lostincebu

[lostincebu]

They bloom. They wither. Like love that burns slowly, then suddenly dies.

[lostincebu]

I live with two cats. They sleep by my feet. They might actually be the only ones who truly know who I am. I love how they don't tolerate you when you are feeling lonely. My cats know, but they don't follow the 'your feelings are valid' mantra. They look at me and move on. It's their way of telling me to get my shit together and carry on. I love it. They are probably stoics too.

[lostincebu]

For the first time in 17 years since I moved to Cebu, I had to borrow money from back home. I don't know if it is pride, but I have always had this idea that I will sustain and support myself living away in a far city, chasing a dream. To never rely on anyone in this city or back home. I have always been responsible with finances. I shy away from borrowing from anyone I know and I never had to. Today, I have a far better paying job but I have mortgage to pay too. Never in my wildest dreams I ever thought I'd be scraping the bottom of the barrel. I never did, even when I was starting out here or my lowest point in the past. On the upside, i am quite segurista in that I always make sure I have food at home that will last me a month. Oh my sweet lil brother. He had to send me money and I was supposedly earning more. It is true, it is family we turn to when we are in our lowest point. I hope I can return the favor soon enough.

[lostincebu]

I wanna disappear. Forever.

[lostincebu]

City Mood

[lostincebu]

For someone who’s been living in Cebu for 10 years now, I am yet to witness all there is that the Sinulog festivities at the Basilica Minore del Sto. Niño de Cebu has to offer. The streams of activities leading to the fiesta just goes on and on. To fully witness the Sinulog, one has to religiously join the novena masses that stretch for 9 days, join the processions, the fluvial parade and line up to pay homage to the image of the Señor that could take hours of waiting. I am not even talking about the pushing and shoving. And that’s not even all there is. But among the faithful, the favorite is completing the 9-day novena masses where they wave their hands to the Señor and singing in chorus the Batobalani sa Gugma (Magnet of Love), an anthem that will melt anyone’s heart upon seeing a sea of thousands of devotees expressing their love and devotion to the Senyor. It is where petitions are said for health, career, finances and all sorts. Some mass schedules end with the traditional Sinulog dance which could be tear-inducing by the way and definitely a must when visiting during the festivities.

This year, I did not intend to take photos showing how grand the Sinulog experience can be, that’s already taken cared of by awesome photographers in Cebu. I took to the sidelines, keeping my camera while trying to be in the moment everytime I joined mass. I only took snapshots after masses or during communion from the pilgrim center grounds, not from the usual spot where photographers take their post. I only own a 35mm and it’s pretty much useless if I join photographers shooting from afar with their huge lenses. I wanted to do something fron where the people stand and maybe capture some intimate photos showing the Cebuano devotion of the Senyor Sto. Niño. I collected the photos a few days ago and didn’t realize I could gather them all together in one collection instead of posting them one by one on IG or Facebook. So here they are, none of the color the Sinulog is reknowned for. Just faith.

  Sinulog 2018 – Scenes from the Basilica For someone who's been living in Cebu for 10 years now, I am yet to witness all there is that the Sinulog festivities at the Basilica Minore del Sto.

[lostincebu]

River, Joni Mitchell

[lostincebu]

The world is not cruel. People are.

[lostincebu]

Why am I afraid to show my feelings? Like it's something I am ashamed of. Like I don't have the right to feel. Like I don't deserve it.

[lostincebu]

I really just wanna get lost and fade away.

[lostincebu]

The older I get, the harder it is to be around people.

[lostincebu]

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art—write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

Neil Gaiman (2001)

[lostincebu]

I wish I knew how to quit you.

[lostincebu]

Out of all social media but Tumblr. It feels good.

[lostincebu]

The loneliest kind of lonely is when you have so much to say and all you have is a wall at 3am.

[lostincebu]

Thank God for photography. #depression

[lostincebu]

I am so tired. Almost giving up.