lunatic-moss-studio

[lunatic-moss-studio]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[lunatic-moss-studio]

Perfect~~~

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

[lunatic-moss-studio]

Canary. I have so many emotions about that it’s a FUCKING canary.

they are giving us. A fucking canary. You know, the warning sign for miners to get out as fast as possible when it dies. To not go deeper. To not keep going. In episode ONE (1). It goes into the magnus institute.And it dies.

“Canaries should stay above ground”

Something something anglerfish luring us in, something something canary dying, telling us to GET THE HELL OUT.

—except that.

It’s also a RED Canary. You know what that reminds me of? A red herring.

[lunatic-moss-studio]

virtual assistants

[lunatic-moss-studio]

On the origins of stabby day

(which was yesterday, but still)

[lunatic-moss-studio]

they made their own stupid hell on earth.

[lunatic-moss-studio]

Prompt #53

"And why would I help you?" the henchman asked.

Across from them, the hero smirked, all confidence and charm as they leant across the table. "Because you don't get paid enough," they said. "Because you work that cute little butt of yours off and all you get in return is--"

"I get medical coverage. And dental," the henchman interrupted. "Villain pays me twice the amount your agency ever could and even allows me time off during the holiday seasons as well as the week of my birthday...Oh, and they awarded me a trophy: Henchman of the Year, outstanding effort and evil genius in the field."

The hero opened their mouth. Closed it.

"I, um..." For the first time ever in their career, they floundered. "I'm great in bed?"

A pause.

The henchman's lips quirked upwards in amusement. "I'm asexual."

More fumbling on the hero's part. They stumbled over their words for an entire minute, hardly making any ground at all until the henchman spoke on their behalf.

"I like movies though. And popcorn," they supplied. "And there's a concert this weekend that I was unable to acquire tickets to due to short notice and, admittedly, a minor restraining order but I'm sure that's nothing a sweet hero like you couldn't work around...is it?"

[lunatic-moss-studio]

hi, i love your writing!! could i request a stoic, oblivious Right Hand x a flirty, frustrated Villain/Supervillain? thank you! <3

Request #28

This one was fun, hehe...

"Looks like you and me are going on a little trip together, Right Hand," the villain purred, one hand trailing across their subordinate's shoulders as the other finished typing up their notes. "A nice vacation - just you, and me..."

"A mission," the right hand corrected.

The villain's left eye twitched. "Well, yes," they conceded. "But that doesn't mean you and I can't do a little sightseeing now, does it?"

They sat down upon the table their henchman was working at, delighting when the other's gaze turned up to look at them. For all of about one second.

"What would you like to see? If you tell me now I can book it all in advance."

Always so work orientated...It drove the villain mad beyond belief: how - how? - could a person possibly be so oblivious? They'd been hitting on the right hand for months and all the other ever did was warp their teasing words into a literal work task. The villain was going to do something rash soon. They could feel it; feel the itching need to just take matters into their own hands bubbling up within them by the second. The villain wasn't sure whether they'd kiss them or punch them but those were certainly the highest probabilities right now.

"Well, what would you like to see?" the villain questioned back. "We are going together after all."

The henchman paused, opening up a new tab on their laptop. "Are you asking for recommendations?"

The villain squinted down at them. "Sure. I guess..."

"The top result seems to be the Sagrada Familia which, of course, is pretty obvious. There's also--"

"No, I didn't ask what some stupid guide said to see: what do you want to see?"

The right hand shrugged. "It isn't my concern. My main focus will be the mission."

"This will happen after the mission," the villain said. "I want us to spend some time alone. Together."

They didn't think they could lay it on any thicker. Still, the henchman had the audacity to raise a brow at them.

"Like a team building exercise--?"

"NO!" the villain cried in an outburst. "Not like a team building exercise!"

The other blinked up at them at that, mildly startled. "Then what--?"

"Together, Right Hand," the villain repeated. "You and me, together."

Surely they'd understand now.

The right hand studied them for a long while, expression scrunching up slightly as they contemplated it. "If you're trying to repay me for the London fiasco, it isn't necessary. I was simply doing my job--"

"WHAT ABOUT THIS WORD DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" The villain had reached their breaking point. They were practically seeing red, hands curling into fists at their side. "TOGETHER, HENCHMAN. TOGETHER, TOGETHER, TOGETHER. LIKE - LIKE A...LIKE A...GAHH!"

They threw the other's laptop across the room and pulled them in by the collar of their shirt - the chair the other had been sat upon wheeling them forward with the force until they were situated perfectly between the villain's legs. The right hand blinked at the motion, staring up at them with wide eyes whilst the villain glared down, pinning their subordinate in place with a single look before finally yanking them up higher to smash their lips together.

It was the most satisfying action the villain had ever taken.

The henchman made a sound they'd never heard before: a small, startled thing in a far higher pitch than the villain knew them capable of. Their mouth opened in surprise and the villain took immediate advantage of it, sliding their tongue in passed the right hand's lips with a fierce determination and delighting in the way the other fumbled for a moment before holding onto their waist. The villain smiled and pulled them closer still, their one hand tangling into the henchman's hair whilst the other captured their chin, moving them until they got the exact angle that they wanted and keeping them that way.

Once they were satisfied, the villain pulled back with a smirk. Their right hand panted beneath them, face flushed a bright red as they turned to look up at them - the villain tightening the grip on their hair and adoring the shudder it invoked.

"Do you understand now?" they asked.

The henchman nodded.

"Good." Their thumb brushed over the other's lips, breath ghosting across their blushing cheeks. "Answer my question then: what would you like to see?"

For a second there was silence, the right hand swallowing before they made their response.

"P-Park Güell looks nice," they suggested. "A-And I know it's th-the, um, obvious choice b-but the Sagrada Familia really is beautiful - I-I like art so..."

From stoic to a stuttering mess. The villain liked this sudden change of tune.

"Sounds nice," they said. They leaned in to give the henchman one final kiss, nipping at their lower lip before pulling away entirely. "Book it. I want the itinerary on my desk by the end of the day, is that clear?"

"Y-Yes, Villain."

They dropped down from the table and moved away, turning back just before they left through the door. "Oh, and Right Hand?"

"Yes?"

The henchman seemed practically rooted to the spot, the shock of the moment still holding them captive.

"If I catch you being that oblivious again, you can expect far worse than a kiss," they warned. And then they waited. Waited the ten whole seconds it took the right hand to realise exactly what they meant, their blush turning an even darker shade of red once they did.

The villain was looking forward to this trip greatly...

[lunatic-moss-studio]

i hope that one day i will finally be ok….i’ll make a cherry pie when it is all over

[lunatic-moss-studio]

Wheeeeen you’re an asexual af and probably demiromantic or what, and you start to catch feelings for someone and it’s like

.

.

.

What do I DO?!

Like he’s THE sweetest and I have a feeling that he’s flirting with me, lowkey…. Maybe

but I can’t TELL because I am socially awkward as fuck and also, you guessed it, ace as fuck, so I’m not really used to getting crushes. Like, at all, maybe had one on my friend couple of years ago, but that was probably just aesthetic+platonic feelings, cuz she cool as hell ya know-

Point is, stay vigilant ya’ll folks under the ace umbrella, your love, if you want it, is somewhere out there. Or right here. Who can even tell anymore XD

[lunatic-moss-studio]

Vote even if you're NT as long as you get sensory overloads!

[lunatic-moss-studio]

🌼

Me to myself: Just do a warm-up sketch. Maybe Daisy with long hair, when she was an officer. Or two. But that's it. Ok, maybe one more with short hair... Screw it, let Basira give her a flower crown. But no color.

Sigh.

☕ kofi

[lunatic-moss-studio]

Can Distortion Michael have a birthday party?

Made for the lovely @puncromancy Thank you so much for commissioning me!

☕ kofi ☕

[lunatic-moss-studio]

I’m done with this shit, anyone wanna join a mycelium?

[lunatic-moss-studio]

On a scale from one to ten, I am in a state of deep-fried despair rn