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"Don't swallow it, Bill Murray!" --The RZA

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"Everything your parents didn’t want to expose you to are the most fondly remembered and vivid parts of your childhood." --The-Guy-in-Robocop-Who-Drives-Into-A-Vat-Of-Toxic-Waste-Then-Melts-And-Then-Is Hit-By-A-Car

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“I've witnessed those who search to fall in love, as if it were the greatest treasure of all. And they only found disappointment, heartbreak, and desiring another to love them. I've seen those who seek riches and all they find is emptiness. I've seen those who search for happiness, yet the world prevents them to escape inevitable sadness. I  choose to search for wisdom, and meaning, and purpose. If I stumbled onto love, if it ended, wisdom would console me. If I stumbled upon riches, meaning would prevent me from corruption. And if I found myself in despair, purpose would help me out of that pit." --Rudy Ray Moore

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A Prayer to The Brokenhearted

"Blessed be the Brokenhearted, Who put themselves on the line To sing the songs of troubadours and dreamers. May your callused hearts find someone to soften them. May you gain wisdom from each kiss and each subtle death. And may you laugh at your old lover's new sweetheart. Because... really? Really him?!.... That guy?... He's got a spray-on tan... A SPRAY-ON TAN! Really? This guy? You're dating him? You left me and you're dating this douche? Really? ....really? REALLY! Amen."

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"I want to f**k things." --Ernest Hemingway

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"...perpetuating a stereotype!?... I shall redefine the entire stereotype!"--Warner Oland

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"There just isn't enough love in this world... That's why I have lots of porn." -- Helen Keller

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"I'm a Vagina Santa Claus and you are all my f*cking elves!" -- Pablo Neruda

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"Who needs friends when you got glory holes?" --Friedrich Nietzsche

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"The best thing anyone can do with their money is hire a lot of midgets, get them on absinthe, rent a trampoline, a mule and three burlesque dancers with shotguns. The rest will come naturally." -- Henry Ford          

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"Love is a burning, itching sensation." -- Richard M. Nixon

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"If I ever got into a multiple partner situation... the number of women would have to out number the men... IF!" -- William Howard Taft

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"Just because you can drink your own urine doesn't mean you should." -- Audrey Hepburn

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"'Penis' is, perhaps, the funniest word in the English language." -- Walt Whitman

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"Everything has been in my pants." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

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"Justice without a third party is called vengeance." --Curly Howard

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"Urinating is like the day job of the penis. Ejaculating is like its night on the town." --Joseph Stalin