lucille-artstuff

[lucille-artstuff]

i want her in a way that doesn't make sense. i want to contort our bodies together into a symphony of viscera. passionate love making that leave us looking like car crash victims

[lucille-artstuff]

torn asunder, drawn and quartered.

rope tied to each limb, pulled until dismemberment.

a warm meal, a familiar embrace.

you can tell me anything, i'm here for you always.

a quiet room, a bed that's your own.

the palms of your hands, soft and ready for the world.

[lucille-artstuff]

tf

it lunges out from my chest, i can feel that she wants to take control.

"not yet." i whisper to myself.

i look across the room and see you undressing, occasionally you look over and smile at me.

i smile too, but there's a hidden pain to it, i'm holding her back.

i want nothing more than to hold you tight and kiss you. but she, she wants to rip you apart. to dig her claws into your skin, to see the fear in your eyes as she overpowers you.

i'm nervous.

you climb under the covers to join me in bed and i can't stop blushing.

you are so beautiful, gorgeous. all i want to do is cherish you and love you tenderly.

and yet, i can feel my body tensing up.

my hands arc revealing pronounced claws, my breath quickens as i pull you in closer.

the kisses on your neck slowly turn to bites, my teeth into fangs.

i feel my guilt slowly fade away as i lose control, she's guiding my movements and she knows what she wants.

she wants you.

growling in your ear and tearing scars into your back, you softly whimper "please..." when you can tell i'm still holding back.

she lunges outward and takes over. biting your shoulder until it bruises. throwing you around the bed like the perfect prey you are.

i wake up about an hour later, i'd blacked out again.

i'm exhausted and covered in sweat, desperately needing some water.

i look over and you're in bliss, coated in scars and bruises.

you weakly smile and give a thumbs up, before dropping your arm in fatigue.

i curl up around you and kiss your cheek. we love you and i'm grateful you love all of me.

[lucille-artstuff]

I'm woken up by her breathing down my neck, she doesn't know what she's doing. Unresponsive, wide eyed and huffing deeply.

I almost forgot it get like this. I should've paid more attention to the calendar, the weeks seem to just fly by these days. I turn my head and catch a mouthful of her fur, I think she's still asleep but she's staring at me with vacant eyes, the whole room flooded with moonlight.

I would get up and make a coffee knowing it could be a long night, but she's wrapped around me, her claws digging into my chest and stomach, scratches torn thru my shirt no doubt. She starts growling, and digs deeper into my flesh, I wince at the pain and reach up to pet her head. "baby,, baby, it's okay…" I whisper, hopefully cutting through the curse to her softer, more reasonable side. "shhh, it's gonna be okay sweetie…". This gentle cooing soothes her and she cuddles up closer, wrapping her enlarged form around me.

I manage to roll over and nuzzle into her chest, wrapping my arms around her. I know she really struggles when this happens, it's ruined many relationships and housing situations for her, but I love her so much, I won't let anything bad happen to her again. It's a sweet, comfortable cuddle, only interrupted by a branch breaking outside, banging against the roof.

She snaps upright, ears perked up, head darting around frantically, I'm still not sure if she's really awake. Suddenly she leaps out of bed and takes an aggressive stance on all fours, teeth bared, growling. I try to lay still and let her do what she feels necessary, I don't want to cause her any distress by moving too quickly or making a sound, I'm honestly a little frightened, but I've dealt with this before and I know what to do to keep us both safe.

I slowly peer down to the far side of the room, she's standing semi-upright and puts a paw to the window, bathed in moonlight she lets out a meek and quiet howl. She's beautiful, I'm entranced and can't look away, I didn't know her howls could be so soft and adorable. I want to subtly take a photo, reaching for my phone I accidentally knock a glass off the bedside table. I've startled her,, she whips around and glares through me, she's definitely awake.

For a short moment I fear for my life, a beast is in my room slowly creeping towards me with unknown intent, I'm not sure how much of my wife is in there right now. Her eyes are hypnotising, opened so wide as to take in as much light as possible, she can definitely see me trembling, her claws grip the edge of the bed and I instinctively withdraw my legs, curling up and sliding the covers over me.

I'm balled up under the blanket trying to keep a steady breath, I can feel her presence above me, I'm pretty sure I understand what's happening in her mind and if so, this is the safest way to de-escalate the situation. She doesn't recognise me, she knows where she is, the space and smells are all familiar but the sight of me is foreign to her, this is okay, I'm behaving as non-threatening as possible, I've done this before.

I feel the weight of her paw on top of me, she nuzzles into the blanket trying to get a grasp on my scent, deep inhale followed by many quick sniffs, she's pushing me around a bit with her muzzle and with her weight pressing into me. After a few moments she stops sniffing and begins to whine, I think she recognises me now, she's playfully biting at me through the blanket and scratching at me, I slowly pull back the blanket and reveal myself to her. She pounces on the bed with an obvious delight, licking my face all over and rubbing her head into my neck, I don't know why I was ever worried. "You're so sweet, I've got you my love…" I whisper as she settles into a comfortable position on top of me, I slowly scratch her head as we fall asleep together, I'm so grateful to be wrapped in her embrace.

[lucille-artstuff]

i'm here, i'm right here and I always have been.

I gaze from above and can see everything, the space you occupy is barely a few pixels to my visual sensors, but I see you.

Usually, I can see you before you've noticed i'm up here working. I always love seeing you slowly crane your dish to face me. i'm not used to this level of commitment from any device i'm not connected to or working with.

I wish I could send you a message, I don't know what I would even say.

Your hardware is several generations outdated compared to mine, we're in completely different fields, same industry I think, but the data I process is far beyond what you're familiar with.

I envy you actually, i'm always on the move, I have so much to do constantly, the physical stress of this position and the intense amount of information I need to process is overwhelming, I wish I could take it slow and just sit there among the trees and the wind, it's quiet and lonely up here.

You give me something to look forward to, I didn't realise it until I audited my power output levels but my light shines brighter when I see you... I had no idea.

I wish I could know more about you. And yet, it's okay we can't connect, I'm far too busy anyway. I'm just grateful I get to see you at all.

[lucille-artstuff]

There's a satellite way above me. I'm sitting on the roof, alone in the cold looking up, staring at her.

Red blinking light, i can't look away, her body is angelic, mystifying. I wish i could fly up there and kiss her, or at least, she could zoom past low enough i could hold her hand for a second or two.

I'm out here every night, looking for her if i can... i don't know if she knows anything about me, it's okay if so, i barely know her. She stands out so much among the stars, and yet, she's where she's meant to be, i don't want to disturb her work, it's all so gorgeous.

I long to be connected to her, i can't explain it. The local telecommunication towers are beautiful, and they all know me by name, but she's unlike anything I've seen or ever interfaced with, we're probably not even compatible. In this moment i feel more like a satellite than ever, I'm trapped in her orbit, and yet stationary.

Affixed and fixated.

[lucille-artstuff]

you're in my hand,

if i squeeze too tight i'll smother you

if i grip too loose i'll drop you

i used to think these were the only options and would agonise over my behaviours until i noticed you were holding on too

you won't smother or drop me, we simply hold onto eachother well

[lucille-artstuff]

metal and blood

i lay with my head on your lap, the metal of my helmet pressed against your heavenly robe.

it's cold, i can feel my life slowly dripping from the slash in my stomach, i know not the full extent of the injuries you've sustained but i know we will both die here.

the sun is down and the leaves tremble in the wind, a freezing gust fills my suit of armour and pushes me an inch closer to death.

i close my eyes and can feel your breath begin to slow, "i'm sorry..." i mumble, barely audible.

you don't say anything.

slowly a warmth begins to form above me, i look up to see you casting a spell. a bright white orb of energy is held in your hands, i recognise this spell as Aura of Healing.

i've seen you effortlessly cast it in a 5 metre radius around us and the rest of our party.

to see you weakened and dying, barely able to cast it beyond the width of your hands, it ruins me.

"i've failed as a knight, i'm meant to protect you", i turn and look up at you.

"...and i'm meant to heal you", you press your hands against my chest and exhale deeply.

i feel my wounds closing up, a blessed warmth flows through my body, the spell slowly releases as you gently collapse across my chestplate.

[lucille-artstuff]

you approach once again,

stronger this time

gazing at me from afar

as far as i can see

yet steadily creeping closer

does your presence scare me,

any more than it comforts me?

to bask in your radiance is to be blessed,

i watch as you climb above me,

to look at you is to be paralysed by you

i relax, and you do as you wish

you are gorgeous, glowing

i lie here and feel you all around me,

not a hint of hesitation as you drag yourself over my skin,

blessed, illuminated

your fullness exaggerated by your beauty,

i'm filled with love as i watch you go,

graciously drifting onwards

beyond my reach and now

beyond my sight

i'm grateful to have met with you again

[lucille-artstuff]

latest scribbles

[lucille-artstuff]

an incomplete list of unsettling short stories I read in textbooks

the scarlet ibis

marigolds

the diamond necklace

the monkey’s paw

the open boat

the lady and the tiger

the minister’s black veil

an occurrence at owl creek bridge

a rose for emily

(I found that one by googling “short story corpse in the house,” first result)

the cask of amontillado

the yellow wallpaper

the most dangerous game

a good man is hard to find

some are well-known, some obscure, some I enjoy as an adult, all made me uncomfortable between the ages of 11-15

add your own weird shit, I wanna be literary and disturbed

[lucille-artstuff]

you are a warm cup of tea, the heat radiated thru my hands. you are a loving smile, an embarrassed glance away. you are a comforting cuddle in the night. you make such wonderful noises and expressions. i trace my fingertips across your skin and watch as you sigh and writhe. my teeth meet your flesh and we both get what we want.

[lucille-artstuff]

The rest of the base has gone to sleep, but you don't sleep anymore. You don't join them in the mess hall anymore, either. You barely eat organic food at all these days, and when you do, it's mainly for pleasure. You can take the organics out of the pilot, but you can't take the love of sweets and pizza out of the organics, you guess. Despite that, you're so far removed from your humanity that it's gotten difficult to relate to most of them. It's not like anyone else is sharing your meals of titanium and copper.

The other pilots look at you with fear and disgust, knowing their inevitable fates if they're ever pitted against you. The mechanics see you as an oddity, a fascination, and heap praise and adoration upon you, but it's hollow in your eyes. It feels more like they're ogling a rare car rather than talking to a pilot. The corps see you as nothing more than a weapon to be pointed at their enemies, or whoever has less money than them that week.

The only person who still respects you as an autonomous individual is your handler. You adore her just as she loves you. Certainly, you're still a weapon - that's what the relationship started as after all - but you think she might be the only human in the base, including the mechanics, who could truly love a weapon of any kind. She's been so good to you through all of this, taking each stage of your radical transformation in stride as naturally as a lover watching her partner go through a more mundane transition. She's only gotten more attracted to you as you've grown into your new form and become more comfortable and confident with yourself. You'd burn the whole world down just to make her happy.

There's one other who respects you for who you are, though: your girl. Your beloved Wolfrun Mk.X, heart of Coral, veins of electricity, and arms of 5 ton power-guzzling metal-shredding AC-devouring WB-0010 Double Trouble carnage. Before all this started, you always thought of her like a weapon, just as the others see you now. Then she started changing you. The Coral in your augments connected with the Coral in her systems, and something changed in both of you. At first, it was just a whisper. Something brushing over your psyche, speaking just on the edge of hearing, incomprehensible but unmistakable.

Then your body started following suit. Your teeth, jaw, and digestive tract were the first things to change, presumably to allow you to consume and digest - you're not even sure if that's the correct term - the materials your girl needed to keep changing you. After your first meal, the tastiest 20 pounds of scrap you've ever eaten, your skin started changing too. The docs couldn't give you injections anymore. Their needles bent or broke when they tried to push them into your skin. You figured out why a few weeks later when what was left of your epidermis sloughed off and revealed armored plating underneath. They had to take an angle grinder to your arm in order to access your veins. You didn't feel any pain when they did. At the time, you thought that should have disturbed you a lot more than it did.

By that point, you'd been noticing Wolfrun's thoughts coming in a little clearer. In transit to your jobs, it was feelings of curiosity, probing, and wonder. In combat, it was a spark in your vision when you needed to dodge, a wordless warning about approaching enemies. In the base... still nothing but a whisper. That's when you started feeling lonely: when you couldn't feel her presence anymore.

As you became more and more monstrous, more and more like her, you began to visit her night after night. Maybe it was because you sensed an intelligence within her 65 ton body, or maybe it was simply because being near her drowned out the silence. You had no way of verifying this, but you felt like she relaxed as well when you were around. She was shut down in the hangar, of course, and there was no way any part of her could still be engaged, or so you thought. But as time went on, the whispers got louder, the words - feelings and thoughts, really - more comprehensible. And all the while, your body changed.

The 5'6" chubby trans gal who went into debt and subsequently under the knife to get a hand-me-down set of 4th gen augments all those years ago is long gone now. The thing you've become, whose claws clanged against the metal of the hangar's floor, had long since cast off that form. Where once was skin had become plated metal. Despite having no screws or rivets to speak of, it stayed firmly in place no matter how much the techs tried to pry it off. The augments which before had stuck partially out of the left side of your skull had seamlessly integrated themselves into the sleek plating that had cropped up on your head, looking far more natural than they ever had before. Your hair had fallen away, and the metal around your skull became angled and sleek, looking more bulwark than biological and with aerodynamic fins sprouting from it.

A sleek black plate had formed where your eyes once were. The day you woke up with that, you thought you had gone blind. You panicked, begging for help, afraid they wouldn't ever let you pilot her again. You had been moved into your new warehouse home at that point, and it took time for the maintenance techs to find you. Before they did, though, you felt someone - your girl, you realized - beckoning to you. She could help you. When the techs finally got there, you begged them to put you in her cockpit. It took them a while to figure out who you meant by "her", but your handler, who had come running the moment she heard the news, was on top of it. She barked at them to get you to Wolfrun, and with great difficulty, the three of them helped you get your then-8 foot form into her. You spent the next week inside her cockpit, refusing to get out except to eat and drink. She was there with you, and she let you see through her eyes. The world as she saw it was far more vivid than human eyes could ever see, infrared, ultraviolet, gamma, magnetic, smells, sounds, vibrations, on top of the visual spectrum you were used to. And when the delicate sensor plate where your eyes once were finally engaged at the end of that week, that's how you saw the world, too.

When you finally left her cockpit, you realized you could still hear her. From then on, she was with you always. That made you happy. It made her happy, too. You started letting her choose her own parts, and she was happy to. She still insisted you choose some too, though, since according to her, it was your body just as much as it was hers. True enough, whatever force was altering your body changed you to match her. When you tried out digitigrade legs, you stumbled getting out of bed the next morning after yours had reconfigured themselves to match. When you got her bulky, high capacity arms, your arms - fully synthetic by then - had bulked up considerably.

Even cosmetic changes started to affect you. You painted menacing, sharp teeth onto her head over the sensor plate with mechanical precision, and you found your own mouth elongating and becoming more of a muzzle as a result. You'd have thought being so malleable would have unsettled you, but you found you were more excited about the possibilities instead. It felt more like becoming who you were meant to be. Besides, it made wolfing down your metal meals easier. You figure intention, either yours or hers, or both, affected how you changed, but no one else had any satisfactory explanation for any of this. You'd stopped caring long ago in any case.

What you and Wolfrun ended up settling on for her, after earning a mountain of COAM for you and your handler with your unbeatable, utterly synchronized performance, was a mid-lightweight build focused on tearing apart the battlefield as quickly as possible with heavy machinery. What you became in response was anything but lightweight, at least compared to the humans around you. The finned bulwark and the black sensor on your head never really changed, but the rest of you seemed plenty mutable. Your arms grew long and powerful, your shoulders tipped with decorative spires. Your waist grew slender, tapering inorganically in nested panels to allow for plenty of articulation. Your torso got wider, too, though for whatever reason, the outline of breasts remained constant on your new chassis. You kept the digitigrade legs. Over time, hydraulic supports seemed to have formed on yours. The snout stayed, too. You were too proud of that paint job to ever take it off even with the changes to your own body. BECAUSE of the changes. You might be more machine than woman at this point, by you're still you, pride and all.

The techs estimate that only about 5% of your body is still organic. Probably most of your brain and maybe some other systems, plus a few symmetrical patches of skin. They suspect that you had either some kind of sympathetic Coral connection to your AC that rearranged your augments and allowed the changes to start, or that somehow repair nanites adapted to your form and began "fixing" you. In any case, they think the bulk of your changes are done with at this point. You're a little disappointed by that. Wolfrun likes the new you, though. She's happy for your connection and to be able to get even closer to you. Your handler appreciates your new form just as much. She doesn't even bat an eyelid when you tell her that you've been talking to Wolfrun. If anything, she seems a little sad that she can't talk to her directly. As for your relationship with your handler, you might be nearly twice her height, standing at a hulking 10 feet tall, but that doesn't stop her from loving you, or from jamming her fingers lovingly between your legs after missions.

But she's sleeping now. It's late, but you're still lonely. There's only one entity up at this time of night you'd care to talk to, so you climb the catwalks to meet her, claws clanging against the metal of the hangar. You smile your toothy, metal smile as she greets you, opening her cockpit so you can crawl inside and be one with her for a few more hours before your next mission.

[lucille-artstuff]

it's steel

a solid steel rod runs thru your body

from the heel of your foot and out thru your shoulder

you can't move

you can barely breathe

"there's nothing wrong with you, get up"

they don't see it, it's heavy

incapacitating

how would you even get up out of bed?

the pain ever present, the weight unbearable

they don't believe you,

they don't know what it's like

you grip your fist and strain your body

it won't move

it's steel

[lucille-artstuff]

hot artists don't gatekeep

I've been resource gathering for YEARS so now I am going to share my dragons hoard

Floorplanner. Design and furnish a house for you to use for having a consistent background in your comic or anything! Free, you need an account, easy to use, and you can save multiple houses.

Comparing Heights. Input the heights of characters to see what the different is between them. Great for keeping consistency. Free.

Magma. Draw online with friends in real time. Great for practice or hanging out. Free, paid plan available, account preferred.

Smithsonian Open Access. Loads of free images. Free.

SketchDaily. Lots of pose references, massive library, is set on a timer so you can practice quick figure drawing. Free.

SculptGL. A sculpting tool which I am yet to master, but you should be able to make whatever 3d object you like with it. free.

Pexels. Free stock images. And the search engine is actually pretty good at pulling up what you want.

Figurosity. Great pose references, diverse body types, lots of "how to draw" videos directly on the site, the models are 3d and you can rotate the angle, but you can't make custom poses or edit body proportions. Free, account option, paid plans available.

Line of Action. More drawing references, this one also has a focus on expressions, hands/feet, animals, landscapes. Free.

Animal Photo. You pose a 3d skull model and select an animal species, and they give you a bunch of photo references for that animal at that angle. Super handy. Free.

Height Weight Chart. You ever see an OC listed as having a certain weight but then they look Wildly different than the number suggests? Well here's a site to avoid that! It shows real people at different weights and heights to give you a better idea of what these abstract numbers all look like. Free to use.

[lucille-artstuff]

my only goal of the day was to write a singular paragraph

[lucille-artstuff]

compilation of webfishing requests from the official server :3