kingsofton

[kingsofton]

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

[kingsofton]

i think "oh my childhood doesn't even impact me that much" & then im Afraid To Sit in The Living Room

[kingsofton]

just gonna start killing people i dont find funny

[kingsofton]

if you don’t support pebbles the lesbian budgie and her giant wife dni

[kingsofton]

biblical angels but their true form looks like the patterns in 90s arcade carpets

[kingsofton]

My manager just talked to me the other day about how I'm "too comfortable" with a few of my coworkers even though I've only been there a month and I need to know how to draw boundaries first crying emoji

the worst feeling as an autistic person is thinking you’re safe to unmask and then finding out that other people don’t like you bc of your autistic traits

it’s just like “oh. i got too comfortable again. got it.”

[kingsofton]

[kingsofton]

this

This.

THIS.

THIS.

THIS.

This!!!!!!

(also, to everyone getting on my case about not reblogging or reposting, I actually tried to find this Tumblr after I found the post on Pinterest and it doesn't exist anymore, so shut up and get off my back 🙃)

[kingsofton]

SHOUT OUT TO MY PSYCHIATRIST FOR BEING THE ONLY MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL THAT WAS ABLE TO SEE THROUGH MY MASKING AND DIAGNOSE ME INSTEAD OF MINIMIZING AND INVALIDATING MY AUTISTIC CRIES FOR HELP AND INFANTILIZING MY UWU SO QUIRKY BEHAVIOR !!!

i would die for her

[kingsofton]

sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

[kingsofton]

So i was officially diagnosed with adhd and autism about 6 months ago. I'm a 22 year old female (yet another young AFAB added to the ever-growing statistic) and here are my thoughts about my Entire Fucking Life™!

I wish to whatever omnipotent being that my mother would've gotten me evaluated sooner.

Now I know why I've always felt different. I have always been a special case. I've always been "weird" and "quirky". Shy. Quiet. Awkward. I never understood how my peers formed and operated interpersonal relationships. I love so passionately and deeply when it comes to my friends and partners that it has scared people away.

I constantly asked why things were the way that they were. I struggled with math class because I couldn't understand the meaning behind the equations' steps; I'd spend more energy focusing on the Why than the How. I felt and learned in such in-depth ways when it comes to subjects such as dinosaurs and weather patterns and dragons and dog training.

I have trouble being Perceived. I feel uncomfortable addressing people by their first name. I feel uncomfortable calling family members by their titles (I haven't called my mom "Mom" in over 10 years because it makes me uncomfortable). I just kind of talk at people and hope they just know that I'm talking to them. I am so much inside my own head, I'll get myself worked up and upset to the point of rage and tears, even though what's going on in my brain has and will never happen in reality. I feel like I'm constantly living in a fantasy world, and I'm never Here. The present is so hard to exist in that I'm daydreaming every waking moment of my life.

10 hours at my job pretending to be "normal" has me coming home and hiding in my room to unmask for an hour. I sit hunched over on the floor and do weird shit with my arms and hands and rock back and forth; things I could never do in the presence of others. I lie in bed with the TV on, my tablet playing music, and scroll on my phone all at once. If I don't have at least 2‐3 sources of sound happening all at once, I'm uncomfortable. Whenever I let the Mask slip and do something "abnormal", someone makes a comment, or asks, "why are you so weird?" Then I Remember™ and retract back into my shell for a long, long time.

Someone asks a question regarding a special interest of mine, which provokes an avalanche of information I spew onto them, thus drawing a "omg calm down". Then I have an internal meltdown. Another Core Memory formed in which I fuck up socially. Again. I just want to share without Feeling.

I'm so frustrated with myself that I'm so socially stunted and I don't know how to talk to new people! It's so hard getting to know others and knowing when and where to draw boundaries with them and myself.

Being diagnosed with autism has me realizing that my mother also exhibits symptoms, which is why she's never seen my behavior as unusual. My abnormal behavior has always been either infanitilized and called "cute", or has gotten labels such as "weird" and "stupid" and "oblivious" slapped onto my outward appearance. When I'm quiet and reserved, I'm odd. When I do open up and talk, I'm annoying. I don't know how to appropriately participate in social situations.

None of this is ramble is to try to pretend like I'm "quirky" in a cute way, or the Main Character. I want the reader of this post to know that they are not alone. You're not the only one who had trouble fitting in. You're not the only one who still, as an adult, struggles to form friendships. You're not the only one who has gone their entire life not understanding why you aren't "normal". I hear you, I see you.

[kingsofton]

[kingsofton]

yeah new pokemon idea. spinosauras fossil with looping evolution line. each stage is a different weird interpretation / reconstruction of it with wildly different stats. you can evolve it by taking it to a scientist npc to see and say "it did not fucking look like that"

[kingsofton]

i cant breathe he just kept on fucking talking

[kingsofton]

Did I daydream this, or was there a website for writers with like. A ridiculous quantity of descriptive aid. Like I remember clicking on " inside a cinema " or something like that. Then, BAM. Here's a list of smell and sounds. I can't remember it for the life of me, but if someone else can, help a bitch out <3

[kingsofton]

This was in Sioux Falls South Dakota! The green sky is caused by large hail stones within the storm refracting back green light to the observer.