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Brains & Broadcast: Episode 3 – Close Encounters of the Awkward Kind

Grimothy: "Greetings, graveyard groupies! You’re tuned into Brains & Broadcast, where we, your favorite undead duo, chew on human behavior—and occasionally actual humans."

Mildred: "Today’s cosmic catastrophe: Aliens & Their Obsession with Probing Humans. Grimothy, I’m still trying to understand how this became an intergalactic hobby."

Grimothy: "Right? Last week, I met a Martian named Carl—lovely guy, eight eyes, smelled like asparagus—he told me Earth is basically the galaxy’s reality show."

Mildred: "Keeping Up with the Carbon-Based?"

Grimothy: "Exactly! He said probing is just their version of a… product review. Apparently, humans are the only species that eat dairy after infancy, stare at glowing rectangles for 12 hours a day, and voluntarily jog."

Mildred: "Honestly, fair points. Carl probably saw someone eating Taco Bell while watching true crime documentaries and thought, ‘We have to see what’s going on inside.’"

Grimothy: "And it turns out? Aliens aren’t even trying to extract information. They're just incredibly bad at hugs."

Mildred: "That explains the cold equipment."

Grimothy: "Totally. They once tried to probe me, but I’m so decomposed their scanner just screamed and shut down. Carl said, and I quote, 'Dude, you're outside warranty coverage.'"

Mildred: "Relatable. Anyway, we’ve got a segment coming up where we interview actual aliens about the strangest humans they’ve met. Spoiler alert: One of them got emotionally attached to a Roomba."

Grimothy: "Stick around, my deliciously decomposing listeners. It’s about to get extra-terrestrial."

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Brains & Broadcast: Episode 2 - Fashion Crimes & Fast Food Fiascos

Grimothy: "Welcome back to Brains & Broadcast, the only podcast hosted by the undead—and the only one where the hosts occasionally lose body parts mid-episode."

Mildred: "Speaking of losing parts, Grimothy, your ear fell off again."

Grimothy: "Yeah, yeah, I’ll glue it back later. Priorities, Mildred! Today’s episode: Humans & Their Ridiculous Choices: Fashion Edition!"

Mildred: "Oh boy. Let’s talk about what I saw yesterday—this human walks by wearing jeans so tight, I swear they were struggling for oxygen. I thought I had circulation issues, but nope, this guy won. And they were ripped. Like, intentional rips!"

Grimothy: "I don't get it! He was basically halfway to looking like us! What’s the point? If they’re all gonna start dressing like us, at least commit to the whole undead lifestyle!"

Mildred: "Exactly! If you’re wearing jeans that look like they lost a fight with a werewolf, don’t pair them with a $300 designer purse. Just grab a rat skull, go full horror aesthetic!"

Grimothy: "It’s just inconsistency, Mildred. Humans are obsessed with looking ‘distressed,’ but the moment I show up truly decomposing, suddenly I’m a problem? Double standards, man."

Mildred: "Speaking of double standards—fast food humans! You know what happened last week?"

Grimothy: "Oh no. What happened?"

Mildred: "I was minding my own undead business outside a burger joint when a human walks by holding three bags of food. I groan, real polite, like, ‘Hey, share a fry?’ And this guy, WITHOUT LOOKING UP, shoves a handful of fries straight into his mouth, chewing like a lawnmower gone rogue."

Grimothy: "The audacity!"

Mildred: "Exactly! And then, THEN, he mumbles, ‘Ugh, low-carb diets are such a scam.’ Low-carb?! Sir, you just inhaled potatoes like a vacuum cleaner. What part of this is low anything?"

Grimothy: "Truly tragic. Anyway, stick around—we’ll be reading actual ridiculous human tweets about zombies, and trust me, some of them are shockingly inaccurate."

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Thank you to everyone who got me to 100 likes!

"Wow, 100 likes! You all have excellent taste—or at least a shared tolerance for my nonsense. Appreciate every one of you for fueling whatever this chaos is. Here’s to the next 100!"

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Brains & Broadcast: The Undead Podcast

ZOMBIE HOST #1 (Grimothy): "Welcome back, fellow decomposing listeners! This is Brains & Broadcast, the show where we, the undead, break down the absurdities of human existence—while breaking down ourselves, of course."

ZOMBIE HOST #2 (Mildred the Mangled): "Today’s topic: Humans these days! They’re walking around like they OWN the planet. Honestly, the audacity! Grimothy, tell them what happened to you last week."

Grimothy sighs, part of his jaw falling off mid-exhale.

Grimothy: "Okay, okay. So, I was shambling down Main Street, looking for a good brain snack—don’t judge, you do what you gotta do. I see this guy on his phone, totally oblivious. I groan loudly, real dramatic, like classic zombie horror film level. And guess what he does?"

Mildred: "Oh no. What did the fool do?"

Grimothy: "He turns to me, sighs, and says ‘Ugh, another influencer trying to get my attention.’ Then—THEN—he pulls out his phone and starts recording me! My existential horror turned into his content!"

Mildred gasps, a few fingers falling off in shock.

Mildred: "Wait wait wait—did he tag you?"

Grimothy: "I checked. NO TAG. He just wrote ‘Zombie sighting in Ohio lol #SpookyVibes #MondayMood’ on Instagram. I have NO online presence. At this point, I am just another uncredited spooky side character in a human’s life."

Mildred: "Absolutely tragic. Humans these days don’t even respect the undead grind."

Grimothy: "Right?! Meanwhile, they’re out here drinking ‘brain-boosting smoothies’ when I CAN’T EVEN GET ONE REAL BRAIN. Make it make sense!"

Mildred: "Disgraceful. Anyway, stick around—we have a segment later where we review the best human screams of the week!"

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Thank you @auburndalebear1 and everyone who got me to 10 reblogs!