lielullaby

[lielullaby]

[lielullaby]

Currently re-reading this as ya know I defs did not do before posting and it’s 🤮🤮🤮

Here’s 1.7k of my very unfinished, unedited, self-indulgent, self-insert/oc …. Fix it? Fic

She really was trying very hard not to cry. The sun shone down as the artificial spring breeze blew through her hair. She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. She would not cry, she would not cry. Not because she wanted to be a Jedi, and not because she had already been reprimanded about her emotions. No, she would not cry, because she refused to let her crueler age mates think they had hurt her feelings.

It was very hard though when it all felt true. She was the weakest among the initiates in her year and clan. She had good grades in their classes, but it seemed that was all she had. They were right that no master would want her as their Padawan and soon she’d be sent to Bandomeer to be a farmer.

She sighed heavily, her nine year old shoulders slumping. At least she’d be off this awful, artificial planet.

“Why are you over here by yourself?”

Syrena looked up, her eyes stinging at the sudden brightness. A boy about her age, blonde hair shorn close to his head and a small braid coming out from behind his right ear. A padawan, but he was her age, how had he been chosen so young?

”Hello? Can you hear?” Her eyebrows knit in annoyance and confusion. Of course she could hear hadn’t she looked up at his voice.

“No one wants to me in their games. I’m not as good as them at controlling the force.” Before he could say anything about that she asked, “Aren’t you supposed to be with your master?”

“Well yeah, but Obi-wan says it's important to my development as a young boy to interact with children my age. Whatever that means, but I don’t know any of them and their games look stupid.”

The boy crosses his arms over his chest and then sits down beside her, “I’m Anakin Skywalker by the way.”

“The one Master Qui-gon found?” She asked and he didn’t say anything so she offered, “I’m Syrena Arkta.”

“Nice to meet you.” He said and held out a hand to shake. It brought a smile to her face, for him to do such a grown up gesture as a kid. “Do you want to play Podracing?”

“What’s that?” She asked standing with him.

“It’s only the best thing in the entire galaxy.”

________________________________________

The lower levels were so hot, no matter what season cycle Coruscant was in. Especially in the summer. All of the machinery and metal from above making it absolutely sweltering below. Syrena had forsaken the sheer top she’d had on to just wear the soft blue small clothes top she had underneath it. There was nothing she could do for her lower half, as if she would choose to expose her legs to the podracing stands. Force knew what was stuck to these seats.

She looked up from the datapad displaying the racers as they were on the other side of the track and took in her fellow padawans. She had been hesitant to wear so little earlier, but once they’d all met up at the depot that they would use to get to the lower levels, and saw what Aayla had been wearing she suddenly felt very modest. No one had approached either of them though, most likely due to the vibro blades strapped across their arms and legs. Aayla and Jax were… indisposed, taking more interest in each other, than the death defying turns that Anakin was making on the screen she was holding.

As soon as they had become senior padawans at sixteen, he had been dragging her down here. “Dragging” as in she followed him down to the depths of Coursaunt’s underworld every time willingly and eagerly. Sure, podracing was fine, but really it was Anakin. They’d been trailing after one another as much as they could since they met. She couldn’t help, but fall into his magnetism, the way he made her feel as if some finally saw her.

It was pathetic in a way. She was a Jedi Padawan Learner, a senior Jedi Padawan learner. She should be over this attachment by now. What she felt wasn’t just friendly affection, or compassion for her friend, but something… more. Something she should have put away long ago.

She shouldn’t even be here, none of them should, they should be focused on all their upcoming missions. Aayla on her trials, Jax on his final assignments before his trials, and Anakin on his mission to Cato Neimoidia. She looked at the time on the datapad, which was in six hours. She should be focused on her own mission that would take place in a few days.

“Have you told him?” Aayla asked her and Jax apparently finished, as they were both staring at her. She started to say yes to avoid Aayla once again calling her a coward.

“Don’t lie, we can feel your contention.” Jax said and she tensed, pulling her emotions and shutting her shields tight. This was what her master had meant when she said that an extended mission that they would be going on would be good for her.

“No, I haven’t.” She said and placed the datapad on the seats between them. Before Aayla could say anything she spoke again quickly, “I haven’t found the time. I don’t know if I’ll even tell him.”

“It’s one way to break whatever you two have going on.” Jax commented and Aayla huffed a sarcastic laugh.

“It’s the coward way, you’re a better Jedi, a better friend, than that, Sy.”

Syrena rolled her eyes and watched as the final lap came back into view. The three of them sitting as the entire stands leaped up roaring as Anakin crossed the finish line, all others far behind him.

________________________________________

She sat still, unnaturally still in the co-pilot’s seat of the cockpit. Master Assant guiding them through atmo smoothly. She watch the City-planet pass by in a blur as they made their way through the flying lanes towards the temple’s many landing docks. They had been sent a transmission the day before that Senator Amidala had been attacked twice the last two days. They were to meet with the council about it as soon as they arrived.

“You shouldn’t be nervous.” Master Assant looked at her for a moment and then back to the traffic ahead.

“I’m not nervous.”

“Oh really? Because you just pulled your force signature so far not even I could sense it right beside you.” Her master’s raised brows were a hangman’s noose. Syrena rolled her eyes.

“Perhaps I am nervous, or maybe there are people here that I’d rather not sense me at all on this planet.” At least she didn’t bleed all of her emotions out into the force as she use to. In getting rid of the old signs of her emotions, she had gotten new tells. Tells that, truly only her master would know now.

It was also due to the eerie, dark feeling of a web woven into the force signature of the planet. Like that sickness she had gotten on Teth a year ago that had turned her veins an ugly shade of green, and had spiderwebbed all across her body. She shuddered at the memory, she almost hadn’t made it out of that one. This strange darkness hadn’t been here when they’d left Coruscant. Or maybe it had, but being in the outer and mid-rims had brought back to focus what a planet’s true force signature should be.

“Just be mindful of your emotions. Do not let them control you, you must-“

“Make decisions based on wisdom and intuition.Yes, Master.” The way Darsha’s eyes cut to her made her feel like she was back in the crèche. “Sorry, Master.”

Nothing else was said and they arrived at the temple. It was the same as it had been three years ago. Everything was the same. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting the overwhelming sensation of hundreds of force signatures press in around her. After years on far off outposts, and months spent in wild space, she was so incredibly glad to be home. Not Coruscant, she hated this rotting planet, but the temple. With real gardens and real rules, and real people.

“Padawan?” Syrena turned from looking out the landing bay and looked to her master standing serene as she too took in their home.

“Coming, Master.”

_________________________________________

”Knight Assaunt, Padawan Arkta, it is good to see you both healthy and home. Some of your reports had us questioning if we should assign you back to the temple.” Master Windu greeted them.

“We thought the same a few times, Master Windu. We are grateful for all the experience we gained while assigned to Derra, and grateful to be back at the temple as well.” Her master had such a pleasant way of speaking. Like she should have been a princess or a mother, rather than a Jedi.

“Padawan Artka, much experience, gained did you?” Master Yoda asked with a soft smile.

She nodded her head, “Yes, Master Yoda. Though I might have too much experience with wild space contagions.”

No one else laughed at her light comment, but Master Yoda chuckled, “Out of the halls a healing, you stay, we hope.”

Her small neutral smile grew into something conspiratorial with Master Yoda. He had always been more understanding with her, and her age mates. She remembers how they had delighted in growing taller than the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, and how he had delighted with him.

After this they launched into a full explanation what events had transpired the last few days. The senate was voting on an act to create a military, Padme Amidala was heading up the opposition to this act. Someone had paid to have her killed, and the bounty hunter had tried twice. They had one Jedi investigating, but the Senator had requested a female Jedi join her and the Padawan assigned with her protection as they were sent back to Naboo.

“With your return we thought Padawan Arkta would be suitable for the journey. However, Knight Assaunt we would ask you to stay here, we have another assignment for you.”

________________________________________

Syrena felt like no matter what she wore, anyone would be able to tell she was a Jedi, she twirled the end of her padawan braid idly. Her civilian clothes were a far cry from what she used to wear in the lower levels, but she still felt exposed. She did like this very large and draping cardigan though. Perhaps a little warm for the late summer cycle in Coruscant, but it would be perfect in space.

She saw the large transport set down and she moved to wait for them at the doors. She could see what looked like goodbyes happening, then the doors opened, and all she could think was: Shit.

[lielullaby]

Saw this in my drafts is obvi unfinished but idk remember what it was about so here

—————

She stood off to the side watching Feemor as he played with the children. He was so open and natural, his force signature even brighter now as he pretended to be the villain so that the younglings could be heroic Jedi.

She was suppressing her smile when she felt a tug on her borrowed robes. She looked down to see a small boy, no older than four or five at her feet. His force signature even this young was bright, brghter than any she’d seen before. She wondered if this was what she looked like to her master.

Once her attention was on him he reached up for her. She picked him up, action familiar from her youth. ‘What’s your name?”

She raises a brow at him, “Mina. What about yours?”

“I’m Obi-wan Kenobi, and that’s not your name. Master Nu says we’re not to lie.” He says this to her as if it is unfair that she who is not a Jedi, but is here in the temple can lie, but he cannot.

She looked around, making sure that no one was listening to their conversation, she didn’t think she’d get away with lying to him again, “My name is Shmina, but you must not tell anyone. And only call me Mina, do you understand.”

His eyes narrowed at her, she wondered if this little boy was not somehow a fully fledged Jedi that had been somehow cursed back into his child self.

“Do you know Ashla?” The little red headed boy asked. She was taken aback, she didn’t think the Jedi talked of the Force that way. “Because she says you do. So don’t lie.”

The perfectly crisp coursaunti accent coming out of this little boy was almost comical. “I do know her, yes. How do you know her?”

He laid his head on her shoulder after that, deciding not to answer her. He grabbed her necklace maneuvering it until the small golden pendant of the Republic symbol was in his hand. “Ashla misses you, she wishes you would come home.”

Shocked tears sprang to her eyes without her permission, the statement so far from what she had expected him to say next, “I-“

“It’s okay to cry.” He says when he looks up at her. Her eyes shuttered and two tears slipped free. “Ashla, says I will cry a lot.”

The sigh the little boy lets out is entirely too heavy for his little shoulders. “

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Star Wars — Episode: II Attack of the Clones (2002) | Dir. George Lucas

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Screaming, crying, throwing up, ranging against the abyss thanks.

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Blood on Her Tongue

I’m sorry, I can’t find any reviews/reports on this book that match what I feel.

THIS BOOK WAS INSANE

Someone said the characters were multifaceted. No what they are, are FREAKS.

(And that’s exactly how I like my gothic horror characters thank you very much. Like the story isn’t gonna be disturbing enough if the characters aren’t also off kilter)

Like dawg are you kidding me? Listen, when I hear you think the second row of teeth (it’s two teeth not another row, but hang with me) is hot? Stop. Pause. You’re crazy.

Every person is this book is not great. Except maybe Katje? She seems like she got kind of the bad end of the stick a lot? Love her tho. But idk it just adds to the freakability of the book. And trust me this book will match any freak.

Also the writing? the pacing? The imagery? The letters? The entire fucking plot? Every single page? The sprayed edges looking like blood? EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CALL BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK?

AMAZING BEAUTIFUL PERFECT LOVELY REVOLUTIONARY

I haven’t read a book that consumed me like this book did in a while. And no I did not consume this book, it consumed me. Lucy and the gang live rent free in my mind now. (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH)👀

It was a great birthday present for myself, I’m blown away. I’m going to IMMEDIATELY going to get Johanna Van Veen’s first book. I so hope she writes a sequel I’ve already posted a theory I have about some events at the end of the book, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

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Blood on her tongue Spoliers

BITCH I FUCKING KNOW THAT PARASITE SOME HOW FIGURED OUT TO REPRODUCE AND IS NOW USING LUCY AND THATS WHY LUCY IS GOING INSANE AND DJEJKEIDIFFROORRIRIFJVJROEKDK

JOHANNA VAN VEEN I CONSUMED THIS BOOK ITS SO GOOD I NEED THE SEQUEL SO BAD I NEED A NOT-SARAH POV IMMEDIATELY

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[coughing up blood] please, I require... media that will make me feel as bad as is physically possible...

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Actively crashing out think it’s my new meds?

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This is why I need to stay off NHL gossip pages because now I don’t have a celebrity crush and the obsession is now moving on to the cute guy at the ice rink.

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Me: I should work on something cannon for my characters that way when I make aus no one will be confused

My brain: Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU Mob AU

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Here are some of my characters. (I usually draw from these guys and combine different elements/traits from them and obviously outside elements to make newer characters.)

anyway, I need to practice writing (also thinking of maybe writing an actual story for them? I have a general idea of what their universe looks like but I’ve never really put them all together in a place before?)

And now you poor souls have to deal with it. If you cyber bully me enough I’ll make more in depth character pages.

Also I stole these images from Pinterest please educate me on how writing tumblr feels about this because no one cared ten years ago. But these pics aren’t mine, I didn’t not edit or create them. (And i don’t know how much you can trust Pinterest posters fr). Thanks. Also if you think any of them are Mary Jane/Pick me ocs well I have news for you (they are)

So here are my little guys. I do have favorites.

Odessa- The Spy -strong code of morality, clever, intelligent, calculating, a bit cold, morally grey but for good ) she’s flirty like a jungle cat, she’s dangerous and seductive and a little crazy. She’s clever and can talk/act her way through any situation. She feels a lot but doesn’t always know how to say those feelings. She’s a kill first ask questions later kind of person.

Cringe categories (you can take 2015 out of my cold dead hands): (her personality “fits” Slytherin, but she values bravery and honesty more than cleverness and stuff so she’s) Gryffindor, daughter of Athena, water bender (okay but it’s more blood bender be real), oh also she can so wield shadows idk what fandom/AU that would be in but she’s a shadow mommy fr

Allicent- The Knight -strong “morals”, strategic, adaptable, tends to make decisions based on her and what she deems worthy enough, morally white but for her own gain mostly.) she’s a strong independent girlie. Very outwardly good, does all the right things, but people don’t always like her, they find her /too/ good. Her performative goodness, and her blind rule following are very easy to see.

Cringe categories: Slytherin (wants to be in Gryffindor so bad tho), daughter of Zeus, fire bender,

Aria- The Princess -(good for goodness sake, strong morals, a bit of a coward, quieter) she has lots of opinions and ideas but she doesn’t share them. She’s very much like “I’m not strong enough” or whatever, just living in a victim mentality. But she does want to break out of that she’s just needs the tools(and to grow a back bone jeez)

Cringe categories: Hufflepuff (don’t look at me like that), daughter of Aphrodite, air bender (DONT look at me like that)

Natalie- The Villain-(loose morals, extremely smart and plotting all the time, short temper, and zero patience) She’s crazy dawg. That’s all I can tell you. She’s seven steps ahead of everyone. The only one who can sometimes keep up with her is Odessa. She has a loose attachment to the girls but she’s very much in everything for herself.

Cringe categories: bitch she’s a death eater she don’t care, daughter of Eris (honestly though she’s a daughter of Tartarus), earth bender (mostly lava)

Perseus- The King -(strategic, wise, kind, understanding, calculating, clever, very strong morals) He’s not a king per se but he acts like one. He’s very strong mentally and physically, he wants to protect the people and the world. But he’s also very rooted in reality and such.

Cringe categories: Gryffindor for sure, son of Zeus (teehee), fire bender (iykyk)

Dominic- The Warrior -(brutal, honest, not as smart as some others in the group. He's very good, he’s the nicest well rounded person here) He’s very down to earth, a steady level hand, very good at fighting with weapons and hand to hand so very good at that strategy, he’s very emotionally intelligent, a bit of a gentle giant. Kind of quiet.

Cringe categories: Hufflepuff (there I said it), son of Ares, earth bender

Arthur- The Scribe -(extremely intelligent, tries not to act like he thinks he’s surrounded by idiots, kind of robotic? Strong morals) Very annoyed, he’s kind of like a bitch honestly but also not? He’s got a very strong sense of morality, but he’s like that doesn’t mean I want to be all mushy and soft with you ew get away.

Cringe categories: Ravenclaw (he’s so glad he doesn’t have any of his friends in his house fr), son of Athena, non-bender.

[lielullaby]

Cal Kestis flexing on Anakin by having a attachments, but not being a little bitch about it

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“Fives wouldn’t sell Echo.”

Listen, not only would Fives sell Echo. He would be able to haggle for more than 3000 credits.

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I love when Star Wars is alien girls dual weilding green lightsabers

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Wrecker: We should send Echo. Everyone likes Echo.

Hunter: Not everyone.

Crosshair, loading his rifle: Who doesn’t like Echo? I want names and locations.