lliames

[lliames]

its been so long

[lliames]

its been two months since i post this.. i want to tell you what changed in two months _- not much but still. -

- my pronouns still the way they were two months ago.

- im gonna be 17 in a month.

- i did another test and im still an infj. 

- i started to study for my universty exam for real and i know what im doing, i planned my studies. i fall behind the schedule a little but im not worrying about it because i know i can be on track again. i believe in myself and thats the only thing matters.

- i didnt starrt playing piano still, i dont know why...

- im still reading, nothing has changed about that!

- i CAN sleep in the dark now!!!!!

- i like being alone so much, maybe even more than two months ago.

- i still have that one frşend by my side and i make up with my other friend after a long-ish time! so i have two friends now. - i also have an online friend but im not counting them cuz im not really sure if we are friends lol.-

- i WORSHIP maraurders!!!!!!!

- im trying to write some stuff since its summer now..

- i still have a few questions i need to find an answer to. so i guess we can say im unlabeld(?) 

- im trying not to push myself to do things. i am so hard on myself and im trying to fix that cuz i am the one who is responsible from my meantal health i have to change that (god i just realize that im still being hard on myself even tho im trying not to lmao... i will fix that i hope)

things bout me?

since here is my diary i think u guys should know me a little better..

- my pronouns are they / he / she but i would be happier if u use he and they mostly..

- im gonna be 17 this july.

- im an infj. for a long time i thougt that i was an intj but apperantly i am not lmao

- im preparing for the universty exam. it will be next year.

- i play piano but its been a long time since i play. i want to start playing again. (i actually opened this account to help my piano journey to re-begin)

- im trying to read A LOT!!!!!!!!

- i can’t sleep in the dark - yes this is important -

- im a marauders fan. of course!

- english is not my first language so there can be mistakes,

- i like being alone. i dont like when people i dont know really well acts so close to me. i find it disturbing  dunno…

- i have one close friend only. and we’ve been friends for almost 14 years !!

- i love writing. i have tons of stories in my mind i am just waiting for summer so i can write without the stress school makes.

- im pansexual!

annnnnnd yes, this is pretty much me.. i am just like those people u see on tiktok but what can we do right? 

[lliames]

i made iced caramel coffee, hozier playing in the back, im making pinterest boards and planning my day, everyone still sleeping, my cat is sitting in front of the window and purring-?- , weather is nice - not so hot and not so cold - its summer but it feels like spring, gonna do my skincare after i finished my coffee, gonna read the virgin suicides and plan my best friends birthday party and get her a gift, life is good so far

[lliames]

you know two months ago i was miserable. i was literally so bad. school was bad, my mental health was going worse and worse and worse. but now i realized everything is temporary and time is moving so fast. i dont have time to feel bad about myself while things are going pretty well. my mental health still not good and maybe getting worse but atleast im not realizing it and enjoying my free time.

[lliames]

it is okay.

it is okay not to be okay. it is okay if i don’t want to talk to people. it is okay if i don’t want to study. it is okay if i dont feel like doing anything. i cant push myself to do anything if it affects my mental health. i cant be this hard on myself.

[lliames]

i am so hard on myself that i didn’t even realize until today.

[lliames]

idc what everyone thinks im still dancing to maneskin like the first time

[lliames]

dark academia things i do when im bored:

- reenact shakespeare’s plays to my cat

- reading short classics like the murders in the rue morgue by edgar allan poe

- scrolling through pinterest and making private boards

- dancing to 70′s british rock

- writing book drafts if that makes any sense at all

- watching ultimate spider man (i dunno if that counts as da tho)

- learning short songs on piano

- annotating my favourite book over and over again

- studying latin

- smoking in secret

- making moodboards

- watching hannibal if it’s a rainy, stormy day

- drinking *iced* black coffe

- messing with my brother *whos in germany* about his pretty girlfriend

- daydreaming about a relationship i’ll never have

- making playlist about my characters

- having imaginary conversations with my imaginery friend group while pomegranate seeds playing in the back

- organizing my book shelves

- baking chocolate chips cookie

[lliames]

the fact that we can use science in every corner of the world and be understood. that is beautiful. i love the fact that science is universal

[lliames]

but u know what.. i make a great partner so he should like me

[lliames]

i have a crush on my classmate.. girl this is so embarrassing to me. whyyyyyy????? anyway. so he is cute actually. (yes he is a he) he is kind and stuff. he smells good and i like when he smiles. i like that he is taller than me i guess???? our houses are so close. 

i think he may have a crush on me but i really don’t know because theres been rumors abt he has a girlfriend and stuff... thats why i cant picture anything in my head. im trying hard to not to picture him in my head or dreaming(?) abt him but its not workiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. 

[lliames]

but im here now.. hey again

[lliames]

i fucking forgot my password jeez...

[lliames]

things bout me?

since here is my diary i think u guys should know me a little better..

- my pronouns are they / he / she but i would be happier if u use he and they mostly..

- im gonna be 17 this july.

- im an infj. for a long time i thougt that i was an intj but apperantly i am not lmao

- im preparing for the universty exam. it will be next year.

- i play piano but its been a long time since i play. i want to start playing again. (i actually opened this account to help my piano journey to re-begin)

- im trying to read A LOT!!!!!!!!

- i can’t sleep in the dark - yes this is important -

- im a marauders fan. of course!

- english is not my first language so there can be mistakes,

- i like being alone. i dont like when people i dont know really well acts so close to me. i find it disturbing  dunno...

- i have one close friend only. and we’ve been friends for almost 14 years !!

- i love writing. i have tons of stories in my mind i am just waiting for summer so i can write without the stress school makes.

- im pansexual!

annnnnnd yes, this is pretty much me.. i am just like those people u see on tiktok but what can we do right? 

[lliames]

hey

sooo, im gonna use here as my digital diary *suprising i know* and you can be my accompany if u want to ;)