littlelost-littlefound

[littlelost-littlefound]

Walk Away

The problem with you and I

Is I don’t know if I could walk away.

I’ve never loved anyone like you

So I’m convinced I’ll always stay.

The problem with you and I

Is I think I love you just too much.

You’re not wired the same

You don’t feel like me

You don’t require an intimate touch.

The problem with you and I

Is I’d do anything for you.

Regardless of what I get back

I’m not even sure you knew.

The problem with you and I

Is that when I walk away

It wont be from this relationship

It’s only me that will have to pay.

The problem with you and I

Is I’ll walk away from myself

Suppressing every unreciprocated urge

Putting that version away on a shelf.

The problem with you and I

Is the way that version will sit

Untouched, unloved, unwanted

Without ever finding her fit.

The problem with you and I

Is that’s the version I saved brand new

No one else has met her

No one else has felt her

She’s someone I thought made for you.

The problem with you and I

Is she’s not someone you want.

So I’ve locked her away

I’m determined to change

Live my life in a different font.

The problem with you and I

Is if I walk away

Some future version of myself

Will regret not making her stay.

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

Our Spark

Is our spark just hiding,

Or is it really dead?

I often wonder if it all

Was only in my head.

Did you ever feel for me

The way I feel for you?

The desperate need

The unconscious pull

That tethers me to you.

A spark of electricity

As your body touches mine.

The never ending desire

I’ve had burning deep inside.

You’ve completely stop reacting

To the fire of my touch.

Is this a flame we can rekindle?

Or has complacency done too much?

Your eyes never do linger

Your breath never seems to catch

Are we truly lovers

Or just a solid match?

It’s something that I long for

I know this need will never fade.

It breaks my heart to look ahead

And have to walk away.

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

“I didn’t come this far to only come this far.”

— Unknown

[littlelost-littlefound]

I’m just waiting for someone to claim me...

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

Current state: Patience Island, Portsmouth, RI

Patients was never one of my virtues. I hate waiting.

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

I thought in that moment

That maybe, just this once

I’d been seen.

Seen hiding behind

That smile I’ll never let fall.

Maybe you saw

There’s more to me than that.

I feel it all,

I’m crushed inside,

I cower in my corner.

That smile, my walls

They protect me

like no one else will.

I thought maybe you’d seen,

I thought maybe I’d been freed.

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

Even if it ends here...

I don’t regret it.

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

“Some people just shine a bit brighter than others and it’s got nothing to do with what they look like.”

— James Dawson, Say Her Name

[littlelost-littlefound]

“I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.”

— Marguerite Duras, Hiroshima mon amour

[littlelost-littlefound]

[littlelost-littlefound]

If I could choose where I end up, it’d be with you.

-EKH

Choose

[littlelost-littlefound]

Will you buy me a house someday?

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

“how do you come back from being an atheist? isn’t that embarrassing?” i’ve been getting that question a lot lately and i think it is a completely reasonable question that i fully expected to get. at first, yeah - it was embarrassing but i initially decided to go public because i want others to know of His love - His agape love. not this watered down tolerance which so many people who claim His name seem to have. now, i am someone who likes to have answers. i like to know the science behind things. but, to be honest, i don’t have anymore proof of His existence or lack thereof today than i did when i was an unbeliever. i just know he’s there now - i feel and fully believe He is there. i know that is such a cliche and easy answer to give when your back is against the wall but it’s true. i don’t think you guys know the shame that i have been carrying for quite sometime - the guilt was something i couldn’t stomach - i’ve addressed why in previous posts. but, i cried out to Him and He showed me this love that i have never experienced before. He loved me where i was but loved me too much to leave me there. i was humbled by His word and His grace. i have really been struggling - it’s no secret. but, He has brought a light back into my eyes and this hope and joy that i cannot explain. so, yeah - i just feel it in my bones that He is there. so, i am just going to address this other question that i receive often. “what if you were born somewhere else?” well, i would practice a different religion - bottom line. womb placement is why i personally connect with Jesus as deeply as i do because it’s the norm here and what i grew up with. my relationship with the unknown does manifest itself as Jesus - it is 100% true to me. but, i am not going to try to convert people of other religions because the way they practice and worship the unknown is just as beautiful to me. even if i identify as Christian that doesn’t mean i think everyone else is wrong. my husband doesn’t believe the same way i do and we get along just fine. we are very respectful of one another. as for me, Jesus is changing and shaping me daily. i will live for Him.

[littlelost-littlefound]

Which one of you will find me? When you thought everything was fine...

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

I want to be held

I want you to hold me when I'm about to dissolve. When I've reached my limits and just might break. When I'm so fragile my heart feels like glass. When I think I've reached the very end. I want you to hold me. Show me I won't shatter...but if I did, please help me hold together the peices.

-EKH

[littlelost-littlefound]

Art by Mœbius for his 1986 CRYSTAL SAGA portfolio.

[littlelost-littlefound]

Me, banging together pots and pans in a field at 3am: wOW IT SURE WOULD SUCK IF SOME ALIENS CAME TO ABDUCT ME RIGHT NOW-