juststardustt

[juststardustt]

There are days gone from my memory, as I was too busy navigating the gaping hole where he once was. Sitting at lakes trying to gauge where the point of no return sits, breathing in the rain when it fell, remembering how it used to stick the hair to his freckle kissed forehead.

There are days gone from my memory, and I try to find them in the last remnants of his voice in my head, in my ear, on my skin. I try to dig them out of wherever they had gone, where I had gone in my search for him.

I try to find them in the feeling of his hands on me in our bed, in the car as he sang along to my stupid lovesick playlists, in the bruises he left on my skin and the bruises he left that bare no outside mark, in the yesterdays and todays and tomorrows.

No matter how long those tomorrows might take to find, i keep letting go of the days of my past and holding onto hope that they'll return to me just as he will.

Late, early, desperate or longing, or easy as a breath. It doesn't matter how they return. Just as the memories have always been, he will always be. Mine.

[juststardustt]

Sagittarius season

(C.B)(12.3.18)

[juststardustt]

I know you miss me still, you idiot.

Miss me a little harder.

Linger a little longer.

Stay. Just stay.

Lover, sunshine, stupid, stupid boy just stay with me.

[juststardustt]

You had never called me a treasure before you told me that I would find someone else to treat me like it. Someone that wasn't you.

Do you hoard me like a dragon, mixed in with all of your other little trinkets that you pay no attention to but always insist on keeping?

To me, you are my most prized jewel. Close to me always, protected fiercely, snapping at anyone who gets too close.

I'm just a little gem sitting in a pile under you.

A treasure. Your treasure. Always.

[juststardustt]

Every day, I imagine your return.

Every day, it slips further out of reach.

[juststardustt]

It's summer now.

Your favorite season.

I can still see the sun kissing your freckled skin.

Your eyes reflecting the lake as you smile up at me in a warm daze.

I can still hear your laugh.

There have been so many seasons without you and i still look for you in everything. Everywhere i go, everyone i meet. Every song and every stupid hot tear that rolls down the face you used to hold in both hands.

Its summer now.

And im still looking for you.

[juststardustt]

Sometimes on friday nights ill be taking my dog out and ill look over at the chairs sitting right outside my front door.

They're empty. They're always empty. But for a moment i allow myself to be dissapointed that you're not there waiting for me to come home.

I know you're not coming for me. And if you wanted to, you would, and you don't. But i think it helps sometimes just to let myself be a bit more sad about it. To allow myself the empty space to grieve you. And let the love i have for you sit.

I dont know if I'll ever stop being dissapointed that you're not there. Maybe one day I will. But in the meantime;

There's two empty chairs next to my front door.

And the door is closed but it's not locked.

And if it's locked the key is under the mat.

And if it's not under the mat, there is a rock painted your favorite shade of blue with the key taped underneath.

Just in case, one day, you decide to come for me.

[juststardustt]

Healed enough to know the tie you had on me was a noose.

Love you enough to still miss how it felt on my skin.

[juststardustt]

De-catastrophizing can work well when you are faced with truths and untruths about yourself. You think the harmful thought, you disprove it, you move on.

When you have anxiety or anxious tendencies, this method of "making the thought true or untrue" can be unhelpful in moments when your thoughts are hurting you. You don't know what's true, because you can't prove it and you have evidence stacked against and for you. You will spiral trying to prove your brain wrong.

Instead, let it be. Take in the thought, try and acknowledge the function of it.

Are you thinking these harmful things because your brain is trying to prevent you from being abandoned? From being talked bad about? From losing connection? You may figure it out. You may not. The point is not to figure it out. The point is to acknowledge it, see what it is doing to you/for you, and let it go.

Talking through stress and acknowledging where the stress comes from and why it manifests can help you get through it.

Get to know yourself, your core beliefs, the harmful ones and the helpful ones. Its our brains job to know when and how to protect us, its our job to take over and soothe and figure things out when the brain may be taking things a bit too far. Be nice to it. It's just trying to do its job 🖤

[juststardustt]

doodling some more

[juststardustt]

you don’t need to worry about the men in her dms, you need to worry about the men in her books that she reads

[juststardustt]

My favorite thing is when the ACOTAR/TOG/CC men look at their mates for the first time and describe them as the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen

[juststardustt]

*whispers* did you know that people whose favourite trope is enemies to lovers are enticed by the idea of showing someone the worst parts of you and still having them love you

[juststardustt]

Xaden "my favorite food is chocolate cake" Riorson

And Violet "I raised my eyebrows at a dragon." Sorrengail

[juststardustt]

oh my god, tairn's pep talk to violet while she's feeling jealous over xaden's ex being "sweetie, how many dragons picked her? none. how many dragons picked you? two."

someone get him a #1 Dad mug or something

[juststardustt]

Fourth Wing Characters And Their Red Flags (Iron Flame Spoilers)

Violet: really bad at basic math (6+1=??), constantly interrupts people when they’re about to spill the tea, caused a questionable stain on the Tyrrendor Throne.

Xaden: unresolved mommy issues, really bad at 20 questions, stuck in his emo phase, has Endgame by Taylor Swift on repeat so much it seeps into his vocabulary, inappropriate use of the communal gym showers, self-sacrificial to a fault.

Dain: patchy beard, memory thief, used his nepo baby connections to get the wingleader position even though he sucks at it, has a low key crush on Xaden (the true enemies to lovers all along).

Jesinia: writes Xaden & Violet fanfiction with explicit scenes during work hours.

Andarna: forgets to take her melatonin and makes it everyones problem.

Tairn: major exasperated dad energy, v emotional and impulsive, unresolved trauma around Naolin, superiority complex when it comes to gryphons.

Sgael: Not that good at making choices.

Nolon: HIPAA violations for sure, was the true weakest link all along.

Caroline Ashton: dared to be in the book more than Garrick???? Literally wtf.

Brennan: Faked his own death yet chose the most obvious pseudonym ever, so deep in the closet he’s living in Narnia.

Mira: the abusive sibling (she was justified tbh), really bad at getting very obvious hints.

Daddy Sorrengail: literally doesn’t have a name? Speaks in code to his children for plot reasons only. Weak heart (sure buddy).

Rhiannon: Makes every other character look bad because she’s an actual angel.

[juststardustt]

another day without a morally grey fictional man who would commit arson for me