justa-clutteredmess-blog - Tumblr blog

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

I envy the cup of coffee that kisses your sleepy lips awake every morning, and the pillow that you nestle into every night.

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

Something lives inside you that I've been searching for my whole life. It dedicated itself to hiding from you, but it speaks to everyone else. It shies behind your legs and avoids your eyes. You don't know it exists, but to everyone else it's as natural as the sky. I love a boy who hates himself. He thinks he makes flowers fall, and I think he puts the sun in the sky. He thinks he's the sun that scares the moon away come the morning, and I think he's the stars that welcome it back. I am the shore and he is the waves; in his mind I'm pushing him away, but really I'm pulling him back to me. Darling, I am entranced by your every breath, every move, every word, and I hope that one day you see yourself the way I see you.

how can you think of yourself that way?

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

You once asked me honestly why people fall in love with you. I didn’t tell you at the time, but I will now. Looking into your mind is like sitting at the edge of a lake as the sun sets and watching it glisten on the water. Beautiful, serene, calm, yet infinitely fascinating, beckoning you to undress and step in, to dunk your head in and open your eyes beneath the water. Listening to you speak is like hearing your favourite album on repeat, inviting you to close your eyes and sway to what makes you passionate. Every word is like jumping from one note to the next in a song that’s beautifully composed. Touching you is like carelessly dancing with a lover in your kitchen at midnight, wrapped in a big sweater, rolling on ecstasy without a care in the fucking world. You are composed of everything that life would be dull without.

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

Can you see my skin burn off the ashes of your love or my eyes empty at the thought of your touch? Can you hear my anxieties drip off my fingertips at the thought of your smile, or the sound of words I never told you catching in my throat? Can you taste my loneliness when your tongue grazes my skin, or my emptiness when your lips meet mine? I know you can; I know it. But all I can see is you.

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

I’m a leaf that’s tumbling to the ground after the branches lost their grip on me. The fall isn’t dramatic; the wind is only gently grazing my skin as I slowly drift, but it's coming, oh my god it's coming for me. I can hear the air whistling through my weathered holes and no  matter how hard I try, I can’t look down at the ground But I’m far closer to it now. I cry for help, but no one around me even bothers to look. And why would they? I’m falling, but I’m only a leaf I hit the ground, and think to myself, “About time,” for it’s been such a long drift. Now here I am.  No longer high up on the majestic tree but lost on the lowly ground.

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

is everything not just a distraction from your crippling loneliness?

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

People always look at children and state: “What innocence.” I remember I used to think to myself “innocence? we’re all innocent.” The other day I saw children and thought to myself: “What innocence.” And then I stopped and realized I’d lived and lost and grown.

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

my mind is a cluttered storage room that hasn’t been sorted through or dusted in years nothing is needed, so nothing is touched

but every once in a while, the room lashes out at its lack of attention it throws open drawers and scatters their contents so that I have to spend hours, days, weeks sorting through the mess that I’ve neglected in better times

and as I sit among the hundreds of unread pages I’m afraid that one day so many drawers will be spilled that the doors will be blocked shut, I’ll never be allowed an escape and the room will swallow me whole

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

ours was like a bridge that hung high above the waves

there’s no destination, but, I want to walk it over, And over, and over again,

Until it crumbles beneath my feet and forces me to plunge far, far down into the icy waters

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

all you do is talk, I ain’t got shit to say

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

you’re an entire galaxy and you’re gonna tell me you’re upset some stupid boy doesn’t like you?

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

you’re playfully tracing the lines in my palms laughing as you tell me “this one’s your lifeline, and this one’s your fate line,” 

but I’m not hearing much past when your fingers graze my love line and our eyes meet and both our thoughts linger to the night we first met the night we first kissed the night we first knew we should be together

we’re both remembering how all those memories are from the same night and as our eyes are lingering I hear you say “Your love line is very short.” 

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

you were an ocean and I swam to the very depths just to meet your untouched sands

I was a wildfire and you walked straight through me to greet my lonely blue flames but, ultimately, we both knew fire and water don’t mix. In the end, we only put each other out

we were both majestic and we were both beautiful but, together, we were nothing but a tuft of smoke

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

let me keep my distance from you you're painting me black and blue how dare you make me feel like an empty vessel painted for you

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

if you watch closely, you can see every little piece of myself leaking out of the holes that you stabbed all over my body 

[justa-clutteredmess-blog]

I poured myself into you, picked apart every piece of your beautiful mind, loved you with every inch of my being,

our souls touched, for fuck’s sake

I poured some more of myself into you, mended your thoughts when you couldn’t do it yourself held your hand every time you sobbed and begged “please fix it”, ignored myself until you were better (which was never) 

I poured what was left of me into you, and spilled my love into your empty holes,

now your void is filled, and I’m left an empty vessel with too many gaping holes of my own