kat-writes

[kat-writes]

Romanticize

TW// Self-harm, depression, cutting

Poem under the cut. Depression is a lifelong struggle, for me. Media and my peers gave me complicated feelings and urges regarding self-harm, especially when I'm at my lowest.

I didn’t cut myself in middle school 

My friends discovered razors and 

the soft places on their arms and 

thighs But I was too scared of 

how the blade would bite

I didn’t cut myself in high school

The razor in my bathroom was just

for grooming Not for nicking skin 

on purpose for attention I 

would never be given

I didn’t cut myself in high school

I used a comb and rubbed it hot

sideways over my wrist to feel the

burn To see if I could bear the pain

or if I just wasn’t strong enough

I didn’t cut myself in college

Mom held on to my pocket knife when I 

asked her to hold onto it 

just in case Because blood spilled

would not end a pandemic of loneliness

I didn’t cut myself in college 

with a blade or razor Instead I grew out

my fingernails I no longer played

violin I didn’t have to keep them short

to stop them from scraping into my flesh

I don’t cut myself now

There is no place on my body that

I wish to mutilate permanently with such

scars Not like the pale dots covering

my breasts legs tummy from picking scabs

I don’t cut myself now

But sometimes I imagine it when the

pain inside wells up to choke and burn

me from the inside out When my 

transgressions are too great for my own grace

I don’t cut myself now 

But I see the wound from my elbow down

to my wrist It spills a river of blood into 

the dirt to carry away the ache and 

uncleanliness To heal me 

I won’t cut myself now

I am not a tree to prune to

remove the rot and mold No matter

how romantic the vision or great 

the imagined relief

[kat-writes]

[kat-writes]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hatchetfield Series - Team StarKid Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Leif Castor, Tom Houston, Original Character Additional Tags: Anxiety, Hatchetfield High (Hatchetfield), Grades Series: Part 9 of Leif Castor Summary:

Leif is so close to graduation, but public school was never easy for them.

[kat-writes]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Hatchetfield Series - Team StarKid Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Leif Castor, Dave Mallory, Mary Mallory, Paul Matthews, Emma Perkins, Homeless Man (Hatchetfield), Theo Spankoffski, Chrys Castor, Oliver Shepard, Lori Hawke - Character, Starlight Jones Additional Tags: Parent-Child Relationship, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Uncle Paul Matthews, Beanie's (Hatchetfield), Art Shows, community building, Found Family Series: Part 8 of Leif Castor Summary:

After the party gets to go home, Leif finds it hard to settle back in their home. Their biological father left a long time ago, and they killed his Disciple form anyways. Who else could they go to?

Dave promised he wanted to be there for them.

[kat-writes]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hatchetfield Series - Team StarKid Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Leif Castor, Paul Matthews Additional Tags: Mentioned OCs, Mentioned other characters - Freeform, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Depression, Uncle Paul Matthews Series: Part 7 of Leif Castor Summary:

In a new timeline after the previous one has gone wrong, Leif struggles with their grief and guilt in the only way they know how.

[kat-writes]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hatchetfield Series - Team StarKid Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Leif Castor, Bud Castor, Cousin Livid, Original Characters, Original Child Character(s) Additional Tags: Mentioned OCs, Oliver Shepherd - Freeform, Lori Hawke, Sparrow Shepherd-Hawke, Mentioned Paul Matthews, Mentioned Emma Perkins, Uncle Paul Matthews Series: Part 6 of Leif Castor Summary:

After all the timeline shenanigans, the Leifs are allowed to rest together.

[kat-writes]

a single typo literally has the explosive power of a nuclear bomb like i just read back possibly the most beautiful scene ive ever created feeling so proud of myself ready to start thinking about the nobel prize in literature etc. etc. and then suddenly

“It’s oaky,” he whispered.

it’s oaky. what is this. a wine tasting

[kat-writes]

fanfic writing culture isn’t “oh dang! I wanted to write about this prompt with this character but someone else already wrote it, so now I can’t”.

fanfic writing culture is always “two cakes is better than one. the more the merrier. there can ever be enough fics of this character with this prompt!”

[kat-writes]

Hardest part of writing is accepting that some people will not fucking get it & you just have to like cope with that because over-explaining it just makes it worse

[kat-writes]

[kat-writes]

[kat-writes]

Periodic rent-lowering-gunshots:

Fiction is not reality.

You can enjoy things in fiction that would be awful in the real world. Like playing a murderhobo in a game! In the real world, being or supporting a murderer-thief would be pretty damn awful, while in the game it's just good fun. Same with anything else you choose to do with the pixels on the screen, like kinks that don't affect anyone real, so they're okay in fiction, but would be pretty damn bad in real life.

No one else is responsible for your online experience. They are required not to harass you, but they are not and never will be obligated to not post about ships, kinks, or tropes you dislike just to avoid you seeing them. It's up to you to blacklist words or phrases, block tags, or even block users as needed to avoid seeing content that upsets you.

No one can force you to read anything against your consent. Any content you don't like seeing can be instantly avoided by closing out of the offending post/fic.

You are not owed an online experience free of discomfort.

Nothing that happens in your imagination can ever make you a bad person. Words you write or read about fictional characters will never make you a bad person.

The claim that media consumption influences real-life behavior is intellectually dishonest and serves only to excuse the behavior of real offenders.

Fiction is a safe way to explore horrifying or confusing concepts. Therapists agree that fiction, even (or especially) about taboo topics is a good coping mechanism, especially, but not exclusively, for trauma survivors. Fiction is to adults what play therapy is to children. This doesn't stop being true if the work in question is of a sexual nature.

Sex isn't an inherently worse or better motivation than anything else. A work written to create feelings of arousal isn't dirty, shameful, or in any way less pure than works written to entertain, provoke moral questions, or for other reasons. And worth noting is that multiple purposes can exist in the same story, especially fanfiction.

You aren't entitled to an explanation for why someone reads, writes, or otherwise enjoys certain works, kinks, tropes, ships, etc.

[kat-writes]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Hatchetfield Series - Team StarKid Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Paul Matthews & Original Character(s), Wiggly | Wiggog Y'rath & Original Character(s), Wilbur Cross & Original Character(s) Characters: Lavender Castor, Wiggly | Wiggog Y'Wrath, Paul Matthews, Wilbur Cross, Uncle Wiley, Cousin Livid Additional Tags: The Black and White (Black Friday), becoming a disciple, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst, Mental Breakdown, wilbur cross is my oc's father, Half Infected Paul Matthews Series: Part 4 of Leif Castor Summary:

After a failed attempt to stop the Apotheosis with the party, Leif finds themself stuck in the Black, faced with the choice of how to spend the rest of eternity.

[kat-writes]

unless they specifically asked, you don’t get to tell a fanfic writer you think they mischaracterized the character by the way. because the second someone writes a fanfic about a character, that character becomes the writer’s own version of the character. canon is only a suggestion, but whether or not an author will follow it / how much of canon an author will take is entirely up to them. you don’t get to stick your nose in their world and tell them “hey this is not to my liking therefore I think you’re doing it wrong” when you can simply leave quietly and move on to something else you may enjoy

[kat-writes]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hatchetfield Series - Team StarKid Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Leif Castor, Ziggs (Hatchetfield) Additional Tags: Recreational Drug Use, Witchwood Forest (Hatchetfield), Making Friends, highschool senior life uncertainty Series: Part 3 of Leif Castor Summary:

Leif makes a friend while spending some time in the Witchwood Forest.

[kat-writes]

me while writing very niche fanfic: there’s literally no way that, like, anyone is going to read this. you are writing this for you and you alone. you must accept it. you must be zen about it. you must expect nothing except the validation that comes of being able to go back and reread it yourself when you’re in the mood for this kind of fic.

me after posting said very niche fanfic: (obsessively checks ao3 every thirty seconds)

[kat-writes]

hey when you make posts, i just want you to know, thou/thee/thy/thine/ye are like he/you(object)/your/yours/you(subject) okay? "thou art wearing shoes," "i will wear shoes for thee," okay?

you say thine if the next word starts with a vowel and thy if the next word starts with a consonant and they both mean "your" so "thine own shoes," "thy shoes," okay?

and ye means you and refers to the subject of a sentence, "ye members of the brotherhood of shoes," okay? you need this information to create better knight yaoi. i'm personally more interested in nun yuri but we are a community