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Made homemade corn tortillas from scratch for the first time. Totally worth the effort.

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Feeling better today. Decided to be social and stay out of the melting heat. Working on bringing some new ideas to life. Little by little, gaining back my confidence.

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Absolutely love this sound.

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Dealing With Depression

I have been feeling pretty depressed since yesterday. Despite hanging out with 3 people throughout the day, I couldn’t shake the blues. They only got worse as the day drew on. I just felt lost. My heart exhausted from the drain of dealing with drama. I cried a lot, even into today. Depression just hit out of nowhere, so unexpectedly. When it happens like this, I find that all I can do is ride out the sea of emotions and wait for the flickers of light that change my perspective. I have been going over scenarios in my head, analyzing why I cry over what I do, and trying to figure myself out so that I can bring myself out of this rut. The most heartbreaking issues I am dealing with right now is realizing how little my feelings matter to the people who have been close to me. It’s hard to accept that despite my being fully available to people and their needs, mine are ignored. But then, I have to acknowledge that very, very few people have the capacity for compassion that I do. I know my purpose as a healer demands that I be as available as I am, and it is completely natural for me. Still…. it hurts like hell when people are so pridefully dismissive of me. I can’t help the way I feel. I honestly can’t wrap my mind around why people don’t understand my level of sensitivity. That is what ultimately isolates me from others. I feel like I don’t have a choice but to process my sorrows on my own at times because I don’t have people in my life who care enough to try to cheer me up, and no one wants to deal with my pain because they are so used to seeing me confident, vibrant, and sociable. Rather than embrace me fully for who I really am, whenever depression comes around, people run away. I’m usually a very confident and secure person. I feel like that persona is taken for granted a lot. People make me feel like I am not allowed to be sad, be angry, or negative in any way. They are so used to seeing me strong that when I become broken, I’m made to feel like I have committed a major crime. That is what makes me feel such distrust with others. To see the injustice of being there so authentically for others, yet not receiving the same respect. I don’t even demand anything from others, ever. I care very deeply for some people, yet feel like I don’t have anyone I can call a friend. I’m always the one to care more, do more, and be more attentive. That’s what I am capable of. I know others aren’t able to be how I am, but it makes no sense to me to completely turn me away and be ignorant of my heart. That is what I find absolutely unreasonable. I don’t tell people how I feel, they just end up noticing my behavior. I end up getting judged harshly, scolded, and disregarded. My heart is too fragile to handle that kind of treatment from anyone. I don’t know when I will begin to feel better. I hope my heart will resolve it’s turmoil soon. I am allowing myself to process this at a pace I feel comfortable with, without anyone interrupting the journey my mind and heart take to find the peace I need so desperately.

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Hurt people hurt people. That's how pain patterns get passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.

Yemuda Berg

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Absolutely hilarious video. Totally helpful. 

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Begin Where You Are

Begin where you are. Date your entries: day of the week, month, year, and time. Describe where you are physically as you begin this journal. Look around and notice your surroundings; write down what you see. How old are you? Married, single, children, job? Give all the specifics. Then describe how you are feeling. How is your life going? What are the things you love about your life right now? What are some things you want to improve or change? Do you have unresolved emotional issues that you need to explore? Write it all down. Write down a few dreams you have for yourself. Talk about any fears that come to mind. Let yourself write, uncensored, for at least five to ten minutes.

Now that you’ve had an opportunity to do some writing, ask yourself these questions in your journal:

How did journaling feel to you?

Was it different from what you expected?

What did you like or dislike about it?

What came up for you?

What do you hope will come from your journaling practice?

Write “why do I want to journal?” at the top of a blank page in your journal. Set a timer for ten minutes and start writing. Let yourself express all the crazy, wonderful, sad, joyful reasons why you chose to participate in this workshop. Write the most perfect thing that could come from participating in this workshop. Write down the naggings in your belly that seem to beckon you to journal. Write your most intimate thoughts. What do you believe journaling can do for you? Did something you read or heard make you want to start journaling, or did the inspiration come to you on its own?

Don’t overanalyze; just let yourself write whatever pops into your mind. Don’t worry if it’s messy and jumbled. If the thoughts don’t feel like they are flowing the way you think they should, just keep pushing that pen along the paper. Believe that whatever is supposed to come out will come out if you let it. Give yourself the space and the freedom to use up a few pages in your journal with your messy jumbled thoughts. It’s okay.

Draw a picture of something you see. Do you want to be a famous artist? Do you need to get back in touch with your creativity? Do you want to resolve feelings from a troubling relationship? Ask yourself all of these questions and write the first thing that pops into your head. Don’t judge it or edit it; just write it down. Your only task is to keep the pen moving for the full ten minutes.

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How to Write Down Your Soul

1. Set your intention. When you begin with a clear intention to access the voice of wisdom within, you open two doors: the door into your deepest self and the gate to the cosmic divine. 2. Write with a purpose. 3. Make a commitment. If you ask the universe for guidance and receive it, you're beholden to do something with it. Search the reaches of your heart, tell your story, ask your questions, hear your answers, and receive your guidance. 

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A portrait I drew of a friend in pencil.  

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We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. You always have the choice.

Dalai Lama

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Friendship is secretly giving people nicknames so only we know what we're talking about. No need for explanations. Always knowing what the other is thinking. Comfortable silence. Long phone calls about nothing. Annoying each other and thoroughly enjoying it. Being each other's therapists. Sharing every little detail about every little thing. The ability to talk total nonsense and have that nonsense respected. Not being able to wait to tell each other stuff. Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing, and laughing. Forgiving each other on matter what. Conversations impossible for others to understand. A reassuring presence. A whole conversation with just one look. Never getting bored with each other's blabber. Total certainty, total truth.

lastlemon.com

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To all the girls that think you're ugly because you're not a size 0, you're the beautiful one. It's society who's ugly.

Marilyn Monroe

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Meditate on Goodness, No Matter What

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

This verse is a big boost of encouragement for me and always reminds me of what I need to be most focused on. I do my best to follow this. My sanity depends on it, because I know that if I dwell on things that were opposite - I would be quite miserable. Sometimes I forget, and I end up sulking in negative things and feelings. Then I'm pulled out of that with the light of wisdom that shows me how the good things mentioned here are the very things that will protect me from being overwhelmed. Our society focuses on the false and negative things to instill fear. The Bible teaches to dwell on the good. I like thinking on the things that edify rather than destroy. This verse can be applied to each person's life differently. What it means for me may not be the same as what it means for you. I apply this verse to every aspect of my life. I stay away from people who spread gossip, I listen to beautiful music, I read material that is helpful, I write to empower, I watch media that uplifts my soul or educates me, and I think as positively as I can about everything. I live my life intentionally and build it upon good and solid things. I feel it is important to focus on noble things that can direct your steps in life with clarity. There are a lot of negative Nancy's out there who are pessimistic because they lack love and goodness in their lives. I refuse to be like them. So I surround myself with virtuous things and people of high quality. Without these kinds of things to meditate on and be mindful of, there's only room for getting shallow pleasure from fleeting gratification. It makes no sense, and it is worthless. Which is why, even when I am faced with a situation that brings me down emotionally, I look to whatever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy. It makes all the difference, every time. Things that are meaningful, that speak to your soul, that move you, that put a smile on your face, that make you feel all warm and fuzzy, that make you feel grateful, that prompt you to pay it forward, that give you a sense of wonder, that positively educate you, that edify you, and that make you truly love others. You can't dwell on what you lack or what darkness there is out there when you are firm in meditating on such beautiful principles. You just can't go wrong. This is what the world needs more of.

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She Cried

Her tears from afar flowing as she spoke Her strength breaking with every wiping stroke How quickly her joy had changed to sorrow As she sat there hoping for smiles to borrow Speaking, sharing, explaining so seriously They sat beside her watching and listening Her tears in breaking sunlight so glistening What she cried for struck her heart But they offered no comfort, their own hearts hard Instead resorting to establishing and arm’s length Holding up those walls up until they left

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How Keeping God’s Word Protects You

Forever, O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven. Your faithfulness endures to all generations; You established the earth, and it abides. They continue this day according to Your ordinances, For all are Your servants. Unless Your law had been my delight, I would then have perished in my affliction. I will never forget Your precepts, For by them You have given me life. I am Yours, save me; For I have sought Your precepts. The wicked wait for me to destroy me, But I will consider Your testimonies. I have seen the consummation of all perfection, But Your commandment is exceedingly broad. Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies; For they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, For Your testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the ancients, Because I keep Your precepts. I have restrained my feet from every evil way, That I may keep Your word. I have not departed from Your judgments, For You Yourself have taught me. How sweet are Your words to my taste, Sweeter than honey to my mouth! Through Your precepts I get understanding; Therefore I hate every false way. - Psalms 119:89-104

This passage stood out to me because it is telling of how living in the will of God will allow you to have knowledge, wisdom, and understanding beyond others. That has been very evident in my life. At the end it says, "therefore I hate every false way." I love that. That resonates with me because I am a truth seeker. I am not without enemies, but they never overcome me because God's precepts protect me. I meditate, or think deeply about, God's statutes and principles a lot. I do my best to apply them in my everyday life. There are many things I have yet to discover, but what I already know has served me quite well. His wisdom still gives me the advantage in most cases. I learn from God, not the world. Everything about God and what He teaches us is so beautiful to me. If it were not for the beauty and value I see in it all, I wouldn't think much of what He offers. My highest values in life come from what God has revealed and taught. Keeping His word is the key.