kookies-taest - Tumblr blog

[kookies-taest]

Imagine someone admiring you like this

And describing you like this and like this

Imagine someone loving you so much and fearing the seperation from you like this

Clichè but ok why not?

[kookies-taest]

I closed my palm in a tight fist and huffed out anxiously

It was the day we were getting our classes for the next sessions.

I was just wishing to end up in the same class as her. Though I was positive cause we were getting classes based on our acadmic performance and I knew it all along that she was kinda sincere towards her studies so I worked hard to be in the same class as hers but still there was a fear...... What if?

Two teachers entered in our class and there was tension seen on everyone's faces. They knew that these two teachers will be declaring the classes they were going to.

Everyone was tensed worried if they will be in the same classes as their friend, partner or who so ever.

And their I was tensed about getting the same class as hers even when we barely talked but the moments we talked were everything to me.

When she spoke it felt like everyone else became quiet. I could only hear her, only see her when there were hundreds of people.

The teacher started to announce the name of the students going to grade 10-1. Many names were called but I didn't hear hers and mine.

It was the moment I realised that there was no division on the basis of performance. It was random mix up. All kind of students went to that class.

I was there holding my breath. 10-3 students name were getting announced. And then I heard it.

My name.

And the list for the students ended.

I wished that her name was called and I was the one who didn't hear it.

But when the 10-4 students name were getting called I heard her name.

I was numb. It took me a while to process everything.

The thing I was afraid it would happen actually happened.

I looked at her sitting on the other corner of the class laughing with her friends getting happy about being in the same class.

And here I was sitting as if my world was turned upside down.

I acted cool. As if I was prepared for it.

And even if I wasn't I had to accept it one way or other.

The seperation I feared I had to go through it.

[kookies-taest]

She had a friend group. A big one and a cool one, the one which was known to be popular in class for all the mischief but she never accompanied them, they were always making trouble and thinking they were cool.

The whole class thought they were, but for me she is. Even though she never joins them in their things. They wanted to attract attention being called popular cool kids but she didn't care about it.

And it in itself made her cool for me.

I usually compare myself with her, I check if I'm doing the same as her, do I sit the way she does, walk the way she does, talk the way she does?

I want to be her. Perfect.

She is the smartest and coolest. Atleast for me. She's all I see and all I think about in a room full of hundered people I see only her, feel like she's the only one, the only one for me.

[kookies-taest]

The way she sat there head held up high with straight spine was so attractive. Her posture gave such positivity. Nothing mattered to her she didn't care if the teacher was not there in the class, if there was chaos in class, if others were screaming lyrics of songs by britney spears, she was there with a straight face, it made me feel like she was thinking of all of them as childish and not cool rather than cool sassy backbenchers. It looked as if she was the most mature person and it made me weak in the knees. I've always been weak for mature, confident and the girls who were serious about their lives and didn't beg for mere attention. She made me conscious of myself. I tried to sit like her and tried to ignore the others just like her. The thought of her thinking of me as immature childish person just like others made me so conscious. Well even I didn't care about what was happening around me. Pfft how could I when she was there taking up all my attention. I was not interested in all the things happening around me I could hear fade " my lonlines is killing me and I must...." in my subconscious mind as all I could focus on was her. She was more interesting than the chaotic kids shouting the lyrics proudly as if doing some give away. She was more interesting than anything else the world could offer. She was most interesting thing I've ever laid my eyes on. That personality and that maturity only she has is amazing. I can't take it off my mind.

[kookies-taest]

I looked away immediately when her eyes met mine to not get caught staring at her. I looked backed to make sure she was not I was good and that she didn't catch me. And her eyes locked with mine. And yet again I looked away flustered, flushed, embarrassed..... Oh what coward I am can't look at her in the eyes and keep staring at her from afar like a creep. From the corner of my eyes i saw her smiling and shaking her head and focusing back to what the teacher had to say. My heart fluttered.

She continued to focus on the class and I continued to focus on her.