One very queer post to remind my fellow buddie truthers that patience is virtue...
Never forget that the show clearly called us clowns and crows...
And neither of those is an insult.
If you haven't, I recommend you read up on the history of clowns. Do you know where they evolved from?
Fools... What are fools, in story-telling?
They have always been the breakers of taboos, the ones who dare speak up and illuminate the truth.
That's repeatedly been the role of the "fool" in literature and theatre.
And remember the scene with these modern versions of fools, clowns, in 4x06? Bobby tells Eddie and Buck to be professionals!
...Much like when he has to cut off Buck from flirting with the tapework guy... In season one. The tapeworm guy? It's basically a scene of Buck being blatantly bisexual, totally flirting with a man... And Bobby going: Be a professional Buck, finish this conversation later!
And then that clown scene later on... There's a clown trapped under some (obviously quite phallic) helium tanks, and Bobby yelling about needing to "release the pressure"?
It's a parallel. Go rewatch Eddie's and Buck's first emergency together. They need to release the pressure to save that patient.
And the name of that first episode Eddie appears in? Under pressure. That's also in the season 2 promo, the first season with Eddie. And the songs in those promos... Under pressure by the Queen and David Bowie. And a version of Nowhere to run by Martha Reeves and The Vandellas. It's a love song, about a persistent, devastating love. Fitting for a slow-burn.
Also...
Eddie: "You're a badass under pressure, brother.
Buck: Me?
Eddie: Hell yeah. You can have my back any day.
Buck: "Yeah. Or you know... You could... You could have mine.
....
Then that emergency with the grenade when they first meet...
Everyone originally assumes it's not live. Oh but turns out, it very much is a live grenade, isn't it? We see it exploding. What's a grenade, going off?
Well, it's basically deathly amounts of pressure. Grenades injure and kill from a distance, the blast, the pressure is so powerful.
So the clowns watch that scene, watch Bobby urging Buck and Eddie to release the pressure... They look at Buck and Eddie working together...
And the clowns make their opinion known.
A clown starts choking, and coughs up rainbow colored string. That's the unsaid truth which this fool says out loud to the audience.
"This story is queer. I'm telling you, there are rainbows. I'm choking on them here!"
The combination of clowns, pressure, grenades... Again... Makes me think of the Batman movie Dark Knight, especially the clever bank robbery heist which
Joker - A famous fool type character, also related to fools and clowns... plans.
Btw, some of you may have noticed that I keep rambling about the Joker, and Dark Knight. Why? Because THAT MOVIE IS A CAPRICORN OF QUEERNESS!!!
And there's that clown theme which obviously comes up in 9-1-1, too. The clowns are the queer audience, it's quite clear. That clown scene was written as commentary, to us, freaking out about the queerness of buddie.
In The Dark Knight... Remember that whole conflict of the two freaks, a Batman and a Joker?
It's a battle against conformity. Diverting from the norm. Joker spends the entire movie trying to make Batman see and own his freakiness.
Honestly I think that we queers should worship that movie, it's a tale of us, the outcasts, the freaks, us against the world.
Because we are the clowns, the fools, the freaks that people fear. Who are always told to shut up, and hide. The ones who have always been the outlaws running from the police, still are. Who nobody believes, when we see our kind.
That bank heist in that movie, which the ultimate clown, fool, Joker, organizes?
They enter the bank dressed up as clowns. The Joker is among them, a twofold fool, a jester wearing a clown mask, his true identity unknown to the other clowns.
The bank robbery heist btw includes lots of stuff which make me go "is this intertextuality?, was 9-1-1 inspired by this?", because they remind me of memorable buddie scenes. A failed phone-call ("I couldn't even call you to bail me out of jail!"),
the bank vault with electricity ("What more proof do you need, Eddie! We are trapped in a death box, thousands of volts of electricity...")
the clowns, the queers, hiding from detection, from the gunfire,
then clowns, destroying each other, one by one.
A clown getting hurt because he's an idiot who cannot really count (Buck, Eddie, the embarrassing struggle to get to "bi"?),
This one clown who thinks it's his time to spring out of the box and stop waiting. This shotgun has no ammo...
and the Joker nods, which convinces the dumb math challenged clown that the bank manager's shotgun has no more bullets...
Here's another deathly nod from our favorite fool...
This backfires quickly, the math challenged clown who thinks the gun wasn't "live"... Dies.
A fool just fooled a fool. A third fool cries out in dismay.
In the end... it's the patient fool here who ends up outsmarting the manager, and winning the battle.
Clowns are clever. We see under the surface, we voice the truth, but also, sometimes we lie to save ourself. That's what being an outlaw, an outcast is.
The Joker bides his time, is smart about it, and when the right moment arrives... he does not hesitate. He robs that bank, proves himself to be the smart one. The ultimate fool. The cleverest clown.
So remember the history of us clowns. We are silly, scary, strange, queer, the annoying ones who won't shut up.
And we are the fools. And fools are the truth seers. Tellers. We aren't dumb, we are clever.
That's how the story goes. Ultimately the fools always realise and tell the truth. We clowns, like the Joker... We saw the potential for "aggressive expansion" in buddie. We were there from the start, we looked at that lurking grenade, and thought... I'm seeing something here. And they will keep laughing at us clowns... But they'll learn when it goes off. I do think it's a live one, darlings.
So, how does the heist and the movie end?
Joker survives the danger, ducks the gunfire... And leaves the manager alive.
He also leaves an impression that will forever change that survivor. The Joker sticks a grenade in his mouth. It doesn't kill him, but that grenade is live, it releases a strange, queer gas.
The Joker gently tells the manager that whatever doesn't kill you... Makes you stranger.
Then... The way the Joker spends the entire movie urging Batman to hit him, to kill him... He challenges Batman to make him realise that they are really the same. That they are both freaks, outsiders... Birds of a feather. Batman needs to stop pretending that he isn't a freak.
It's like Buck and Eddie. Take a swing at me.
Wanna go for the title?
And in the end, they both survive this (really quite queer-coded) stand-off. They prove each other wrong.
Joker finds that he's wrong, that Batman cannot bear to kill him. And Batman admits defeat.
He becomes an outlaw, too. He takes the blame for the chaos, falls out of favor. The bat signal is smashed. Batman knows he'll be hunted... but he can take it.
"...Because sometimes... the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded..."
And that's why Buck and Eddie, "Buddie" has really never been a tale of two buddies.
The "truth" is a lie. The fools have always seen it.
And so the Joker, the fool, the clown, actually... wins this battle. He is captured but creates another freak by turning Harvey Dent into the Two-Face.
He makes Batman realise who he really is, an outcast. Batman goes into hiding. But Batman creates another freak, Robin.
It's a lesson. Some of us freaks argue for chaos, some will argue for order. But to others we are still the strange ones. Outsiders, outlaws. Queers. Listen to the fool and realize it, own it. See that we are the same.
And they will hunt us, but the circus grows stronger. Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stranger.
Oh, and the crows I mentioned in the beginning? Well, they called the crows buddies, and told the audience that the crows always remember their tormentors, didn't they.
Do you think they're waiting for these boys to come out, the show asks?
Of course we were, are. And we've got one now. Waiting for another.
After all, sometimes the fool needs to wait and have patience to see the vision materialize. Doesn't mean the fool was wrong. In the end, the crows will feast.
Crows are smart. And the clowns see the hidden truth.
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Reasons why I keep rambling about Bi!Eddie...
Why? Why would Eddie hide his sexual identity, bisexuality? Because... why not, he thinks.
Dating only women would mean less conflict with his family. His family is religious and Eddie loves them, is scared to lose them.
Eddie also fears triggering more conflict, maybe even fears his family might not consider him a good dad anymore if he came out.
He already almost had to fight for his son's custody with them. What if he comes out and they lash out? He has a dangerous job, works ridiculous hours, is a single parent. A queer man is not every courtroom's favorite person.
So women... That's where Eddie hides, it's what he knows. It's "a safe place to hide"... because in theory, it's fine, it's comfortable. Eddie is attracted to women. So he isn't really sacrificing anything, or at least much, he thinks... Just marry a woman you love, and it's all good. No need to come out and clash with your family, or make Christopher's childhood even more of a challenge. After all, the world is still prejudiced and not all children of queer parents have it easy.
But the truth is... Closeted life isn't a cake-walk even if you avoid detection, and are sort of adjusting. You are still hiding a part of yourself. Acting. Feeling like you need to pretend. Scared and unable to be fully yourself.
I've noticed that Buddie fans keep pointing to Eddie's panic attacks as this "haha gotcha, you're GAY!"-confirmation. It's ignorant.
Did you know that panic attacks are actually not at all unusual among closeted bisexuals, either?
Masks are always suffocating, no matter what you're hiding.
Not to mention, when Eddie starts having those panic attacks, he's under a world of pressure. Trying to recover and get back to dating... Quite soon really, after losing his wife.
He's also got a mountain of trauma and PTSD after surviving several near-death- experiences. To add to the trauma, the way he experienced the shooting? He thought Buck was wounded.
And then he is pressured into asking Ana out even though it hasn't been that long since he lost his wife.
Also I'm quite sure... His heart just isn't in it, dating. I think he has actually by that point fallen for Buck. And ignores it, tries to move on, forces himself to date someone else.
Get back on a horse, even if you don't really want to, feel the need to. Doesn't matter what you like, just do it anyway! "Horses" it is. Dating it is.
So Ana and Eddie? It's a tale of unrequited love, for Eddie, and for Ana. Falling for a concept because the person you truly want is simply not invested like you are, is emotionally unavailable to you.
The anxiety builds when people keep assuming Ana is Eddie's wife or Christopher's mom. It's too soon, it feels wrong. The relationship is just a mask because Eddie hasn't actually moved on. From Shannon, or from Buck. He panics when Ana says. "I'm not his mother... I'm... just a friend."
It's a reminder that she isn't Shannon - not Christopher's mom.
And she isn't Buck either. Buck who isn't really Christopher's father, who is... just a friend.
And like Buck... Ana is becoming Eddie's ready-made family anyway. Actually the third ready-made family, really. Shannon, Buck, Ana... All happened without much room to stop and re-consider.
Shannon... A rushed shotgun marriage triggered by an unplanned pregnancy and catholic guilt.
Buck, (a seemingly) straight friend quickly becoming family - clearly a dead end romance-wise.
Ana... A rushed, pressured romance built out of need to forcibly move on, and find a step-mom for Chris. Three ready-made families, all destroying Eddie in different ways. Anxiety, inner turmoil, panic.
....
So. Eddie's bisexuality!!!
That ice skating scene in "Malfunction"? The episode is very Eddie-centric, and the theme is "Me a tough macho man, me trust nobody, ugh!"
There's Eddie's fight club clusterfuck, his argument with Lena about Eddie being emotionally distant. Eddie, crying in front of Bobby about his grief, about Shannon leaving because Eddie "broke" her, because he wasn't enough...
Eddie = Trust issues galore, abandoment issues galore. Persistent shame and guilt making him unable to go for anything he really wants. Avoidance. Hidden pain. Constant urge to be in control, and never slip.
So let's look at that ice skating scene in "Malfunction"...
It's a blood bath on ice. Figure skaters toe-picking and getting injured, all because of one fallen sequin on ice triggering a domino effect. Bobby knows to look for a sequin because he's got some experience with this stuff.
Chimney: So how come you know so much about figure skating?
Eddie: Always thought you were a hockey player, cap.
...
Bobby: Who says you can't do both?!
(They team is shocked. Buck says "We'll google for photos later"
Chimney waves his hand around like he agrees... But in a way that ends up looking like he's pointing at Buck AND Eddie. And Hen then throws this shocked lingering stare at Buck and Eddie, like she just realised something!)
...Who says you can't do both? Indeed... Is there some secret quota, unknown to me, that dictates how many bi characters a tv show can have?
Is there a law that a queer male ship must always be the sum of one bi male, one male gay character? Why do we expect that? Because it would be more diverse, more varied representation?
Correct me if I've got this wrong... But writing Eddie as gay would in fact not score the show more diversity points, not in the realm of 9-1-1.
The show STARTS OFF with a storyline about a closeted, married gay man! If Eddie was gay... It would be the show's second storyline about a closeted, married gay man. That's not diverse representation. That would be in fact... quite repetitive, unimaginative queer representation!
Also, let's keep in mind that the show already has several gay male characters by the time Eddie joins the team.
Michael! David! Josh! That's already three gay men. If Eddie was gay, Eddie would be the fourth gay male character.
Oh wait. Tommy. So... FIFTH one! Also there are even more strictly gay monosexuals: Two lesbians. Hen and Karen.
However, there are just two confirmed bi character so far. Buck and Eva.
So really, Who says you can't "do both"?
Who says both of these characters can't be interested in women and men, into more genders than one? Who says both Buck and Eddie can't be bi?
"We're everywhere, man." That's Eddie's line in that scene, gif below. (And pink+yellow balloons, blue gloves? Pansexual-coded colors. Multisexuality!)
Eddie, subtly illuminated in bi-coded colors. Blue, purple, pink... On a date with a woman.
Talking with Buck. Bi-coded lighting.
Oh look, what's behind Eddie? The famous bi-cycle. While he talks about "the menu" not being the issue...
"The sex was never the issue", with Shannon. Canonically they actually went at it like bunnies, even to the detriment of their relationship because they failed to talk due to being too distracted by each other's bodies.
"The "menu" is not the issue." And it's not with Marisol, either. Not until Eddie learns of her hyper religious past.
Confronting Marisol, a former nun-student? That's the issue here, that's what Eddie's trying to avoid. Confronting his obviously at least at one point very religious, quite possibly bigoted girlfriend...?? Would certainly be an issue, if you're bi!!! Who wants to date a bigot?! Your very own domestic hate crime.
So... Eddie talks about the upcoming alone time with Marisol (when Chris was away) feeling exciting, naughty... Until he learns she was almost a NUN!
He talks about "eyes on the ground". And that's what dating a fundamentalist would be, if you're bi and closeted. Eyes on the ground, close to you.
Suddenly being judged for same-sex attraction is no longer just a distant fear, a vague idea to Eddie, it's a living, breathing person in his home, in his bed.
Really, imagine dating a bigot. Imagine your partner being disgusted, disturbed, judgemental... by your sexuality, your identity, your desires, dreams. Imagine them being repulsed by such an fundamental, persistent part of what makes you... you. Something you cannot change.
Imagine sometimes fantasizing about men as well as women, and then... trying to have sex with someone... who you suspect might consider your secret fantasy life disgusting, wrong. Imagine that negative reaction if they knew the whole truth, who you really are?!
An efficient boner killer, for sure!! No wonder Eddie is suddenly avoiding her company, anxious by the idea of sex with her. He doesn't trust Marisol anymore.
Also, let's talk about Eddie and moving on.
Why going home is an issue. Leaving Buck's place is an issue. Because trying to move on? Those words just need a melody, and ta-dah it's the Eddie Diaz theme song. The story of his life. The concept just keeps coming up.
Moving on. Being unable to move on.
Quite frankly, I think this is the main reason why Eddie cannot date without freaking out.
When Eddie joins the team he's still stuck on Shannon. "They weren't my type." Less awkward than to say "Sure they were hot, but I do have an estranged wife."
Shannon was his first crush, love, his first everything. The mother of his child. His friend. But they were young, not ready to get married and have a child, especially one with special needs. They were pushed to do that anyway when Shannon suddenly got pregnant, unplanned.
Btw, may I just point out that they're already under a lot of pressure and struggling when we first see them together on the show?
What we miss out on seeing... are the times when things were still great! That creates a limited, tinted view of their romance, and warps our entire view of their relationship. When we first see Eddie and Shannon, their relationship is already quite fractured, and falling apart.
Doesn't mean it always was bad.
Inability to work together. That eventually destroyed their relationship. Both failed to listen to each other, to be a team. Their love died because their mutual trust and respect died.
Eddie couldn't handle sudden parenthood, sudden marriage (and catholics truly expect forever), Christopher's cp diagnosis. He enlisted, escaped to the army. Shannon couldn't handle the guilt, thinking the cp was her fault. They fought all the time. Eddie let his parents meddle with Christopher's upbringing, walk over Shannon. He refused to listen to her when she wanted to move to another city. Eddie avoided bonding with Chris.
So when Eddie got home from the war-zone, she left. Eddie was suddenly alone with Chris. And Shannon was gone for a long time. Her leaving, it was a shock to the system. Eddie no longer trusted her, she'd abandoned him, and more importantly, abandoned Chris.
So Eddie is struggling. Alone. Hurt.
And then... Eddie meets Buck, who is ridiculously helpful. Buck is someone Eddie can count on. They're almost instantly a team.
So Eddie moves on from Shannon, and falls for Buck. From that point on? There is no real room for others. From then on it's just barely discreet heart-eyes at Buck, and Eddie not truly wanting to date anyone (else).
Eddie doesn't really want to get back together with Shannon when she returns. The sex is still great, that was never the issue, they both agree on that one thing...
But she was simply gone for too long, she even says this. It's obvious. Eddie has adjusted to life without her, found a new focus, moved on from her.
For example when we see Eddie, Buck and Chris visit Santa? Eddie talks about Shannon to Buck in this almost anxious way, like he feels the need to explain himself to Buck, like he's been cheating on Buck. Buck then calls Eddie "brother", and Eddie's face, just for a moment... Falls. He looks disturbed, disappointed, to be called "brother".
Eddie tries to mend the relationship with Shannon. It's obviously out of a sense of duty (catholic guilt, marriage should last, divorce is wrong), he keeps waiting for a "sign", keeps ducking her questions, pushing her away, keeps dragging his feet. His heart is no longer in it. Shannon realises this, wants to break up.
And then she dies. Eddie grieves. Feels guilt for failing to salvage the marriage. And then Eddie is just... stuck. Unable to move on, from grieving Shannon, from the guilt caused by their failed marriage, from Buck. Tries to force himself to move on. Fails. Keeps dying inside.
Heart's already taken.
.....
There are so many talks about moving on after that. Seemingly they are all about Shannon, and I do think they are about Shannon...
Just not... entirely. After all, Eddie didn't really want to get back together with her, did he now. We see them fighting, a lot. Their relationship wasn't dancing on roses, there were serious problems.
So the talks about moving on are also about Buck. Buck, who Eddie thinks is straight, yet parenting Chris with him. They become close, are seen doing all sorts of domestic family stuff.
What a painful existence would that be, to raise your child with someone whom you love and desire, but who you think cannot ever return your feelings? Who wants that? Of course Eddie would want to move on!!
Then shit happens... And Eddie clearly just... spirals without Buck. Partakes in illegal fights to let off steam. Yells at Buck at a grocery store about "not being around, Christopher missing him..". They end up looking like a couple in the middle of a messy divorce.
People, including Buck, pressure Eddie into dating. Buck keeps dating women. Eddie... keeps having talks about moving on.
Looks totally dead as he tells Buck that he needs to move on, Eddie has. It's an obvious lie, and it's such a bizarre thing to say to a friend, no matter the circumstances - very relationship-coded.
Almost like Eddie was just desperate to voice those words out loud, wishing that saying them would turn them into reality. Move on, I have!! (Move on, stop approaching me, stop tormenting me like this.)
....
So move on, Eddie...
....
There's Buck, urging Eddie to ask Ana out.
......
Bobby, telling Eddie that he will always miss the family he once had, but he loves the new one he now has. So you should try moving on, Eddie!
.......
Eddie's doctor... suggesting he could be repressing things.
The talk with the doctor;
They're talking about the shooting... Until it sounds like Eddie isn't.
Eddie: I don't even think about him anymore.
Doc: That could be called repression.
Eddie: Or just... moving forward.
Then some more subtext about pining. Remember Buck... being compared to a golden retriever?
Remember the man who cornered himself on a roof? Whining that he always wanted a dog but mom wouldn't let him because "Barry was allergic!"... (Or maybe, queerphobic?)
.....
Ana: There's a lot to be said for getting back on the horse. But there's also value in learning that you don't like "horses".
Eddie: I'm sorry?
....
Carla, telling Eddie to follow his heart, not Christopher's.... (Edit. Btw, look up the pictures of those hearts, I can't add more pictures to this post.There's Buck's silly, happy "misunderstood the assignment" love-type heart symbol... The one Chris drew, the one Carla warns against following?
Dead-looking, clinical, anatomical. And it's drawn with bisexual-flag colors!!!!
Love can't be about logic and rationality, reasoning with yourself and finding a good enough match. Even if on paper it makes sense. Love needs to be an emotion. It needs to make you happy.)
.....
The first day Buck and Eddie meet:
Buck is taking selfies.
Eddie: You're in the wrong lighting, man.
Buck: Some of us don't need lighting to look good!
And...
Years later... At the dark firestation, Eddie looking at Buck, getting lost on his memory lane, forgetting to introduce Ana.
Ana: Even in the dark this place is amazing! (The parallel to "Some of us don't need lighting to look good.")
And Eddie panics.
(*panicking, looking between Ana and Buck*)
Eddie: I don't want these things to wilt!
.....
After that... Eddie, looking at Buck:
Somehow we became a ready-made family, and I... I don't know if I'm ready for that.
(and how could he be ready for that, he thought Buck was straight.)
.....
Eddie talking with his tía, learning that she's been married twice, not just once, like Eddie always thought.
Eddie, learning that she had been unable to move on from the first husband, and didn't feel ready to date... But her friends had dragged out anyway, and that's when she had met her second husband-to-be.
And it was this, meeting someone else, that made her move on. So Eddie forces himself to date, thinking that all he needs to do is meet the right person, and he'll finally move on.
.....
The scene with Marisol, setting her bag on Eddie's hallway table.
Checking that it's not falling off... because there is barely enough space for Marisol to set down her belongings.
The table is already full. There's a toy truck on it, which BUCK gave Chris, years ago,
and it takes so much room.
It's lit, under a lamp, in the center of a table, the first thing you see when you enter Eddie's home. A prized little thing, a treasure. It's clearly valued, spotlighted like art... Even though a toy like that? Would not be very expensive.
Still, it's clearly something Eddie cherishes. Chris is no longer a little kid, he doesn't play with toys like that. But the truck stays, it's something Eddie wants to keep looking at. And it's huge, centered, leaves little room for something else.
Eddie is pining!!!!
Whether he realises it or not... This man is in love, that's why his relationships feel so suffocating, why they keep failing. His heart is already taken. His romantic relationships are just glued on, they're pretense, acting, a desperate attempt to move on, from Buck.
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