hand what it feels like to be sex-repulsed ace, but when people talk about the shit they face for it that rings a lot of unexpected bells with my own experience. If any of this resonates with you at all, then this handshake is for you.

“No sex, please” people 🤝 weird sex freak people

[just-an-ace-in-the-wild]

it's impossible to argue against the prominence of rectangles in our society, but i'm not so sure they're my favorite shape...

"Love/sex is what makes us human" Wrong. It's the obsession with rectangles. look around you and count the number of rectangles you see.