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[lovelifepoetry]

Displeased

9/24/24

word vomit emotional sickness

regurgitated by disappointed 

mindless fingertips.

The years that passed 

have proven difficult 

filled with unforeseeable challenges

aimed towards alienating families and ostracizing siblings. 

with a tool box, filled with history of childhood memories.

filled with false claims of knowing better.

‘until you can see the truth’

‘I hope you can be happy someday….’

I continue, and continue….

Trying to remain calm and optimistic

seems hopeless.

my blood, my kin, my family, my elders…

have seemingly taught me mislead lessons. 

I have not followed their intended guidance

I have become my own person. 

something that I am not ready for, in their eyes. 

How it feels, 

being ostracized and belittled. 

to continuously hear the lies 

the mistold ‘truth’ 

how i attack how I hurt how I ….

Infront of my face and behind my back.

infront of my daughter and wife —---- when I am not there, 

between them and my mother and father, 

to my colleagues and acquaintances. 

to my daughters educators and those 

supporting her 

Throughout her preadolescent life. 

the upsetting actualization 

of how low and sad 

this battle has turned our family has kept me up

too many nights now.

I have 

time and time proven 

that I have wanted to move on, 

Being condemned for being 

‘the bigger man’.

seems to do little in the grand scheme of things. 

as countless times 

actions speak against them

over and over.

whether it be battling me, 

their other family members, 

broken or nuclear, 

strangers… 

they seem to only win, 

when pity is shared…

when they crawl to their parents, 

even in their old age…

there are no goals or focus for being

selfless individuals. 

upstanding citizens,

perfect parents,

for all,

step children or not.

I have remained at a loss, 

as I have tried to separate myself 

from the toxicity. 

from the horrible comments

from her. 

as parents continue to sweep it under the rug

you continue to enable the behavoir

due to fear.

as she has learned and continuously shown

as her only method of success

since middle school,

even earlier…

stand your ground.

she has taken advantage of you 

time

and time again.

her break ups and needing somewhere to overstay,

her wedding and covid ultimatums,

her birth and again her covid ultimatums….

do I need continue.

Or am I bringing up too much from the past….

again.

be strong, 

Stand your ground. 

-as a unit. 

Or;

 be honest towards me. 

tell me how you feel,

bout me, bout everything.

because it doesn't matter, 

we are in your family,

but we both have started new families of our own, 

ones I hoped to share with my parents and sister,

unfortunately I am unable,

I will not sacrifice my families mental health anymore 

as the women have sabotaged any opportunity to move forward.

as they have hurt and said things that are unable to come back from, 

Time and time again. 

Despite being reminded 

The severity of their actions and words.

Sticks and stones may break bones, 

But words are history and will be bled on paper

Until dissolved by those ignorant

Of the lessons they may teach. 

I-an

Wrote this while drinking in my living room with my halloween lights illuminating the room. The temperature is in the high 60’s. I went to belaire with my wife and son for taco tuesday. I quit smoking weed a month ago and have steadily been drinking more and more every night as I tell myself I need something. I wrote this in the past hour as all my thoughts have been consuming me. I was happy to finish a 2 beers while writing this as it heped me relax my thoughts. I put everything I was thinking down and edited as I went on and reread. The over all message of this poem is that I Wsh my parents would see how hard I try to be the better man regardless of what I continuously go through. I continuously remind everyone of my difficult managing my anger. Most recently I asked my sister to stop and drop a certain topic until I was read to talk about it (her holding and taking a picture of jaxon even though brittany was there and did not want the picture to take place (both parties were being extra in my opinion but at the end of the day jax is brits child….)I messaged and talked to hannah about this instance and she blew up even though I requested we did not continue further. She kept pushing and even said ‘ I hope you can be happy someday’ insinuating my wife and I weren’t happy… “when you see the truth I will be here for you”... FUCK YOU. I hope if I die earlier than her she sees this and can experience how it made me feel without being able to fix it because thats how she always made any issue I had feel…. No light at the end of any tunnel…. Rude selfish and plain old bitchy. Just Like our ‘ex’ aunt. 

Somebody to love-queen

Say something

Lonely-akon

Temporary - eminem

Stay high - g eazy

[lovelifepoetry]

Check out the new listing on Etsy!! Drink faster, inhale. — — — — #tight #smoke #high #waterpipe #bong #patron #tequila #crystalhead #standinginnovations #etsy #buy #sell #nativeglass #milwaukee #midwest #2019 #420 https://www.instagram.com/p/BwtIGqTHxWCW8C8oyw0XXUXVrAszHKOgwVfRl80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1d8jydjc6l4tz

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Sunday March 25th, 2018 7-2 ADMIRALS BEAT OHIO!!! - - - - #milwaukee #admirals #2018 #win #miller #sundayfunday #sunday #jersey #peace #nashville #predators #ahl #nhl #hockey #dogday (at UW-Milwaukee Panther Arena)

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Casting shadows - - - - - #nofilter #nature #tree #life #sun #morning #goodmorning #commute #lakemichigan #wisconsin #milwaukee #2017 #bliss #breathe #vibes (at Bradford Beach, Milwaukee WI)

[lovelifepoetry]

As we move forward, take a breath and aim your chin high. Beauty is often found amongst the stars. ✌️☀️⛅️ - - - - - #sunrise #commute #beach #lakefront #bliss #nature #love #beauty #goodvibes #milwaukee #fall #autumn (at Bradford Beach, Milwaukee WI)

[lovelifepoetry]

#NowPlaying Sleeping in My T-Shirt by Zak Waters I'll have this someday! 🤙🤙 when the time is right :) #accept

[lovelifepoetry]

#NowPlaying Phone Down by Lost Kings how I feel most of the time lol put that fucking phone down.

[lovelifepoetry]

Letters from exes

hey there e 🙂 How’s it going in mke? How’s your mama? Tell her I miss her! (*but I miss you more*) I decided this would be easier than writing a letter and sending it lol...that is if you ever go on facebook… I’ll know that when we’re friends again! I don’t know what we’re doing toots…we act like we’re dating and I have your sweatshirt again…I know you don’t consider it a bad idea and tell me to be selfish but I can’t help but think that it’ll just hurt you in the end…not gna lie I don’t want to change anything about what we’re doing, but promise me that if it’s not a good idea you’ll do something about it or tell me or make it stop…. I’ve already hurt you and there’s no reason to do that again, so be careful k babe? I really really wanna move to mke just cuz I absolutely love it there and of course you’re there , I want to go camping and go to the beach and have more lunches together, just try new things in general….I want to learn more about you and everything about the city! I wanna be there every day of my life! So about the whole cell phone thing, I’m glad you’re like that….rather live your life than be connected to a phone…and I don’t blame you…if I lived where you do I’d be like that too, but shawano is just boring and there’s nothing to do…especially since I don’t hang out with my friends from hs. I basically rely on my phone to talk to the people that mean so much to me, yet are too far away . I’m trying to be better love, I really am. I just wish life was easier for me, and sure it could be but I’m not willing to give up my family, I don’t have much without them. I really want you and Jamie to be friends…and not just for me, I think you guys were like brothers when you were and had a lot of fun, you were happy hun and I want nothing more than that…so look back on your life and your friends like Ben and Jamie…keep ‘em around, they mean a lot to you and you meant a lot to them. (hence why I never ever wanted to delete anything about you…you mean too much) anyone who means that much in life isn’t worth living without. I know you’re at volleyball and I wish I was there for real babe…but distance sucks and so does being busy lol, but I want you to know that I’m proud of you for doing what you love and making the most out of your life…you’ll do great in school and I’ll be here for you if you ever need anything. I was honestly happy when your mom said we were dating…like I feel like I am always happy with you…now anyways…I can do nothing but smile when I’m with you or talking to you…like for real when we were just on a delivery…what all happened we just spent the time looking at each other and yea crazy I don’t know how to explain it…maybe utter bliss lol, who knows….well you do of course you’re IAN!!! Well that’s enough, hehe, let me know you’re thoughts too. E> you mr. hollywood xoxo, tootsandra Need to reflect more on previous relationships.

[lovelifepoetry]

At the end of the day my remaining battery life is an indicator of how productive my day has been.

[lovelifepoetry]

undefined

Hbd from dad

[lovelifepoetry]

Great night (at Boone & Crockett)

[lovelifepoetry]

undefined

Forever single

[lovelifepoetry]

The lottery is a great investment of your hard earned money, but only if you win.

If The Lottery Was Honest

[lovelifepoetry]

My love bug turned 3 y/o today 😌#princess

[lovelifepoetry]

Starwerz

[lovelifepoetry]

Nuff said (at Mayfair Mall AMC Theater)