loowan35 - Tumblr blog

[loowan35]

Maybe I shouldn't wake up at 4am to weigh myself, but hey, 100cals left make me sleep so confident 😪

[loowan35]

My mom : had an ed

My sister : had an ed

Me : "I'm the fat girl of my family, but at least I'm healthy."

Depression : "Don't talk too fast sweetheart ^^"

[loowan35]

What I ate today :

- 1 egg 🥚 (78cal) + 10g cheese 🧀 (38cal)

- 1 mozzarella stick (58cal)

- 84g cucumber 🥒 (10cal)

- 1 rice cracker (91cal)

Total : 275 calories

[loowan35]

My boyfriend : "omg I can feel ur ribs, you need to slow down your diet !"

Me : 😏😏😏

[loowan35]

My insomnia be like

[loowan35]

First time fasting for 24h, going good, I'll eat my 300 cals in 20 more hours ❤

[loowan35]

Hey guys, I've got a question.

Yesterday I lost control and ate things I shouldn't. I felt so disgusting and for the 2nd time I tried to make myself vomit. I did but I couldn't throw up everything. It was going out little by little and I wanted to know if its normal.

Like, when u purge, do you throw up a lot at once or do you have to put your fingers in again and again ?

[loowan35]

I lost 6kg and dont see any differences. I still look gross and so big I hate myself sm.

[loowan35]

Today I've had a rly annoying headache since I woke up, and I was feeling like rly needing sugar.

After eating my only meal of the day, I saw that ice cream my boyfriend was eating, and idk I just hide to ate an ice cream too.

My headache is still there, I feel so weak, fat and dumb... I'm sat into my shower rn, I feel so disgusting I don't know what to do..

[loowan35]

Just want to say that I love u girls sm 🧡 I know everybody on yt or tiktok says that our community is toxic and dangerous, but all I can say for now is that you all help me so much, I finally can believe in my dream body. 🧡🧡

[loowan35]

I'm now at this point that I don't even feel hungry. I don't see the point of keeping this ugly and useless body alive.

[loowan35]

I want to feel so small when my boyfriend's hugging me. 😣

[loowan35]

Sometimes I feel so tired to fast, to make efforts, to think about food and weight all the time.

But I remember that I always felt tired of life so maybe it's better to feel tired for something I can control and gives me a goal.

[loowan35]

I lost 400cal per day during my first week. But today I lost only 100cal ?? 😭😭

I didn't eat more, I drunk a lot of water, srly I don't understand... Am I supposed to eat less to loose as weight as before ?

[loowan35]

239cal in this plate, my only meal of the day 😇

[loowan35]

I realised few days ago that I don't starve myself only in order to get skinny, but also to suicide in a very low way and make me suffer.

[loowan35]

My psychiatrist said that a lot of poeple love me.

My mom doesn't want to hear about me. She doesn't.

My dad didn't come to see me since I'm 13. He doesn't.

My sister told me that my life was shitty. She doesn't.

My brother didn't talk to me for years. He doesn't.

I don't have friends.

I don't have a family.

Only my boyfriend is here, but I really hope he'll find a girl whos happy and pretty.

I don't deserve him.

I just want to leave this place, I don't know who I am supposed to be and I don't even want to think about it anymore. All I can say is that if everybody leaves me this surely means I'm not a good person. Please god free me.