loversbruises

[loversbruises]

It's been 18 hours since I last heard from him, do I kill myself?

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" i can handle you " even when i have extreme mood swings??? even when i'm extremely jealous??? even when i'm going to be annoying??? even if i spam you??? even if i depend on you in the true sense of the word?? even if i burst into tears in front of you out of nowhere?? even if i complain too much???? even if i constantly apologize??? even if i need reassurence all the time because i fear that you hate me somehow?? even if i can't fully get better, but also won't try to get worse???

please mean it

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they secrete blood cells from bone marrow on the inside! they pass through small capillaries to release muehehehhe its called hemopoiesis!! i actually want to be an orthopedic surgeon when i grow up :D

I felt like a toddler sounding out hemopoiesis quietly to myself LMAO

Ooooh that’s sick, I’ve never gotten any bone surgeries luckily (thank GOD because compound fractures look scary asf so only micro fractures) but I’m sure you’ll be a great ortho surgeon!

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OUHHHH your bones are are super porous probably.. DID U KNOW UOUR BONES SECRETE BLOOD CELLS?

theyre not necessarily apart of the G.I. tract but they help aid with digestion! like the spleen, liver, appendix, gallbladder etc

Yes actually! If you were to crack my bones open they’d look like honeycomb on the inside lol but I did NOT know they secrete blood cells! How? What does it do for our bodies?

Mmm I see.

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no you're so real tho, ive lowkey also been crashing out all weekend because my darling has DID and was disassociate all weekend and barely spoke to me because he was so out of it which isn't his fault but also im going fucking feral. The only reason I haven't been sobbing on the floor is because I spent so many years repressing all my emotions I struggle to cry now but I have been going insane. But I'm trying to to push him or be too much, especially when I know hes struggling with his mental health but agghhhhhhhhhhh. Literally whether or not I am ok and more functional as a person revolves around if he talks to me and you know if he isn't mad at me lmao. I'm at work right now and putting all my emotions in the box because otherwise I'd be doing something really fucking stupid right now I'm sure. Sorry for the rant im just going insane q_q

OH. OH YOU GET IT. OHHHHH YOU GET ITTTTTT IM GOING TO SOB. DO NOT apologize whatsoever. I completely understand. I feel you. Tell me to take this down if you don’t want this shared though! Yapping below the cut bcz it’s long

My boy is the ONLY person I can’t repress and handle my emotions about. He changed me from an avoidant attachment person to an anxious attachment style. Literally was able to handle my emotions about a family member having cancer better than this shit like WHAT???

I don’t want to be another thing on his plate cuz I KNOW he’s dealing with stuff rn. I’ve tried not to push him too much because I want him to work at his own pace. He was going to talk with me about it yesterday and then he’s just gone which like strikes the fear of god in me??? I’m scared if he’s okay right now, that could be my anxiety. But I’ve been like crying all the time and trying not to fall into a depression again because I’ve already been struggling with Anhedonia earlier this week. Really needed this too haha…. Ah.

You are never wrong for ranting, I’m glad someone understands. Lowkey I think we both need this rn anon. You are so sweet for trying to keep your emotions in check for your partner. I’m on the opposite of being like incapable to not tweak the fuck out and make it his problem. I’m sure our people will be able to come back and be completely okay, manifesting for both of us.

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So I'll wait for you, love

And I'll burn

Will I ever see your sweet return?

Oh, will I ever learn?

Oh-oh, lover, you should've come over

'Cause it's not too late

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YUZZZZ YOURE SO SMART!!!

you have 3 different sections of the smal intestine (the duodenum, the part that connects to yhe stomach, the jejunum, and the ileum.. its called the ileum because its by the iliac bone :D) AND you have diff sevtions of the large intestine (the ascending colon, transverse colon, descending colon and the sigmoid colon!!) its my faborite cause its SAUURRRR INTERESTING HOW THE BODY ABSORBS THINGS and it has accessory organs!!

YEAHHHH IM SMART (I passed my last science with a 70%)

Ohhhh I’m genetically kinda fucked up because my bones break bones like super easy actually! Idk if that’s cool to you but yeah my anatomy is all kinds of messed up from being disabled lol.

What do you mean it has accessory organs? Immediately thought of it wearing my liver as a purse…

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YES LMAOOOO ITS MY FVAORITE IMAGE

hmmmm what do you wanna know!! i know a lot of random facts :3 DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE DIFFERENT SECTIONS OF YOUR INTESTINES!!!!!!!!!!! OR DIS YOU KNOW THAT MY FAVORITE SYSTEM IS THE DIGESTIVE SUSTEM

Erm we have a small and a large intestine right? Besides that idk abt different parts lmao I barely passed science 😓 I’m an English person lol

I know vaguely abt anatomy stuff but that’s mostly because my mom was in a car crash when she was my age and got crushed so lots of surgeries done on her intestines. Whys the digestive system your favourite? I have no clue abt most of anatomy so you could tell me anything and I probably don’t know it lol

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It's okay! Crashing out is 💯 han behaviour!

And nah, I would much rather have my darling's family be in trouble than losing my darling

THANK YOU IM FEELING SO PATHETIC RIGHT NEOWWWW 😭 I need more taken yans crashing out on tumblr cuz they are either taken and happy or single. I’m filling that gap until boyfi comes back. All I sent was a good morning message because I am using restraint ugh.

Okay because I feel evil for that tho. But like I’m already feeling guilty anyways bcz my brain likes doing that to me regardless. Fun! Sorry I’m being so depressing. WE WILL SURVIVE. Listening to Jeff Buckley rn probs isn’t helping but oh well lol

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FUCK

um

can i tell you about anatomy!?!?!?! maybe it’ll be distraction :3

Is… is that SpongeBob as a MLP? Evil… Much bad juju in that image…

Yeah, that would be nice. Thanks Malakai <3

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Maybe something family related or something like this happened and he's unable to get online! Had to run my father to the hospital once and had to be offline for the day since my phone had died and I hadn't even thought to bring a charger!

Is it bad to say I hope it’s that? And not him just like leaving me tho. Not that I hope anything is going on. Not gonna say anything that leaks his personal life because that’s not mine to say. Makes me worried, angry and sad all at once. I said it before, I’d much rather be a crazy boyfriend who sent too many messages than for him to be ghosting me. I’ll let y’all know when I stop crashing tf out because of my boyfriend haha 👍 sorry for the generational crash out on main. Thank you for being so sweet nonnie <3

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maybe chiikawa will make you feel better :^)

Haaa I wish but I’ve learned to associate it with him too because I introduced him to chiikawa 😓 I’ve just been watching YouTube comfort videos and trying to not to cry. And sleeping a lot because sleeping means I’m not hurting. I’m going to try and hold out for him. Thank you anyways <3

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Y'all broke up??

Not officially but I’ve been ignored for the last literal day and I’m fucking losing it. Hasn’t come online, not said hello, not liked a post, literally ZIP ZERO NOTHING. So either he’s ghosting me or something happened. I’m scared FOR him but also pissed because I haven’t heard a word. I’m just as lost as you. Promise.

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Missing him so bad I just got sad because I woke up from a dream of him texting me and telling me he was sorry. I just want him back.

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I’d rather be crazy than be losing you right now. Please don’t make me fall this hard and abandon me. Please.

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I hate being obsessive. I hate being a yan. I hate it. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to freak out when we don’t talk. I don’t want my emotions to depend on his tone. I don’t want to be spiralling when I don’t have him. I hate it. I hate every part of it. I don’t want to be like this. I’m tired of it being romanticized or glorified. It fucking sucks. I hate this side of me. I just wanted to find people who understood it but that doesn’t mean I like it. I don’t want my emotions to depend on him and that I spiral and need reassurance and I’m clingy and annoying and everything I despise. I’m tired emotionally and physically and I’ve been holding back spiralling all day for me but I can’t. I’m so exhausted. I’m done.

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