lucitumb1r - Tumblr blog

[lucitumb1r]

Looks like someone was too unhinged and went to purgatory

i love this site bc everyone straight up encourages being out of your goddamn fucking mind

[lucitumb1r]

This might be the closest we get to plagiarizing our own platform

the fact that op turned off rbs is very very funny to me. anyway i want this post on my blog too.

[lucitumb1r]

Every time you fired, you hoped it’d strike true, quick and painless. Hunting means a lot to you, but there’s no need to drag it out. These animals don’t consent to the fear some hunters like to subject them to, so you try your best to limit that.

You’re not superstitious, not at all. But you have noticed that when you (mentally) talk to the Goddess of the Hunt, Artemis, you tend to find more game, and your aim holds true.

To add to the mental commentary, you decided to actually thank her for the hunts and dedicate some of the better shots to her.

Over time, some became all.

Today you had started your usual hunt, no friends could make it this week, and that’s fine with you. They’re nice lads, but they tend to scare the wildlife and don’t take gun etiquette serious. Plus, if they can manage it, they over hunt.

After a while, you notice that the forest should have thinned by now. There’s a large field that should be coming up soon, but the trees still stretch out far ahead of you. Your internal compass tells you that you didn’t turn at any point, but the moss is growing on the wrong side of the tree bark, and the ground is more fertile and soft than it should be this time of year.

At some point, you crossed out of your forest, and into somewhere else..

You can still hear idle movement. The leaves rustling in the wind, the birds chirp, water runs softly in the distance. But you don’t see any of this suggested movement. The trees are still, there are no birds in the treetops and there’s no water that you can see.

As you look around in confusion, the noises stop. And for a grueling moment, the world falls silent and you stop breathing for fear of what you’ll hear, or rather, what you won’t.

“Fear not, my child of the Hunt.” A vaguely feminine voice floats around, seemingly talking from a position not within any dimension we can perceive. Your body doesn’t freak out at this, like it’s normal for a voice to appear out of thin air everywhere at once, but your mind is panicking the appropriate amount.

“Who-“ You try to breathe. “Who are you?” You ask as you struggle not to curl up into a ball and cry out of fear. The irony of feeling watched and hunted is not lost on you, but you’ve never felt more sorry for the prey than now.

“I am your friend, am I not?” The voice asks, she seems to be mocking you, but without a face to convey depth, it’s hard to tell. Still, the sentence calms you a little.

“My friends cancelled on the hunt today, and the guys aren’t like you, who are you?” You hope not to offend the ominous voice coming from a place your mind can’t understand.

The air shifts, and despite having no visual que, you can tell the being is amused. Once again you feel naked under what appears to be no eyes at all.

“I am your mental buddy.” The voice states calmly.

“Artemis” You breathe, relieved at having an answer.

“Yes, hello.” She greets happily.

“Hello, it’s an honor to speak to you. May I ask what is the reason you grace me?” You ask the still empty and silent air.

The air shifts more, and she seems more amused with you. Okay.

“I would like, for you to teach me.” Teach the Goddess of the Hunt? Yeah okay.

“What could I possibly teach you?” You ask, genuinely curious and a little skeptical.

“How to handle a rifle.” Oh, yeah that’s fair.

“Only on one condition.” You smile at the idea forming in your head.

“And that is?” The voice asks.

“We do that at your place.” If you can see what’s up there, that’s cool enough. Think phones work there?

Who you sincerely hope is Artemis, appears before you. Smiling widely. You keep your gaze at her face.

She holds out a hand towards you, and without looking away from her, you shake it. “Deal.” She says.

Saying you dedicate your hunts to the Goddess Artemis started as a weird private joke to yourself. You never thought it would result in the actual goddess visiting you and asking to teach her how to hunt with a rifle.

[lucitumb1r]

You freeze.

She seems confused by your reaction. “What? First time that a girl actually accepted?”

You laugh at the irony, in a way yes, this is the first time she accepted. Just of this moment.

Your laughter increases in volume. Does this mean that every rejection had been an alternate timeline? That it took who knows how many times before the odds let her accept even once?

You feel your body shake with the pearls of laughter that bubble up. How small are those odds? A million to one? Less? You’re not sure how long you’ve been in a loop for, there’s no real way to measure besides keeping count. By the time you realized you were truly stuck, it might have been a good fifty loops.

She looks at you with concern evident, the very idea that she could ever express that instead of the disgust she has always had for you so far is ludicrous. It’s laughable. Your sides hurt.

Does this mean that the loop is broken? Are you free? You didn’t do anything special to elicit this response, so maybe it was to a certain number? Imagine if you had to do everything correct on one particular universe.

Your running out of air due to how little time you have to breathe between your outbreaks, but even silent you can’t stop. Was it up to chance if she liked you enough or not? Were you different in this universe? Cool enough? Or is she different here?

She’s asking you to breathe, you haven’t needed that in ages. If you die, you just start over again. But if you’re free, can you finally die? How funny would it be to just die right here? You feel drool pool at your mouth, and your jaw is starting to ache from how long and hard you’ve been laughing.

Paramedics arrive, they try the same thing, but your vision is growing blurry. Maybe not enough air.

They try to get you to the ambulance and force some air into your lungs, but you struggle. Make it end.

You’re the oldest person here, you’ve lived this moment for an eternity, you just want to rest.

You laugh louder, as you feel your feet sway. The paramedic in front of you looks worried. Young and unburdened by time. Blissfully unaware of what weight time itself alone has. Blissfully ignorant. Blissful.

Blissful.

Blissful.

Sleep…

…

…

You open your eyes and feel a lot lighter.

You feel familiar words leave your tongue, as you ask the girl of what were once your dreams, now your nightmares, out.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I have plans with family that afternoon.”

There have been countless amounts of loops, but after being so close to tasting freedom, this is the first time you cried at the rejection.

Being stuck in a time loop for so long, you remember it clearly. And the loop was on the day she rejected you too. You didn’t have to, as it will loop back anyway, but you responded as you always did. You can already hear her rejection in your mind. “Ah it’s okay I-” “Sure why not.”

[lucitumb1r]

You know what Twitter needs?

A fight button.

You used to be able to resolve conflicts with fists when words failed, but the internet doesn’t have that luxury

We need a fight button that challenges whoever you have beef with to 1v1 them in a StreetFighter style arcade game

[lucitumb1r]

Anyone from the Netherlands (The Hague, Leiden, or Utrecht area) interested in organising a meet up together for writers at a cafe or maybe a park now that the weather is getting nicer? Message me (:

[lucitumb1r]

They seem quite suspicious of you, constantly looking at you. Much like you are constantly looking at them.

Some of your classmates seem to be getting the wrong idea, thinking the two of you to be interested in one another. They're not entirely wrong you'll admit, but the interest is a different kind.

You avoid them as much as you can, and they appear to do the same. This does not at all stop your classmates from forcing group hangouts where you two always get paired somehow.

The most horrible thing for a psychic is going to an amusement park. It's only amusing for the first five minutes, after that it's just a headache.

Everyone is thinking the whole time they're there.

'Ugh this line is taking so loonggg.. What's the point of ordering tickets online when you can't even skip the line?! What are they even doing up there that requires us to wait??' 'Once he's out of the bathroom he's taking my spot so I can go.' 'OMGOMGOMG WE'RE FINALLY HERE!!! YES OH MY LORD I'VE BEEN BEGGING FOREVER FOR THIS!! I HOPE THIS DAY NEVER ENDS!' 'Ouch, that sushi must be hitting me now, hope I don't throw up..' 'Tickets were outragous! And not even a thank you of course.. The things I do for this family..' 'Okay a quick day of destressing and then straight to exams! Oh shoot I never sent that email..' 'Where is my group? They said to gather at the gate, but which gate? Which is considered the Main gate?' 'Oh no I left my lunch at home, I'll have to spend money on lunch, or I could just starve..' 'FINALLY that bus took AGES, shouldn't a bus driver know how to DRIVE??' 'If the lady in front of me doesn't stop smacking her lips I am going to smack her head..' 'My lips are dry, where did I leave my tickets again?' 'I haven't even gotten in yet and there's a song stuck in my head, great.' 'My phone didn't charge last night?! Now I can't take any photos!' 'This line is taking ages, if I were to kill someone would it get me in faster? Who am I kidding?' 'Where did the confirmation email go?? It's almost my turn!' 'Ugh the idiot in front of me is keeping up the line, how hard is it to get a barcode scanned??'

So, y'know, a LOT of thoughts.

The group however, decided it was perfect for a first da group outing.

But there's a lot more wrong with an amusement park besides the constant stream of thoughts, there's also the actual rides, and the food.

The food sucks because it's priced up like a fairy on cocaine and more importantly, you can hear the employees their disgust at how it's prepared. The best you've overheard was:

'We're supposed to use the oil from yesterday?? Did Patricia not order any new bottles? I'm making my own lunch this week..'

The worst you don't want to think about. uughahuu

The rides are their own kind of evil, for someone who can alter their own gravity, being transported at high speeds without any attempt at lessening the accompanying discomfort, like the lack of wind in a car or airplane, or the leather suit for riding a motorcycle, causes your body to go 'WARNING WHAT THE HELL??' and freak out.

So yeah, in the past you had what has since been deemed 'an allergic reaction' where you forced yourself out of your seat, bending the metal and causing a weight shift that caused the ride to lock down. Not the best moment..

The group decided to split into pairs of two or three roughly ten minutes after getting in, and lo and behold who you got paired with..

Yup..

At least they weren't happy about it either.

Though, you have to admit, in a world where you're constantly bombarded with thoughts of others, having at least one person next to you who doesn't add to it, is nice.

They didn't want to go on any rides, which suits you just fine. You both decide to take a calm rail-roaded boat ride while you both enjoy your packed lunches. Since that ride isn't very popular, it's probably the most quiet spot in the park.

Is this what normal people feel like? Not being able to hear the thoughts of others? You've had quiet before, but never with another person in the same place.

It's scary, but also calming.

Eventually, they speak. "Have you ever felt like you can't read someone?" They ask, you suppress a laugh, no need to make them feel mocked.

"Not until recently, sucks doesn't it?" You say as you turn to look over at them. Their eyes are on their half eaten sandwich. They look sad.

"Do you have to be able to read everyone?" You ask suddenly. You're not sure why.

They look sadder. "Well no, but, I feel lost. Like I'm looking at a blank page where the answers should be." Oh, that's a good description.

"Sort of like trying to read a foreign language huh?" You offer.

"No, not foreign, I could make peace with that. It's just blank." Fair enough.

Most of the time was spent in comfortable silence, you two even got up at the same time. Despite them being the only person who you've ever been unable to read, it seems they're also the first person that you don't need to read.

The day went on, you ran into your friends a bunch, all having great fun. The two of you went into a haunted house, which was quite boring since you could hear the performers prepare for the scares, but the décor was good.

There were a couple of kids rides that you went on, kids may have louder thoughts, but at least they weren't angry.

At one point you two found a tree and you were dared into a climbing competition, feeling the need, you used your powers to climb faster, but surprisingly it still ended in a tie.

After that you two would start running to whatever tree you saw and try to climb it before the other could. The score is even at the moment.

By the end of the day, long after your friend group had already gone home, you looked at the firework display with them from the treeline.

"It's pretty." They say, looking at the fireworks, completely relaxed.

"Yeah, and quiet from this distance." You comment, looking at the people watching it, you can make out their faint praise if you focus.

They turn to you. "If you could read minds, would you?"

"Not if I can turn it off."

"And if you could tell when someone tries? Would you want to know?"

...

Oh.

"Not sure, would you?"

They smile. "Not if I can turn it off."

All your life, you’ve been quite accustomed to your psychic powers. Though, as you return to school, your new peculiar classmate has always befuddled you and for one simple reason–you’re unable to read their mind.

[lucitumb1r]

“Is this a common occurrence?” You ask, wondering how many other Earth spawned humans come through here.

The alien huffs. “Try daily. This debrief has been changed to have a section should the new hire be human, specifically to counter any of the many misconceptions humanity has about this stuff.”

Yikes. “Sorry, stuff like the Matrix, SAO and more sort of messed us up.” You explain with a weak laugh.

The alien turns a mean eye to you. “Why your species harms itself with things like that, I’ll never know.”

You shrug. “We tend not to care for our own race if we don’t know them personally.” Which, sounds exactly as heartless as the destroyer race is known to be. Maybe you can understand just a little why humanity is feared the way it is..

“Hm, well, do you have any further questions?”

“Do I get dental?”

“Remember, if you die in the simulation-” “Yeah, yeah, we know, you die in real life.” “What? No! You need to reset the simulation with this terminal! What is WRONG with you humans?!”

[lucitumb1r]

“So let me get this straight.” You look at the intern who handed you the briefing.

“You want me to interrogate a hardened criminal, someone who has broken so many laws that a few had to bend by proxy, because you think I’ll be able to establish a connection?? Someone not even from this universe, who probably cares for nothing and nobody??”

The intern meekly shakes their head, seemingly less informed than you. You sigh.

“I’ll give it a shot, but no promises.” You say this because you know you can’t deny, they wouldn’t let you. Not after all the stunts you’ve pulled.

You enter the room and feel the need to throw up, because of course they couldn’t just make it easy for you, no they had to punish you for last week and have you talk to yourself. All of a sudden the talks in the bathroom mirror feel insufficient.

“Oh? They send me? You? Us? To interrogate myself?” Oh great, they have your sass.

“It’s like looking in the mirror.” You comment in slight fascination. They touch their chin and tilt their head, it feels wrong not to copy them, like a reflection breaking the script. “If I were a stiff suit instead of roguishly handsome.” They comment, the insult makes you growl on reflex. “Oh? But there’s still a beast in there, caged or no.” They say, seemingly smug for getting a reaction. They have no idea who they’re talking to.

“What did you do?” You ask, wanting to get out for here and go home, ignore the idea that another you is wanted by the law.

“Why should I tell you? I’d prefer a guessing game.” They say, playing with the chain that binds them to the table. The rattling is annoying.

“I prefer getting to the point.”

They surge forward, though the chain stops them for even standing up properly, still, the sudden movement surprises you, and despite feeling relatively safe around this you, you still step back.

“Hm.” They sit back down. “We must be close in dimension number, your reactions, body language and word choice are identical.” A test? Should have known.. Smart way of gathering data though. Efficient.

The prisoner leans back in their chair, although they have to hold their arms up to do it, the chain is far too short for any mobility. Suppose that’s the point. “Guess what I did.” They say, trying to get more comfortable.

You look them up and down. Their outfit is dirty with mud stains and sweat, there’s a smell of iron and smoke wafting around them, like they became a part of the battlefield, and then broke away when they were taken here. There’s a flask in their cargo pants, but you don’t drink. There’s a hat in the corner along with several black boxes attached to a strip long enough to measure a person. Their jacket has military embellishments, the one that probably dictates rank is colorful and faded. Their face is unkept, eyes sunken and teeth in far worse condition than yours. Their hair is wild too. But it’s still unmistakably you.

“You’re in the military, doesn’t that guarantee a war crime or two?” They laugh, and it feels like a recording plays. They sound dehydrated. They probably are.

“I guess yeah, but what would get me arrested on a planet not my own?” They ask, their breath stinks.

You pause as you ask yourself that question. What would get someone arrested on another universe?

“Did you wage war on other universes?” You ask, worried for the possibilities that that may hold.

They look happy, and nod.

Before bursting into laughter.

“Oh man I really had you there, imagine?! No nothing like that. My own planet turned on me. I had been serving a losing side, and ultimately I was one of the people who were chosen to take the blame, didn’t vibe with that and killed my own superiors. Then I was blamed for that, which was fair. I ran and ran and ran and killed a few more innocents to keep my cover, unfortunate but alas. Then I found out that our new government, the one who had taken over, was looting dead alternate timelines to help fund the war they’d just won.” They pause for a breath and you wish you could pause your life.

“Since I needed public favor I figured ‘Hey! If I reveal these people for the scumbags they are, maybe I won’t have to answer for anything myself!’ So I tried to do that, failed, they blocked me at every turn, I then used the machine myself and ran from dimension to dimension, and they had apparently convinced this planet that I was the dead planet robber and that I was to be captured, then I travelled to it and lo and behold. They caught me.” They finish their rant, having getting increasingly unhinged as the events were recounted.

You clear your throat in an attempt to keep your head from spinning.

“So you’re innocent?” You ask weakly. They give an unconvincing nod. “Of what they’re accusing me of, I did kill a lot of people.” Oh dear lord.

“You’re just caught in a government conspiracy?” They nod again. “I bet they’ll film a movie of me to make money off of my inevitable death.” You agree with them, sounds like a killer movie, if hard to follow.

“But then why would we bother to interrogate you?” You ask, it’s the one piece of the puzzle that doesn’t fit.

“Probably out of fairness, or at least the appearance of it. If they hand me over no questions asked and I’m innocent, then they’re in the wrong too.” Ah.

“Well, I happen to know that we have a dimension machine in this building.” You say, looking smug at the camera, which unfocuses right as you say that.

“What use is that to me now? Or are you planning on making me an express delivery?” They snark, slouched in their chair.

You smile as you grab their hat, and the strip with what, upon closer inspection, appear to be bombs. “Pretty much, though I’m not sure who to send it to.”

They look up at you, and you hand them their hat. “Ready to prove them right?” You ask, handing them the bombs next.

They take it with a smile and adjust their hat. “Let’s go.”

One moment, you’re looking into your own eyes, the next, the lights are out and that’s your que.

…

This time, they’ll probably make you scrub the bathrooms for months!

Your are your normal, boring self. Today, however, you’ve been abducted by the government to interrogate a super villain from another dimension - Yourself!

[lucitumb1r]

I need this, hold on…..

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[lucitumb1r]

You consider your options, pretending that the translator is not working might get you put right back down, probably for the better, you had a paper to write that you’ve been putting off for a while. On the other hand, they might insist in keeping you here while they try to fix it, which could keep you away for even longer.

Your mouth betrays you. “No thanks.” Okay, they know the translator works, but they also know that you don’t want to stay.

Their hair bunches up, like a chicken might puff their feathers. “Please! You don’t understand, they have such high standards, constantly comparing me to my older siblings like I’ll never be good enough! They just want me to have someone, anyone!”

You look unimpressed.

“I’ll compensate you! What’s a rare material on your planet? I know you don’t have an organized space fleet yet, so I can get you whatever!” Oh? Now there’s something interesting.

“Alright fine, though I’m not sure what kind of compensation I’d like, cause I don’t know what space has to offer.” The alien stops blinking and looks at you intensely. “You don’t know what there is in space?” Their expression is more befitting of you claiming you ‘Fart on food for extra flavor’ or something else equally horrendous.

“No, since we don’t have much of exploration going on, people focus on their lives down there, rather than what doesn’t concern them up here.” The alien doesn’t appear convinced. “I think your species has a tendency to be self centered, and is willingly ignorant.” You take half a step back, not offended but more surprised. For some reason you didn’t think of how much the alien might know about your home, but if they have a well functioning translator.. it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

“Not that I disagree, but can you tell me why you think this? There are multiple conclusions that I can think of.”

“You say you don’t care for space because it doesn’t affect you, meanwhile you follow the lives of famous people.” They state rather bluntly.

“Alright, touché.”

“So, you’ll agree to it?” You’re not sure why they’d pick your race though, they just made clear that there’s plenty of shortcomings.

“Sure, am I expected to talk to them though? Or do you want me to stay quiet?” Their ears flatten, they look like if elf ears functioned like bunny ears.

“No, you’re not a pet! Of course you’ll have to talk. You’re supposed to be my equal, in appearance at least.” O-Kay, feel like there’s some cultural differences there.

“Sure, can I stay in my jeans for this? Also do I need to know anything beforehand?” They chitter, which makes a sound alike to what a parrot would probably do to imitate a cricket. It seems to be their version of being amused.

“Plenty, but we don’t have time. If I had time I’d never have settled for a human.” Ah, okay.

“Your outfit? Uh, well you can’t use anything I have, since they might comment on you wearing my clothes.” Hm, surprise shopping trip?? “I suppose I can at least buy you something of an accessory, to help you look like an astronaut.” Uuh..

“But I don’t have a space suit, nor do I have the qualifications.” They look as confused as you. “What?”

Wait, oh. “Is an astronaut someone who travels through space?” They nod, still confused. “In my language it’s also a job.” They chitter again. “Imagine! Getting paid to wander the stars? I’d take that job in a heartbeat!” You blush, with space travel seemingly common for them, having the government pay for the trip must seem foreign. Like getting paid for making a personal grocery run no doubt.

“Okay, I’ll lend you a tucks, get you an embellishment and then we’ll head to the family reunion.” A tux??

…

The tucks is not a tux. The translator is starting to take breaks it seems. This is a cape that buttons around both the throat as well as the collar on the left side, the fabric around the neck is like a turtleneck, and the fabric that falls around the shoulders is more firm, to ensure it holds and to keep all the weight from hanging from the neck. The cape is attached to two wrist bands that go around the.. wrists.. making the cape rise whenever your hands do. There’s also a sash that is supposed to be tied around the waist that can also be attached to the cape, which keeps it from getting caught up in possible winds from the waist up. The whole ensemble looks like space itself. Like a piece of space was *plucked* from its spot and woven into this.

Keeping this alone would be worth the trip. You have four days until the paper needs to be turned in anyway, you can afford to procrastinate for another three. Probably..

The ships movement feels sleek. Not like what movies make space travel look like, with the whole thing rattling like a present on Christmas. Surprisingly, it didn’t give any sign of movement, until the ship started to slow down.

A quick stop at what felt like the space equivalent of a convenience store, the alien picks up some snacks and drinks for you to try, and picks out ‘an embellishment’, which turns out to be a space gem set in some kind of soft navy blue metal that curls around it in an interesting pattern. It fits the ‘tucks’ well. Though it’s supposed to go on a tiara, it ends up like a brooch, since you’re the wrong species.

Trying out various snacks and reporting back your experience was fun, and it killed the time well. You got some chitters, which by now you recognize as a laugh, and had a lot of weird tastes that feel illegal, like seeing a color that doesn’t exist.

You both arrive. And what a destination!

If space had a mansion, this would be it. It’s like if a house was detached from earth, and the gravity changed per room and that caused the house to mutate new rooms on all sides, including on what once was probably the bottom.

“How does it.. How does that work with gravity?” You ask, they look confused. “Much like your planet, it has a center of gravity and that’s the center on which all else is deprived.”

Uuuuuuhhh…

So if planet Earth was inhabited in multiple layers? And only able to house like.. 200 people instead of 8 Trillion. Gosh that’s hard to describe..

There are a lot of entrances, but only one where a ship can dock, which begs the question when another door would be opened, considering the vacuum of space might be at odds against breathing.

“Alright, remember. Just treat everything like it’s completely normal and roll with it.” Sounds like school. ‘Don’t ask questions lest someone find you stupid.’ Mom said affectionately!

“Got it, be chill and behave.” You resist the need to give finger guns in acknowledgement.

With a deep breath, you exit the ship and walk onto the docking bay.

Two aliens greet you, one of them looks alike to the one who brought you here, the other is shorter and has light green skin and no hair, which makes them look slightly nauseous.

The taller greets the two of you.

“Dahrling! Welcome home! And what’s this? You’ve brought along a coworker?” Oh that is a horrible accent for the translator to use, but it suits the alien well. Your ‘partner’ seems offended, their hair bunching up and a low rumbling sound coming from them. It sounds like an angry exhaust pipe.

“This is my partner, dearest, meet my caregiver.” They gesture from you to their parent and back. You nod to them, as gently as you can. Which is apparently a formal greeting. They nod back, though they don’t seem pleased to meet you, they do make a slight bow with their nod, which shows that they’re ‘grateful’ to meet you. Essentially to show that they’re the host, and that you are a guest.

…

The other half of the parental duo was not present. The one that was, was intent on grilling you the whole time. It felt more like an interrogation than a dinner. The two older sibling had both brought along a significant other, and the parent clearly wanted grandchildren to spoil, constantly doting on them and asking what their plants are for the future. Making sly comments on how wonderful it is to have a child and how child friendly this part of the galaxy is.

No matter how far into space you go, some things seem to stay the same..

The ‘weekend’ went well, it consisted of exploring the.. mansion? Hanging in the assigned room and a seemingly never ending stream of food. The only parental unit that bothered to present themselves never seemed to leave the table. Yet they didn’t eat at any point for as far as you could tell. But as promised, you didn’t question it.

Before you knew it, it ended, literally. There’s no clear day night cycle, which meant that you quite literally had no idea how much time had passed.

Upon your departure, the parent showed up again, this time with a different servant by their side. “It was quite lovely to have you here.” Their voice no longer hid disdain. “Come back anytime!” They say with a gentle nod.

You nod back and keep your face neutral, since anything else appears to be interpreted as aggression.

“It was a pleasure.” You agree. “May I ask you one final question?” They ask, you raise an eyebrow, giving them a signal to go ahead.

“What is the name of my youngest?” …Huh?

This was not covered. Surprisingly this did not come up at any point..

“I call them after a rare treat from home, since they’re the only being I love more.” You look them in the eyes. “Honey.” You purr.

They chitter, faster than you’ve ever heard before. The parent seems to be satisfied, as they let you leave.

The ride home you avoid each other, much to your regret.

It isn’t until the ship has landed that you exchange words again.

“Pick me up on Friday?” They nod eagerly, and you decide to give them a hug before you go.

“This time I’ll buy you something~” You say with a wink as you exit. They chitter loudly and give you a thumbs up, something you taught them.

You wave them off, and sigh. Got a sickass coat and a date! In space!

Your phone connects to the WiFi and catches up on the missed notifications.

Oh. Right.. The paper..

You were just sucked up and abducted by a UFO. The alien inside addresses you, “Is this translator working? Listen. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for three days so my parents will get off my back about it.”

[lucitumb1r]

The sheer amount of weapons almost topple you over, but that is to be expected. Duncan the American has quite a few of them after all. It’s what’s been keeping your party safe as you navigate the treacherous lands of.. Texas.

This is your first Isekai, and while it is strange to be transported to a world where being nabbed away is normal, it is even weirder to have to go on a cross country journey to Japan to fix the mess.

But knowing your friends, and Duncan who you guys had gotten fired on accident and has been wanting a chance to go to another world, are behind you every step of the way, going home seems a lot more possible now, than ever before.

Tune in next time, for ‘Isekai into Normalcy, the only Party in the Modern World’!

Now to defeat the Pixie Dust Cartel who have been secretly transporting goods in between realms and see if they can transport living beings as well as ‘Cocaine’.

“You have my sword” said the Ranger. “And my Bow” said the elf. “And my axe” said the dwarf. “And all of my guns” said the American.

[lucitumb1r]

Honestly the fire is a feature at this point

I mean.....

[lucitumb1r]

Every gig had been more difficult and daring than the last. From needing to break into a mafia house and kill every member of the main family, to getting launch codes replaced with a link to 'Never Gonna Give You Up' and so much more.

But this.. This is hardcore, this may just be out of your reach.

Even with finding cotton eyed Joe you managed, having spent weeks tracking the man down just to find him at a gay bar, singing Rhianna dressed in drag. You're not sure if explaining it to the bouncer was more awkward than accidentally hitting Joe in the crotch in your attempt to hit him off stage. Regardless, you both ended up in the ER, but you were the only one who walked out.

Ever since locating the person who asked, you were certain that you'd be able to find anything in the world at all, even the keys. But it seemed more impossible than asking mom where the-thing-right-in-front-of-you was, but more possible than finding her.

After fixing the bug in the system, tech held no secrets for you, but tech seems to stop working in general when related to her.

You've never had a problem asking people for their knowledge, two heads are better than one after all, but where you could normally squeeze any amount of info out of them, information about her is always ominous and specific yet vague.

You identified the monster, you beat the game, you found the lambsauce, you fixed the presidents back, you woke up King Arthur, you had slain the Killer Rabbit and found the lost goblet but you CANNOT..

Her eyes are filled with fire, the same one as the pire. On the day that they burned her, they had seen. Their days were marked, at only two. For that amount of time would do, for her to consume them all, Jolene. You worked hard and you tracked her down. On guard in this small town, in search of the one true Raven Queen. She greeted you with open arms, surrounded by the barren farms, yes it was the one they call Jolene. The battle rough the moon high, as you knew the end draw neigh, due to her eyes and how they gleam. The world watched in morbid fear as they watched the end draw near, as you fell to the one they call Jolene.

You are “the guy”, when something needs to be done, something needs to be fixed, when governments, billionaires or very important people need something done and someone says “I know a guy”, you are that guy. Now you are facing what may be your hardest job.

[lucitumb1r]

GUYS I’M SO VERY LATE BUT I ONLY JUST REALIZED THAT PETER A PARKER ONLY DIED AFTER HE BECAME A MENTOR FIGURE FOR MILES, THE SPIDER CURSE STRIKES AGAIN

[lucitumb1r]

Considering they don’t have to remember that there is no such requirement and therefore you totally can mindcontrol everyone, but it just takes a huge toll so people can still absolutely overpower you with numbers, it’s probably best to lie low for a bit..

When your power had finally manifested, they were quick to dismiss it as some cruel joke, laugh it off, forget you ever existed… and then to never bother keeping tabs on you. After all, if you can’t “mind control” anyone without their explicit consent, you might as well be powerless.

[lucitumb1r]

“Pardon me, but I don’t follow.” The fan says, they look at the rest of the party, but they’re not looking in our direction, anywhere else actually.

“Define healing for me, would you?” You ask, smugly. You’ve asked this question before.

“Treating injuries to no longer incapacitate the afflicted!” They list off proudly, directly from the cleric handbook if you remember the material correctly.

“That is one definition yes. Another is the act of returning the body to a better state.” They nod along to your words. So you keep explaining. “I use ‘Absorb wounds’ as my primary healing spell since it can be cast over the full body for cheap.” This is typically used in war after a battle, for one reason specifically. “But doesn’t that take a long time to recharge? The only way to heal again is by absorbing the injuries yourself, which is damaging in the long run.” Correct.

“Yes well, I don’t take the damage for myself, I transfer it to the enemy.” Their eyes widen.

“That’s possible?” They ask, a fair question considering the war counsel, the health counsel and the church have a meeting planned in two months to determine how ethical it is, and if it can be counted as healing, or a war crime.

But for now, you smile widely. “Yup!”

If they make this illegal too, you can always just ‘heal’ their bodies until their organ give out under them.

“You’re a healer. Actually, you’re the best healer in the world… so how do you have more kills than everyone else in your party combined?” “Simple. I heal.”