lisssssssaaaaaaa

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

@abelladanger

DANGER

Sarah Fathima Mohammed, from "nocturnes in the rain"

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Roses are RED

Violets are BLUE

Violence is DEAD

and SO are “YOU”

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

……..

Becky with the good hair

@heritageposts

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

My biggest fear

I feel a gravitational pull...

.....pulling me closer to the thing I fear most, commitment

Depending on someone who is dependent on you, is a scary feeling...

I mean terrifying...to the point that some nights I ponder.

Wonder about the day that freedom will turn into suffocation

I can’t breathe with you staring at me

Eyes gripped on me like a rope on a collar

The necklace you brought me feels like a chain

Chained to my worst nightmare...

Love

That four letter word

Those four walls...

Closing in on me...

I can’t breathe..

I love the feeling of his hugs but how come I only think about him choking me,

His compliments....

His kisses...

His constant need for attention that I can’t quite give him..

Am I ready?

Will I ever be dedicated?

Are my ambitions to driven that they drive every man that attempts to come close to me?

Beware of the caution signs

The road not taken is often the road that I contemplate but never do I seek

I crave your every essence

But only at a distance

Only as two separate beings

Not so willing to intertwine because that is when things become complicated

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Housewife

Dear Future Husband,

There is more to life than laundry sheets and dish sets

Although satisfying to see the loads cleared away

I’d rather dance in the rain

or

maybe go to a Mardi Gras parade

Don’t get me wrong I love seeing a smile on your face but not at the expense of mine,

To the future you

looking at the future me, wither away and shed pieces of myself existentially

I’d like to take the time to fix a problem before it emerges

before the end of the curtains and we result in resentment, distaste, and regret

Give me rose pedals

Give me Rosay

Give me Chardonnay

Did I mention I like Marvin Gaye?

I like to have fun at night but let’s not forget about the day

Fix me feet in hopes to mend my heart,

Kind words in lieu of falling apart

Apply pressure where needed

The rest will go as followed

Words from a simple Housewife

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Therapy

Wrap your arms around me..

Show me what love really is

The kind of love where the world stops spinning on it’s axis and the only thing centered is you and me

Therapy

The one good thing to me that I don’t need to question because I am so emotionally invested

Therapy

Hold me

Tightly

Caress me,

But lightly

Don’t take me for granted

I don’t need a shrink

The kind of session where not even Dr. Phill can match up too

Grasps around my heart and loop through the chambers as you entail yourself within me until my very existence

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Lucid

As I live my life

I find my self trapped inside an imminent destiny

Am I lucid or have I slipped into a dream?

Falling

Trying to catch myself before I am far too deep

Past the point of no return

Can I shift the gear in reverse and hit the detour?

I guess that is the question of the hour

Pinching myself

In order to differentiate what seems to be an endless line between this reality

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Fictional Character

Basic Statistics Name: Natalia Aliyah Sparks Age: 22 Nationality: Australian/Iranian Socioeconomic Level as a child: Middle class Socioeconomic Level as an adult: Upper Middle class Hometown: Sydney, Australia Current Residence: Los Angeles, California Occupation: Public Relations Liaison/ International Affairs Income: Expected salary after graduating starting off around $80,000 and up. Talents/Skills: Multilingual (Persian, English, Spanish and French) Salary: With current internship $56,000 Birth order: Youngest of all four children Siblings (describe relationship): Natalia has three older siblings; Donolven (29), Croeicha (27), and Persia (25) Spouse (describe relationship): Single Children (describe relationship): None Grandparents (describe relationship): Maternal grandparents are deceased due to illness and Paternal grandparents are alive and live in Sydney, Australia. Grandchildren (describe relationship): None Significant Others (describe relationship): Single Relationship skills (or lack thereof): Natalia is too independent and is not ready to settle down and be committed to another human being. She also struggles with learning how to put her happiness in front of other people’s happiness, despite her happiness being affected she continues to please others. Physical Characteristics: Height: 5’5 Weight: 167 Race: Astraloid Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Black Glasses or contact lenses? None Skin color: Tan Shape of Face: Long, slim and slender Distinguishing features: Porcelain like face (doll-like face) How does he/she dress? Natalia wears casual/ business attire Mannerisms: Natalia is very polite and respectful. Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) No habits. Health: Natalia is very healthy, although she is a full-time student and worker, she manages to squeeze time to visit the gym at least 3 times a week. Hobbies: Natalia loves to spend time with her family and go to the beach on her days off. She also enjoys hiking and archery. Favorite Sayings: “Slow and steady always wins the race” “Persistence always pays” Speech patterns: When Natalia is upset you can hear a slight crack in her voice and slight inflation or elevation in pitch. When she gets nervous she can tend to speed up and trip over her words until she can manage to slow her breathing down. Disabilities: None Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Natalia is very elegant, she is polite and shows her manners both when she is at the dinner table or when she is simply at the office at work. When coworkers are making crude jokes and Natalia walks by, they know not to engage with her or around her without her becoming offended or her holding her tongue. Despite her being polite and obtaining the manners that she has, she is a strong and determined woman who knows when to say “no” or “enough is enough” Greatest flaw: Natalia’s greatest flaw is that she cares too deeply, she cannot detach herself sometimes and it can get in the way of both her life at work and at home. Best quality: The best quality that Natalia has is articulation, she can articulate her words in all the languages that she is fluent in. Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes Educational Background: Undergraduate degree in Public Relations Intelligence Level: Bachelor’s Degree in Public Relations Any Mental Illnesses? None Learning Experiences: Attended the University of Southern California Character's short-term goals in life: Obtain a Master’s degree in Public Policy Character's long-term goals in life: Obtain a Doctorate degree to advance in life and open a free clinic in Iran. How does Character see himself/herself? Natalia sees herself giving back to her community in Iran. She is close with both her mother and fathers family however, Iran has a special place in her heart. As she advances herself in her career and becomes more stable she sees herself giving back. Natalia thinks about starting her own family but as far as her dreams she needs someone who is going to help her succeed and see her visions as her own. How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? The character believes that she is perceived by others as a nice individual who is respectful and polite. How self-confident is the character? Natalia is very confident in herself despite the rigorous school work that she has endured and overcome, she is confident. Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Natalia knows how to separate her emotions from her work atmosphere, she is driven by her logical and reason. What would most embarrass this character? Natalia is most embarrassed by men underestimating her capability so when she makes a mistake at work, Natalia looks around and turns red because she doesn’t want the men to think that because she is a woman she is incapable of the workload that she is given.   Emotional Characteristics Strengths/Weaknesses: Natalia is very independent however it has gotten in the way of her love life. Introvert or Extrovert? Natalia is an extrovert she enjoys being around people and activities such as festivals and social gatherings. How does the character deal with anger? When Natalia is anger, she deals with her anger by separating herself from the situation and taking a breather and coming back when she is finished. With sadness? Natalia deals with sadness by crying and letting out her emotions behind closed doors on the shoulder of her family. With conflict? Natalia works well under pressure and knows how to deal with conflict by separating people from a situation. In order to properly come to a consensus, one must look outside of an individual.   With change? Natalia can handle change well however she prefers to be on a schedule and knows exactly what is going to happen next. She is constantly keeping reminders and calendars to be able to keep up with her busy schedule. With loss? When it comes to loss, Natalia deals with loss by crying and letting out her emotion. What does the character want out of life? Natalia wants to give back, she feels that her life will be complete and fulfilled when she gives back to Iran. What would the character like to change in his/her life? Natalia would like to change the way that men perceive her in the work environment. What motivates this character? Natalia is motivated by her accomplishments, they give her a sense of maturity and responsibility, she feels that she is capable to accomplish anything. What frightens this character? Natalia is frightened by spiders, marine/ aquatic life and clowns. What makes this character happy? Natalia is happy when she is exercising, helping others and spending time with her family. Is the character judgmental of others? Natalia is open-minded, she sees beyond the superficial and tries to understand an individual before she places an opinion. Is the character generous or stingy? Natalia is a selfless person, she is constantly putting her happiness aside for the happiness of others. Is the character generally polite or rude? Natalia is polite, she is rarely rude. Spiritual Characteristics Does the character believe in God? Natalia is a Muslim, although she struggles with her spirituality because her family is split down two religions. What are the character's spiritual beliefs? Natalia believes that Allah is God and the Quran is the way of life although she has not worn her hijab since she attended the university. Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? Natalia’s religion is a huge part of who she is and makes up her personality. If so, what role does it play? Her religion plays a part in how she perceives society as a whole and people as individuals. She is polite and respectful because of her religion, it is a reflection of it.

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Free writing...

My mother died today or, maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure . I have not seen my mother since the summer of 2008, that is when my parents separated. All that I had to remember my mother by were photographs that were taken by my father once upon a time ago, that was in another life where she was happy and sain. As a child I was very fond of my mother, her beauty radiated in every room that she walked in, her essence illuminated the darkness that filled the hearts of humanity. My mother was not a natural born leader however at the side of my father she held him down like a natural black queen that she was.

From the outside of the family portrait, the superficial told the tales of a happy and loving family who didn't know the meanings of sorrow and dark times. I was unfortunate enough to sit in the inside of the picture frame, stuck in time and encased in the constant replay of what played beyond the superficials and underlying layers. I was the only child so I had to suffer in silence. I often have recurring flashbacks about my childhood and it comes in waves instead of bits and pieces so I don't have too much trouble connecting the pieces however I wonder if those pieces are a figment of my imagination. Did those memories happen?

The adult me wonders what life could have been if I would have known my mother past the summer of 2008. Does my subconscious paint this picture perfect image of what my mother was? However the way my father describes her goes against my visions. What happened that year? Children have such vivid imaginations and with age and time those imaginations and dreams begin to die out but the memories that feed the fire of our imagination also burn out as well, this is my dilemma. As I look back at the pictures of mama, papa and I, I notice that the photographs that were once taken by my father once upon a time ago where my mother is supposed to be happy and sain, these photographs appear fabricated. Again, my adult form begins to deceive me or over the years was it my younger self that wanted to believe that my mother was truly happy

As I am on a flight to my mother's funeral, I am contemplating even showing up. What is the point of me saying goodbye when she couldn't bother saying hello; coming to my graduation. I finally land and after a 45 minute drive, I have time to clear my head and let my heart float back to it's rightful place. As I walk through the front door of the man that I should call stepfather but I call John Doe, he greets me and hands me a letter and he tells me four words "Here's your mother's will".

[Alarm Clock Rings]

"Yulisa it's time to go to school" - Papa.

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[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

This type

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My Comfort Zone

When people describe a place that they like, most people describe a place that seems like paradise.  Paradise may consists of a vast open body of water with palm trees that stretch around a beautiful island much like Cuba. I am a Cuban poet, and when I experience writer's block my canvas isn't the typical paradise, my canvas is my room. In my room, everything is the way that I like, I don't have to think about anything that can go wrong and I can clear my mind and let it flow with ideas. My walls are the color of my skin tone, my favorite color; brown and it is filled with comfort items. Everything that I own is like a collectible item and it is as if I owned my very own pawn shop. Laying in bed, as I look at my left I notice the collage of family pictures from long ago and I reminisce about the times. There is a dream catcher above me that my aunt gave me on my 10th birthday, such an odd gift but I treasure it everyday. On my right I notice the little stump of a tree that was once in Palestine, engraved in the tree is my name in Arabic, thank you Muhammad for thinking of me more than  an employee.  As the list goes on, the feeling that continues to grow is bliss. I am emerged in happiness and nostalgia.

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Crossing over the Language Barrier.....

Walking into a classroom you may face some distant stares and faint whispers, at least that is what they appear to be. Anxiety begins to kick in and sooner or later you start to wonder if this is the day that you won't trip over verbs, vowels and syllables . Growing up in a Spanish speaking household and appearing an African American might confuse an eight year old , it might even confuse yourself. As you choose which seat should be yours for the rest of the school year and which group of friends you should join , remember  the sky is the limit.  There is no need to categories and place yourself in a box, don't sit by the Hispanics and take the easy way out, don't sit by the African Americans because that is what is expected. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in  and start with the words "Hello my name is" and fill in the rest.

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Missing the competition 😔

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Depression

Depression is not just a feeling..

...something that you can shake off and forget about like Block Busters in 2003

I need you to understand that when I say I’m not hungry, it’s because I can’t fathom the thought of shoving food in my mouth

Sometimes sleep is the best medicine because when I dream I know that, when I wake....it will all just be gone

Depression is an imaginary tag...that when you get a new shirt you want to tug and rip it off except it won’t budge

Grips itself

Irritates my skin

The feelings so bliss

Sometimes I choose not to be okay

Because it’s okay not too

Sometimes depression beats me and I want to win so badly....

..but the feelings overwhelming

Excruciating

Exhausting

[lisssssssaaaaaaa]

Dreams.....

Let me ask you all a question.

The dream that you are trying to obtain, is it within arms reach?

Is it an eventually one day or is it day one..

...see the thing about dreams is, it’s a seed that you plant within your mind

...the thought is the sun

...the action is the food

and it’s up to you to nurture it

to caress it and watch that dream blossom into a goal

Goals can be attained