leyleysgrave

[leyleysgrave]

antis learn how to block instead of harassing

[leyleysgrave]

and this is why i trust proshippers over antis

[leyleysgrave]

smoking and drinking with your sister

[leyleysgrave]

I wonder if something could be said about Ashley's apparent penchant for drawing.

Leyley used to draw a lot. This, in itself, is nothing special: many kids draw as a hobby. The most noteworthy thing is that Leyley loved to draw so much, she'd do it on the walls, which Andy had to clean...

... and on Andy's notes, which made it difficult for him to study.

I don't need to say that this is just one of the many ways Leyley begged for attention and approval, which most surely had the opposite effect.

However, what made me pause a bit are three completely separate scenes.

This is in the very opening of the game:

We don't see Ashley drawing as an adult, but she doesn't seem to be very confident in herself. Then again, at this point in the game, it could be just goodhearted self-deprecation. It does say something, however, that she's still clinging onto that drawing, both because it's so old and not good-looking, and what it represents.

This is after Ashley, as a teen, has a meltdown over Andrew "seeing Julia":

Andrew is being mean, but to be fair to him, he's also angry and interprets the torn drawing as a way to make him feel bad, so I'll let it pass. The artstyle is so crude, I assume this is another old drawing: the lemon muffin is a reference to a way Andy celebrated Leyley's birthday when they were kids, so it's possible she drew it back then. And then kept it for years, before destroying it in a fit of heartbroken rage. It's how she conveyed her love for her brother, and it was that important to her, that apparently, she still had it in grabbing and tearing vicinity. Her hate for Nina is as important as her love for Andrew.

(the other option is, of course, that it's a much more recent drawing, and yes, this is a pretty abysmal way of drawing for a teen who apparently has been doing so for years. I still wouldn't call it garbage though, Andrew, she meant well :<)

Not much after that scene, Andrew also tells us this:

Whether Ashley still draws in her teen years or has stopped, at least we know it's more important to her than her homework, and enough for Andrew to comment on it.

And this is an offhand comment Renee makes to her mother while pretending she doesn't regret her life choices and children.

This is how Renee chooses to paint Ashley in a good light: by praising her art. Which is a lie, of course, because even back then she wasn't exactly Leonardo Da Vinci, but hey, grandma doesn't need to know about that. Worthy of note is that, despite doing everything in her power to interact with her daughter as little as possible, she did notice how much Leyley likes to draw (although afawk it could be because she once saw her drawing on the walls, so it's even more of a backhanded compliment).

So I suppose Leyley's cry for attention did work, in part.

It's a running gag that Ashley is a pretty bad artist. More than once, people point out she struggles to draw circles.

Speaking of attention seeking behavior, and how Renee keeps denying it.

So, what do I take from this?

That Ashley had a predisposition for drawing, clearly enjoying it regardless of her talent, and partially did so as a way to yell "look at me! I'm a person too! I have feelings, here they are!" at the world; but that predisposition was never nurtured, neglected as she was. Her art was ugly at best, a bother at worst. So she never developed her artistic skills, stagnated, and now she's a "bad" artist, which she resents. It's quite a shame, because of all the ways you could vent your feelings, art is by far the healthiest. Perhaps she would have been less destructive.

Naturally, this is part of one of the game's key themes: Ashley never grew up. She wasn't given the tools to, and now, she doesn't even want to. So she never developed past the "Leyley" phase of her life, still drawing in a childish way, still "playing" with her bunny plushies in her mind, still clinging onto her child self when Andrew wants nothing more than to grow up (or so he says). Much like her art, she too was seen mostly as an embarrassment, and so never improved. But every scrap of attention Andrew gives her? Means the world to her. And that's why she keeps going.

Lastly: every ending of the game comes with a crude crayon drawing.

It makes me believe that Ashley's art, ugly and childish as it is, is an important part of her, and her perception of the world.

[leyleysgrave]

oh teenage gravecest my love <3

AHFHFNWMDN I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY'RE SO CUTIE PATOOTIE

[leyleysgrave]

I cant lie.

Every day gets harder.

[leyleysgrave]

[leyleysgrave]

ashley is such a broken girl, it's sad.

everyone in her entire life, even on some accounts her own brother, has told her that she is an insignificant, small, useless, loud, annoying, childish and irritating thing. everyone either talks bad about her directly, or has negative thoughts about her in the back of their minds. and she just lives in the label because she has, really, genuinely NEVER felt real love and affection before.

her parents conditioned her to be clingy to the one source of love that she could possibly scrape up. and even then, andy only loved her initially out of a familial obligation that he was groomed into upholding by his own mother, it's only with time (as stated in-game) that andrew grew to love ashley.

shes like a feral cat with no direction, she can't even trust the small crumbs of affection she DOES get from others, because theres ALWAYS a caviot, surely! so she pre-emptively lets the other know through aggression that she SEES through their "facade of love", "whens the carpet being pulled!! wheres the cameras!! because surely it must be a joke!!"

shes so neglected that even when she DOES receive love she doesn't know HOW to take it, so she just... responds in the only way she know how to. its so indecipherable in her brain to receive this affection that she just defaults to anger or discomfort because of its unfamiliarity. shes so lonely that shes convinced herself that Other People aren't worth it, because when have they ever been for her?

its why it makes me so upset to see people demean ashley to a one-note abuser with a shitty mom. shes so fucking scared and lonely you don't even KNOW. shes a cat that hisses and scratches at getting pet. shes scared.

[leyleysgrave]

Found the most swag skeleton hoodie of all time (the skull on the hood is wearing green headphones too)

[leyleysgrave]

Whoever came up with this "barbie selfie maker" has my infinite gratitude. Bonus:

[leyleysgrave]

you are worthy of love and respect, regardless of who you are. ♡

[leyleysgrave]

what a cute couple 🤭

[leyleysgrave]

Not being near you is fucking nauseating.

I need to breathe the same air as you, or I will suffocate.

[leyleysgrave]

hurr hurr I'm a human body hurr hurr I'm gonna solve all my problems using mucus

[leyleysgrave]

i feel like a fucking addict. i'm craving your attention so bad. i can feel you under my skin. i feel you in my fucking veins. why aren't you responding? i thought you liked me. i thought you were obsessed with me. why aren't you paying attention to me, then? huh?

[leyleysgrave]

stalk me. worry about me. go crazy. fucking spiral when i dont answer right away. hurt me. BE FUCKING INSANE OVER ME. DO IT NOW.

[leyleysgrave]

How Do You Bruise??

Bruises are like fingerprints. They are like snowflakes. Each time unique; individual and perfect.