juststraightvibes

[juststraightvibes]

So yesterday was uneventful until the very end of it, after I’d already posted for the day. Basically, I had a bit of a breakdown but I ended up coming to a conclusion about healthy relationship dynamics and having too much focus on myself from both parties (although intended entirely for my happiness and wellbeing) which I believe even had the opposite effect of making me hyper-focused on myself and exacerbated my issues because of the importance I placed on them over other aspects of my life and the other half of the relationship I’m in. Although the conversation we had was difficult, we both came to the same conclusion and I feel so happy and relieved to have a better understanding of why my mental health has been so fragile as of late, and also to have formed a stronger bond with my s/o. 

Today was a really good day too, I’m hoping that last night’s realisation and subsequent changes will really help my mindset along with continuing to journal and taking care of myself in other ways. 

I’m grateful for:

- Got a really nice free morning tea I wasn’t expecting

- Had such a cool conversation with a girl I have previously only known as having the same mutual friends as me

- The work I was stressing about for today went absolutely fine

- Didn’t have the classes I don’t like hehe

- My team won a nerdy literature quiz yayy

19.5.21

- juststraightvibes <3

[juststraightvibes]

Hey y’all

I’m so tired right now that my brain feels like the heat waves you see above hot asphalt in the summer. But in a good way!! Today was a good day for me, school was fine and I tutored my English students and video called my boyfriend. I do have quite a bit of homework I should have worked on but didn’t, but at this point it doesn’t even stress me out because I’ve committed to doing it all at the last possible second which means waking up early in the morning or doing it at school on the day it’s due hahaha

I should probably change that habit but also nah cos my afternoon was instead spent listening to really interesting philosophy podcasts and spending time with my bf. I’ve set the bar for schoolwork so high in the past that now that it’s dropping it’s got so far to fall before it actually reaches dangerous levels.

So yea today I’m grateful for:

- study period last so I got to leave school early

- the feeling of being paid after my lessons

- talking about the philosophy stuff I’ve learned and trying to relate it all

- an under-appreciated classmate/friend who is always really nice to me

- the friendly bus driver today

18.5.21

- juststraightvibes <3

[juststraightvibes]

Loooooooong time, no see!!

SO much has changed in the past 10 months or so since I last posted. I’ve had a lot of new experiences and my life back home is so different to what it was like on exchange, and there have definitely been a lot of extreme highs and lows. My focus for this diary/blog is still going to be similar, but with less focus on spirituality and more focus on philosophy and introspection as that’s more relevant to my current worldview.

Sadly, my mental health isn’t too great at the moment, which is why I’ve come back to this blog after so long. I seemed so positive and happy in my older posts, which I hope I might be able to achieve again through a shift back to an uplifting view on myself and my life. I’d like to be able to see my progress and track my thoughts, feelings, challenges and solutions. It will probably get fairly personal.

At this very moment, I’m doing okay. I had quite a big mental breakdown at this time yesterday, but since then I’ve recovered and have been able to enjoy today without too much of a negative mindset. 

Some things I’m grateful for (I love this exercise it’s honestly so good and everyone should do it!!):

- getting to spend more time with my boyfriend now that his work gig’s over (yes life updates we’ve only been dating a couple months but have known each other for years and he’s absolutely amazing and I love him so much!!)

- a friend of a friend I don’t know very well saying hi to me today!

- talking to the girl I sit next to in art history and discovering we have mutual friends

- doing four perfect parallel parks in a row in my driving practise this evening!!

- a good song came on the radio while I was driving that I hadn’t heard before and added to my playlist after :)

At the moment, my main goal is to figure out how to cope with my emotions that often seem extremely overwhelming, in order to be more productive and enjoy my daily life more. I’m hoping that writing here will help with this! So stick around for the journey, or not :p

17.5.21

- juststraightvibes <3

[juststraightvibes]

It’s been over a month since I last posted, mainly because I’ve been travelling a lot since then and I haven’t had my laptop.

Anyway, a lot has happened, in terms of self-improvement and otherwise. I got the two new diaries I had been manifesting, so I’m no longer going to be writing my gratitude posts or dreams here because I can do them in a physical journal instead. 

With manifesting, I’ve realised that I really have to work on myself before I try to manifest, because otherwise it’s just not going to work. Changing internal beliefs is really important because it’s really hard to manifest a cute boyfriend for example if I don’t believe I am worthy of such a thing already. Even when we think we are, subconscious beliefs that have been with us for years are holding us back. I’ve been trying to change these beliefs about myself, but it’s incredibly hard because my ego has a really strong hold of me. School starts in a couple of days and I’ve been trying to physically ‘glow up’ before then. I think I have, but buying new clothes and getting a haircut and learning to do makeup all just feeds into the idea that I have to change myself in order to be attractive. It’s pretty hard to believe that I’m already perfect the way I am when I’m also stressing about my appearance every day. 

Ohh also I’ve learned a lot more about things like shadow work, “spirituality”’s roots in Hinduism, the concept of reincarnation, reality shifting, subliminals, and astral projection in the last month. I’m not quite sure how much of it I believe but they’re definitely interesting and good to know about. 

Nevertheless, I’m going to keep doing my absolute best to juggle glowing up physically, socially and spiritually at the same time because it’s impossible to focus on just one. This coming school year I’m determined to look, feel and act my best, get lots of new awesome friends, go to parties, go on dates, master lucid dreaming, do Japanese and a Chloe Ting workout every day, read another book in Finnish, keep on top of my schoolwork, eat healthy and watch a ton of movies! So my schedule is PACKED but if all goes well I’ll be having the time of my life!!

- juststraightvibes <3

09/08/20

[juststraightvibes]

Last night I dreamed that it was my birthday and I went bungee jumping. It was really scary because it was a small metal platform with a tiny low barrier and I was scared I'd fall off before I was fully secured. Also, there was a lot of ice over the river below and I asked if I would hit it. The staff seemed concerned I would so they waited for the ice to melt which took a few seconds somehow and then told me I could jump whenever. I jumped nearly straight away, so fast that noone realised i had jumped until i was already halfway down. It was scary and i went underwater but i knew the bungee cord would pull me back up. I couldn't really keep my eyes open so the experience was rather underwhelming. I also got a pair of heelies for my birthday which I loved, as well as an inflatable bumper car complete with foam mats and disco lights.

- juststraightvibes <3

2/7/20

[juststraightvibes]

I may be super inconsistent with posting here, but irl I’ve been super active and made sure to meditate, write affirmations, and write my gratitude diary every day. I’ve also started to be more aware of what I eat, because I’ve seen a lot of people saying that eating sugary, processed foods lowers your vibration. I found out that some of my friends are also into manifesting and the law of attraction which was super cool.

Last night I had a dream that I was talking to a seventeen-year-old guy who was in love with his seven-year-old neighbour, and I was telling him how bad that was and that he’d have to wait at least 15 years until that age gap was even mildly acceptable. Then my other neighbourhood friends joined me and the conversation changed. One of my younger host cousins had drawn all over herself with green marker in the night and I told her she looked like a teletubby and I helped her wash off the marker from her face and hands. 

[juststraightvibes]

Okay last night I had a dream where I was shopping with one of my friends and then someone drove past us on the highway while we were in the parking lot and my friend told me that was his cousin. The guy driving the car looked a couple years older than me, with longish hair and he was fairly pretty. I asked my friend his name, and if he was single, and my friend replied that his cousin’s name was Cupid, and yes, he was single. While I realised how he had probably been teased mercilessly for that name, I also thought it was a really awesome and unique name to have. 

I also had a dream about having to travel through caves filled with pillars of yellow slime for an English project but that’s another story. 

- juststraightvibes <3

24/06/20

[juststraightvibes]

Hi there! I know it has been a while but I’ve decided to write my gratitude journal down in a physical diary because I’m trying to be less reliant on the internet. I get so tired from consuming constant media and that’s why I’ve even deleted instagram off my phone (I can still respond to messages from my laptop but I just got tired of constantly checking what other people were doing with their lives when most of the time I didn’t really even care.) And as always, I try to keep tiktok uninstalled but I do slip and reinstall it a couple of times a week, to go on it for a few hours and then get rid of it again. 

While I haven’t been doing my dream journal lately, I’m keen to get back into it but I’d also like to write them down in a physical journal rather than online, but I’ve decided to manifest the physical journal first because I don’t want to spend money on it so until then I’ll record my dreams here again. 

I’ve been continuing to meditate nearly every day, and I write down affirmations regularly and keep my vibrations high. Last night, I even tried astral projection because I found out about an album called QABALISTA, that claims to “make you feel high” or to help you astral project if you listen to the whole thing while lying still in the the dark, eyes closed with your headphones in. It definitely makes people feel something, if not fully astral project, as can be seen by the comments section of youtube. It was a pretty fun experience for me tbh, as usually these types of audios get boring and repetitive and just have a few notes repeating over and over, however this was actually real music. I’ve had an out-of-body experience once before, and this felt like I was getting really near to having one, as my hands often felt as if they were floating or rising. I also ‘saw’ faces at some point and yeah overall it was super interesting. I’d definitely recommend trying it if you’re not scared! The music is pretty boppy too to just listen to for enjoyment even if it’s not the type of thing I’d usually listen to. I’m definitely going to try it again!

Okay I was going to record my dream from last night here but I’ve already written a lot and I can’t remember the dream too well anymore so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow!

- juststraightvibes <3

22/06/20

[juststraightvibes]

Today I manifested something that I’ve been wanting for a very long time and once I got it, I realised once again the importance of appreciating even the smallest of things. Although what I got was nice, it didn’t change my world and now I realise that it was never supposed to. Manifesting stuff is nice and all, but I’m living my best life NOW, not when I get what I desire. Otherwise, we’ll never be happy if we continue to chase things we think will make our life better, as really we hold all that power within us already.

Today my vibes were super high in the evening too, which I’m putting down to a combination of things. Firstly, the last time I felt this high, I was having massive lows in between and I realised I needed some balance. I’ve been working on balance through regular positive affirmations, and I started a consistent meditation practise a week ago. As soon as I truly understood that putting my manifestations up on a pedestal of desire was not helpful to me in any way, my energy raised to a point where I currently feel truly capable of manifesting anything. Another reason is my vibes are high is because yes, I did get a boost of confidence, as my first time trying scripting resulted in me successfully manifesting that desire within a couple of days of writing it. And finally, my vibrations raised because I have been actively spreading love and positivity these last couple of days and been really successful with it. There’s something about using my understanding of a situation I have been through before to help someone else going through the same thing that really fulfils me. 

Today I am grateful for:

- the beautiful range of colourful wildflowers that grow on the sides of roads here

- everyone who turned up to the peaceful Black Lives Matter protest in my city

- the song ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ for really setting the bar for how good the rest of my evening turned out to be

- actually getting excited to meditate rather than seeing it as a chore

- getting to try these dumplings that I kept seeing at the supermarket but never had before

Thanks for reading!!

- juststraightvibes <3

7/6/20

[juststraightvibes]

Good morning! Last night I had a novel of a dream honestly, I’m not sure how much I’ll write here but I’ll do my best.

Although I didn’t have any major problems, my parents decided to send me to a sort of camp for troubled teenagers and families that sort of put us together as a new family and hardened us up a bit through tough love. There were about six kids there, including me, and four adults plus the dude who was in charge. Once we were there, we couldn’t really contact the outside world except for very important things. I still had my phone but was saving it for when I had to have an important call. I enjoyed being there for the most part because our days were very structured and it meant I never had to really think about what to do or have to control my self-discipline, I just did what we were supposed to. Because it was a very small community, we all knew eachother really well and it felt sort of like a strange second home. One example of something that happened was after dinner, we once got to pass around a bag of chips as a treat. We were told that we were only allowed two chips each, but basically everyone tried to sneak a whole handful instead. We got discovered and told off, and there would be some kind of punishment for it but I’m not sure what it was. While no-one was deliberately hurt or abused in any way, the man in charge did have a little bit of a disregard for safety and we would be put in danger quite often, but nobody had every gotten hurt, even if the bus driver was incredibly reckless when he took us places. Once, he drove straight towards a small lake and before we reached it, someone said well if we die, we at least all die together. I was not looking forward to slowly drowning in a bus full of panicking teenagers but at the last minute the bus practically flew over the lake and landed safely on the other side.

As for the narrative part of the dream, one day as I was at this camp, I had to go to the nearby lake in the evening when it was dark. While I was walking along the very dodgy, old wooden jetty, I slipped and fell off into the dark water. I held on to the wooden platform but it was all slimy with brown algae. When I tried to hoist myself back up, the platform flipped and I was in danger of losing my grip and sinking. I called out to a boy nearby to help me, and he pulled me up, effectively saving my life. Later, I gave him my phone number and told him that if he ever needed to be saved, call me because now I had an obligation to pay him back. 

[juststraightvibes]

Good evening! Here’s my gratefulness post for today:

- My parents loving and supporting me no matter what

- Being able to play the old version of club penguin online, that game still slaps

- Getting to read one of my favourite books growing up in Finnish

- That feeling that gen z is the main character in 2020′s apocalyptic film

- Hearing a song you like being played in a shop you go to

- juststraightvibes <3

[juststraightvibes]

Good morning!

So last night I dreamed that I was going on a walk outside and everything was covered in snow. It was still snowing and I laughed in surprise and exclaimed my disbelief that it was actually still snowing on May 31st, the day before summer officially starts. We walked past a frozen lake and another girl grabbed a big rock and threw it across the ice. We watched as it bounced but it didn’t break the ice until it settled on a weak spot, and we cheered as the ice cracked and the rock fell in the water. 

Thankfully, today is the start of summer and the weather is nice and accurate, so today I’m excited to just enjoy life and whatever comes my way.

- juststraightvibes <3

1/6/20

[juststraightvibes]

Hello hello hello again!!

I’m super excited because my ten weeks of summer holiday officially start tomorrow and I’m keen to use the extra time and energy to hang out with my cool new friends, do some more of my hobbies, and of course, focus on manifesting my dream life!

I’ve written up a daily morning and night routine to keep me focused, which leaves the rest of the day free for me to do whatever I like. Anyways, I’m continuing with the tradition of evening posts being gratitude posts so here are some things I’m grateful for today:

- Having the courage to come out to my parents

- Getting the same awesome feelings listening to certain old songs that I haven’t listened to in a while

- That feeling of satisfaction getting two and a half diary entries in Finnish written all in one go 

- Sleeping the whole night through because of my new sleeping mask

- Going on a little hike in a swishy summer dress that was just the right length to be super comfortable and not get in the way

- juststraightvibes <3

31/05/20

[juststraightvibes]

Good morning!

Last night I dreamed that Donald Trump was after me so I ran through posh parliament buildings, down white marble stairs, and into the wilderness but quickly back again when a five-headed blue snake infested with maggots living in abandoned houses tried to kill me. I disguised myself as a Muslim wearing a hijab and sprinkled dirt at other people's feet as a part of their custom (I have no idea how my brain comes up with these things). I ran through sunny marketplace streets and tried sheltering in between a group of people but I had the feeling that there were cameras everywhere and I was never really safe.

I'm super excited for today and I'm actually dying my hair pink with a friend so that'll be interesting!!

- juststraightvibes <3

18/05/20

[juststraightvibes]

I know it's been ages since my last post, but I'm back now and decided to keep my 4 weeks challenge to just my physical diary because it's the only aspect of my life that I won't actively avoid because it's harder to do in Finnish, oops

Also, this morning I had a pretty odd dream where I saw this guy who was about to grab my butt, so I grabbed his wrist and we started fighting dirty, biting and scratching and I think he spit in my face at one point. Even though it was intense, I got kinda bored in the middle of it so I asked him what his nationality was. He said he was from Nigeria and then we stopped fighting and he apologized for everything he had done to me, he realised the many ways he had hurt me and we started talking about the problems with his home country and how deeply connected he felt to it. The dream I had after this was me recounting the dream to a friend because of how weird of a dream it was hahaha

Okay so 5 things that I'm grateful for today:

- Car rides that are just the right length to be comfortable and listen to a lot of music and not get bored on

- The sky is a paid actor at this point, it's just TOO PRETTY

- Riding on the back of a quad bike down the road to a summer cottage

- the refreshing burning hot sauna/freezing cold lake combo ofc

- seeing my host siblings fall asleep on each others shoulders bc it's the purest thing ever

I've been listening to a lot of asmr manifestation videos lately just for fun but I think it's really good for my mindset and being positive and confident each and every day!!

- juststraightvibes <3

17/5/20

[juststraightvibes]

Tänään meni hyvin!! Olen kiitollinen näistä asioista:

- Pyöräilylenkki milloin menin auringonlaskun päin ja pari lumihiutaleita lensi mun päin ja oli tosi maaginen kokemus

- Olla innostunut nähdä mun kaveri kohta!!

- Saada paljon tehtyä ja silti on vielä energia

- Olen ollut suomessa neljä kuukautta nyt!

- Nähdä iso hassu lintu joka juoksi niin hauskalla tavalla

- juststraightvibes <3

11/5/20

[juststraightvibes]

Huomenta!

Viimein yönä näin unta että olin isossa kokoonpanossa koulussa ja sitten juontaja käskisi minut puhumaan kaikille. En tienyt mitä sanoa että sanoin, hauska että olen aina halunut puhua tälle mutta nyt kun tuli tää mahdollisuus, en tiedä mitä sanoa. Sanoin tän aika hyvin ja karasmaattisesti ja kaikki hurrasi äänen ja oli kiva.

Tänään mun tavoitteena on tehdä kuviksen tehtävä, lukea psykologiaa ja tehdä historia tehtävän.

- juststraightvibes <3

11/5/20