kwas-imagination - Tumblr blog

[kwas-imagination]

It occurred to me today that I have a type.

I don't know what this type is called, maybe scruffy older black-haired mentor/father-figure character?

...it also occurs to me that I may have this type in terms of real life people...

[kwas-imagination]

I thought of this today and googled it to see if anyone had already said anything about it. Another sign is how upset he gets when his routine "his groove" is interrupted.

Kuzco (no last name) from the Emperor's New Groove is autistic! He doesn't understand most social cues, and can't handle being touched most of the time. He stims by playing with his earrings and his crown. He struggles with speaking and sometimes will be mute for days because of it. He struggles with getting points across and has a hard time learning new lessons, although he tries very hard to. His special interest is the doll he has in the show and small animals.

[kwas-imagination]

The people who know me that are even willing to admit I'm autistic at all: you are just mildly autistic

Multiple respected/well-known self-tests: You are VERY autistic but you have high masking tendencies

[kwas-imagination]

My circumstances: Doing the best they can to screw me over

My finances: broke and my job doesn't even cover my rent

My free time/relaxation time: nonexistent

My suffering mental health: "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me!"

[kwas-imagination]

Blunt words are cutting but a blunt knife doesn't

[kwas-imagination]

Current mood:

Composing a text at 2am so that I hopefully won't forget about it when I wake up

[kwas-imagination]

It it is time for lunch

Pro: I did not have anything to eat for breakfast because of poor planning so I'm hungry

Con: I have to get dressed and presentable to go outside because I don't have any lunch foods either but I'm in immense pain and that sounds like way too much effort

[kwas-imagination]

Love being told that a joke about suicide was okay just because someone who has been suicidal said it. That will definitely magically undo the damage the joke did. As long as it's her coping mechanism, it surely can't hurt anyone.

To clarify: this was not a joke made in a space for neurodivergents or people struggling with their mental health or in any sort of dark jokes chat/forum. This was in a large group chat for all of our mutual friends where anyone who was in the group chat could see and be hurt by it, or think that it was okay to copy. There was no consent given to be exposed to potentially harmful humor.

[kwas-imagination]

My extrovert roommate has been out of the dorm a lot lately and she apologized for being so busy but she doesn't understand that I, an introvert, have no qualm with having the dorm to myself.

[kwas-imagination]

Reminds me of when my bio dad would be like "don't be like that bad driver" and I, programmed from defending my siblings/mom when my dad would be mean about them, would immediately come up with at least five reasonable scenarios for why they might be driving poorly in that one particular instance. Like, you drive badly sometimes too but you can defend yourself with the knowledge that you're usually a good driver, why do you treat other drivers like they're characterized by the one instance in which you observed them?

[kwas-imagination]

Imagine being able to tell that a girl is interested in you but not realizing that you were giving positive signals of interest as obvious as a neon sign even though you claim you weren't interested. Like do you consider that level of interaction to just be polite or something? Cause none of my guy friends who just wanted to be friends have acted like that.

[kwas-imagination]

How did I end up so mentally screwed up that I struggle with feeling both too skinny and too fat and with worrying that I both have too much of a figure and that I don't have enough of one.

Like, what were the odds that people would treat my skinniness as a bad thing when I was little, that I would grow up surrounded by people who dieted (they actually needed to), that I would learn to fear being noticed, AND that I would have my heart broken by a guy because he decided he liked another girl better.

(Meme made by me, template from Google)

[Picture ID: A two panel meme.

Panel one- a drawing of a man holding a cup over a bowl, the text says "And just a dash of body image issues".

Panel two- a drawing of the same man, he is spilling the entire cup into the bowl, the text says "OOPS".

End ID.]

[kwas-imagination]

The only thing worse than no one understanding you is thinking you've finally been understood and then finding out you've been completely misunderstood because while you're at similar places in life with similar problems, you have two totally different approaches to those similarities.

[kwas-imagination]

So I'm a mom friend but I've realized I'm much more of a Midoriya Inko than a Molly Weasley.

[kwas-imagination]

I can never again think of this as just a narrative device or an extension of the spirit/chakras stuff the show had.

I legit have a fever right now that is either very /very/ coincidentally timed or it's physical reaction to my mental state.

[kwas-imagination]

Me: Why can't I remember anything before I was 12-ish?

Me: *remembers something that happened before I was twelve*

Me: *has a 3 hour long panic attack*

Me: Oh, *to the tune of Hamilton's 'the room where it happened'* 🎶I wanna just pretend that never happened, pretend that never happened, pretend that never happened🎶

[kwas-imagination]

*adds Mountain Dew to the list of things to put in my future bunker-in-case-of-governmental-collapse*