kum3a

[kum3a]

I’m alive and well?

hello anyone and everyone and no one at the same time, gosh last time i updated i was in the middle of alevels and its currently two days on from results day. i managed a A in sociology and two A*’s from health and social care. of course i’m completely shocked from that A but im finding it hard to be happy or even just something- i don’t know.

i did end up reaching out to the person i missed those two years ago and we are friends again which is good but once again im finding it hard to be happy.

this got really pessimistic all of a sudden so i’m just going to stop here.

[kum3a]

i'm alive?

hello nobody and anybody, i completely forgot about my Tumblr account and i just redownloaded it to seen some hazbin hotel fanart and i forgot that i was sooo angsty. albeit i was going through some tough times two years ago but wow... i didn't expect it to be that bad you know? anyways two years on and im doing quite well, im in the middle of my alevels and im doing alright, good friends, good home life, caesar is doing amazing i dont have anything serious to complain about :) but yeah maybe i'll treat this account like my online diary since i was already doing that. i do still miss the person i talked about two years ago however i plan to reach out to them over summer. i also still do get feelings of lonliness and all that but im able to work through it way easier since it's just like a small mental block to me. anways this is getting a tad bit too long so i'll leave it here :)

[kum3a]

around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long.

we keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…

and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths .

[kum3a]

Dear Best Friend.

To my best friend and probably my last, the memories we created will always put a smile on face. We weren't cliche, we were different we were specially crafted to suit each other. We found comfort in each other after feeling so alone and that's what made us such a good pair. I have no regrets but i do wish i handled our friendship differently. I miss you. A broken friendship really feels like a breakup, i feel like a lost a piece of me honestly. All those memories just for us not to speak again and all i can do really is blame myself. It was my fault i had chances to fix it but i bailed and now I'm alone... in a new school... feeling alone. When people say a soulmate could be a best friend i didn't believe it until i met you, hopefully, one day, ill get the chance to try again with you. Hell, i could even do it right now but you know what? I'm not ready to be hurt by the response. I miss you so much, hope you're hanging in there.

I love you ******

[kum3a]

hi guys,,

life has been going perfectly for like the longest time now which is funny considering i was so depressed a month and a bit ago

[kum3a]

I just want to disappear so badly right now.

[kum3a]

Hi guys!

life seems to be going downhill again, this time mainly family. i’m going to keep going and try to stay strong though :) my huge exams are happening next month and in all honesty i feel so under-prepared and i’m pretty scared but once again i’ll get through it!

i’m going to try my hardest to be active on this because i really do like it here.

nOri, out.

[kum3a]

Schooooolll

it's the bane of my existence. i just had a school meeting about what I'm going to be doing next year and it's just kind of hit me how shit i am at everything and it makes me depressed. i can't even say that i try because i really don't I'm always doing the bare minimum and now i just feel hopeless. i want to go and speak to some of my teachers tomorrow but i also just feel nervous going to them and i don't know who to go to.

just feels hopeless.

n0ri. out.

[kum3a]

'Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing's going to better, it's not.'

I'm back, maybe not better but somewhat okay. A lot has happened and i dont know if i'd like to share it all yet but i do hope to be posting more on this. I get like one like per post and i'm nit really posting for anyone but me to be honest, if you do happen to come across me though do please drop in! I'm just about coping in school and my home life and there's been a few rough patches that i've painted over but maybe it's time to just let it out.

n0ri, out.

[kum3a]

it's me,,, again.

mood: constantly sad.

i would say my missing someone is contributing to the sadness but if im being totally honest i think they're the reason for my sadness meaning if i want to be cured i need them back but sadly i cant have them back so im just going to rot in a pit of my depression till whatever light at the end of the hole appears.

i had a pretty awesome weekend if im being honest, spent time with the little friends i have and hung out with family it was fun but i always just get sad,,, and i hate it.

school's okay too. ive managed to catch up on all my homework and im keeping a pretty good regime even myy gym work-outs dont tired me out as much but thats just what you see on the outsde of me, on the inside im in serious pain mentally.

it hurts so bad i cant even explain it just writing this hurts i miss them more than i could ever explain but who knows maybe ill either get over them or theyll be standing six feet over me.

n0ri, out.

[kum3a]

very short post,,,

just feeling quite empty i don’t really know how to explain but just feeling like complete and utter shit, suicidal thoughts have been attempting to enter my brain but no no.

just gotta stay strong

n0ri, out.

[kum3a]

hellllooooo there!

i had this urge just now to get my life together, my homework's in order and im feeling pretty happy! obviously this mood is only going to last for 30 mins or so but i better enjoy it while i can. someone actually liked my last post and i just want to say, if you're reading this, thank you, it made me feel happy that someone actually read it. im probably going to back my bag and head to bed soon but im going to try and do a little bit of work just to keep myself entertained.

i'm also trying to get back into my gym ways because lately i just feel horrible and i don't want to self diagnose but i do feel like i have an ED of some sort but i rather not think about it. Mentally i'm not doing okay, I had some urges last night but i slept instead of being awake and thinking.

Got a bit depressing at the end but hey, thats life. As long as i've got my kitty it'll be all good!

n0ri, out.

(i'm making cookies for my friend)

[kum3a]

hi there.

okay, ive been wanting to start a vent area thing for a while now and i was trying to think where the best place would be and i thought of tumblr so hi there. i wont post EVERYDAY only on bad days and/or good days, i highly doubt anyone will ever end up seeing this so i guess i feel more comfortable :)

im so swaped with school and homework it feels like its becoming my life and i just cant get out of it, i dont really feel like typing a lot so ill just leave it at this.

n0ri, out.