kexistingk - Tumblr blog

[kexistingk]

Pride month doodles <3

This piece includes 

-abrosexual (the hummingbird)

-panromantic (you have to look real close but it’s in the bird’s eye and the highlights

-genderfluid (the flower)

-polyamorous (the background/sunset)

[kexistingk]

If Only

[Kunikidazai angst <3]

[This can also be found on my ao3]

[Trigger warnings(?): suicide, sh, drugs/OD, ‘taunting’, (there’s probably more but I’m half asleep, so read at your own risk)]

===============

    Close. So very close. He was almost there in time. Oh, how sad. Dazai’s life had been placed in his hands. Such a fragile thing, truly. But he dropped it. It shattered right before his eyes.

     And although the cracks weren't quite cracks, it was still so, very, similar.     He could have caught it. Maybe. If only he had moved just a bit faster. If only he’d noticed that the bandages weren’t the only things in the trash can. That there had been broken pencil sharpeners and pill bottles too.

     If only. If only. If only.

     It sounded so similar to the mocking voices of his students in the past.

    “Could've, Should've, Would've”

     If only he’d realized. If only he didn’t yell at him all the time. Maybe, if that was the case, Dazai wouldn’t be dead in his arms right now.

      Perhaps, if he’d helped with the paperwork, or maybe if he’d gone to lunch with him.

     Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t his fault. No. That’s just absurd. Of course it was his fault. He was the only one that acted even remotely anything other than nice to him. Hell, even Yosano was nice to Dazai!

     Really, whose fault could it be other than his?

     “Could’ve, Should’ve, Would’ve”

     He’d left his notebook sitting on the counter the second he’d figured it out.     If only he’d noticed the note sooner.

     Perhaps, if he’d noticed the cuts cracks sooner. If he’d stopped the drip, drip, drip from the porcelain that was Dazai’s skin. Maybe. Just maybe, the man wouldn’t have shattered. If only he’d been there.

     Perhaps, if he’d saved Dazai, Dazai could've saved him.

     Perhaps if Dazai had been there, the noose wouldn’t have felt so comforting around his neck, or the blade against skin, or the notebook in the blender.

     Perhaps, everything isn’t his, but rather, that stupid notebook’s fault.

[kexistingk]

Ao3

Here have my ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/users/1_KcK_1