keehlesque

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[house voice] god, it’s brutal out here

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she's so annoying(ly beautiful and absolutely my type)

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Robert attends a performance of Hairspray at the Neil Simon Theater in New York City.

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these crosses all over my body remind me of who i used to be

“once, he thought he could be holy. now he just wants to be clean.”

alternative title: lazareth wasn't the only one

chase dreams in burning incense and latin hymns. they stick in the folds of his memory like stale communion wafers, dry on the tongue, dissolving too fast to mean anything.

once, he thought he could be holy. now he just wants to be clean.

⸻

he kneels — not to pray, but because he’s scrubbing blood off the floor at three am. the patient coded five minutes too soon. it’s always too soon.

the fluorescent lights hum like a low mass, and he wonders, not for the first time, if this is penance.

⸻

he stopped going to church a long time ago.

couldn’t handle the echo of the priest’s voice sounding too much like his father’s — disappointed, distant.

“god loves those who suffer,” they used to say, but that doesn’t explain why he keeps choosing the suffering himself.

⸻

he thinks about lazarus.

how jesus wept.

how house never does.

he wonders what it felt like, waking up in a body you thought you’d left behind. was lazarus grateful, or did he stare up at christ with a hollowed-out chest, full of grief and second chances he never asked for?

chase knows something about that. about being dragged back into rooms he meant to leave. about watching people die, and calling it mercy. about loving men who demand loyalty but never offer absolution.

⸻

he tells himself he isn’t still waiting for forgiveness. he’s grown out of that. and yet, when house says, “you did the right thing,” he almost believes it.

almost. ⸻

it’s not god’s silence that haunts him now. it’s the sound of his own voice, agreeing. (265)

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genuinely can't with them

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House M.D. & Hands

5x24 "Both Sides Now", 4x15 "House's Head", 4x16 "Wilson's Heart", 3x15 "Half Wit", 1x11 "Detox", 1x21 "Three Stories", 5x20 "Simple Explanation", 8x19 "The C Word"

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hey ma look what i can do

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Listen the reason House was so confident about being able to break up Stacy’s marriage is because he’s been able to do it to all of Wilson’s marriages without fail

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petty but i kinda haaaaate it when people are like ‘amber haunts the narrative’ No!!!! the whole point is that amber changed the narrative!!!! wilson was changed by their relationship! her death changed house and wilson’s friendship forever! her death is tragic and shocking and utterly avoidable! she was twenty-nine years old with her whole life ahead of her! the whole point of the s5 hallucinations is that it Isn’t Her, that the real amber was never so cruel, that the woman in s4 is gone forever and not coming back and there is nothing anyone can do. that’s why we don’t see her when wilson whispers to her at night. that’s why hallucination!amber is always wearing her hair the way it was the night she died. the circumstances surrounding her death might haunt the narrative but amber herself is gone for good and that’s what makes it so devastating!!!!!!

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she’s so creepy like get away from her.

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hate the wubbywoobyification of wilson like that man matches houses freak to a dangerous degree

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i’ll be watching you (every breath you take, every move you make)

“and that’s the thing — you never really asked. he never really told.”

summary: a quiet connection, built on almosts and unspoken things. something soft that never quite became.

he never told you when he started watching.

not in a strange way — not really.

just noticing.

the way you laughed into your coffee cup. the way your fingers fidgeted with your pen when you were thinking. the way you always left the room right before he could say your name.

it wasn’t romantic.

at least, not in the way people talked about love.

it was quieter than that. more patient, in a way.

like a song that plays faintly through the wall when you’re falling asleep.

you don’t know the lyrics.

but you hum it anyway.

⸻

sometimes you’d look up and find him already looking.

he always smiled.

not a big smile. just the kind that says i’m still here.

you didn’t know what it meant.

you didn’t ask.

⸻

and that’s the thing — you never really asked.

he never really told.

but somehow, it still hurt a little when he stopped staying late.

when the coffee on your desk in the morning was just yours again.

when your jokes stopped landing the way they used to.

⸻

he never stopped caring.

he just got good at hiding it.

you’d mention something in passing — a movie, a song, a memory — and he’d write it down somewhere in his head.

he remembered all of it.

you’d never know how much.

⸻

there was a day he stood outside your office, hand hovering over the doorframe.

he didn’t knock.

he didn’t go in.

you never noticed.

⸻

the last time you talked properly, you’d said something like, “we should catch up sometime.”

he’d nodded; smiled again.

(you never did catch up.)

⸻

you don’t see him much anymore.

but sometimes, when the weather shifts, you think about him.

think about how he loved you in the most devastatingly gentle way. how it was never quite the right time.

how he never asked you to stay, but never wanted you to leave.

and somewhere else — in some quiet office, or some too-empty apartment — he’s probably thinking about you too.

probably still watching, in the only way he knows how.

from a distance.

from a maybe.

from an almost.

⸻

you were never really his.

but somehow, he was always kind of yours. (~365)

[keehlesque]

Do you ever stop and think about all the ridiculous and kinda hilarious things that sound like headcanons but are actually are canon in House MD? Like,

• Wilson is canonically fantastic in bed

• House was canonically a cheerleader in college

• Wilson canonically gets whiskey dick

• House canonically attends a festival every year where he makes a spud gun

Just to name a few. Feel free to reblog and add because House MD truly has one of the most entertaining canons.

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I like Amber as a character, and I like what her character contributes to the overarching story of House, but I don't like her dating Wilson. I thought it felt rushed and sudden and moreover, I don't like the personality change she underwent when she started dating Wilson because I don't think it was realistic.

Amber was unlikeable because her insecurities controlled her. She was supposed to be a House variant, hence why Wilson loved her. Why did Wilson's affection magically fix her need to be right instead of loved? That's outrageous. Why couldn't she stay a "cutthroat bitch" and also be loved? She deserved to remain herself and be loved anyway, like House was. Why was Amber's personality suddenly molded into something easier to love, divergent from House's impossible personality? Wilson's love can't fix anything or anyone. It can't cure cancer, it can't cure House, and it shouldn't have cured Amber.

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"Marry me again?" oh GOOOOOOOOODDDDD

Married to It (1991)

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idk hilson is just a whole lot funnier to me if they are indeed just friends. i like that they cross the boundaries with every single thing they do. it's so much more interesting than "well they were actually gay dating the whole time." i think it's funnier that they're just Like That in their weird unexplainable way.