lowkeyorloki

[lowkeyorloki]

for the anon who asked what i've been working on lately <3 18+ onlyyyy

~

No one is surprised when you announce your date with Him. Not anyone who knows you, at least. It’s fast, very fast. You only just dropped off the Last One at the airport.

It’s the same for Him, His divorce hasn’t even been finalized. It’s cool, though - you aren’t the first girl He’s dated since she moved out. You are the youngest, obviously.

The youngest I’d go, He tells you the first night. He’s laying naked next to you. He’s blue-collar, all corded muscle in his legs and chest. It’s a contrast to his stomach, which is soft, rising and falling in a steady pattern. You want to kiss it, but don’t. It’s too familiar. I understand there’s potential to be a power dynamic here, He continues. He takes a pause, hits His vape. Later, He’ll make you laugh when He asks you where His douche flute is. 

His blue eyes are piercing; you see them in the dark. Your heart beats a bit faster. The fact He acknowledges this possibility at all completely does away with it.

You weren’t supposed to like each other so much, and yet you do, so you spend the night and He stays until four in the morning and you don’t have to fake your orgasms anymore. You tell Him about how you let the Last One believe they were your first. It feels good to admit, though you’re not truthful with Him either. You tell Him the inverse of what you told the Last One: He’s not the first. Man, that is. But He is, besides the time you made out with your future brother in law without your shirt on, which doesn’t count. It didn’t go further than that.

That’s the only lie you tell, and all things considered, you feel justified. He already has so much power over you. He doesn’t need more.

In four months, He gets comfortable. He picks at you sometimes, but it’s fine. You barely even notice He can’t handle the same. He eats away at you, but values your opinion so much: He asks which painting of Jesus to hang on His wall. One night, on the phone - your brother made fun of you for using 2,183 minutes in a month - you finally say something. I feel small. You don’t mention the other stuff, like how He’s less affectionate and takes His socks off on your couch even though He has athlete’s foot. He’s not happy, you knew He wouldn’t be, and you wish He were here to see the look on your face.

Hey, He says a few minutes after making up. You’re about to go to bed. I just hope you know how much I really appreciate and enjoy talking to you. I mean, you know you’re my favorite person. You blink, because you didn’t know that. As of late, you have been under the impression He doesn’t like you, He just likes having you around. You’re His only support system after all, the only person He talks to. Frankly, you’re a convenience. 

I can’t have these conversations with anyone else. I know what I think, but you make me work for it. You think of your third date, when He spanked you so hard your ass was bruised for days. That was when He taught you what posturing was, and called you Daddy’s Little Slut before he walked out the door. You’d never been so wet in your life. 

Your mom asks if she can meet Him a few days later. She’s going to be in town next month. No, you tell her. But I love you. That’s why you can’t meet Him, you don’t tell her. 

Good choice, because He breaks up with you and walks it back over the course of two weeks. You were devastated, crying as the nurse gave you your shots and trying to play it off like you’re afraid of needles. She sees the tattoos on your arms. She doesn’t say anything. You reconcile with Him seven days later, and He tells you his ex wife didn’t fight for him the way you are. You think of how you haven’t been kissed in a month.

It’s different after this, of course. There’s less of an obligation, you say. Less commitment. He even turned off read receipts. You're not sure if that or the fact you noticed is worse.

Yeah, He tells you. It doesn’t have to be such a big deal though. 

It is to me, you think. You have different opinions on this matter. He thinks it’s inconsequential  that the behavior keeping the two of you close has started to wane. He’s in love with you after all, and the love hasn’t. Of course, He won’t admit or say He’s in love with you, but you know, and He knows you know, which should be enough.

You’ve always been greedy - it’s not enough. But at least you don’t love Him back.

[lowkeyorloki]

Hey my dear!

Hoping all is well with you! I’m actually the reader who told you ASIS captured a very real and very close likeness to my own life, as I ended up with an ex instructor of mine during university! I ended up floating back to the piece while away on vacation, and I wanted to reiterate how talented your writing is. Variation, complexity, and such small details make a work solid; and you did all of it!

While I’m at that point in my life where I keep my nerdier interests more private and in a place where they never see the light of day, I have started jotting ideas for a fic’. Mainly, I began doing it because artistic/creative fervour and inspiration seems to be come more and more of a passerby as years progress, and I try to hold onto it as long as I can when it does roll-around. However, I also wanted to see how far the idea could go. Revisiting ASIS was a poignant reminder, and a welcome little ‘shove.’

Loki and ‘sweetheart,’ propel me back to a time in life where things were the hardest, but also, the most fruitful and gritty. Thank you for writing both of them so well, and for capturing a situation so accurately. ☺️

I haven’t used my tumblr - literally - in YEARS. I had to sign back into it just to leave a comment! So, I will also thank you for allowing me to remember my Tumblr blog from 2014! Ew … sentimentality!

Will we read more of your talent in years to come? I certainly hope so!

Kind regards, and mega kudos to you, ‘Ki,’ and ‘sweetheart.’ ❤️

Hi!!! This is such a cool ask to get.

I love hearing about your connection to asis. It's also so cool to know you have ideas for a fic of your own! If I may ask, what's the rough plot? Is it for Loki, or another character? I'm just so curious!

Your compliments really make me feel good, so thank you for such a detailed response. I really did pour as much detail and effort into that fic as I could at the time of writing it, so it's rewarding and just... a nice thing to hear comments like yours. And the fact you logged back onto tumblr for the first time since 2014 to do so... I feel quuite honored!

I'll be honest, I don't think you'll see much of my writing by way of Loki, but I have been working on a few books lately. Maybe one of you will recognize the writing style someday.

[lowkeyorloki]

I’m rereading a Study in Suit and I’m on the angsty part and I’m about to 😭. I love asis though

Also, I saw this post recently. Idk if you’ve seen it, but for some reason baby Loki reminds me of Narvi

Oh my gosh, what an ADORABLE video! It totally gives Narvi vibes. That whole emanating sweetness thing is something they both do.

I don't often revisit asis, but when I do, it's those angsty scenes! I'm glad you like it enough to reread + take time out of your day to send me this message <3

[lowkeyorloki]

What's up lately?

Hey there anon! A fair amount has changed, all good. I started dating someone new in April and I got a "real" job as an editor! It's right up my alley and I like it a ton. I have a commute, which means I can listen to podcasts AND my latest obsession, Epic the musical.

I'm v happy right now :')

[lowkeyorloki]

Narvi from asis turned 12 this year (2024). It's his last year before he becomes a teenager. Loki's handling it very poorly well :))))

[lowkeyorloki]

Wow, the first thing I want to say is how incredibely talented you are. The stories you have written, particularly Asis, is nothing short of masterpieces. I stumbled upon Asis when i started using ao3 a little over a year ago, and after reading countless of well-written fics, none have left an impression quite like Asis (in my humble opinion, of course hehe). I found myself hooked from the very first chapter and loved every word from the beginning to the end. At times I even had to pause reading in order to just feel the intense emotions stirred in me - from absolute joy, to sadness and at times even anger. Never has a fic hit something so deep in me and I still find myself thinking about Asis every now and then, just lingering in my thoughts. Whether I’m on the bus, walking my dog, or even when I’m at work, I find myself picturing Loki, Narvi and reader in various scenarios:’))

Despite being in a different continent and thousand miles away, you have impacted my life (without intending to sound overly dramatic). You have an incredible talent for capturing the essence of the characters and have such a way with words. Each emotion, dialouge, and relationship feels so authentic and genuine. You breathe life into the characters, skilfully orchestrating their interations. Your ability to portray characters, playing them with and against each other, is truly remarkable!<3

I just recently dicovered your tumblr and I have never used this platform before, so I’m just now catching up to anything asis related<3 (which I hope to see more of sometime in the future🤞🏼)

I have to finish this terribly long speech by telling you that I have become obsessed with Neko Case after hearing "This tornado.." hihi

Wishing you all the best, wherever and whatever that may be🩷

Love from Norway<33

- Frida

Hi Frida! It's nice to digitally meet you 🩷 I'm sorry it took me a bit to respond to this messages, my appearances on this blog are sporadic now at best.

It really is crazy when people send me such thought out and kind messages. It's easy to see how many hits/kudos a fic has and forget that each of those has an actual person behind the screen experiencing the fic with me. The fact you think of asis Loki and Narvi while you're doing such mundane activities makes me smile. It's always going to be a little crazy to wrap my head around.

Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing and my characterization. If you'd like, you're always welcome to reach out to me through DMs - I can give you the link to my last fanfiction blog I'm trying to post on regularly (it's for the show arcane, and it's not really an x reader fic blog) or I can tell you the handle of my poetry blog, or even just send you screenshots of the hasty and pretentious soliloquies of my notes app. I'd also like to think someday I'll come up with a five chapter or so sequel to asis, though I don't see that being anytime soon.

I am SO glad I got you into Neko Case!! That might be the most exciting part of this message, haha! My other favorite songs by her are Hold On, Hold On (that's my #1 favorite Case song), Margaret vs. Pauline, John Saw That Number, and Maybe Sparrow. Honestly the entirety of the album Fox Confessor Brings The Flood is superb. One of my favorite and most nostalgic albums of all time.

Thank you again for such a nice message. Reach out anytime - while I may not be timely, I do truly do my best to respond <3

[lowkeyorloki]

I have been missing asis loki more than a tad.

Possible melancholic moments (for him):

Finding out sweetheart isn't pregnant (I feel like he was a bit hopeful)?

The whole Nat situation (especially when it came to light).

Dealing with Narvi's questions after the break(up). I know Narvi missed her loads and that Loki had maybe started to (or did?) see her as a mother to Narvi by then.

I would happily devour anything asis related. I have considered getting it printed but I am worried you might add something new that I wish I could have put it the book too. If it's okay with you, of course?

Hey there anon! I understand missing the fic. It's quite nostalgic for me, as it spanned almost my entire collegiate career. Before I respond to the meat of your message, let me just say: YES OFC YOU CAN PRINT IT!! I don't think I'll add anything to asis, but I do want to revise it a bit more. I have no clue when I'll do that though, so I wouldn't wait or anything. Also... if you print it, remember my beta made a cover for the fic. Also also,,, I would love a copy 🥺🥺🥺

Anyway, onto your actual ask!

Finding out sweetheart wasn't pregnant was a very bittersweet moment for Loki. Loki loves sweetheart, and he knew even at that time that he would want to have kids with her. Meeting sweetheart made Loki ponder over everything he had given up hope for: marriage, a partner, more kids, etc. etc. When it became clear she may be pregnant, it made Loki realize he not only wanted kids, but he wanted them sooner than later due to Narvi's age.

Realistically, Loki knew it was selfish of him to want sweetheart to be pregnant. He also knew - especially after her reaction to possibily being pregnant and the whole breakup situation - that maturity-wise, she wasn't ready. Still, when she told him she wasn't pregnant, it was definitely hard for him to hear. He chose his words very carefully in that moment; recall he said "I'm happy for you. I know that's what you wanted."

In terms of the Nat situation, Loki found it unfortunate, but he didn't ultimately care outside of its effect on sweetheart. He was concerned that she was losing her best friend, but to Loki, who has only had himself, Thor + Jane, and Narvi, it may not have registered as big a deal as it should. Loki was completely fulfilled once sweetheart stumbled into his life, and so I think in a way, he subconsciously assumed it would be the same for her.

On top of that, while Loki can objectively understand he was wrong in the Clint situation (that was how I weaved his status as a villain into asis - I wanted to incorporate all aspects of his character), he made it very clear he didn't regret it. Because what happened with Nat is an offshoot of the Clint thing, Loki would have been even more apathetic to the whole thing. Both Loki and Nat have a bitterness towards each other from that, and it's a bitterness neither could fully ignore for the sake of their relationship with you.

Finally, as we saw in the Loki chapter, Narvi doesn't ask much about you/sweetheart. He simply tells Loki he misses sweetheart. Loki mentions the fact that sweetheart was a mother figure to Narvi during their breakup and the months after. Basically, Loki shut down anytime Narvi mentioned her. We saw him delve back into bad habits (such as the drinking of copious amounts of wine, or not eating) in the months they weren't together, and commiserate in general. I think in this time, Loki provided very little information to Narvi (which we saw him totally beat himself up over in the chapter he narrated). It was hard for both of them. Loki's response to devastating situations is definitely avoidance, and I think that carried over to any of Narvi's questions.

Let me know what you think of all this! Thank you for the ask and your compliments. Ily very muchhhhhhh 🫶

[lowkeyorloki]

Everyone wants me to update After August but no one is ready for the truth

[lowkeyorloki]

hi hi! i used to be the peanut anon. letting you know that i still heavily heavily read asis as its grown to be a huge source of comfort when i need something good to read. genuinely one of my favorite pieces of literature, ever. i'm actually here post s2 and yknow i just wanted to stop in and let you know your writing is still loved.

i hope youre doing well and life is treating you with nothing but kindness <3

omg peanut anon 🥹

i just read the entire second half of asis out loud to a friend (certified fanfiction girlie it was a safe space) and i was like. well shit. i don't remember half of this it's kinda good i see why it resonated with people so much lmao

thank you for stopping in. it's so strange to think we all used to message each other so frequently and now i never even update. it's strange how that works, isn't it?

i'm doing very, very well. i graduated in the top 5% of my class and my girlfriend is moving in with me in a month. now that i graduated i've been thinking of finally revising some of my loki multichapters. i was hoping to combine a bunch of the first half of asis, those first 25 chapters were kinda light! i want to do that before i get a printed version.

i hope you're doing well too, wherever you are. my inbox is always open to old friends like you <3

[lowkeyorloki]

Asis was my most read fanfic on ao3 this year. I absolutely love it (and your writing).

I'm a bit embarrassed at how many times I went back to it but I thought you'd like to see.

omg i didn't even know this was a thing! my "ao3 wrapped" would just be a bunch of romangerri fics lmao.

603 times is crazy!!! is there a particular chapter you kept re reading or is this like a cumulative reading the whole fic 603 times? either way i'm impressed and flattered <3 <3 <3

[lowkeyorloki]

graduated summa cum laude with double degrees today yessir

[lowkeyorloki]

asis mention in the wild today

[lowkeyorloki]

society if the weeknd's "moth to a flame" had been released when i was writing + posting She Shall Have

[lowkeyorloki]

Hurts my soul to see SSH isn't praised enough as much as Asis, I get that you're proud of that piece and its a huge part of your life but come on SSH is my favorite of your works and has a very special place in my heart.

oh my gosh anon. you have no idea how much this means to me :')

i actually really love ssh. don't get me wrong - i REALLY need to revise that work and atone for my 19 year old self's grammatical mistakes (i really loved to jump between tenses - i still find myself doing that), but i think it captures the classic loki aesthetic, as well as the beautiful and ugly parts of his character. and, above all else, i really stand by that ending.

the reason ssh doesn't get too much attention and is seldom referenced by me is because the reception to that fic left a really bitter taste in my mouth. if you go to the comments on the last few chapters, you'll see some sentiment with varying degrees of positivity. i got a lot more comments that were a lot stronger than that that i ended up deleting because they were so mean they just weren't productive. ssh also showed up in some tiktoks and tiktok comment sections that were honestly just shitting on the fic. i don't have any ill will towards the content creators, and a few reached out to me to apologize, but some of them literally said to their thousands of followers that they take back everything good they said about ssh because the ending is shit. from a technical standpoint, i agree. the last chapter probably doesn't even break 1k words. but we all know that's not what they're referring to.

i do plan on going over ssh and fixing up the writing and combining chapters to make it flow a bit better overall. i think doing that - which i have begun - will be my last loki project. a sendoff, if you will. that fic really does have a special place in my heart: it was the kickstarter for all these other loki fics. but i feel defensive when it's brought up and i still get cagey about so many people suddenly kind of being rude to me after i spent the pandemic making this fic for free. and not even the free part is really what matters to me - it's that i put so much effort in it and crazed loki fans can't handle any depiction of loki other than UwU poor boy does nothing wrong. i didn't deserve to have my work shit on like that. because the few comments i get now still aren't particularly positive, that narrative has stuck.

sorry to complain/get on a soapbox. what i'm saying is: i hear you, and i almost agree. but the ssh experience was really impacted by weird tiktoks and unnecessarily phrased comments for me. because that's most of the attention it gets, i'm sadly okay to leave it unmentioned.

[lowkeyorloki]

Wait no bc when I got the notification that you had posted something I got so excited... my friends are so sick of me saying " omg it's just like in my favorite fanfic" and I just had to say that you've inspired me to start writing

omg hi <3

this is such a sweet message! i'd love to see what you're working on if you ever want someone to take a look :D

i've largely moved on from fanfiction and am focusing on a book and a long string of poems that are of varying quality. any posts i make on here are probably just references to the fact BC anon and i are now very close. sorry to get your hopes up!

[lowkeyorloki]

Since you're answering asks, I wanted to take this opportunity to say that I am still in Love with (and missing) asis.

I don't want you to feel any pressure to write or feel like you're being forced to, but if you have any unfinished or unedited asis content (or even just notes), I would absolutely love to read them!

hi anon ❤️

i have a fair amount of asis stuff stored and lots of little things about each characters that made it to the page but may need me explicitly saying them to make it clear to a reader. is there anything specific you want to read? i’m happy to answer any questions :)

[lowkeyorloki]

nooo dont delete your blog youre so sexy aha