khoj-sheikh-sakib

[khoj-sheikh-sakib]

I enjoy stories that are not true. In retrospect, it was my grandfather who used to read me stories before bed. I used to gaze up at the sky and gaze at the clouds for hours just to fantasise. I used to believe that these clouds were thinking like me because they would form shapes to fulfil my fantasies. School was not a big deal for me at the time because I used to wake up with the intention of going to the terrace and gazing at the sky after school. My innocence told me that the reality is where the clouds dance. Things that we believe are out of our reach always have an intriguing psychological effect on our minds. For me, it was like going on an adventure to do things that I could never do, and the clouds would do it instead of me. I’m not looking at them today. I’ve lost the ability to embrace them with my whole heart as I once did, but I’ll never forget the discovery I made as a result of them.

That one day, between the thunder and the gale-force winds, I was ready for war. A battle between dragons and dragon slayers because when I looked up at the sky, my heart knew that this day was meant to be. Looking up at the sky, I had the impression that the time was approaching. With all the might and glory the dragon thunderstruck the army of the dragon slayers both figuratively and literally. The clouds were all black on one side, with a red dragon in between, and cumulonimbus on the other, carrying the army like a thunderhead. The roars of the dragon, combined with the smell of the soil, gave me a sense of joy that I still don’t understand or express. My mother called me, “ Saaakib, kapde lekar neeche aaja”.I was having a time of my reality but I knew no one would understand what I am feeling. Still, when I came down for tea and told my brother the story, he just said, “Accha theek hai.” Of course, now I realise I was too young to understand and he was too young to understand. I hurriedly drank my tea and returned to my terrace, knowing that I needed to do something about this.

I began singing; I used to sing casually, but that day, with the winds as my instrument, I was mesmerised by my own voice. Mujhe gaana yaad nahi but that was the first time I had goosebumps while singing. The winds were like a choir backing me up, and I felt ki yaar mai acchaa gaa rha hun. Suddenly, it was pitch black during the day, and it felt like an auditorium concert. After finishing the song, the dragon cried and thanked the army for listening.

[khoj-sheikh-sakib]

UNKNOWN ANSWERS

Aur kuch aise hain sawaal, jinke hain jawaab

Lafzo mai mumkin he nahi!

Before reading this I have a request for all of you. Please listen to North Star by blackstrateblues while reading this. Thank you :)

Sometimes I just wonder where I started to exist and every time I close my eyes, I recall being in 7th grade. Everyone in that class was magical, and I began to realize my own existence. This was a time when I used to imitate many singers, and my Atif Aslam voice was shockingly good (although I never liked that guy back then because for some reason, I thought he sings like a drunkard). That class was significant, and my existence is tied to it since it was the first time, I formed bonds that I still think about and appreciate, even though they aren't the same as they once were. The two greatest lovely discoveries of life were also made in seventh grade. Coke Studio and a person I could never express myself to. When I first heard Shafaqat Amanat Ali's Aankhon ke Saagar, I had no clue what coke studio was or what it would do to my life. Along with this, my go-to songs were anything by Atif Aslam, AC/DC, 50 Cent, Akon, Eminem, Usher, and, of course, Simple Plan. Vasu (a friend from back then who is still a friend in need lol) handed me a pen drive with music videos from a band named Simple Plan. Everything was so simple, and all we had to do was think, but now I'm not sure whether I really exist.

Sometimes I just wonder that only memories are left with me and I don’t exist anymore. It's not that I don't have work, stuff to do, or connections, but I feel like I have a body without a soul. I know music filled a void in my soul, but I can't find my soul for a few days. It's as if you don't have eyes because there is no light. To those who know me, I may appear to be a really optimistic person, but this time I'm losing myself. Listening to sounds and music pulls me out of this world, and I believe it is the only reason I am still holding up, and possibly the only reason I am sane. My reality is not hard or difficult in any way, but it is a question to which I have no words. My music is an escape for me, allowing me to float above the ground into other unknown dimensions that I only comprehend, which may be problematic as well.

I sometimes wonder why I am so blank. After listening to my music, I am left blank and must return to fit the wavelength of my world, which comes as a slap every time and hurts more than anything else. The only issue is that I wish to modify my reality to a wavelength that is physically unknown to us. This will not mean that I am away from reality but it just means that I want to have a space around me which is let’s just say which is very special. Which would serve as a constant reminder of my existence and make my life worthwhile. Wavelength is such beautiful concept if we really think about it, like wavelength of my reality means to have same ideas as the world around me so that I can communicate with the rest but it can also be considered as a source of sound which binds us and makes us one.

Sometimes having same ideas as rest is not good for an individual and I found that many of us ask this question to ourselves while forcefully trying to fit in. I hope we all are listening to the song which I mentioned above because this became a medium for me to understand things which I already understand but were harder to accept. I always think that every question has some answer and sometimes they are just not in words. Maybe experiences which only you can understand and can’t tell in words or feelings that only you had and no one else. Sometimes you feel low but that’s totally fine because now you know the worth of every other feeling you can experience in life.

[khoj-sheikh-sakib]

THE 5TH NOTE

When we think about it, perfection is such a ridiculous idea. Do we really believe we can please every mind out there? For some, even the Almighty is not believed to exist, so does this mean that they will never be perfect in their lives? Perhaps nothing in this world can be flawless, or perhaps everything is perfect if we look at it from a different perspective. Half of everything should always be 1:2 and this is regarded the perfect middle or should I say standardised middle ground, but the world and nature don't operate that way since we can't split everything into two halves and assume we've divided them equally. Even in the nature of music, and please bear with me on this one, just like the mirror effect a note becomes an octave and that’s how we get two notes and an octave is not divided into two equal halves or we can say it doesn’t have a midpoint but there is a 5th note that’s the dominant which is almost like 3:2 ratio. For those who don’t want to get into the technicalities and just want the essence of what I’m trying to explain, just consider that it isn’t always necessary to have balance in everything.

In my life, I have realised how everyone and everything in this world is conditioned to respond to things in a certain manner. Even street dogs that have been traumatised by human ruthlessness may bite you because they have been conditioned to do it in order to protect themselves. I learned the value of being sensitive to others, but I still battle to be sensitive to everything around me because I have this impulsive energy that causes me to literally destroy things. This always makes me wonder what is my fifth note? Should I become more sensitive and lose the impulsiveness that defines me as Sakib?

We all know that there is no such thing as black and white, and that there is always something in the grey area, but do we genuinely acknowledge this? Finding my 5th note just means I want embrace all the things that makes my life unbalanced because that’s how we learn. Music has been one of my greatest teachers, and through it, I attempt to comprehend everything around me, just like the 5th note. Music tells me how rain can signify both love and pain and this is how perfection is met. We only need to go beyond what we believe to be true and follow nature. I'm still looking for the 5th note, but perhaps my battle with sensitivity and impulsiveness, along with many other characteristics, makes me perfect, or should I say, human.

Bulleh Shah zahr wekh ke peeta te kee peeta Bulleh Shah, what’s the point of taking poison, yet fearing its ingredients?

Ishq soch ke keeta te keeh keeta

What’s the point of falling in love, yet fearing its consequences?

Dil de ke dil lain di aas rakhi

If you give your heart in the hope that your love may be returned 

Ve buleya Pyaar eho jiha keeta te keeh keeta What’s the point then, Bulleh Shah, of giving your heart at all?

These lines by the legendary mystic poet Bulleh Shah have always made me ponder if love truly does have to be a connection between two people to be flawless, as we see in the tales like Heer-Ranjha, Soni-Mahiwal, and Romeo-Juliet. One is enough, and how we look at anything is all that matters. This is what the 5th note means to me.

[khoj-sheikh-sakib]

KUN

The origin of everything has been a fascinating truth that no one knows about, and sometimes I even doubt my own existence. Existence is divided into two forms: physical or body and spiritual or soul, which makes it difficult for me to comprehend. I understand my physical requirements, but for a long time, I had a spiritual void that I always attributed to a lack of emotions, but even when I had someone to whom I could express all of my emotions and thought I didn't have that emptiness anymore, I pushed myself into oblivion. Kun is an Arabic term that means "to be" or "manifesting" and is referred to as the force of creation in Islamic and Sufi traditions, similar to what OM is in Hinduism. Physically, it may have been Big Bang theory or something else, which I'm sure is as technical and intricate as our bodies, but spiritually, I believe we already know the answer.

According to what I've read, every sound is made up of waves, and everything that consumes space is matter. Surprisingly, everything in our world is continually in motion or vibrating, and this constant vibration is only possible due to an immensely unique energy known as "sound." We know that a particle is the most minute component of matter, and at the Quantum level, everything is a wave and a particle. I don't know much about quantum physics, but this clearly indicates that sound is responsible for our existence. What is the most powerful ultimate source of energy on the planet? If you're going to tell me Sun, I'm going to say it's undoubtedly sound. If someone had told me this in early 2020 using the same logic I used above, I would have laughed for at least 10 minutes, but I realise this because we humans have outdone ourselves with the production of music. Given how miserable our species is, music is an invention that gives physical form to sound.

There are two types of existence, and music is what fills the void in my spirit. Every time I realise this, I remember how complete I was to begin with, and how there was no emptiness. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to put it any other way. From the burbles of the stream to the beating of the heart, the universe is filled with melody. People frequently tell you to do what your heart tells you to do, but the next time, try to figure out what the rest of the world is saying. Listen to all of the beautiful music our planet has to offer, and I'm sure your heart will follow you, as it always does with the music we listen to. I am grateful that I can hear "THE ULTIMATE FORM OF ENERGY" and know that it has all of the answers; all that remains for us as humans to do is listen.