lsbean-blog - Tumblr blog

[lsbean-blog]

I haven't been on Tumblr in years. And now I hear tiktokers are romanticizing the tumblr styles and aesthetics of the mid 2000s era. I definitely felt a sting of trauma from that. I'm horrified to see a resurgence of all the "thinspo" photos that are burned into my brain. I think it scares me most because I'm just finally able to accept my own body after 10 years of an eating disorder and 2 children. And now, beauty standards are hitting reverse and the deathly thin body is flirting with that spot as the ideal beautiful body. It's a very scary thought to have that horribly toxic community make its way back to the lime light.

[lsbean-blog]

38 weeks and 1 day Baby Violet is on the way.

[lsbean-blog]

[lsbean-blog]

tea time

[lsbean-blog]

Week 33, Day 6

I cannot wait to see my sweet little Violet. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[lsbean-blog]

purple florals styled and photographed by shay cochrane

[lsbean-blog]

Troubles with Eating

Before my pregnancy I had a lot of “eating issues”, as the doctors always addressed it. I don’t like to eat. The action of eating disturbs me. I find it to be rather disgusting, not only when I eat, but watching others eat as well. The feeling of being “full” is another problem I’ve run into. When I feel full, I can’t move as swiftly and gracefully. Again, it feels disgusting.

Of course now that I have to nourish a child with the food I take in, I eat all day it seems. After I give birth and breastfeed the little one, I will probably go back to eating little to nothing a day.

I wonder if anyone else has this problem?

[lsbean-blog]

Lavenders blue, dilly dilly

♥

[lsbean-blog]

Squirmy

As I sit alone in the center of my couch, I can see my daughter moving around under the skin of my belly. It makes me imagine her as a miniature ballerina practicing her dance behind closed curtains (my belly). I look down to catch a glimpse of her movement, although I think she is aware of this. Every time I try to see her move, she stops as if she's saying, "Look here! Watch me dance if you can catch me!". I look away and she's right back to dancing. She's a persistent little ballerina.

[lsbean-blog]

There’s someone in my head but its not me.

Brain Damage, Pink Floyd

[lsbean-blog]

[lsbean-blog]

Pretty little moonstone

[lsbean-blog]

Dear Violet, I feel that our consciences are connected. I feel eager to see your precious eyes, Even though you're still cabbage sized. I feel when you dance under my skin. I feel the pound of your fast heart beat, And the kicks of your baby feet. I feel the presence of your innocent soul. I feel a new bond, unlike any other. The bond of a child and a mother.

[lsbean-blog]

Introductions

My name doesn't matter. You can tell me yours if you would like, but names are temporary. I don't care how little people read this page, all I want is to write somewhere that won't disappear. Paper is temporary. It gets lost, thrown away, and eventually decomposed. Cyber space will be here for a while longer. That being said, hello. I'm here to share my worlds with myself and whomever might stumble across them.