layla-nightshade

[layla-nightshade]

one time when I worked in a restaurant, a very posh guy came in (upper class accent, immaculate suit, little book of manners body language). I seated him and a couple of minutes later he called me over to his table, pointed to where it said 'macaroni cheese' on the menu and asked "what is this?" and my entire life flashed before my eyes as I tried to come up with an answer that wasn't "it's macaroni, with cheese"

[layla-nightshade]

“We need to accomplish more.”

“We need to accomplish more.”

“We need to accomplish more.”

[layla-nightshade]

absolutely SHOCKED and BAMBOOZLED right now, feeling utterly GOBSMACKED, was not expecting tHIS am having many feeLINGS*

*this post is about rewatching We Are Lady Parts after 2 years and realizing I have gone from being like "ooh saira is hot" to full on drooling and losing my mind!!!!

[layla-nightshade]

I’d deadname my child too

May Allah render your womb barren so you can't have a child to abuse, ameen.

[layla-nightshade]

The millennial litmus test for sexuality was 100% Pirates of the Caribbean. I was 13 when the first movie came out. Literally everyone walked into that movie having been lured there by the attractiveness of Orlando Bloom in LOTR. The truly straight girls had been drawn in by his entry-level attractiveness and walked out lusting over the significantly older and manlier Jack Sparrow. The others had been unconsciously drawn in by Legolas's femininity and walked out with their eyes opened and lusting over Keira Knightley.

[layla-nightshade]

[layla-nightshade]

I got a marketing email from hobbycraft to say that they're now selling plush pumpkins ahead of halloween

so of course I went to the website, which led me to this delightful photo series showing the different sizes available:

I love and support this man and his pumpkin collection

[layla-nightshade]

found my favorite cold open

[layla-nightshade]

1.16 elementary

[layla-nightshade]

elementary may have been copaganda but they were really onto something with their version of holmes he's autistic. he's a sub. he's canonically into bondage. he's a recovering addict. he keeps bees. he's tattooed AND hairy. his posture is insane. he texts in a near-undecipherable string of abbreviations and acronyms. he's the most irritating man in new york city. he's even aromantic

[layla-nightshade]

[layla-nightshade]

[layla-nightshade]

you know when somebody says this that they mean either a short amount of time, a long amount of time, or maybe just neither

[layla-nightshade]

i've died on smaller hills, so i can't judge. but i do think it's funny whenever posts about the proper definition of a poor little meow meow circulate, considering none of them mention that the origin was a kpop fan's absolutely bonkers tweet about not being able to protect a full grown man who was getting backlash for including audio from the jonestown cult leader jim jones in one of his songs

[layla-nightshade]

Chinese posters are on a whole other level

[layla-nightshade]

that’s because y’all aren’t looking at Korean teen media... the bullies are just on another level in there

no piece of teen media has ever accurately depicted the quiet psychological warfare of bullying. bullies on TV are always dumb brutes and not the evil geniuses of emotional manipulation that they are in real life. being given a wedgie and having your lunch money stolen is nothing in comparison to a classmate quietly creating a taboo against speaking to you that they intend to enforce against all the other kids. it’s nothing like continuous cutting comments from people you thought were being nice to you. that way that the work of one kid can make you feel like every person on earth silently hates you and that you are dirty, disgusting, worthless, creepy and useless. that you can have friends but many of them will not speak to you at school for fear of the social consequences on their end. how that damage lasts in any social setting for the rest of your life

[layla-nightshade]

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)

which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.

luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.

why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.

vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.

then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.

which then require months of further specialized treatment.

the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage

vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.

the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!

it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!

which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s

Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.

today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar

if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)