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[letterkee]

hbd my love 💌

[letterkee]

i forgot to post my letter here for my dearest jimin :(( i want to say that this person has been the greatest happiness giver in my life and i thank him for his existence. one page letter will not fill the amount of affection i have for him <33

[letterkee]

do people still ask what our dreams are? do they compare it to their own? do they base the chances of its possibility to the current state of your life?

or

do they show a smile after learning your dream? do they give you little encouragements? do they share silly ideas how to get it? or once you achieved it?

i wish sharing my own won’t be as nerve wracking as spilling the craziest secret one own. little do i may know my dream isn’t as rare as i thought.

if i try to close my eyes and think of my dream. a future that comforts my heart, heals my past, and motivates my present, it won’t t be the same answer if i’m saying it with open eyes. with a busy world before me, i couldn’t share it freely. if i close my eyes, i don’t see people. not one people so dear in my life, not the people i gained or lost. i don’t get to be reminded by the world’s demands. it only listens to my longing desire. when you close your eyes, the world is silent.

i am alone. i could picture myself inside a simple home. it wasn’t big but an enough space for one or two. there was no one but me. it seems so peaceful with a jazz music playing in the background. i imagine myself crying, laughing, sleeping, making a mess, nevertheless, my life seems fine. i’ve always prayed to feel completely fine. here, i’m doing fine like i’ve reached my greatest goal: peace.

it portrays not doing very extravagant in life. not even a professional career to flex. no commitment to other people. passing through strangers on my way home. i feel invincible. i was just living life. simple repetitive job, non eventful life and of course, alone.

it’s like a version of myself where people do not bring negative feelings inside me. where people’s eyes do not remind me of something unpleasant. time does not pressure me. success does not scare me.

my heart feels happy imagining it. i wish i can close my eyes forever so this daydream won’t stop yet i don’t want this to stay in my dreams forever.

i only hope for a better and kinder future.

[letterkee]

June 13, 2023

Dearest Bangtan,

What is it about finding good people that makes you want to stay with them for a very long time? When life has not been with a touch of tenderness, often rough and abrasive. The comfort that you have long been seeking, you found them in the lowest of your low. For the first time in your life, you have learned that it is not so hard to be lost in your life for a while. To stop feeling alienated for being different and for dreaming an unconventional dream. You’ll have today to live, yesterday to either forgive or forget, and tomorrow to hope. No one has told me growing up can be tough yet somebody’s words has become your place of comfort. A new found solace. The most beautiful moment in life is different to anyone. I have become a person who has learned to recognize sadness and happiness in life. Any hurdles does not make it an unworthy life. To believe that as long as you keep what you love, you’ll stay young forever despite fearing the world of adulthood. Thank you for giving my youth its most beautiful experience. Had I never known Bangtan, I never would’ve known what it felt like to hope. Perhaps, would’ve stayed boxed in the past. Perhaps would’ve punish myself continuously for doing what I believe was needed. I shall give you the greatest gratitude for giving sixteen-year-old Khey the comforting warmth to her life. I have always taken pride for the people that I love. I have found people that seeks for their true selves like me. People who continuously wants to become better person like me. People who does not demean emotion and affection. I have found a genuine good people. Through years of staying, I am beyond proud of our growth.

Apobangpo.

[letterkee]

an eldest daughter’s woes

[letterkee]

I speak of only truth

Even with high sensitivity

Dark eyes leveled to others

When I speak, I do not lie

Hence I talk less

And restlessly, I write

With caution and consciousness

Like I’ve got little of time

Little of space

Like one can see right through me

Words were often preselected

Careless at times but

Never carefree

[letterkee]

SILHOUETTES

Ask me who’s the prettiest among all

She’s all my mind can recall

I wish I can tell you her phrases never fall

She feeds me love, paints my life with colors and all

When hurt comes, she’s there on her feet

Clear as the day, she spoke each heartbeat

Every words were comfort but bittersweet

How one carries the world’s weight while on seat

Must I know I will hear her cry

Not for the child’s little heart that’ll die

I have come here brought from a lie

No one cuts beside unvoiced goodbye

All these colors but she likes dark better

Words spiralling, I searched for her

A dream, must bleed in order to remember

Please, she’s everywhere and nowhere

Perhaps, when you finally arrive

To put a place of these anger while I survive

I’ll ask an answer I achingly thrive

Mother, have you ever been haunted by someone still alive?

[letterkee]

Letter to my High School Insecurities A letter to someone carved to my heart. Someone who humbles me with warmth and comfort even a single thought of her. Back to when the world was still an unfamiliar giant place. When people were the guiding voice once in your life. You have kept within you the ugly feeling you’re trying so hard to hide. Often times, I think of you, my heart aches of desire to touch you. Years of your life in high school, I watch you look up to people around you who shines most in the crowd, the people who receives the most compliment and smiles. I watch you be disheartened by the visible difference you see around you in your life. You sit in the corner of the room, thinking when will you ever be part of the noise. All while you believed, no one would ever lay an eye on you. You bore people out, you do not make good remarks, you cannot crack a good joke. You can’t stand many people. Morning when you u wake up, holding onto the black eyeliner thing because you wanna look cool and strong. Holding onto your inexpensive make ups as you wanted so bad to feel pretty in your eyes. You felt exhausted by the midst of it all. You felt deeply bad for trying so hard. Always planning your next words so people wouldn’t think bad of you. You only wanted somewhere to belong so you pleases them. Evening when the night is silent and you stare at yourself for a quite of time, trying to point all of you that you wanted so much to change. A change. All you were ever asking for the days to come faster. A change for all these thoughts to pass by. A change so you would forget how you once believed that high school was the best days of life just as what they said. If there is to change, it is only when you grow. You grow once you learn. You learn from the people you need to let go. You learn from the things you find difficult to accept. You learn from the lesson you need to unlearn and relearn . You learn from new experiences, new people, and new perception of world. As painful as it might to hear all of these. Uncomfortable to recall. I wanted you to remember all of these again and let me say what I have always wanted you hear. I wanted to let you know the things you might’ve have not had realized before because you deserve to know. You deserve to be aprreciated for not letting insecurities completely take over. You might hated the word ‘trying hard’ but the people who do are the best kind of people. You were not as bad as what your insecurties wanted you believe. Very young as your age, I see you worked very hard. I have memorized all of you, your reasons and mistakes, strength and weaknesses, dreams and all. I am proud of you and of what you dream to become. In a world where evil could easily win, you kept the kindness and gentleness around you. Most times you felt trapped in a dark, you were your only light. Heaven may ever decide to let us go back in time, I will give my all to have you in my arms and wipe your tears. Through remembering all of these, it brought smiles and warmth to my heart. Nothing has changed, only growth. Grow to become more beautiful as a person. I am beyond grateful that we finally learn to be our own home so we wouldn’t need to wander so much looking for place we wanted to belong. Changes may happen, never forget that whatever will be, it will be. Be delicate and kind still.

[letterkee]

This is such a sad morning. I haven’t gotten a good rest yet considering how anxious I was waiting for the elections result, only to find out who was on the very first list. I could not sleep at all, before and after the election. I do not know where else to go without feeljng disheartened, so in this little piece, I am writing to express my rawest sentiment.

Never once did I side for fake news, even long before I have always despised fake news. This election has really opened my eyes more and realized the extreme effect of disinformation. You can’t help but feel torn between the feeling of sadness and madness to the people who fell for it.

My heart screams for those people who voted the dictator’s son, that I no longer have the same perception of how they are as a person. I will forever believe that no one on their right mind would think he was the perfect and suitable leader on this god forsaken country. My heart is crying for the Philippines and its people.

As a first time voter, I didn’t know that I could ever be disappointed more, here in the Philippines’ system. It’s so painfully hard to see the rampant injustice and fraud the election system before you.

I never could’ve think I’ll have a big hatred for those who are previlidged enough and is actually giving a zero fucks for what will be the future of the country. From my truest of the truth, every enabler who gave the old man the power will never be forgotten. Never will it make sense that it is very right to forget history, possibly allowing it to happen once more in my generation. I despised everyone who sided for the human rights violator, tax evader, thief, liar, and so on. I will never ever be ashamed for fighting for what is truly for the Filipino people.

Countless of times I prayed. On a silent night, I painfully and wordlessly cried for the country, its people, my dreams and my future. The very first time I found the biggest hope yet in my life ever since I have come to open my eyes in this world, and the very first time I held and fought for it despite the unsettling feeling of anxiety. This will forever live in me.

This is not the end.

We are just starting.

“Ang namulat, ‘di na muling mapipikit” - Vp Leni, 2022

[letterkee]

Half a year of throwing oneself into a world of a whole new experience and lessons. Was it a few months already of overwhelming feeling of happiness, embarassment, hearbreaks, rebellions, and all? Despite all, i still would like to say nothing changes. #bpo https://www.instagram.com/p/CaMYLnqhDP2/?utm_medium=tumblr

[letterkee]

play teen idle https://www.instagram.com/p/CWw2HN2B0sC/?utm_medium=tumblr

[letterkee]

I don't really share much about my otp Jadine but i just want to let this out since i feel like this journey has finally ended.

My whole teenager wholly consist of me fangirling about them. Call it whatever names but they were my safe haven back then. I felt happiness, peace, kilig, pain, sadness and all. I found friendship and lost some people in my life by being in this fandom. Received hate and love because I support them. They were with me as I grow up. They were always in my prayers as I always talk about them to God. My journey was worth remembering, I know.

Now, I wonder what would my young self feel of she could've known her journey would ever stop this way. I remember her saying she'd cry and go bald if Jadine breaks up lol. Honestly, since the break up, it hasn't sink in to me cos i thought they'll still be the always Jadine in the end and all i need to do is wait. Now, all I think is the pain my young self would feel.

I thank them for the healing and all the lessons I learned inside this fandom. I thank them for everything that I never thought I'd be experiencing from the character inside a movie.

I will always support you James and Nadine. Always Jadine 💜

[letterkee]

[letterkee]

a cry for today and for a while. https://www.instagram.com/p/CLZTJKQjELC/?igshid=1sn43ser57i6t

[letterkee]

"You shall never pass through this world again...but any once good therefore that you can do, Do it now... cause you're never back again" I can't recall how many times that phrase left your mouth whenever you lecture us that I already memorized and even tattooed on my mind. Surely, you'll never know the weight of the words of someone until you fully understand the means of it. Pa, I now understand what it means but if you can read my heart you'll know that I wish for you to live this world again, perhaps in next life. I wish for you to live a good life and and be with someone that loves you dearly. I hope that comes true because I wish to be your daughter again in next life❦ Happy Birthday♡ https://www.instagram.com/p/CAtgTTjjJAuLHfgiXqohZwCB6IRCmOB1cJ663o0/?igshid=evxa5hdsd8wg

[letterkee]

Pre-pictorial before the actual pictorial. #Gradwaiting https://www.instagram.com/p/B9oadcNBSeo/?igshid=1aou5r22w86cd

[letterkee]

I remember praying to God before entering SHS, that he'll give me friends that'll help me be the better version of myself. What I mean is, a healthy kind of friendship. Guess, God didn't fail me💖✨ #ThanksGod (at J Center Mall, Mandaue City) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9RemcxBM1q/?igshid=d09gec3xnrv0