llvinnyll-blog

[llvinnyll-blog]

Le Freak Show

Today, just another regular day in the screaming hot afternoon, I decided to collect the clothes. 

I heard insect’s buzzing and jumped away, thinking it was a bee but I looked closer and it wasn’t. It was a pair of flies.

Oh, let me tell you what’s up, they doing it like, ‘No body buzines’ up here’ while they were having sex.

Did you know they did it in doggy style? Man, the things they do for love. 

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I meant nothing to you.

I understand that you don’t share the same feelings as I do for you. Even after 3 years, I still can’t help to look at you differently than others.

Now, we’re just friends. And that’s just all right with me. I enjoy your company and like to hear to talk about things. And you talk about MANY things - non-stop.

Then saying things to me that put me under a spell. Most times, I have to remind myself that we will never, never happen.

“You are the most difficult person I ever met. Sorry - wrong choice of words. Not difficult but ‘not straightforward’” you said.

Am I? Because I remembered it differently. I confessed to you twice when I’m very sure and ready about my feelings for you - and you rejected me.

I told you things that should only remain hush hush under the sheets but yet, you forgotten the entire conversation as if your memories were wiped but mine remained.

No matter how hard I put myself out there for other people, I don’t seem to like them as much as I like you. No matter how hard I put myself out for you, I’m just there and nothing more.

Yet, I’m not brave enough to tell you this. 

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Genitalia

Today in biology class, the teacher was explaining about reproduction and menstruation. The boys, of course have not much knowledge about female genitals but I was more surprised when the girls themselves have no idea that they have 3 holes around the private area: pee hole (clitoris), vagina and butthole.

The other idiotic thing that shocked me was a boy asked the teacher was it possible to put a penis into the clitoris. Ugh. 

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It’s falling real fast, boys & girls.

The lining of blood falling down

Falling down

Falling down

The lining of blood falling down

On a pad of mine

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I have walked both the Friendship and Success Streets but them seem to take me no way 

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Send Help. Please?

I’m going to be 17 this year and I’ll be 30 in the next 13 years. And I was thinking, “It’s 2016, why isn’t there a university called Uni-Con”

Then I came up with that idea that I wanna be the headmistress of Uni-Con where studies and course apply will be absolute money-free because why? Education should be.

Then I have this tradition where once in a month of the 14th, every students and teachers can participate to the Uni-Con-Corn and pull whatever programs they desire (does not involve in harming the innocence) and they are allow to wear whatever they want (be a goth or tinker, Idc) and every one can vote who have the coolest outfit but here’s da bomb, there are 20 winners for this competition. So yeah.

So, anyone with high authority in the education department, please be patience for me to finish my education and do give me a scholarship cause I can’t afford high payment.

I’ll be grateful for you for my life and you’ll be the no. 1 VIP on my list. :D

[llvinnyll-blog]

When.You.Are.Nothing.But.Empty

She used to read. It was something she does all the time. She could read the entire twilight books or hunger games and be done with them within 3 to 4 days.

She reads less as time goes by and lesser and lesser and eventually, she stops. I got worried. I asked her why did she stop? Was the book bad?

She told me it was a nice book. Amazing writing with predictable plot but she lacks of motivation.

Day by day, I witness this intellectual girl became depressed and sad. She might got to school and do homework like an everyday routine but she stops what she used to love to do.

She suffers a self-confident issue. Not because she thinks she’s not pretty, but she thinks she has no future. She isn’t smart in education and admitted it yet teachers would disagree and encourage her, “Practice makes perfect”

It sounds like the most artificial sentence anyone could think of.

It became funnier because, all this time, I am her and she is me. I’m just talking about myself because . . . I don’t know. I don’t have a reason. Maybe I do but I don’t know.

I feel nothing but empty. 

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Blind

Earth is going to die soon and we all know this. Yet, most of us turned a blind eat on this matter.

There’s documentary about this and many predictions from the past are slowly coming true, one-by-one.

But aye, we saw nothing right?

Then we should say nothing and do nothing too?

I’m disgusted, feared and threaten by all of us.

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I told this to my closest mate.

And honestly, I still regret nothing.

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It’s so powerful

Second week back in school.

My depression relapsed again. My third time.

I’m so tired stressing about things I’m not suppose to.

The urge of dying is so powerful.

[llvinnyll-blog]

Why Females Are Complicated?

My friend was struggling to put money back to another friend’s purse and he was so annoyed to the fact that he stated, “Why are females’ purse so complicated?”

Fortunately, I was the only one to hear him when everyone is busy in the moment of chaos. I said to him, “You see, girls like to organize their things and only we know where things are. So, if we wanna hide anything from you, we can”

And he was so eye-opened and told me, “You just open a new perspective to me”

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I think I lost my mind.

I don't speak much in class with other people unless it's a good friend of mine but because he's busy with outside activity, I'm left alone in the class most of the time.

Teacher: Have you ever seen a person talking to themselves as if someone is there? Imagination is great but when you have an overwhelming imagination , you could lose your mind. *looks at me* Vinny?

Me:*attentively* I'm sorry.

Teacher: Whut?

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You failed as a human being, you dishonor me since the day I birthed you.

I asked my mom to get me a calendar last month and she handed me a planner filled with world geography map, calendar references from 2008 to 2013, names of country all around the world with world times, metric conversion table (i don’t even know what is that), weight and measurements and international paper sizes.

Then I asked her why she gave this to me and she replied back, “So now you can actually plan something instead of looking at dates that you had all the time to procrastinate since the day I birthed you”

Even before it ended, my mom just had to add in her Chinese’s proverb.

“Y u no get A in mats?”     

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This just happened few minutes ago (after some bad editing in order to erase the names, finally found an easy solution to it:paint)

My friend, E, suffers bad depression to the point she can be listed as a bipolar. She already had two major breakdown in school and this year, she will be a senior. And she had this amazing idea to share with me.

So, I hope anyone from the internet would kindly advice me or give me tips on ways to help people like her, I, myself suffered depression but not as serious as hers. So yeah, thanks for reading.

Also, if you have a friend who suffers depression (or any forms of mental illness) be very, very careful with the choice of words you use when asking a somewhat sensitive matter in order to not offend them.   

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Now Snow White knows what’s up.

You know when teacher doesn’t want their shit anymore if they hand you an apple right after someone presented it to them.

At least it wasn’t poisonous. 

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I didn’t know what was rape

I didn’t know what was rape but I had encounter with a Chinese movie that had a rape scene in it.

The movie is about female spy training and only three women can get the job. At the very end, the chosen women dine with another three gentleman and the boss. When the boss left the scene, all the women dropped their head down cause they been drugged from the red wine. The ‘gentlemen’ took off their clothes and picked the girls and basically raped them on the dining table.

I didn’t know it was rape because I did not know the meaning of rape at the age of eight. I actually thought it was okay when that happened in real life.

But I finally knew what it meant at the age of 13. So yeah, that’s how I became against with it but I too, understand the fear and terror without witnessing it.    

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Is this Pedophilia?

So earlier in school, I just finished my biology exam and had a chat with my friend at the bus stop. He decided to introduce me to his little brother of 7 and kindly correct my name to him. We shared the same favourite colour and talked about his loved in football. Out of noway, he winked at me and as a smart and mature young adult, I said to this little fellow, “Please don’t wink at me”

I was kinda into it but I know my limits.