kisses-and-starlight-blog - Tumblr blog

[kisses-and-starlight-blog]

the day we met

-the day we met was the best day of my life. -i was in the hallway, sitting in the floor, my arms hugging my knees to my chest, my head resting against my knees. my body, so loosely held together, was shaking as i struggled to catch a breathe between caring too much and not caring enough. and then you saw me. in a world filled with thousands who walk along blindly everyday; seeing but not noticing; you noticed me. you did not try to pick my aching body off of the cold tile floor, you did not try to mend my brokenness. instead, you sat with me and pulled me into you; you held me together when it seemed as though the universe was doing everything possible to rip me apart. -what we had was beautiful, for awhile. the feeling of your breath on the nape of my neck as the sun rose on Saturday mornings was even more comforting than the sound of my mother’s singing as she hung the laundry out to dry. the feeling of your strong arms around me as the sun set on a friday evening reminded me of rolling down the hill behind that little church on the corner of main street & jefferson when we were kids; with the burden of merely existing not yet acquired. -but, all good things must come to an end, although, in our love-drunk naïveté, we thought we could last forever. your kisses in the starlight gradually lost their magic. your words became void of emotion and love and comfort. we would hold each other so tightly, yet it seemed as though we were miles apart. our car rides became filled with music we didn’t know the lyrics to so that we didn’t have to sing along. we drifted, until knowing each other better than we knew ourselves turned into us being complete strangers. the phone calls got shorter until they became no more, and my heart shattered along with our love. -the other day between spanish 2 and pre-calculus, i felt that familiar squeezing in my chest. i sat down on the cold, tile floor, hugged my knees to my chest, and rested my head on my knees as my body began shaking. i heard the familiar sound of your old, worn out converse in the floor, and when i looked up, we locked eyes for a moment. in that moment i knew that you had become just like the others- seeing; not noticing. you walked away from me as i mourned the loss of something i never expected to lose. -ever since, the day we met has changed into the worst day of my life. //c.m.e

[kisses-and-starlight-blog]

a moment too soon

they say some things are meant to be, and i once believed them, because how could you and i not be a match made by the gods? how could your kisses running up my spine feel like a trail of fire igniting my insides without being something from the heavens? you would run up behind me in the long hallways at school and pull me to your chest, holding me closer than my mother clung to her bottle as the sun rose upon her sleeping form. you would hold me so tight; not saying anything aloud, yet we would have whole conversations in the way your hands shook and the way my eyelids fluttered as you wrapped your arms around me. we were voted the cutest couple in the year book that year; i ran off the bus and into my house, so eager to tell my mother, but she wasn’t truly there, he was. she wasn’t feeling anymore, wasn’t loving anymore, wasn’t living anymore; “all his fault,” i thought as he took my stunned body into his arms and he felt, loved, lived. i woke up this morning, in a strange place with this strange man; a strange feeling inside me. then i remembered, remembered my mother who tried so hard before she fell and i remembered you, who told me we were forever and i remembered our love, which was always my safe place, my happy place. but now i was light years departed from my safe place, from you, and i was scared, so scared, and hurt because you weren’t there and i snuck out of bed and climbed the 7 flights of stairs to the roof to think, but all i could think about was how you and i must have not been “meant to be” because you were there and i was here and there was never going to be another night of mine spent in your embrace and so i walked; detached; to the edge, pulled myself up onto the wall, turned around and allowed myself to drift downward into the arms of nothingness, not noticing until too late that you were standing right there; your arms open wide for me to run into. you had found me; i left too soon. i miss you. //c.m.e

[kisses-and-starlight-blog]

i miss you

i miss you. i am tired of coming home to an empty apartment after a long day of work and school. tired of spending every spare second thinking about you, missing you, loving you, looking through old pictures of you, wondering if you’re doing the same. i miss you. we said it’d just be a break but breaks this long aren’t breaks anymore, they’re canyons, and i’m not sure if i have enough love left in me to give that can fill the distance between the canyon walls. i miss you. the other night i came home with a guy from work who you hated because of the way he would look me up and down like i was a piece of produce, ripe for his picking; i brought him home and into the bed we once shared and we became one for a while but i had never felt so far from being whole. he left me crying in the middle of the night, left me in an empty bed with an empty heart and the next time i saw him he looked at me through empty eyes, with no more of the empty affection left which he once had for me. i miss you. i still can’t bring myself to wash the sheets on the bed, our bed, because the feel of the fabric between my cold feet in the middle of the night reminds me of how you used to hold me close and keep me warm. the memory of you still lingers although your scent has long since been replaced with the stale wine i drank to forget you and the salty tears i shed remembering you. i miss you. //c.m.e