justatunafish

[justatunafish]

Chinks in your Armour

If I was damaged, a little broken, A lot dented A lot bent A canvas of tattoos on half healed scars, A myriad of crucial words unspoken Always scared Messy haired Oblivious to you and your wooing remarks, Would you take me in, arms wide open Through the rain Keep me sane Be the flicker to my constant dark?

[justatunafish]

Chelsea Wolfe, from Birth Of Violence; “The Mother Road,”  rel. c. 2019

[justatunafish]

A Graduation Poem

A single leaf turned yellow, off the lonely tree A gust of wind in the right direction It flipped and made it's way to me. Was I ready, calm and in control, Was I everything I needed to be? Or was I a wreckage of emotional disaster - Insecure and ready to flee? My fate no longer mouldable, as if Someone ripped the clay from my open hands While I watched, and prayed, and watched dismayed As my house of cards started to disintegrate In slow motion, I could barely see- This life being rudely handed to me.

[[Wrote this in the uncertain tumult the job/internship hunt post college tends to be]]

[justatunafish]

Entwined

I lost you. The waves still smell like you And your name still Forms at my lips Your thoughts still Wrap around my thighs On lonely nights Where my only companion Is the sharp tinge of whiskey And the pangs of loss - I lost you. And I think I lost me too.

[justatunafish]

Speak Easy

Not easy, not always, not enough Are you using your voice? Do you have the right intentions? If not, you better have a strong Enough reason, it won't be long Before the world will weaken it. The future looks bleak and it Isnt getting better. We're freaks Of nature on this planet destroying it While we're all vying for Each other's attentions.

[justatunafish]

Love me as I am. Cold November mornings are all I know Foggy breaths on picturesque windows You try to hide it but your smile still shows Let the feelings flow. Stir me in with your morning coffee Feed me into your bloodstream You're all the rush I need Let me be your caffeine. Love me as I am. Unlaced shoes rushing out the door Breathless sex on the kitchen floor Always leave me begging for more. Breathe me in through your evening pipe Patio seats and fairy lights My restless head on your steadfast thighs Your fingers intertwined with mine.

[justatunafish]

Coffee Shop Window Poetry

I met my love in a coffee shop Reading a book on Polish design Her lips parted in a smile Fingers gently caressing the spine It took me about three seconds to realize That I wanted to make her mine She had flyaway locks and wore runaway shoes She smelled like December petrichor Made sweet music at every step she took With the dangling charm bracelets she wore And her faraway eyes held a million secrets That always left me wanting more She had an undying love for learning She never stayed too long in one place And she could fit her whole entire world Into a backpack and a suitcase "But you've changed me, and I'll stay forever" She'd say with a smile on her face I met my love in a coffee shop Her heart was adventure bleeding Right from the start she looked like a flight risk But I thought looks could be deceiving I guess I was wrong though, cause in the end I could do nothing to stop her from leaving.

[justatunafish]

There are two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors

Phil Karlton

[justatunafish]

I sit down with my pen and I Try to write something beautiful. And I fail, every time. It must be because the last time I knew beautiful Was when I woke up to your existence every day. Barefoot in the kitchen, whistling that song we loved You'd bring me breakfast, you'd smile and say: "Good morning, beautiful". God, how I miss that. Maybe you were all the beautiful I was meant to have. I sit down with my pen and I Try to write something beautiful. And I fail, everytime.

[justatunafish]

Smoke

I sat patiently in endless coffee shops, Reading books with pretentious covers, I walked countless times in the rain, My hair down, my face turned upwards, I sat alone in every bus I took, Walked all the way to the last row. Sat nervously on many a bar stool, Sipping a drink I didn't know, Waiting on a face that didn't show. You left me wondering about life, About love, about loss and leaving, About running away, adopting kittens, And living by the phone for the rest of my life. Writing poetry on train station benches, Craving the feeling of being understood, Loved and accepted for the strange mess I was. The prince I read about in Grimm's fairytales, The charming boy next door in the movies, The guy you meet in your twenties When you're so close to giving up, Stumble across in a lonely balcony Share stories and laughter, fall in love, Miracles disguised as poison oak But I’ve been watching my clock tick by and I'm beginning to think these people Are just that - stories, fiction, smoke.

[justatunafish]

Untitled.

This piece of art (it’s called a zendoodle) has to be the one I've spent most time on, and it’s one of my favorites as well, just because of the spectrum of emotions associated with it.

I did this over 1.5 years, through grad school. I didn't have a lot of time then to do things as basic as eating and sleeping even, so progress was incredibly slow. It started as a way for me to switch off my brain and relieve stress at 4AM in between deadlines. At some point it evolved to more than that, though - it turned into a tribute to things and people I held close. Some of these individual patterns (they're called zentangles) - represent some important and life defining moments for me.

Looking at it now I see so many tiny flaws, but I guess its just a reminder that life is messy, and if you do your best, it'll all be worth it in the bigger picture. :)

[justatunafish]

When you’re drunk but you know you have work the next day.

[justatunafish]

The dance of the sky and the sea

[[Collab with a very good friend who I shall ask before giving credit to. Actually, it was Basu. Hi Basu. Remember this?]]

The sea caresses the shore like a jealous lover, Wiping away footprints : scars of those who didn't belong. Breaking her down, little by little, ever in the hope she would discover, Losing herself was what she had wanted all along. And with the sun, he brings her a thousand broken gifts, Glittering shards on her white sands, all along the shore. Every night he carries them away as the tide shifts, Only to lay them at her feet again, a little softer than before.

But the sea never touches her the way he did. The ferocity of the touch that used to leave her ashamed. Just as his glowing brilliance had Icarus blinded, She soared for him, like a moth to a flame.

[justatunafish]

Hypocrite.

You said we didn't fit seamlessly anymore. That we lost sense of what we had before You reached out so carelessly, And tipped over our house of cards. But my love, I know you're in pain All your bravado must be in vain Because when you broke me, You cut yourself on the shards.

[justatunafish]

Don’t you hate it when this happens?

[justatunafish]

Friends and well wishers always told me this growing up and my constant, despairing response was always "but how do you know?". Having given it time I can confirm that you do, indeed, make it. Don’t ask me how I know. I haven’t made it yet, not even close. <Self deprecating joke>. <Awkward Pause>. <Exit>.

[justatunafish]

Trigger Happy

She walks in the classroom, nine years old

Scans the door as her friends sit and talk

A nurse nervously signs in a patient

Watching a man with a suspicious walk

Mrs. Jones can't go to church anymore

Without being scared for her life

And I get on the subway in sneakers now

Ready to run at the slightest strife.

Who is hiding the trigger?

Anxiety takes the moment to feed

Turn your little worries into fears much bigger

Nervous wrecks are her speciality

So think twice.

Think twice before buying a concert ticket

Before going to the bar or the grocery store

Protect yourself, protect your family

Cause the government ain't doing shit no more.