listen2me-dear-reader - Tumblr blog

[listen2me-dear-reader]

I still remember

19th of December

Me and your T-shirt

I said, I look better

[listen2me-dear-reader]

Grateful for the blessings that I recently received.

• bought clothes

• skincare

• new haircut

• sandals

• shoes

• new jeans

• fooods

[listen2me-dear-reader]

Of all the numbers, kani pgyud 🙄

[listen2me-dear-reader]

Times like this makes me feel like it’s so damn hard to be me . Too sensitive. Too sentimental. Too emotional. Too soft to be in this cruel world. Makes me cry 😢

[listen2me-dear-reader]

Tonight I cried after deleting our old iMessages. I couldn’t help but scroll and reminisce over how emotionally invested I was when we we’re still together. I loved you so deeply. It hurts because I know that we can never be together anymore. We can’t take back what we had before. I think part of me still misses you. Part of me misses the feeling of being “in love”. Part of me still wishes to go back where we left. But moving on is the best thing to do. I have to let you go and just focus on loving myself too.

[listen2me-dear-reader]

I’ve got a lot of thoughts but I couldn’t even express it aloud.

[listen2me-dear-reader]

I have the urge to harm myself physically

But i feel guilty, ashamed, and disgusted from the thought of it

I’m crying

[listen2me-dear-reader]

I’ve been missing you lately. I wanna cry but there’s no tears left. I wanna text you “i miss you” but I’m holding it back. What’s the point of telling you this? There’s no “us” and you don’t care about me anymore. Why am I still missing the past? Why am I still stalking you on your socials? I’m sick and tired of being desperate for your love. I wanna end this. But how? I thought I’ve moved on but here I am.. Wanting you again.

[listen2me-dear-reader]

“Wanna know my iPhone passcode?”

My boyfriend asked me this question a long time ago and I agreed with a smile and a nod. Don’t get me wrong, I trust him and I’m just curious what his passcode is and took the chance to get it before he changes his mind.

Last night, I found my boyfriend’s iphone next to me. He’s asleep, I know his passcode, and it’s too tempting to snoop on his phone messages. I swear, I never had to, but at that moment my inner demon was thrilled to find some scandals or issues that might be worth the argument. 😈 (WARNING: do not copy; this is a toxic trait of a partner. It is best to keep each other’s privacy and trust). Save your FBI skills for better use, ladies. Lol. Avoid self-sabotaging.

“Don’t stress, don’t stress, don’t stress.. girl, you deserve nothing but THE best...” As what Jesse McCartney says.

My inner demon is a little bit dismayed when I found none. This guy has No issues or whatsoever that I should be concerned about. Or is it probably stored in his other accounts? Private emails? Who knows? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Jk luv! ✌🏻

Instead of feeling troubled of finding out bad things about him, I feel nostalgic as I found myself scrolling through the past convos that we had. It got me teary-eyed. 🥺 I just realized how lucky I am to be with this guy. Rereading our old chats reminds me of those sweet moments when we first started dating and how things escalated gradually between us.

Little did I know that I’d fall hard for this guy. It took me back to the time when I first felt kilig and comfy simply by being with him and constantly chatting right after spending time together.

I figured, we’re both a ‘foodie’, likes graffiti, and loves photography. That’s why we immediately clicked. We have a lot in common except that he is an extrovert and I’m completely the opposite.

He’s the yin to my yang. ☯️

He loves to cook and send it to me while I’m at work.

He likes to drive me home after work and patient enough to wait for me outside the workplace.

He’s a hugger and I love how huggable he is 🥰

Some of his photos that I found in our chat-box reminds me of his chinito eyes, gets cuter when he smiles.

I never felt so safe and loved like this before. Too good to be true. 😍🤔

Sometimes, it’s okay to revisit our past memories especially those that makes us feel inspired and loved. We may find good things that we forgot to be grateful for. A little way to keep the fire burning. 😌 Rather than faultfinding like there’s a reward from it. 😅

Also, as much as possible, be a trusting non-toxic partner 💝🔐

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” 😌

Below are original photos taken either by me or him. Keeping Memories 📸