little-world-of-maddness - Tumblr blog

little-world-of-maddness · 20 hours

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When you’re emotionally abused you become perceptive. You know people well because you have to know them well or else they might yell or throw things, not speak to you at all, or kick you out of the house. You pick up every like, dislike, facial expression, and piece of body language.

After a while people described me as thoughtful and considerate, but was I? I was perceptive for survival. It made my life easier, it gave me a sense of control where there was none.

I didn’t make my father’s favorite dessert because I wanted him to be happy because he deserved it. No, I did it because if he was happy then he was less likely to get angry.

I asked people if they were okay not because I was concerned for them, but because I was afraid of what they might do next. They look angry, is it something I did? They’re not talking, is this the silent treatment?

But it won’t always be like that. This part of my personality, where I pick up on everything? It will probably be here forever, but now it comes with less fear.

I made my fiancé’s favorite dinner because I love to see the joy on his face when he eats it. I bought my best friend the perfect gift because I want her to know I appreciate her. I ask my sister if she’s okay because I want her to know I’m always here for her.

I was afraid, but no longer.

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little-world-of-maddness · 17 days

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My controversial DID opinions which i will try not to expand too much on bc otherwise this will be too long:

- the ptsd aspect of DID is much more important than alters/parts; if the only DID symptom you experience is alters/parts then you do not have DID

- wether endo systems actually exist or not does not matter; they should be completely separated from the DID community

- there really is a echo chamber effect in the DID community which prevents a lot of people from getting accurate informations and help about the disorder

- everything in a system makes sense; splits don't happen out of nowhere, alters and innerworlds don't have certain traits out of nowhere, it's always for a trauma related reason (and that's why it's so fascinating in my opinion, the way the brain interprets abstract concepts or feelings into more tangible traits)

- if it isn't causing you to struggle in your daily life, it is not a disorder

- people having DID does not exempt them from being potentially abusive, sometimes it even enables them

- fakeclaming harms both fakers and truthers, but stating scientific facts and questionning things is not fakeclaiming

- self dx can be valid but making ''educational content" when you're not even medically recognized isn't

- therapists are not the enemy. psychiatrists are not the enemy. (I say this as someone who was repeatedly mistreated by both)

- there is not one "good" way to heal; integrating, final fusion etc are all valid ways of healing, it is up to you and the medical professionals that help you to figure that out

- it is more important to focus on what helps you in your everyday life and work from there than to get a diagnosis and try to understand yourself through that label

- DID "fakers" are more often than not confused, mislabeling themselves and/or just making a mistake, they are not (always) malevolant

- its perfectly fine to be wrong, everything is a journey, you will make mistakes, but the most important thing is to heal

#did system #actuallydid #syscourse #i guess?#it speaks

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little-world-of-maddness · 18 days

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another mood board for jiffy 🎨🧸🎈🍪

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little-world-of-maddness · 25 days

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Twilight Sparkle

#mlp

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little-world-of-maddness · 28 days

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⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩

by estrellapatron

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little-world-of-maddness · 28 days

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system ask game for traumagenic systems <3

I: basics

❤️ - what type of CDD do you have?

🧡 - are you medically recognised/diagnosed? if not, do you plan to? (no judgement either way!)

💛 - if you are comfortable sharing, what is your headcount? do you keep track of it?

💚 - do you have a high or low split tolerance?

💙 - do you switch frequently or do you go longer periods between switching?

💜 - does your system have introjects of any kind?

🩷 - do you have any subsystems?

II: alters

🎥 - who are your frequent fronters?

📼 - do you have any non-human alters? if yes, which species are the majority of them?

🎞️ - do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? or both/neither? do you find them useful?

📽️ - are the alters in your system more distinct or less distinct from each other?

📺 - do you make/buy gifts to other alters in the systems?

🎙️ - does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters?

📻 - does your system have any type of in system relationships? (familial, romantic, platonic etc.)

III: switching

☀️ - how much amnesia do you experience?

🌙 - do you experience black out amnesia?

⚡️ - what does switching feel like for you? does it vary between alters?

☄️ - do you experience quick switches or does it take longer to switch usually?

🌈 - do you get frontstuck often? what do you do to try to get ‘un-stuck’?

☁️ - do you ever not notice you’ve switched, and suddenly realise that ‘you haven’t been you’ for a while?

💦 - can you switch ‘on command’ or is that something that is hard for your system? does it depend on the alter?

IV: headspace

🌱 - do you have a headspace? if yes, describe it! if no, do you want one?

🌿 - how easily accessed is your headspace?

☘️ - is there a place in your headspace where dormant alters go?

🌳 - do alters have their own rooms/areas in your headspace?

🌵 - is your headspace big, or smaller? is it complex/less complex?

🍃 - do you have specific alters that cannot access headspace at all?

🪴 - did you have to build your headspace over time, or was it just there?

V: general

🍭 - how did you pick your system name?

🍪 - do you have a collective name/identity/orientation? if yes, how did your system make those decisions?

🍬 - what’s the funniest thing another alter has said to you? (internally or externally communicated)

🍫 - how does your system handle in system disagreements in general?

🧁 - is there anyone specific in your system you don’t get along with?

🍰 - are you ‘out’ as a system to anyone? (online friends/partners etc. count!)

🍦 - how good is your communication with the rest of the system? does it vary much between different alters?

🍡 - are different alters part of different subcultures? which ones? (we are!)

remember that this is just for fun, and if anything feels invasive you do not have to answer the question! feel free to replace any question with a fun fact about your system or anything if you don’t feel like answering something! take care🫶🏻

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little-world-of-maddness · 1 month

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little-world-of-maddness · 1 month

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As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.

All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:

My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.

I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.

My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.

I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.

I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.

I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.

My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.

I have inherent rights just because I exist.

I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.

Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.